


Beauty Chooses Part II

by DopeScotlandWarrior



Category: Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2020-10-10 09:50:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 97,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20526032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DopeScotlandWarrior/pseuds/DopeScotlandWarrior
Summary: A pregnant Claire Fraser chooses a hail-Mary trip through the stones to join her husband Jamie in the year 1743. She knows there is no way back, she knows about the doomed cause of the Jacobites, and Jamie's leadership in the uprising. What she knows will either save her Lallybroch family or throw her into the blackness of insanity if history refuses to be rewritten.





	1. The Good And The Bad Of 1743

Jamie reined in the horses in front of Lallybroch and watched Murtagh jump down and take over putting the cart away and the horses to bed. Jamie pulled his wife into his arms as Ian came up behind him.

Thank the Almighty she’s alright. Come here Jen, let’s get ye to bed.”

Jamie looked at Claire’s sleeping face as he climbed the stairs. He felt a tear roll down his cheek and hastily wiped it on his shoulder. Once Claire was in bed he ran for water so she could wash the black smudges off her face and hands. He pulled her boots off and then her jeans, lifting her upper body he pulled off her shirt and then held her close as her arms wrapped around his neck. 

“How long before daybreak Jamie?”

“A few more hours mo gradhag. The trunks are not unpacked but Jenny left ye a night rail to use.” He pulled it over her head and tied the top lace. “I have water for ye to wash.” He dipped a towel in the water and gently washed her face, neck, and arms. “Yer sae small, mo chridhe, so fragile. Ye shot out of the stone and hit the ground, are ye sure yer not hurt?”

I stayed his hand and looked into his red-rimmed eyes, “I am fine love. The baby is moving and kicking, letting me know she’s fine. I went to sleep in the cart and I didn’t disappear. That means you’re stuck with me 24 hours a day for the rest of your life.”

I pulled him down to the bed and held him there firmly knowing he had not slept in two days. I could feel Jamie fighting sleep, needing to stay vigilant so I rocked back and forth a bit and promised not to let him go until the sun was up. He wrapped his arms around me pulling me closer to him and we both slept locked in each other's arms. 

When my eyes opened the room was full of light so I knew it to be mid-morning. I heard Jamie laughing in his sleep and talking softly. 

“Ye have a kiss for yer Da sweet lass? Tha gaol agam ort nighean.”

A tear rolled out of my closed eyes and into my ear. Running my hands over the growing mound of my belly I felt such love for her and so happy she found her father in his dreams. I held Jamie tightly and he didn’t stir so I let myself drift back to sleep. 

When I woke the next time I sat up and noticed Jamie was gone and our trunks had been unpacked and sorted into clean and dirty piles. The basin water was clean as were the towels, and there was a note.  
My dearest Sassenach,  
Please listen with all yer heart. Faith came to me in my dreams and asked that you lay down for five days and do not climb the stairs. Please mo chridhe, do this for me. I will help keep ye company and I have left books for ye to read as well as a journal to write in. What er ye need I will bring it. You have all my love. JF

I wasn’t wildly excited about staying in bed for five days but I would for Faith’s sake. I pulled the journal to my lap and set the ink jar next to me. I decided to write my experience with time travel, what I did to stay in this time, the people I left behind and what the future was like. There was so much I had to tell her it was hard to know where to start so I just jumped in.  
My sweet Faith…

The sun was setting when Jamie bounded into the room and grabbed my face with a huge smile. “Mo ghaol tha mi air a bnith gad ionndrainn.” 

He kissed me long and sweetly and I felt a need for him and tried to pull him to me. “Jamie come sit by me I want another kiss please.”

“Now that ye live in the highlands Sassenach, its time to learn yer Gallic. Guess what I just said” 

“I have no idea.” I could not hold the giggles at bay because Jamie was joyous and adorable. 

“It means, my love I have missed ye. Now ye say it to me.”

“Mo ghaol…bin…eth…ionsdrain.”

“No. That was terrible Sassenach. But that’s okay,” he kissed my forehead, “because yer so cute sayin it. Dinna fash, we will teach ye.”

I giggled again at his silly behavior and realized Jamie’s joy was somehow bound to Lallybroch. I remembered all the mornings he would come for me under the tree, so happy and bursting with joy. I did not see that on the ship or in France, but I see it again now and it melts my heart. 

“Would you come hold your wife for a bit, she is lonely for you.”

“No!” he said emphatically. “I want to, God knows I want to, but I canna. I must fetch ye some supper.”

Poof, he was gone and my head was spinning from the sheer energy of the man. Something was going on and I thought maybe Faith had warned him about other things I wasn’t to engage in. My hands caressed my stomach, “Alright my darling daughter, complete rest for five days, I understand, although your da may face a serious challenge with this.”

The night passed quickly because I fell asleep while Jamie read from the book I chose. I opened my eyes to complete black and felt the bed shake and Jamie grunt.

“Jamie?”

“It’s alright Sassenach, I have belted my arms to my sides so I’ll no ravish ye in my sleep.”

“What?” I felt down his body until my hand felt his belt around his midsection with his arms pinned to his sides. “You can’t sleep like this.”

“Aye, I can, and I will to see ye safe mo gradhag. I love ye, goodnight.”

I laid in the dark thinking about this incredible man and sacrifices he had made for me throughout our time together. I wanted so badly to love him and I felt my smile in the dark. When his breathing was rhythmic I kissed and licked his balls to wake him and heard his gasp as he tried to reach me. He struggled and told me no until I took his length in my mouth and shushed him with what he loved. I made it last, backing off the sensitive areas to cool his ardor and then pulling him to even greater heights. His body was taught under me and I heard the belt snap apart. Jamie held my head to him and pressed into my throat six, seven, eight times before he exploded. I swallowed quickly to keep up with his release and he pulled me to him and kissed me deeply. 

“Yer a rare woman Sassenach and I am a verra lucky man,” he panted. He wrapped around me and we slept in comfort and love. 

The next five days were challenging. Jamie would read to me each night until I fell asleep and bind his arms with his belt. The fourth night I woke to an empty bed but heard Jamie snoring. I looked over the side of the bed and found him sleeping on the floor in a tight ball. I almost cried at the sight of him doing all he could to not touch me. I called to him and he fell into bed beside me. 

“I never realized how much I use my arms." He kissed my shoulder and tried to get comfortable.

“One more day love, but in the meantime, you must lay very still because you only have one belt left.” I buried my face in his balls and let him know I was a slave to his pleasure. Just before his release, I pulled the belt loose and he took command of how he would come. 

I listened to Jamie breathe in his sleep and willed myself to ignore the throbbing between my legs. One more day and my world will be right again. Thank God.

The next day I went downstairs and almost danced through the parlor and kitchen on my way outside. The day was warm and sunny, the air smelled like heaven, and I felt strong enough for a twenty-minute walk before five hours of laundry. Jenny came out to scold me several times because I let the water go black, turning my bucket over and refilling it with hot water. My hands stung for the first five minutes and Jenny told me to wash the dirtiest pieces when the water was this hot and to stop lollygaggin. I looked at her through my hair that had slipped the pins and had murder on my mind. When I hung the last piece of clothing I limped into the house whimpering about my aching back and just wanted to sit down. 

“Five minutes to rest lass, then ye must get those clothes in before it rains.”

“What rain?” I knew I was whining like a five-year-old but I was powerless to stop. “Jenny, I will give you one hundred dollars to do it for me, please.”

“A hundred what?”

“Dollars. Money to go buy yourself something nice.”

“I dinna ken and yer times up, it’s startin to sprinkle.”

“No!” I rushed outside gulping for air under my corset and pulled the clothes to my basket as quickly as possible. I couldn’t take a deep enough breath for this exertion and the rain was falling onto my fresh wash. I crashed into the kitchen taking rapid tiny breaths that were not enough. Jenny ran toward me pulling my jacket off and flipping the laces through her quick fingers. Suddenly I could take a deeper breath, then deeper, and I collapsed against the wall thanking Jenny for saving me. 

Her face was full of compassion when she looked at me. I guess she feared I might perish from the movement because she sat down on the floor in front of me. 

“While ye catch yer breath lass, I need to ask ye somethin. Do ye want us completely out of sight or can we share the level ground with ye?”

“What does that mean Jenny?”

“The men are gatherin supplies to build a house for me and Ian and the bairns. Jamie gave his blessin for us to stay on the estate. I am awful sorry if that troubles ye lass.”

“But you already live here, in this house.”

“Only because Jamie wasna marrit yet and needed help runnin the household. Now it’s time for us to leave ye be so ye can fill this house with yer own family.”

“But you said I was your sister…” choking sobs cut off my words. I couldn’t believe Jenny had to live elsewhere. I wanted her to stay here in this house, communal living was fine with me.

“Ye may be dumb as a rock but yer a sweet one,” she said

“I am not a rock, or dumb, and I don’t want you to go.”

“Dry yer eyes lass and listen to me. Jamie is the Laird Broch Turak and ye are his lady. Ye will live in a fine house and when tenants come here they will know it is the house of a great man and his lady. It is Jamie’s birthright and yer privilege as his wife. Yer not knowin our ways yet. I’ll help ye all I can but ye need to accept yer place, next to Jamie, promoting only Jamie, concern yerself with only Jamie so the tenants will see him larger than life. They will honor ye as well, so keep yerself fit, yer home clean and managed, and have sympathy for those who come to ye for help. The night we found ye in the woods, tenants had come long after dark to tell Jamie a woman was lost in the wood. We jumped in our clothes and went after ye. That is what the Laird does, and ye will walk by his side when he is called out in the days to come.” 

I looked up at Jenny and felt my head swimming. 

“Ye look a bit pale lass, let's get ye upstairs.”

I heard the thunder roll and lightning crack above us. I raised my foot for each stair feeling like I was in a dream. What did I know about being Lady Broch Turak? Nothing. Where was my carefree, joyous Jamie who made me feel like the most precious gem ever found? I never felt the oppression of my station before and suddenly it was a completely different existence I was living in. Jenny pushed me to the bed with a worried look on her face. 

“Lay down lass.” 

She put a wet cloth on my head and spoke softly to me. “Ye will learn. It will not be thrust upon ye, the estate is not that big. Ye will make mistakes and Jamie will understand. Ye willna get a beatin for tryin yer hardest.” 

I sat up, wide-eyed, and let the towel fall into my lap. “What did you say?”

“About what?”

“A beating.”

“Well, if it er happens it willna be that bad because Jamie loves ye so.”

“What the hell are you saying? That Jamie will beat me if I make a mistake?” 

My voice was getting louder and Jenny was looking more worried by the minute. I remembered all the men in the kitchen the morning we were attacked. They hung on his every word, they left to do the task he set upon them without hesitation. He had the power to command three men to ride to the boats and sell the men who attacked us. Did any of them have to check with their wives first, or beg off because their schedule was too full at the moment? Had they eaten before embarking on a day-long trip with three murderous villains? The Laird doesn’t give a shit about that! He speaks and it is done. 

“Oh God, oh, good God, what have I done?” I looked up at Jenny but she was spinning with the rest of the room and I felt myself falling into the black. 

Time passed. I don’t know how I know that, but it did. Jamie’s voice was pulling me back and I was scared, of him, of this time, of what my life would become. I was scared to the bone and didn’t want to come back, it was safer in the black. 

“Claire, my love, wake up for me lass.”

And if I don’t, what happens then, I wondered. I opened my eyes and knew they were full of fear and he would see it. I accepted my fate at that point. If it warranted a beating, it would be his last. 

The same indigo eyes looked down at me, the same handsome face stared at me with concern and worry, the same thumb touched my cheek so softly. 

“I’m sae sorry lass, I came up here drippin wet when Jenny said ye fainted. I didn’t mean to get the bed wet but I was so worrit.”

What do you have to worry about I thought? You can pour a bucket of water on my head and laugh yourself out the kitchen door if you want. My mind and my fear were my enemies right now. He was reading me like a book and would soon know I was petrified of him. His face changed to something stern and he got up to pull his wet clothes off. I looked at his chest and felt his body call to mine. I watched the muscles in his back when he pulled off his boots and then breeks. My eyes took in the man of my dreams, the one who possessed my soul and heart and I only wanted to run my hand over his flesh. 

Jamie watched me as he pulled on dry clothes and boots. He walked to the window and looked out then he left. I heard his boots on the stairs and muffled voices from the kitchen. I was so scared I couldn’t rally the courage to get up, to walk downstairs, to face the rest of my life. I let my tears come hoping they would make me feel better. I dried them quickly on the quilt when I heard his boots on the stairs again. 

“Come lass.” 

Jamie pulled me out of bed and draped a shawl over my shoulders. He put my boots on and led me downstairs and outside. The storm had cleared and the sun strengthened me for some reason. Murtagh led Donus out of the barn and Jamie lifted me into the saddle and then swung up behind me. 

We rode in silence and the familiar gate and feel of Jamie’s chest behind me made me relax and enjoy the contact with him. He kept his arm around my waist to steady me, or was it a proclamation, she is my property and I will keep her as I see fit. Christ, my poisoning mind would turn everything he did into a threat now.

I saw the cottage come into view and my eyes filled with tears. I was so dumb and so in love when we were here last. If Jamie was near I had not a care in the world. I tried to stifle my tears before he got mad that I was crying. He reached up to lift me down and hugged me to him still without a word since the bedroom. I opened the door and the scent of the cottage and rain was transporting. I drifted through wiping off the table and counter. I grabbed the bucket to fetch water from the stream and he stopped me.

“Drop the bucket lass.” His mouth was an inch from mine when he told me we would go to the stream together. He spoke softly and lifted my chin to see my eyes. 

“So bonnie, let me be yer hero lass, tell me what upset ye today.”

He ran his hand down my back and pulled my open mouth to his for a long soft kiss. I felt the magic start to happen but when he raised his hand to push my hair away I ducked and threw my arms over my head terrified. 

Jamie felt the shock right to his core. He had seen that reaction in dogs that were hit on the head by ruthless masters. The Sassenach was cowering in her terror and it nearly broke his heart. Whatever happened to her during his time in the fields had scared her into a different person. He pulled her to him and felt her shake. He needed time to think this through and not add to the problem. He wanted to ease her fear most of all. 

“Let’s walk to the stream. I will catch a fat fish for you and maybe a frog. Let’s go.”


	2. Time Alone With Jamie

Jamie took my hand and we walked to the stream. He smiled at me a lot but didn’t say much. I could tell he was thinking and I wondered what claimed his thoughts at the moment. I sat in the long grass and watched him jump on the rocks and lower his forearm into the water. I recalled my conversation with Jenny and tried to think back when I knew Jamie was angry with me and what his behavior was like. I distinctly remember the conversation about my keeping secrets from him. He was angry and I was interrogated but he never raised a hand to me. What crime could I do that was worse than lying to him, I wondered? I heard splashing water and the thump of a fish being killed. I looked up at Jamie’s radiant smile and beautiful face and smiled back. 

I once went to see master Raymon without his permission when I was forbidden to go into the city alone. He was so worried when I got home but he only held me close and then made love to me. How much worse could I do in the days ahead to warrant a punishment from him? I was starting to think I was worried for nothing. Women are still owned by their husbands in this time, I knew that. A woman had no right to complain to authorities if she was mistreated, I knew that too. Maybe I just never heard the word beating associated with marriage. Why was I letting that change how I felt now? 

Jamie walked toward me with two fish and a smile and flopped down beside me. The fish were cleaned and ready for a fire so I got up and filled the bucket with water and we walked back. 

“I got ye a frog Sassenach.” He pulled a fist-sized frog out of his pocket and showed it to me with pride. 

“Oh, that’s lovely. What do we do with it?”

“Do ye want to hold it?”

“Certainly not.”

“C’mon Sassenach, dinna be such a girl, it’s fun. I want ye to hold it.”

The last sentence was said as a directive and my heart was racing. I held out my hand to take the slimy thing that was offered on Jamie’s flat hand. I really didn’t want to touch it but forced myself to grab it. Jamie let it go just before my hand came around the hateful thing. 

“Why did ye do it? Why did ye reach for the frog mo gradhag?”

“You told me to.”

“Next I want ye to jump off the top of the cottage. Will ye do it?”

I considered him while I tried to figure out this line of questioning. If I jumped I would probably survive with a broken bone but if I didn’t he would….

“The correct answer my wee darlin is no, emphatically, no. Ye would not jump off the cottage because it would hurt ye for no reason. So the answer is no.”

“Every now and then I like the bed to myself so ye have to sleep in the barn. There’s plenty of hay and ye can take a blanket if it’s cold. Just lettin ye know now so ye don’t fuss when I tell ye to get outside.”

“How often does this happen?”

“Here is the correct answer wee one, fuck you I am not sleepin in the barn.” He looked at me quickly, “did I use that word wrong Sassenach? Fuck you is an insult is it nae?”

“Yes, that’s correct. Now I would be telling you that insult, am I right?”

“If it’s me kickin ye out of yer own bed, then yes.”

This conversation was getting ridiculous. I don’t ever remember saying no to Jamie about anything nor he asking something crazy of me.

“Jamie, where is this conversation going and why are we at the cottage?”

“I saw yer eyes when you woke up this afternoon and it scared me. Ye were different and I wanted to take somewhere you had been happy before. Maybe it was something at Lallybroch that made ye scared so I got ye out of there. Ye could stop my heart from breakin if you would tell me what happened today to change ye so.”

I looked at Jamie blush and look at the ground while he talked. He looked so young and had so much responsibility, how did I not see how full his plate was before. I decided to throw caution to the wind before my fears broke my heart completely. 

“I’m afraid to make a mistake as the Laird’s wife.”

“What would happen if ye did Sassenach?”

“I would…be…beaten.”

“Beaten.” He lifted his fist and looked at it. Then he looked at me, up and down. “I ken it would be an unfair fight Sassenach. I am stronger than ye and I ken how to hit. Why would we have to do this?”

“It would be done to me if I did something wrong, I think.”

He pulled me down to the ground, right there, we sat in the grass outside the cottage. The sun was setting and threw orange light in Jamie’s handsome face. He pulled me into his chest and held me there. 

“Sassenach, I already am the man I will be. My core values are set and I will no change much as I age. I couldna strike an animal for makin a mistake let alone the love of my life. It makes no matter what ye have done or what ye will do in the future. I forgive ye, here and now, no matter what, I forgive ye. I live by my vows and will go to my death livin by them.” 

Jamie turned my shoulders to face him and locked his eyes with mine. 

“I vow, in the presence of the almighty God, I will never, under any circumstances, raise a hand to you in rebellion. There isna mistake ye can make that would turn me against ye. Do ye understand mo gradhag? 

I could feel my smile and the tears that dropped from my face to the ground. I felt his truth and it broke the spell my mind had conjured. I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him with all my heart. He pushed me to the ground and his kisses were hot and needy. I had not loved him physically since my arrival five days ago and I was losing my mind. 

“Please Jamie, don’t make me wait.”

He picked me up and carried me to the cottage and laid me on the bed. I watched him in the dim light pull his shirt off, and then his boots, and then his breeks. He was magnificent and I watched every move he made while trying to breathe in this damn corset. 

Jamie threw some logs on the fire and the blaze helped light the room. He reached for me and I stood up hoping he would kiss me senseless. He unbuttoned my jacket and carefully pulled it off. Untied my skirts and let them fall before placing them on the table. The bum roll hit the floor and then I felt his fingers work the laces in my corset. Slowly, he gave depth to my rapid breathing. His arms came around me from behind and he untied my shift pulling it free of my shoulders and letting it fall. My heart was racing now as he turned me to his kiss and I melted into him. 

“Everything, from the sunrise to when I fall into bed, everything begins and ends with ye mo chridhe. I will no work harder, take more risks, or barter my soul for anyone, as I will for ye. I will turn my back on Lallybroch and the life I know to follow ye if ye leave me. There is no pride, no entitlement, no servitude, there is only love that will carry me through each day with ye by my side. It’s pure and unafraid as long as yer with me. Do ye understand each word I have said, Claire?”

I kissed him hard and long and said yes when I could take a breath. I was drowning in Jamie Fraser. My love, my home, my choice, my champion. We made love through the night, napping for an hour or two and waking with a renewed need to touch and taste and join in every way we could. I have never loved him more.

I woke to the smell of freshly cooked fish and opened my eyes to a table full of food that Jamie had packed. He came through the door dripping wet and smiled at me. 

“Ah, Sassenach, I love it when yer eyes are open because I get lonely without ye.”

“Why are you naked and all wet?”

“I bathed in the stream and found a deep pool that is wonderful! Will ye eat a bit and come see it with me?”

“Of course I will! I can’t wait.” 

Jamie snuggled my neck and whispered in my ear about a fallen tree across the stream to jump off of and large rocks to warm up in the sun. “The water is warm mo chridhe and I want to play in it and make love in it until we’re exhausted. So ye must eat to keep up with me, aye?”

I was chewing on a bannock but couldn’t help smiling at his enthusiasm. “Don’t you have chores to do today?” 

“No. Whatever I would have done today will still need done tomorrow so today we relax and play until I am finally at peace with my need for ye.”

I felt my cheeks get hot at the way he looked at me. I was so happy inside, happy I came, happy I committed my life to this man, just happy. 

We put the food away and set out for the stream. Jamie was naked of course and modest me was in a shift. It took a little effort to squeeze through the tight network of vegetation that formed a natural wall but on the other side, the stream opened up and got much deeper. Jamie climbed across a fallen tree and jumped in completely disappearing under the water. I couldn’t get my shift off fast enough and boldly climbed out on the tree. When he popped up I jumped and let my body sink into the depths. I popped up and Jamie pulled me on top of him as he floated on his back and paddled. I kissed him with my tongue and moved my hips on his cock. His eyes became dark and he pulled me to him flipping me so my back was against his chest. We had reached a shallow part of the stream where Jamie leaned back on a large rock and dropped down in a crouched position where I straddled him. 

“Show me how ye want to be loved Sassenach.” 

For the rest of the day we played, fished, ate, made love, napped, and started over. When the food was gone he lifted me to the saddle and we rode home different people. 

Jenny and Ian were already retired for the evening so I brought supplies in and put them away while Jamie tended to Donus. I had a permanent smile on my face tonight and couldn’t wait to hold Jamie through the night. All was well in my world and I thought to write a note to Joe telling him I made the journey and was happy. 

I pulled my journal into my lap and the ink well next to me and wrote a note to the one I left behind.  
Dearest Joe,  
Do not worry about me as I am healthy, the baby is healthy, and Jamie is over the moon. I hope you read this before leaving Scotland. I will continue to write to you and leave the notes where you will find them. You have much to do becoming the greatest doctor who ever lived and those endeavors will take you away from Scotland, away from Lallybroch. You must remember this place where I reside and when you are lonely for me, come back to Scotland. I will keep writing.  
All my love, Claire

I moved the bed as quietly as I could and had to put my boot on to release the board that was much stiffer in 1743. I dropped the note into a glass vile and corked it before kissing it into it’s hiding place. Two centuries from now someone would retrieve it hopefully and know I am happy and safe.

When I had successfully moved the bed back into its position I looked up and saw a very beautiful blue rock resting on the chest of drawers. I had not noticed it before but It called to me, rhythmically, like a song, pulling me towards it. As I got closer I felt it’s power and was suddenly afraid. My eyes searched its surface trying to identify what type of rock it was. I wrapped my hands around it and felt light-headed, light-bodied, slipping away from this room, this time. I gasped and set the rock down moving away from it quickly. There was a note next to it and I extended my arm to grab it keeping my body safely away. I recognized the hand of master Raymon.  
Mon très cher ami,  
Ce cadeau vous mènera dans des mondes inconnus. C'est votre moyen de transport quand vous en avez besoin. Touchez la pierre et concentrez-vous sur l'endroit où vous voulez aller. C'est mon cadeau le plus précieux pour un ami précieux.  
Raymon

I could make out some of the words but Jamie was more fluent in French. When he came in I asked him to read it for me.  
“My dearest friend,  
This gift will take you to worlds known and unknown. It is your transport away when you need it. Touch the stone and concentrate on the place you want to go. It is my most precious gift for a precious friend.  
Raymon”

I grabbed the stone and pressed it into my drawer full of clothing. It had powers that I didn’t understand so best leave it to rest, I thought. 

“Get rid of the stone Sassenach.”

The tone of his voice made the hair on my neck stand up. I struggled to think before I looked at him. I was very reluctant to throw it away although I don’t know why. 

“Of course Jamie. How does one dispose of unwanted things in this time?”

“I will send it sailing into the gorge at dawn to be shattered into a million pieces mo gradhag.”

“Alright, wrap it in a cloth sack and try not to touch it, be very careful Jamie.”

I removed my jacket and felt Jamie pulling my laces. He was quiet and I felt a strange energy coming from him. The anticipated hug that always came after my corset was pulled off did not come and suddenly I felt a million miles away from him. I readied for bed while Jamie stood at the window staring into the dark. 

Touching his back I brought both my hands down his powerful arms pulling him to turn around so I could find his heart again. I pushed up on my tiptoes and kissed him but his heart wasn’t in it. 

“What is wrong love, why are you sad?”

“Ye would keep the stone with ye if I allowed it. Why? What need do ye have for it when it will take ye from here, from me. Is my hold on ye so tenuous? Is yer devotion so fragile?”

He spoke so softly I could barely hear him and the look on his face nearly broke my heart. I threw myself at him and kissed his face over and over, stating my undying love until the end of time. I looked in his eyes and felt the truth in my bones. 

“I was going to say that I discovered the rock just a few minutes before you came in. I hadn’t time to decide anything. But maybe I felt safer knowing it could save us, this whole family when the British army marches through Scotland killing the lairds and their families.”

“If it must come to pass I will die a proud Scot, I willna run away.”

“Well fine, you will hand over your baby daughter and wife to be slaughtered in front of you and whatever horrible things they will do to Jenny and me before we die. You will condemn us all because of your pride!”

“No!” He roared as he grabbed me. “No…God no, I will see ye all safe, I promise, but it willna be by the magic of a strange stone. When the time comes, we will board a ship for the new world and warn our tenants to do the same. I’m sorry Sassenach. I spoke before I thought what I was sayin. We will survive, all of us, and make a new home in America.”

Jamie held me in bed but was clearly shaken. I wouldn’t blame him for having doubts about the future I revealed but when confronted with my adamant belief it crippled him. Would he lead an army into battle on Culloden Moor or an exodus of farmers and family to the new world? I knew too much about the future, the doomed cause, and Jamie’s sacrifice in another life. I prayed it would not unravel me as the time grew near. I prayed for my sanity. 

I was so exhausted and the baby was doing somersaults and shadow boxing in my womb tonight. I pulled Jamie’s hand to my abdomen and the punishing activity stopped so I could fall asleep.

Just before dawn Jamie rolled the stone into a sack and lifted it over his shoulder before setting out to destroy it. It took an hour to reach the gorge where he swung the sack over his head and released it to sail down a hundred feet to smash on the rocks below. He was grateful for the magic that brought the Sassenach but now he was through with it. 

He needed a plan to get close to the Jacobites and assess their strength and leadership. If the Sassenach was right, they would be organizing and preparing by raising money for the cause and stockpiling weapons. He knew his uncle to be a Jacobite sympathizer. It was a good place to start.

On June twenty-second, 2018, the ICU nurse checked the vitals of a patient in recovery. His life-saving surgery took hours and multiple doctors to restore enough skin to keep him alive. His tortured body was the topic of conversation among the doctors and nurses as they struggled with what could cause the wounds this man sustained. It was a mystery. He was a mystery, but they all put their skills to saving his life, now it was up to him. 

The nurse jumped when she felt a hand on her arm and looked at the open eyes of the nameless man. He was speaking French and she did not understand him. Slowly he switched to English and struggled with a complete sentence to convey his wishes. 

“Madam, would you be so kind, call my niece in Paris and tell her I am here. I will give you her number.”


	3. An Enemy, A Hero, And A Baby

At dawn, Jenny ran into the kitchen to start her morning chores including a large pot of porridge set to cook. Grabbing a basket she walked briskly to the barn to look for eggs and nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard Jamie’s voice.

“Janet, I need a moment.”

“Christ and all the saints ye scared me half to death, Jamie.”

“There’s a lot of that goin on lately. Suppose ye tell me why you wanted to scare Claire with talk of mistakes and punishment.”

He sat on a bale of hay and looked at his sister, waiting for an answer.

“The lass canna finish her laundry without passin out. Just carryin in her wash made her collapse in the kitchen and I had to pull her corset loose so she didn’t die. She is a mess Jamie and not close to capable of runnin this house for ye. I was givin her much needed incentive to try her hardest, learn our ways, and stop actin like some kind of princess. She needs to learn her place.”

Jamie struggled with his need to explode at Jenny. He was shaking mad and spoke quietly to keep his anger in check.

“I have ne’er been sae proud of ye when ye turned yer hatred of the lass into love. It wasna expected but greatly appreciated. Claire took to ye like a true sister, she loves ye. So how can you sabotage someone sae innocent who gives ye love? How can ye seek to hurt the lass?”

“Like I said, she has a lot to learn. The lass is weak, so I am helping her Jamie.”

Jamie shot forward and grabbed Jenny’s jaw tightly, “do not lie to me with this mouth or I will see it black and blue. Why do ye mean to hurt her Jenny.” 

“Is that what she said? That I am trying to hurt her, ha.”

“Claire has said nothin because I swear she’d lie to me to save ye and I’ll no put her in that position. It wasn’t hard to figure out where she heard threats of beating wives and punishable mistakes. I knew it was you but why would ye do it?”

“Like I said…”

“Dinna test me sister or ye’ll be stayin in town for the next year workin twelve hours a day just to eat. Claire is my wife, she has my bairn growin inside her. She left her own time to come here to be my wife. Do ye think I’ll let anything or anyone threaten her happiness and security? Let me be clear, Kin or not, I wilna let ye threaten her peace. Is that understood Janet?”

“It’s crystal clear to me Jamie.” Ian stood at the barn entrance and scowled at his wife. 

Jamie stormed out of the barn and into the house taking two steps at a time. He was winded and closed the door quietly so Claire would not wake. Leaning against the wall he watched her chest rise and fall, gazed at her angelic face and felt his stomach quiver at the sight of her. The light blanket did nothing to hide her naked form warping his anger into lusty need. He set his boots down silently, then his shirt, and breeks and slid carefully into bed spooning his wife.

His balls were aching and felt like boulders. He wanted to feel and see her face pressed into them, her wee tongue licking and sucking then. 

“Jesus, Sassenach, I need ye, right now, open yer eyes lass before I lose control.”

Claire’s arms came up around his neck and she pushed her fleshy butt into his groin. Jamie’s hand pressed between her legs feeling the warm wetness that beckoned him. 

“Oh God, ye so wet Sassenach and it’s drivin the control right out of me.”

Claire was aroused and breathing hard. She continued to push her ass into his cock until he could no longer stand it. Holding her hip against him he pushed into her body and moaned loudly. His mouth was next to her ear and told her to move her leg over his hip.

“Expose yerself to me mo chridhe.”

When Claire’s leg lifted over his hip he grabbed her hand and pressed it between her legs wrapping her fingers around his shaft as he pushed into her. Jamie rolled to his back pulling Claire up to lay on top of him, her back to his chest. 

“Dinna let go of me mo gradhag.”

He pushed her knees apart and drove himself into her. When he was close his hands gripped her shoulders pulling her body down to meet his thrust. His fingers dropped to her core and held her bud as she rocked with her orgasm. Holding her hips steady he pounded into his wife until he shattered with a loud growl.

Claire heard his deep rhythmic breathing and knew he was asleep. She wondered if Jamie had disposed of the blue rock as he promised and her curiosity pushed her quietly out of bed. It took several minutes to open the drawer silently and cold dread filled her when the stone was gone. 

For the rest of the day, Claire hung her head and went through her chores. Jenny walked on eggshells around her after the stern warning of her brother and Ian. She hoped the lass would overexert herself again whereby she would watch as she quietly expired. How could Jamie dare throw her out of this house? It wasn’t fair and she cursed Claire for causing the need to leave. 

Jenny loved her position as mistress of Lallybroch and she worked tirelessly to provide her brother the support he needed as laird. She was very good at hosting parties and staying informed of the tenant’s needs. The steady supply of veneration had plumped up her ego and she was quite unwilling to live without the honor and respect of those visiting the estate. Claire would prove completely unworthy of running the household, she knew it in her bones. Jamie ordered her to train Claire in all duties required of the Lallybroch mistress. Jenny decided Claire could figure it out on her own. 

The women fell into a schedule of chores over the following weeks and months as they both grew heavy with pregnancy. The midwife made a visit to check them both and made helpful suggestions of what to expect and how to help each other. 

Jamie would be gone from sunrise to dark, day after day, pulling Claire to bed after swallowing a plate of food without a single word. Some nights his need was overpowering and she clung to him as he took her savagely, other nights he would spend time loving her body in a way that brought tears to her eyes. Working around her growing belly Jamie made efforts to satisfy his wife, utterly astounded she never refused him or lost her own interest in intimacy. 

In the deepest of night, Claire rolled over feeling panic about something. Her eyes flew open and she recognized Jenny screaming for her. She shot out of bed and pulled her robe on before running to Jenny’s bedroom. Ian opened the door and as Claire ran in he walked out closing the door behind him. 

Claire counted the minutes between contractions and mopped Jenny’s face, running to get whatever she needed. Jenny continued to labor through the night and Claire was getting scared that something was wrong. By the following day in the early afternoon, Jenny was exhausted and crying. Claire wiped her face and told her how brave she was and how much she loved her. Jenny’s abdomen contracted harshly against her womb, like a concrete beach ball and she cried with the pain. Claire looked between her legs and saw the head of the baby protruding. 

“Jenny!! Sweet Jesus, the baby is coming! I can see it’s forehead and eyes. Keep pushing!” 

She gave Jenny a sip of water and spoke into her ear about the time had come for heroic pushes. 

“Your child is in peril Jenny. You must push with all your might. Jenny! Don’t quit on me bitch! Wake up and get angry! Push!”

Jenny’s upper body shot off the bed. She grabbed her knees and was bearing down, red-faced as Claire ran to the end of the bed and caught the child as it was ejected from Jenny body. 

“Oh my God! Jenny, its a boy and he is perfect!” The baby started wailing as Claire wiped its face and body, Ian came through the door and looked at the child, his son. 

Claire bristled at his disregard of Jenny and pushed her way past him to lay the baby at his mother’s side. Jenny pulled the baby to her breast to suckle and Claire wrapped a soft blanket around it moving Jenny’s hair out of her eyes. Ian was pressing in close to look at his son and Claire was fed up with his lack of concern for his wife. 

“Get the fuck out of the way you useless idiot before your wife is in fever from the after birth. Ian looked at her sharply and noticed her arms bloody to the elbows, her hair stuck to her face from sweat and effort, her eyes shining from the miracle she just witnessed. He looked at Jenny, eyes closed baring down to push the remainder of the afterbirth from her body.

“You did it, Jenny, you’re done, it’s over,” Claire said with a huge smile. She wrapped the tissue in rags, stood up, and exited the room with no thought or effort to be quiet closing the door. Claire moved her bulk down the stairs wondering where Jamie was. She called to him as she walked out of the kitchen. Where the fuck was he? She didn’t feel well at all. Severe exhaustion and nausea gripped her and she turned back to the house but not in time to stop the swaying ground before it pulled her to it.

Jamie heard Claire calling and ran out of the barn just in time to see her fall.

“Claire!” He picked her up and ran for the kitchen. Running a wet cloth over her face, he pressed a cup of goats milk to her lips begging her to drink.

“By all that is holy, please help her,” he prayed. He coaxed her to swallow a bit of milk and pressed her to take more until she felt some strength returning to her muscles. Claire gripped Jamie’s arms and cried so deeply it almost broke his heart. He held her close and rocked her feeling a fear he had not known before. 

Claire felt Jamie’s arms around her and knew he would never let her go until she could manage on her own. Her sobbing rocked her to the bone and she cried for all the women who managed childbirth or died in childbirth alone. She was afraid. Jenny was so distant lately she didn’t trust her to come to her aid when it was her time to give birth. She knew she would die with their unborn child dying with her. She looked up at Jamie’s worried face and realized he had not a clue how to help her. Running her bloody arms over her wet face she crawled out of Jamie’s lap and walked toward the stairs. The door to their bedroom opened and she laid down on the bed, struggling to contain her tears and face the consequences of her choices. 

Jamie came in with fresh water for the basin and the cup of milk. He pulled her clothes off and looked at her ripe body as concern filled him. 

“Sassenach, ye must talk to me about what troubles ye. I can see yer fear, as well as yer acceptance of this fate. I am terrified by what I see in yer eyes and I beg ye to let me see the horrible thing ye see. I will fight beside ye, I promise. Ye must speak Claire, tell me how to help ye.”

When Claire finally opened her mouth Jamie’s world was forever changed as his mind made room for the painful, lonely, and life-threatening reality of childbirth. His own mother died giving birth and he realized his da was shoeing a horse as her life slipped away. He wondered if she might have been spared with his love and encouragement wrapped around her. It was customary for men to busy themselves with chores when it was the woman’s time. It was far too common that a wife and baby would be buried. 

“I have never seen the human body endure the tortures of childbirth and for so many hours. Jenny was so exhausted I had to order her, yell at her to push. If she was alone, as so many women are here, I think she would be dead. Jenny is cold to me lately, I don’t think she will help me. I think I will die and so will Faith.”

Jamie held Claire and rocked her promising heaven and earth to help her. He hated his sister at that moment for not supporting Claire. He would see them removed from Lallybroch to live a commoner’s life without his support. She was dead to him and he would not be kept away from home building a house for her and her family. 

Claire would need help with the baby and running the house. She would devote her time and love to the children during the day and his needs at night. He would fill the cottages with servants to provide all that she needed.

“My brave Sassenach, I vow to be with ye throughout yer time. I will be in the room, in the bed while ye labor, and I will lay my warm hands on the bairn and see to her safe as she leaves yer body. Ye will teach me what ye know about labor and after the birth. Ye will have a private midwife mo chridhe, I promise, and maids to help after. Please, hear me, Claire. I will take care of you and Faith.”

“Sassenach, do ye hear my promise lass? Do ye know yer not alone?”

He saw the slight smile of her mouth and felt her arms encircle his waist. Jamie held her fiercely and prayed in Gaelic. He kept up his vigil deep into the night as Claire slept against his chest. 

“I am here love, I am with ye and I will no leave. Be at peace.” 

Jamie stopped the construction of the house for Jenny and informed Ian they would be leaving Lallybroch when Jenny’s lying-in period was over. 

“There will be no support for my treacherous sister. She will work twelve hours a day to put food on the table for what she’s done. Keep her away from my wife and bairn Ian.”

A private maid was hired for Claire, she called herself Glavia. She had experience with childbirth and seemed instantly devoted to her mistress. Jamie felt his first relief since Jenny’s child was born. He continued his search for a housekeeper to cook and clean until he answered the door one afternoon and looked down at a thin woman, about fifty he guessed.

“I am misses Crooke and I am here to run ye kitchen lad so kindly show me around so I can get started. Her straight forward approach to solving his problem was unexpected. Misses Crooke was hired and offered her own room off the kitchen. This made Jamie soar with happiness as there would be ample food prepared at meals and plenty to eat in between. He wanted to brighten Claire’s day with his joy and ran upstairs to tell her. 

Reaching for the doorknob young Glavia shot out and collided with Jamie looking worried and wide-eyed. She looked up at his startled face.

“The mistress is in labor, my laird!”

Jamie knelt at the side of the bed and held Claire’s hand. “Are ye well love?”

Claire touched his cheek and smiled, “yes.”

“I need to feed the animals and find Murtagh. Then I will climb in our bed and we will bring this bairn into the world together Sassenach.”

In her next breath, he was gone and Glavia was preparing the bed, linens, blankets, and putting water on the fire downstairs to boil. Claire tried to calm down but every instinct she had was screaming to prepare for birth. It was clear the baby had dropped considerably and she felt pressure in the birth canal. Knowing that was impossible she chalked it up to nerves and tried again to relax. 

Glavia informed misses Crooke the mistress was in labor and both women startled when Claire’s blood-curdling scream came shooting into their ears. Glavia ran upstairs and pressed towels into the bed where Claire's water broke soaking everything. 

“I know this is not possible but I feel like the baby is coming and I need to push.”

Glavia shook her head side to side, pulled Claire’s knees up, holding them open while she inspected the improbability. 

“Christ be saved!”

Glavia was moving very fast and called down to misses Crooke to bring hot water, and hurry! When Jamie came in, the room was in a panic as the women prepared for birth. As gently as he could he lifted Claire so he could sit behind her all the while whispering his encouragement for the fight of her life. Jamie was so tuned into Claire he didn’t hear any other voice but hers. He spoke Gaelic prayers softly into her ear and placed his warm capable hands on her belly. 

Glavia pointed at the door and Jamie just smiled at her, no need to be rude but he was staying. Even misses Crooke told him to leave because this just wasn’t done. "Apologies misses Crooke, I’ll no be leavin and ye will no likely unseat me."

The next time Glavia looked she was speaking rapidly in a language no one knew. She knelt at the foot of the bed and told Claire to push hard, and then stop pushing. The baby’s head was out and the neck was free of the chord bringing a huge smile to the maids face. 

“You may push as you like mistress. The baby is coming and you are very blessed.”

Jamie was so proud of Claire’s bravery and willingness to push through her pain. Her labor had come on so fast and she was now having contractions about one minute apart. He did not know the significance of that but the women were impressed so he decided it was a good thing. 

Claire gripped Jamie’s forearms and pushed with every ounce of energy she had left. Suddenly she felt a huge object slip from her body and the pain was over. She laid panting as Jamie wiped her face and kissed her over and over again.

“It’s a wee lassie mistress,” Glavia said happily, "with the hair of the laird!"


	4. The MacKenzie Calls

Hearing the voices of many men downstairs I quickly got up to dress and left Faith with Glavia while I went to investigate. There were men all over the lower level and my heart started pounding with this intrusion. I pushed through them to the kitchen where misses Crooke was pressed against the counter while men searched the cabinets. 

“What do you think you’re doing! Misses Crooke come with me please.”

The man in the cabinets was Angus, I remembered from our wedding. I assumed all these men were with the McKenzie clan. They sort of gathered around me looking quite menacing if I didn’t know better. 

“What is it you men want? Sorry, it’s lovely to see all of you again, now what do you want?”

“Colum wants to see Jamie mistress so we’ve come to get him and bring him back.”

“Do you always use so many men to deliver a message?” I remembered this man as well, Rupert. He held my hand when I felt ill at my wedding.

“No a message mistress, we’re takin Jamie back with us. Where might we find him?”

“I imagine he is out in the fields, let me think, sorry gentlemen I don’t remember but he is on the property. They started to move to the outside and I counted twenty-five in all. The door was open for so long the cool April air filled the lower house so I was shaking from the cold. Maybe I was shaking from the dreadful foreboding I felt from the visit. If Jamie was leaving Lallybroch to speak with Colum I wanted to get Faith ready to say goodbye. 

I opened the door to the nursery and found misses Crooke and Glavia standing shoulder to shoulder in front of the cradle. With wide eyes, they looked behind me, for a monster by the look of them. 

“What on earth are you two doing?”

When they didn’t speak I figured it out. They were expecting to be invaded by bad men and were standing in front of Faith to protect her.

“It’s alright ladies, I promise. They look worse then they are but they are friends to Lallybroch.” 

I gently moved them aside and scooped Faith out of the cradle kissing her cheeks and smiling at her precious yawning face. I bundled her up for a trip outside in the fresh air and walked out to find Jamie. He wasn’t hard to find surrounded by so many men. Even now he was commanding and showed no fear of the twenty-five swords and dirks that surrounded him. Jamie turned toward the house when one of the men grabbed him only to be knocked to the ground savagely by Jamie. I could see his face suddenly and felt alarmed. 

“Sassenach, come, get into the house.”

Glavia took Faith and Jamie led me into our room. He was moving very fast, putting heavier clothing on and better boots. 

“I have to go and speak with Colum. I hate to leave ye but I must. I will be home tomorrow night and I’m leavin Murtagh here to watch over ye.”

“What is this about?”

“Jacobites.” he spat the word out and looked murderous doing it. “They are gathering the clans together to fight for Prince Charles. I expect they want my commitment to bring my men. He pulled me to his embrace and I held him so tightly. 

“Are you going to lead your men to battle Jamie?” 

“No. I stand by my promise not to participate in this blood bath they’re walkin into.”

“I love ye Sassenach. If ye need anythin Murtagh will be right here.” He kissed me like he wanted me to remember it forever and then left. 

I forced myself to get busy and not dissolve into frantic tears. That would not help anybody. Today we will gather all the items in the house that have value to Jamie, sentimental or monetary and bury them in the priest hole, tomorrow I will get Murtagh to ride with me to the gorge and look for one bright blue rock. The mere thought of taking this family into the future was preposterous and I should concentrate on passage to America but it would be nice to have a backup, just in case. 

We gathered all the silver objects in the house and put them on the large dining table. Anything that had been handed down through the generations was placed on the table. Murtagh set to work deepening the priest hole and long after dark we packed our treasure deep in the earth. 

“Ye ken what’s comin and its a bad thing for Scotland, am I right?”

“Yes, Murtagh.”

“How bad? Red coats patrollin and causin trouble for the farmers and tenants? What else?”

“Murtagh, please don’t make me answer you. Jamie promised we would be leaving for the new world before the uprising and I believe him. Can we leave it at that?

Murtagh stopped walking and stared at the ground. 

“Nae lass, I think we’ll be talkin about what er makes Jamie turn his back on Lallybroch.”

We sat near the fire and moved our chairs close together so as not to be overheard. I explained everything I knew about the Jacobite preparation and the ultimate conflict on Culloden Moor. Then I told him about disbanding of the clans and making kilts, bagpipes, the Gaelic language, clan tartans and owning weapons illegal by order of the king. Highlanders that joined the uprising are executed and their lands turned over to the crown. 

Murtagh stared straight at the fire while I talked. When he looked at me I could see the pain and anger in his eyes. He stood up and banked the fire and said goodnight. My breasts were painfully engorged with milk by that time so I ran for the assistance of my sweet Faith to help ease my discomfort. 

Later I laid Faith on my bed sound asleep and a belly full of milk. I blocked her in with pillows and fell asleep beside her.

The following day I asked Murtagh to take me to the gorge, well, where ever things land that are thrown into the gorge. We mounted and rode for maybe an hour when he pointed straight ahead and then up to where Jamie would have been standing when he threw the blue rock. I tied my horse and ran through the rubble looking as quickly as possible while I dodged Murtagh’s questions. I was bitterly disappointed at not finding a single shard of blue and vowed to come back another day alone. Most of the ride home we were silent.

“So what’s to become of Jenny when we leave for America?” 

“I have asked Jamie many times to check on Jenny and Ian but he still refuses. If I can’t change his mind I imagine we will leave them behind. I won’t stop trying Murtagh, I promise.”

The day dragged on and on and I became more agitated with every passing hour. Where was Jamie? The men he left with were like his brothers they say and I have no reason to fear them in his regard but he should have been back by now. At ten o’clock I fed my smiling daughter and again laid her in my bed. Sleep would not take me so I turned the lamp up just enough to see her face and I slowly calmed down and slept. 

Jamie made his way home after a full day of arguing with the clansmen of Leoch who wanted to fight and agreeing with Colum who stood firm on neutrality. It was cold and damp tonight, conditions that were comfortable and reassuring to him. The crisp night made the stars twinkle above him in absolute silence. It was good thinking weather so he made his way slowly and thought about his options. 

If the Highlanders took up arms to fight for the freedom of Scotland how could he turn his back on defending the land he loves. He wanted to work with his men and prepare them to survive but how could he on a ship bound for America. He was the Laird of Lallybroch and a warrior. Deep inside he wanted to fight and win by crushing those who oppressed Scotland and especially the Highlanders. If Sassenach was right, many of the Highlanders will die, along with their way of life. If he survived the battle he would be hunted as a traitor to the crown and his family subject to the harsh justice of the British.

His beautiful Sassenach made full disclosure of what lies ahead and still, he committed her to a century that was not her own. He was bound to her by love and now by promise to see her safe with their daughter. He wanted to spill English blood on Culloden Moor but love was by far more powerful. His baby daughter had opened up a whole new level of love that added so much depth to his existence. Faith had the power to drop him mid-stride with gurgles, or bubbles, or a smile. It was not a decision to be made, whether or not to fight for Scotland. The love he had for his family eclipsed everything. He nudged Donus into a lope wanting desperately to hold his wife and forget the rest.

Jamie pitched hay into Donus’s stall and grain in his feeder. “Yer a good lad Donus.”

He made his way through the house and up the stairs without making a sound. When he looked down at Claire, Faith had wrapped her fingers around her mothers pinky and both were lost to their dreams. He felt the tears well up in his eyes because of this beautiful sight and all he had to lose with the coming war. He was desperately tired and slid into bed behind Claire as quietly as possible.

Jamie tossed and turned for the rest of the night. He wanted to bury himself in his wife and feel her grip him. He pushed back on his need because Faith was in their bed but he could not stand the throbbing in his groin. Jamie touched Claire’s leg and the feel of her skin helped him calm down. He reached between her legs and touched her making her squirm against him. He continued his light assault of her skin until she was breathing audibly and he would drag her to the floor if he had to. All stop….

Faith was feeling her empty tummy and started making her little noises. The first warning to adults it was time to act fast or pay the price of a punishing volume. Claire pulled the baby to her lap and leaned against the headboard as Jamie’s hand caressed her inner thigh. He watched Faith suck at her breast and surrendered to the pull of his arousal. 

Claire felt the warm wet tongue touch her most sensitive skin where the nerve endings were already screaming to be touched. She forced herself to remain still as he pressed his tongue into her and moaned. Claire moved Faith to the other side as Jamie’s fingers and tongue made his intention clear. As soon as Faith closed her eyes she shot out of bed and put her down in her cradle where Glavia slept peacefully beside her. 

Claire jogged back to their room pulling her rail off and jumped on Jamie kissing him with the intensity of her love and her need. She could not get close enough to him and held his face to hers for kisses that were sustenance to the starving. She felt the length of him push into her body and he pressed her knees open and watched her face as he pushed into her again and again. 

“Come for me Sassenach.”

Jamie ground into her core and kissed her deeply until he heard her moan low and slow, the signal of her surrender to the bliss. He fought his need to crash into her and kept his pace slow enjoying every second of this delight. When Claire opened her eyes and touched his cheek he fell in love all over again. 

“I love you so.” 

He laid in her arms panting and wiping sweat off of his face. He would forever be astounded by the power she had over him. How a statement of love whispered so quietly could make him shatter and grip her for dear life. He would not question his decision. The arms that held him were stronger than the entire British army. He would prepare to depart for America in the coming months and leave his homeland forever. 

There were many demands placed on the mistress of Lallybroch and Claire’s proficiency in planning, executing, greeting, and helping the tenants made Jamie very proud. The months flew by and there was a loving peace that descended over their home that reminded Jamie of his childhood. 

Many times she would try to discuss Jenny, Ian, and their son but her stubborn husband would not engage in the conversation and Claire was desperate for word of them. When Murtagh went into Edinburgh to sell grain Claire asked him to find Jenny and make sure they were safe. When he returned his scowl would have scared a blind man to death. She learned they lived in a single room above the tavern she worked in. Ian cared for the baby during Jenny’s twelve-hour shifts. They both looked pale and soulless, hollow eyes, expressionless faces. 

Claire’s heart broke for Jenny. The next time Murtagh went into town she took as much money as she dared from Jamie’s desk and gave it to Murtagh asking him to give it to Jenny. She didn’t much like the look on his face and brushed it off in her need to help them.   
Claire continued to take money from Jamie’s desk when Murtagh was heading into town. She just didn’t think about it, about her betrayal. Murtagh’s request for her to stop fell on deaf ears and she would include notes to Jenny but never received a reply. She couldn’t stop, even if Jenny refused to write her back, she couldn’t stop. 

One Saturday afternoon Jamie asked Claire to meet him in the study. She noticed Murtagh sitting in front of the fire and thought it odd with the warm temperatures outside. She was walking into an inquisition where she would be tried and found guilty and did not even know it. 

“Sit mo chridhe.” Jamie stood up from behind his desk and walked behind her chair to lock the doors. No one would enter, no one would exit until he said so. 

Claire sensed the heavy energy in the room and although Jamie was using his terms of endearment she heard them as empty words. Jamie was being diplomatic, as he was with tenants before he ruled against them charging fines and other penalties to restore what was lost in the wrongdoing. Claire figured this out very quickly. He discovered the missing money and Would find her guilty of conspiring against him. She lifted her chin in defiance and waited. 

Jamie stared at his beautiful wife and watched the color drain from her face. She knew what this was about and was posturing defiantly. He could not let this go, the offense was too great, so he would make her miserable in any way he could short of physically striking her. He took a deep breath. 

“There is money missing from my bank Sasenach. Do ye ken about it?”

She didn’t move or speak and he watched her with a pinch of respect she didn’t try to lie to him. 

“Sassenach?”

“What?”

“Do ye ken where the missin money is?”

Again, no answer, just defiance. She was forcing him to lay out his evidence and accuse her before she committed to anything. Very smart, he thought, but still a tiring game. So be it. 

“Sassenach, I believe you stole money from me and to what end I cannot imagine. It matters not in the eyes of the law and ye will be jailed for thieving. I wanted to give you a chance to explain yourself before the bars on yer cell slam shut and you are lost to yer family.”

Claire was a monument of strength as she listened to her husband. To look at him would be an admission of guilt so she stared out the window and struggled to control her breathing. When he mentioned jail she almost fell out of her chair. How could he give her over to the law, the red coats, for justice. He knew the fate of women prisoners and was willing to condemn her to the same. She felt hot tears coming down her cheeks and dropping into her lap but she did not move or look at him. 

Jamie was getting concerned that she would stonewall him all the way to Fort William. This plan had backfired because she was not talking and seemingly accepted her punishment. He already knew what she had done. Given money to Glavia or misses Crooke because a family member was destitute or convicted for debt. Her heart was huge but her remedy would not be permitted. He watched her tears fall off her face continuously as she stared straight ahead. Her face was sheet white and Jamie’s heart broke.

“Sassenach.”

“Yes, Jamie.”

“I would like you to confess and talk to me about why you took the money. Your punishment would not be so severe but you have to be honest with me.”

“I’m afraid my honesty will make you shoot me in the head and forget about Fort William. I would rather not.”

“It’s yer decision lass. We leave in an hour.”

“Jamie! Let me hold Faith until then, please.”

He watched her sobbing uncontrollably, looking at him pleadingly. 

“Fine.”

Claire ran for the doors to the study thinking she would open the door and run up the stairs. When the door didn’t open she hit her head soundly on it creating a river of blood down the middle of her face. 

“Claire!”

“Open the door Jamie, please just open the door!”

Jamie grabbed her and held her so she couldn’t run. He half dragged her into the kitchen for a rag and water for her face. If he eased up on his hold she would bolt for the stairs so he kept a crippling hold on her waist. 

“My sweet Sassenach, this has gone too far. I did not expect your bravery or strength or silence for that matter. I could never hand you over to Fort William. I was just tryin to scare the truth from ye. By your words the truth is somethin dark so I got to hear it. I’ll remind ye that I forgave ye anythin ye have done, or would do, in the presence of God. Ye will be forgiven. 

Jamie looked at her sad bloody face and waited for what looked like a gathering of courage. He was perplexed at her unwillingness to speak about it and suddenly his mind went to certain places and saw her doing things that filled with red rage. 

“Now Sassenach, do not test me anymore, speak yer truth,” he growled.

“I gave the money to Jenny and Ian. They are suffering and starving and they are all alone. They live in a small room above the tavern where she works. Ian takes care of the baby and Jenny works, all day every day. I had to help them.”

Jamie left the kitchen quickly and the door slammed behind him. Claire raced upstairs and grabbed Faith clutching her close to her body. Glavia was startled by Claire’s face but she had no chance to ask about it. Claire was gone with a swirl of skirts. 

Once Faith was fed Claire cried her eyes out. Deep, gut-twisting sobs that broke her heart. After an hour she wiped her face and paced her room. She was desperate to feel Jamie’s strength and love. She believed she would cease to breathe if she didn’t see him. 

Claire peered into the barn and saw Jamie sitting on a hay bale. She timidly walked to him and said she was sorrier than she had ever been in her life. The sobbing made her breath come in hiccups and she tried in vain to breathe normally. Faith was bundled up against the cold and blew bubbles at Jamie making what noise she could to get his attention. 

Jamie could see how Claire was shaking and standing bravely in front of him. There was not a thing more she could do to show her contrition and in that instant, he was over her betrayal. He pulled her into his lap and kissed Faith causing her little legs to kick and her hands to seek him. Claire was silent and stared at the ground just so happy to be in his lap. 

Punishment was given so the offense would stop and he would bet his life she would not betray him again. It was time for love and forgiveness and his bride was running very low on both at the moment. 

“Suppose ye give Faith to Glavia and come for a ride with me before supper?”


	5. The Strength Of Three Women

The days fell into one another like dominoes. The spring and summer months are a bustle of activity as the fields are readied for planting, the crops are watched closely for disease or infestation, barns are raised, fences extended, horses are broken and one hundred other activities. Some days Jamie and Murtagh were helping at another farm and I wouldn’t see them until dark. I was thankful for the company of Glavia and misses Crooke and the strength of three women was put to a frightful test one afternoon. I was rocking Faith in the nursery when I heard Glavia screaming and misses Crooke yelling at someone to get out. Thankfully Faith was asleep and I was able to slip down the back stairs and get outside.

I was frantically looking for a weapon of some kind and trying to run in my corset almost cause me to pass out. I saw no one else on the property so whoever was inside was alone. I could hear Glavia screaming in the parlor so I went into the kitchen and grabbed a heavy pan. Pausing to catch my breath I figured I had to hit the person on the head and prayed there weren’t two of them in there. Peering around the corner the room was in shambles and the man had a hold of Glavia’s hair, dragging her around while he searched every inch of the room. 

“Where does yer master keep the money, gold, or silver? He’s the laird for Christ’s sake so I know it’s here. Tell me!”

Glavia was absolutely terrified and she tripped trying to get away from the man. Her skirts exposed one leg to mid-thigh and the man went silent for a minute before grabbing her and throwing her on the sofa. He threw her skirts up over her head and fumbled madly with his breeks trying to get them down. When my pan made contact with the side of his head he stood still and I panicked and hit him again even harder. He dropped like a sack of potatoes and I rushed to help Glavia. 

We had to get Faith and make a run for it before he woke up. I tried to get Glavia to settle down and saw misses Crooke running down the stairs ripping long sections of cloth from a garment. 

“Come mistress! We must tie him up, hurry!”

She was fumbling around with the ties and I realized he would bust through those sections of homespun so this would not work. I knew what we had to do thanks to an old western movie I once watched. I stopped misses Crooke and showed her how to rip sections going around the skirt giving us much longer sections. I handed Glavia the pan which she held menacingly above his head. It took several tries but I managed to loop the ties around his neck, tightly, so that any movement would cause him to strangle. I felt quite pleased with myself until I realized he was in our front room on the floor and we would be stepping over him all afternoon. Well, someone would need to guard him and hit him again if he woke up. Glavia was more than happy to fill that duty.

I exhaled a long breath and that is when I heard her, screaming at the top of her lungs. I flew up the stairs and opened the door seeing Faith reaching for me, face red, eyes wide with fear. I held her to me and spoke softly in her ear and humming her favorite song. I felt my own tears fall from the horrible danger we were in and how it could have gone terribly wrong. I didn’t want Faith to see the man tied up on the floor so I went back down the back stairs and came around the house almost fainting at the sight of Jamie and Murtagh coming home. 

Faith was still crying loudly and I screamed at Jamie to help us. Tools landed in the grass and the two men were racing toward me. Jamie was scared and he reached for Faith to give her comfort and pulled me to him. I explained what happened as Jamie handed Faith back to me taking great strides toward the barn. He asked over his shoulder if I recognized the man, which way did he leave? 

“Jamie stop! He didn’t leave, he is still here. I hit him on the head when he was trying to rape Glavia and then we tied him up.”

Jamie stood stock still looking at me as his face lost color.

“Here.”

“Yes, he’s in the parlor.”

“Sassenach, please keep Faith out here, I’ll send the others out to stay with ye. Murtagh will stay with ye.”

With that, he launched himself into the house. Murtagh looked into the window of Jamie’s study and started laughing. I found that in very bad taste until I too looked and could clearly see into the parlor where Jamie struggled to get the pan away from Glavia. It looked like she would give it to him but instead brought her arms down and almost struck the man in the head. Jamie grabbed the pan and walked the women outside. I could hear him laughing from the kitchen door.

“Yer mistress is around the corner lasses. Everything is alright, ken? Murtagh! Yer gonna want to see this.” 

I watched again as both men examined the way I tied the asshole up. Murtagh put pressure on the tie and watched the noose tighten on the man’s neck. Murtagh turned to look at me through the window and gave me two thumbs-up laughing. That broke the spell on me and I laughed at that. I taught Murtagh every hand gesture I could think of because he fancied the idea of nonverbal communication. I laughed back and shook my head. 

Glavia looked ghostly white so I sent her and Faith upstairs by the back steps again to play and relax. Faith was babbling to her and she relaxed and smiled at the darling baby. I hoped she would not be traumatized. 

Misses Crooke and I went back into the house and put a hasty supper together so the men could eat before they…did whatever they were going to do. We enjoyed a relaxing meal and I heard all about their day. Every other minute I wondered what was to become of the man in the parlor. I fixed a plate for Glavia and Faith and as I came down the stairs I noticed the man’s eyes close. 

“I’m delighted you're awake you piece of shit because I want you to feel this.” I pulled up my skirts and drove my foot into his ribs, face, the other side of his face, and ribs and was panting for air when I finally stopped. 

“Do ye feel better mo chridhe?”

“Actually yes, I do.”

“Misses Crooke, do ye want a turn?”

She curtsied from the kitchen, “thank you, mi laird, no mi laird.” She vanished to the safety of the kitchen.

In one swift move, Jamie drew his dirk and cut the man loose and then sat down on the sofa like it was a Sunday social.

“I’m not an unreasonable man, I tell that straight away to gain yer trust. I’ll no kill ye if I ken why ye came here. Tell me the truth ass maggot and ye live.”

The man said nothing while he stole glances around the room, no doubt looking for a way to escape. 

“Have it your way then. Sassenach, kill this worm.” 

He stood up and handed me his broad sword, the tip of which hit the ground with a thud as soon as he took his hand away. He gave me a look that said, this is important.

“Ye know Sassenach, this reminds of the scuffle we had at the bottom of the hill, I believe it was our wedding day, was it naught.”

The scuffle he mentioned was acting out a fight with Jamie while he pretended to drag me to would-be kidnappers. He wanted me to pretend I think. I whirled at the man with a murderous look and screamed “my pleasure!” 

The man shouted the reasons for stopping here and Jamie took his sword back much to my relief.

“Get up.”

The sound of Jamie’s voice made the hair on my neck stand up. I was ready to have this ordeal over with and the threat gone. No matter what that entailed. Jamie tied the man's hands behind his back and left with Murtagh. I poured a much-needed whisky and then another and went to check on misses Crooke before checking on my sweet daughter. 

When I walked into the nursery Glavia hugged me sobbing her thanks for saving her. She was clearly not over the trauma. Faith sat on the floor smiling at me with her two teeth showing and her arm raised to hand me a block. I sat on the floor and Glavia dropped to the floor right next to me. Faith gave us both blocks and entertained us with her own special language. After a particularly long string of da-da-da-da-da, Jamie appeared.

“I heard ye callin me lass, what’s amiss then.” 

Much to my surprise and delight, Jamie dropped to the floor and laid on his side pulling me to rest against his thighs. Whenever he interacted with Faith his face softened, his eyes sparkled, and slowly his joy returned. Within minutes he had us all laughing, especially Faith who looked at her father like he hung the moon. After some play and coaxed kisses, Faith yawned and reached for me. Jamie kissed my temple and got up so we could put her to bed. He looked down at the baby nursing at my breast and then at me.

“I have somethin for ye Sassenach. I’ll give it to ye downstairs.”

“Glavia, yer alright lass.”

She yawned and nodded and Jamie left. Later I found Jamie and Murtagh in the kitchen, still eating, and looked at Jamie with raised eyebrows.

“Sassenach? Oh! Yer wee gift!”

He pulled two perfect bars of soap from his sporran and dropped them in my hands. I smelled them feeling my smile as my eyes closed. I filled my lungs with the scent and opened my eyes to Jamie standing in the middle of the kitchen watching me. I drifted back toward the stairs smelling my new soap until Jamie lifted me from behind and told me not to drop the soap. Through my giggles, I asked him where we were going.

“To bathe mo gradhag.”

“You can’t carry me all the way to the stream.”

“I can, and I will, lest ye get sidetracked by a flower and I lose my mind waitin for ye.”

Jamie unbuttoned my jacket and pulled it off. Each piece of my ensemble was removed slowly, with kisses to the newly exposed skin. He pulled the pins from my hair and led me into the cold water. It was delightful and invigorating as I dropped below the surface loving every moment. 

“Where’s the soap?”

“Soap?”

Before I could say another word he pulled a bar out of each pocket, smelled them both and handed me one. 

“It wouldna do for me to smell like a lass, so I brought my own.” His clothes seemed to vanish and he waded into the water toward me. One body part at a time he lathered up his hands and spread the soap over me. I was in no hurry to leave the water so I took my time doing the same to him. As soon as the soap was washed off his cock he lifted me and set me down on him slowly. I wrapped my legs around his middle and moved my hips. A moment later I was on my feet again with Jamie’s forehead pressed to mine. 

“Yer body doesna want mine tonight mo chridhe and ye would say nothin of that fact.”

“I wouldn’t say that Jamie, it always feels good.” I tried to move toward him.

“I love ye more than anythin in the world Sassenach. I can wait for a better time.” We left the water and Janie put my shift over my head and his breeks and boots on. He turned his back on me and motioned me to jump on his back so he could walk me back to Lallybroch.

“What about our clothes?”

”I'd rather carry you, love. I will get them at first light.”

As we approached the dooryard I asked Jamie what became of the intruder.

“Look up mo chridhe, he hangs from the tree waiting for Murtagh to take him to freedom.”

“What?” 

I looked up and saw the man dangling from a very high branch with no boots or pants. When we were back in our room I asked why the man was dangling in the tree half-naked and what freedom would he be getting?”

“Murtagh will sleep for a few hours and then cut him down and take him to the docks to be sold to one of the oriental ships. It’s my favorite remedy, ye ken?”

“Why not take him to Fort William?”

“A Scot who victimizes other Scots is no a criminal Sassenach, he’s a hero, given a warm bowl of food and set free to continue his work.”

He nuzzled my neck and walked naked to open the window. I loved the feeling of being clean and cozied up to Jamie’s side while he read. I wasn’t the least bit tired so my mind wandered in and out of memories, thoughts, fantasies. Before long I was flipping through my card catalog of sexual positions, landing on ones that I loved. 

Jamie glanced at his wife every few minutes until he was sure she was on the road that led to mutual pleasure. This was the first time he entered her body an unwelcome guest and he would keep his promise not to force her. Now he just needed her to force him. He turned the light down and held her close as he slowed his breathing, waiting. 

I was lost in memories of an erotic carriage ride through the streets of Paris with my skirts up over my face and Jamie’s tongue sending an invitation to join the altitude of the angels. He had pulled my jacket away from my breasts so he could suck on them until I screamed. He pushed into my mouth after pulling me to my knees on the carriage floor. I saw the curtains sway back and forth in front of the windows, exposing my naked breast and the cock in my mouth. I should know better than to dwell on that special memory.

My hand found Jamie’s leg and traveled up his stomach and higher to twist his nipple before descending back down to wrap around his balls and hold them, feeling the heaviness. 

Jamie struggled to remain still and asleep while Claire made her advances. She wanted him but she wasn’t ready yet. He turned on his side, his back to her. It was a gamble, he waited. 

The images of Jamie’s infinite positions for making love danced through my head and I felt my breath go in and out across my wet lips. My core was throbbing and wanted his attention. I spooned into his back and ran my hand down his chest pinching his nipples. He was deep asleep and I was losing my mind. I could feel his glorious balls from behind and I squeezed them. In a flurry of blankets, I was pinned on my back with Jamie’s face an inch above mine.

“What are ye doin Sassenach?”

“I want you to wake up and touch me, Jamie.”

“Nah, ye didna want me tonight, you must rest Sassenach.”

I tried to kiss him and he moved his head away and got up. My heart was pounding and I could not let him leave. 

“Why do you resist me. I can see you want me. Come and I will give you what you want.” I moved to the side of the bed and shed my night rail. I opened my legs wide and asked him to lick me. He approached and pushed my knees open.

“Show me Sassenach.”

I laid back on the bed and guided his hand to my core but he pulled away. 

“No” I growled. I was done playing this game and needed to come. When he walked away from me I followed and tried to wrap around his body from behind. His large hand came around and I was thrown to the small sofa in our room. 

“Show me again mo chridhe.”

He sank to his knees and told me to show him what to do. I grabbed his chin and pulled him to me. I could feel his breath on my wet tender core, his tongue was millimeter from me and he pulled away.

“No! Please, Jamie, touch it, right here, make me come, love, I need to come.”

Jamie grabbed my hips and pulled my pelvis up to his mouth so I was upside down with my hands on the cushions of the sofa. I felt the flutter of angel wings just before I blasted into a higher stratosphere where nerve endings were played like a harp.

As Claire spun slowly back to earth Jamie inserted his tongue into her and rolled his eyes to the side to watch the would-be-rapist hang from a tree with a mighty erection. Lowering Claire to the sofa he grabbed a fistful of hair pulling her to his groin. On her knees, in front of the window, he held her mouth to him before pulling her up and spinning her toward the window. He pushed into her while she clung to the window sill, unaware of the man watching them. 

Jamie was not tender or nice. He pushed into her with force because that’s what she wanted in this mood. It played right into his torturous hands and he made sure the hanging man would depart for the orient with purple balls for what he tried to do to the women here. When he came with a mightly growl his eyes were open and staring into the eyes of his enemy.

Jamie picked me up and laid me on the bed. He kissed me deeply and ran his hand over my flesh. My hips jerked slightly toward his hand and he stopped. A minute passed and his finger pushed into my fold as my hips shot up. I needed to come again and I would tear this bed to shreds to get to Jamie. He pushed my legs open. I felt the cool night air on my swollen bud. 

Jamie moved to the side so the dangling man would see a wet pussy and what he was about to do to it. For the next ten minutes, the man watched with wide eyes and a throbbing dick as Jamie brought her to two more orgasms. He turned to look at the dangler with a wet face and a smile before snuffing the light to hold his wife close. 

Jamie woke in the deep night with a throbbing erection. It was painful and he reached for Claire. He only meant to punish the man who tried to rape the women under his care but the erotic lesson was demanding to be paid. As he slid in and out of her his gaze never wavered from her eyes. The exquisite build-up made him slick with sweat as he pushed deeper into her until he exploded. He held her so close and whispered his love into her ear and her dreams. 

I woke the next day feeling like something inside me was different and I could not shake the feeling all day. In the afternoon, I rode Brimstone through the fields hoping some exercise would ease my anxiety but it didn’t. Murtagh had returned to Lallybroch and not another word was said about the intruder but he haunted my thoughts. 

By the third day of living the nightmare in my head, Jamie pulled me outside for a walk before supper. He asked what was causing my silence, what was wrong. It just came tumbling out of my mouth, as if I was hearing it for the first time. My peace of mind, my happy space, had been burned to the ground watching that wicked man drag Glavia by the hair and then try to rape her. 

“The way I see it, we have only one remedy Sassenach. Ye have to learn how to shoot and shoot well enough ye don’t hit the wrong person in the process. Are ye willin to try?”

“Yes! Oh Jamie, thank you. That would make me feel so much better!.”

“I have my doubts, wee love. A pistol often hurts the shooter.” He squeezed the muscle of my shoulder and arm and shook his head sadly. You canna shoot until ye’re stronger Sassenach. I’m sorry lass, but it will take some effort on yer part before you ever load a gun.”

“I’ll do what I must and do it quickly. Don’t you worry about that.”

We had an accord. Jamie would show me how to build my muscles and then teach me to shoot. I was excited about learning how to defend our home and my precarious daughter. I couldn’t wait to get started.


	6. A Promise From Jamie

I rubbed my sore shoulders and whimpered with the pain. I don’t know why I was so keen on shooting a gun in the first place. I was obviously too small, too weak, or too something. I walked to the barn knowing Jamie would ask me if I did my exercises. If I did two or three lifts, I could tell him I succeeded. I sat on the ground and pulled the rope attached to a sack of grain and then pulled with all my might until it lifted off the ground. The rope was thrown over a board in the roof and it didn’t like to move. Maybe two more. 

“Ah Sassenach, I am impressed with your dedication.”

“Finished!”

Jamie helped me up and hugged me close until he heard me wince. He held me at arms distance so he could look at me.

“Sassenach, you need not do your lifts every day. Give yer muscles time to heal in between, otherwise, ye wilna get any stronger.”

“I know, that's what you told me to do but it will take too long and now I am so sore I can barely hold   
Faith.”

“Mo chridhe, yer so sweet and verra sexy,” he growled into her ear. “It’s a good day for an afternoon nap.”

“A what?”

I stared at him like he had lost his mind. Jamie didn’t nap during the day, ever. He threw me over his shoulder and took the stairs two at a time being quiet in case Faith was sleeping. I was deposited on the bed and felt Jamie’s warm hands remove my boots and stockings before lifting me to remove my jacket, skirts, and the infernal corset. It took so long to get everything off it made me giggle. I still didn’t know what we were doing in bed in the middle of the day. Well, I knew what we were doing but not why since it was very uncommon. Jamie was stripped to his skin in under a minute and laid on his side, holding me close. Our bodies were pressed together from chest to toes. He closed his eyes and silently held me like that for several minutes. Our lovemaking was slow and unhurried, and I softly kissed his face a dozen times as he panted to catch his breath. 

He looked at me while we laid in our post-rapture embrace. I could see his mind grinding on something and waited for him to tell me. When he didn’t, I asked what was in his mind. He told me the Jacobites had come upon him in the fields, separating Murtagh behind drawn swords at his throat. He refused to join them again, and warned them of consequences if his godfather suffered a single nick of the blade. 

“They laughed at me Sassenach. One of them said I would fight, willingly or otherwise. Then they left. We must go Sassenach. After Hogmanay, plus maybe a month for the weather to become favorable for such a voyage. Be strong love and know I will keep my promise to get us to the new world before the fighting starts.”

He held me close and ran his hand up and down my back. It was a large, strong hand, that I entrusted the life of myself and our daughter to, with absolute faith he would see us safe. 

The first time the Jacobites came to the estate there were five of them. They stood with Jamie outside and talked for over an hour. They were mustering and wanted Jamie to join them no doubt. I watched Jamie, for any sign of acquiescence. 

It was five months later when they came a second time. I was outside with Faith and Glavia when a dozen men rode up on us. Glavia grabbed Faith and ran into the house and I turned to face them hoping my hatred did not show. I could only point them in Jamie’s direction, and they rode off to find him. That time I could not see Jamie to watch his body language. I could only hope. 

When Hogmanay approached, I went the distance to provide an exceptional holiday for my family and the tenants that joined us. Misses Crook and I cooked all week for the celebration and the house was decorated in fine fashion. Jamie was up early cutting wood for fires that would burn bright all day and night. He put a pig and a deer to roast over the firepit outside. I sent Murtagh to the priest’s hole to unearth our silver serving dishes and candle holders. Throughout the day misses Crook and I laid out plates of meat and side dishes, fruit and cakes, sausages and potatoes, cheese and soup. When the house filled it was joyous with dancing and laughter. Our guests were treated to a very special party and Jamie was celebrated all evening. 

It was all I could do to keep smiling, knowing this is the last Hogmanay to be celebrated in Scotland. The tenants would lose their laird, their customs, tartans, and all else held dear. It was a very difficult night for me. Faith, the apple of her father’s eye, entertained us until Glavia came for her at bedtime. She hugged Jamie and kissed him goodnight and I followed them upstairs. 

“Glavia, why don’t you put a pretty dress on and go downstairs for a while. I will take care of Faith and stay right by her side.”

Glavia blushed and dropped her head shaking it side to side. She pulled Faith out of my arms and insisted I go back to the party. I listened to the joyous laughter below and fought back the tears wishing we were already on a ship to the new world. The battle of Culloden Moore was but four months away giving me good reason to fear. 

When our last guest was out the door, I quickly sent misses Crook to bed and went looking for Jamie who was last seen in the dooryard with one of the tenants he grew up with. I found them in the barn, drunk off their collective asses, playing some kind of game. 

“What are you two doing may I ask?”

“Ah, my beautiful Sassenach! Come my gorgeous darling. We are playing a wee game.”

“Well, the party is over and I am going to retire. How is this game played anyway?”

“One of us draws a line in the dirt, the other tries to throw somethin over the line. It’s so fun, ye want to try Sassy?”

“Certainly not. Goodnight gentlemen.”

By the state of their inebriation, I anticipated finding two very cold Highlanders passed out in the barn by morning. I went to our room to write a note for Joe. He was on my mind all evening and I wanted to wish him well. I wouldn’t know if he ever got back to Scotland and Lallybroch to see my note, but I hoped he did.

My sweet Joe,  
I am thrilled you come back to see my notes. I miss you and Baritone.  
I gave birth to Faith Ellen Fraser on January 5th, 1744. She is beautiful, healthy and strong. We have an idyllic life here without airplanes overhead or commuter traffic. Mostly, I love Jamie with every fiber of my being, so I belong here.  
The Jacobites are mustering troops and there is nothing I can do to stop it. We are leaving for America before the battle and I will watch Jamie’s heartbreak as he leaves his homeland. Master Raymond left me a stone that would transport me through time and worlds. Jamie threw it into a gorge, and it was never seen again. I wish I still had the stone. I have a sick feeling about escaping Scotland and wish we had a safe alternative. You start your residency this year! How very exciting. I will be thinking of you and all you will do.   
Love Claire

I set the note in Jamie’s hiding place and went to bed. I dreamed of sailing on a large ship seeing a beautiful green landmass ahead. I said a prayer for Jamie asking God to keep him strong and safe.

When I breezed through the kitchen the next morning it was obvious my prayer would have to wait for Jamie’s hangover to resolve as he looked anything but strong and safe today. I kissed his temple and he lifted his head an inch before dropping it back down over his plate. I poured him a whisky and announced, hair of the dog, before tipping the glass and liquid into his mouth. It seemed to help for a minute of two before he ran for a chamber pot emerging white-faced and slick with sweat. 

I helped him up the stairs to our room and pulled his clothes off. He didn’t fight me, so I knew he was really feeling sick. Once he passed out, I returned to the kitchen to help with the cleanup. Out the window I could see snow whipping off the ground into spirals and sheets and moved to the door to peek outside. It was bitter cold, and I closed the door quickly.

I pulled my cloak around me with several scarves and gloves and pulled Jamie’s knit had over my head and ears. 

“What’s got into ye Misses? Ye canna go outside today, it’s too cold!”

“I’ll be alright, but I cannot say the same for the animals without extra bedding. Has anyone seen Murtagh?”

“Aye, he looks worse than the Laird.”

I rolled my eyes and bravely walked outside closing the door quickly behind me. It was face-freezing cold, and I struggled to the barn hoping for a warm interior. What I saw was the plume of vaper as each animal exhaled and felt no warmth compared to outside. Something had to be done or these poor animals would freeze to death. There was a stone circle about two feet high and I wondered if it was used for fire to warm the barn during harsh weather. I dragged a stick through the dirt at the bottom and uncovered ashes and burnt pieces of wood. Running inside the house I gathered an armful of wood running back to start a life-saving fire. 

How, I wondered, did they vent such an indoor fire. Running my eyes along the ceiling I saw a string ran along the slope and was tacked to the side of the barn. When I pulled the string a section of the roof popped open and it was directly above the fire pit. I was feeling like a hero when I lit the kindling to set the logs ablaze and clapped my hands at the radiating heat. What I didn’t anticipate were the embers that shot out from the popping wood sending little fireballs into the air.

I panicked, racing around the barn looking for something to contain the embers. I was ready to wake Jamie up for help when I spotted a metal disk laying atop a barrel. I grabbed each side and pulled until I was panting from the effort. I managed to move it only an inch and decided to push it off the barrel to the ground and then move it by lifting one end and tipping it over. By the time the disk was next to the fire pit, there were no more embers because the fire was long cold. I guessed I pushed that round metal for at least an hour. It was time to recruit help.

“Misses Crook, I need your assistance in the barn.”

“What have ye done to yerself Misses!”

“What?”

“Yer hands and face, they’re all black!”

By the looks of her, Misses Crook was going to faint right in front of me. I rushed to her promising I was alright. It was just soot and I was fine. I held out her cloak and bundled her up with scarves and a hat before pulling her outside to the barn. It seemed the temperature was falling if that were possible. I explained my intention to lift the disk on top of the fire pit to hold the embers leaving enough open space to fan the fire. I couldn’t feel my fingers anymore, so I urged the older woman to dig deep for strength. We each took a side and heaved the disk upward to rest on the stones above the fire. I was so excited and jumped up and down realizing I had no feeling in my toes. 

I pushed Misses Crook out of the barn and promised I would be fine. In reality, I was dangerously close to freezing my fingers straight through, so I worked fast. I build another fire, twice the size leaving two inches to fan oxygen into the pit. I could fan and knock down any embers that snuck out of the opening. I was so intent on what I was doing I didn’t notice the interior of the barn warming up until I suddenly felt my fingers again. As I continued fanning and chasing embers, I started to sweat and rubbed the beads off my forehead, leaving a black greasy smudge that I was unaware of.

When the fire had burned the logs into glowing beds of warmth, I turned my attention to feeding and building up the bedding in each stall. The grain was the easy part. I took the large forked shovel and walked it, heaping with straw to the closest stall. When I swung it into the air the shovel was empty and fallen straw made a path where I walked. I tried several times to use the shovel, finally setting it aside to grab heaping armfuls of straw to throw into the stalls. Donus looked at me like he was afraid, and Brimstone leaned against her stall door to watch me. The goats were unimpressed and laid down for a warm winter nap. 

Next, I had to bring water for each of them and I pumped until my arm felt like it would fall off, but no water came out. I ran back into the barn when I could no longer feel my face and threw more logs into the pit after shoving the disk farther back to make room. In minutes the fire was blazing again, and I dashed to replace the cover and bat at the escaping embers. I picked up the matted hay I used for a fan and kept the fire going. 

I was exhausted. I wondered how many hours I was out here but felt so happy I saved the animals. My body dropped to the ground and I leaned against the warm stones of the fire pit. It finally occurred to me why they built the sides up with two feet of stone. The fire made them hot so they would radiate heat for hours after. Very smart. The fire wasn’t shooting embers any longer, so I closed my eyes to rest for just a minute. 

I heard the barn door open and Jamie calling me. I barely woke up when the door closed, and the shouting stopped. I leaned against the warm stone and closed my eyes. What seemed like seconds later Jamie was hoisting me up stammering about my black face.

“Are ye hurt Sassenach? Yer covered in soot, how did this happen?”

I was delighted to see him and smiled brightly causing Jamie to lose it completely. He bent over holding his stomach and every time he looked at me the laughter started anew. I wanted to show him all that I had done but he couldn’t stop laughing long enough. 

“Well, while you wet yourself laughing at me, I’m going to get water.”

I grabbed a bucket and made for the door to try the pump again, but Jamie stopped me. He grabbed four buckets and filled them with snow, right outside the barn door, and then hung a bucket in each stall. 

“That will melt straight away since ye got it so warm in here. Yer the most beautiful mess I have e’er seen, lass. Thank ye for takin charge today.”

I could see he was biting the inside of his cheek to stem his laughter and his eyes watered with the pain. I followed his gaze around the barn and saw the upended barrel, straw littered all over the floor, and straw sticking out of each stall. I glanced at my warm hands and recoiled in horror. They were black on both sides up to my forearm. I looked at Jamie while a whimper escaped, and I held my hands up. 

“Come lass. Let’s get ye cleaned up.”

Jamie wrapped my multiple scarves around my face and neck and pulled my arm into the crook of his elbow like I might blow away. Strange since we were so close to the kitchen door. He checked the glowing logs and pulled the disk completely over the fire pit. When we closed the barn behind us, I started for the kitchen and felt Jamie pulling me in another direction. The snow was shooting into our faces from the wind and I was decidedly uncomfortable until he pulled me into the back door and down the steps to the room at the back of the house.

“It’s warm here because all the chimneys run down this wall.” 

He pushed me to sit on the stairs and promised he would be right back. It might be warm, but it was also black as pitch and my comfort level had plummeted. Jamie was back in five minutes with a basket full of hot, wet towels and a hand mirror. He pulled me to the outside door and opened it long enough for me to see my black, sooty face. I started to giggle, especially when I smiled and my bright white teeth were suddenly visible. The more I looked the more I laughed, and Jamie was right with me. 

Once composed, Jamie pulled the towels out and wiped them on my face and arms. We needed the door cracked for light, but he worked fast, dropping the black towels once they were used up. I was shaking from the contrasting cold coming through the door and the hot towels on my face and arms. My teeth started chattering and Jamie abandoned his mission to carry me upstairs. My cloak was removed and Misses Crook handed me a towel after towel, pointing to places I missed. 

It all seemed to catch up with me. The laborious afternoon in the cold barn, heaving straw, moving the disk inch by inch, pumping the water, and then scraping the soot off my skin. Again, I was lifted into Jamie’s arms and carried upstairs. Each piece of clothing was carefully removed and dropped into a basket on the floor. Jamie looked me over, front and back, declaring me clean. I was never so grateful to be crawling into bed until I stopped, frozen mid-crawl, hearing Faith cry. I looked down at my dripping nipples knowing they were painfully engorged but lacking the strength to get Faith. Jamie was out the door, so I pressed into the bank of pillows he had stacked against the headboard. I felt Faith lay across my stomach and latch onto the closest nipple. 

“Ye didna want to wake me Sassenach, so you used yer incredible brain to figure out the fire pit and how it worked, and incredible brawn to get the work done.”

He squeezed my sore muscles as he spoke until Faith grabbed his hand and pushed it away. She didn’t like to be disturbed when she was nursing, and Jamie and I laughed at her territorialism. Any other time she was her da’s girl but not now. Jamie leaned against the headboard and kissed my neck before pulling me with a suckling Faith against his chest.

“Close yer eyes my beauty and rest in my arms.”

I thought about what Jenny told me so long ago. It’s a beautiful life in this century with plenty of hard, backbreaking work, and an abundance of time to love and reflect. Our lives are full of genuine people who know who they are, and what their purpose is. I never hear anyone say ‘why am I here? What is my mission in life? How can I feel fulfilled? No one is board, no one is addicted, no one is depressed for no reason. When I tell Jamie about the future, he crinkles his brow over the internet and the television. The wonders of these distractions are lost on him. Rather, he can watch his daughter nurse for thirty minutes and never move a muscle. 

Jamie powers through his day like he is on high octane fuel and then sits on a hay bale to talk with a tenant who needs his attention. He’s never short with them but gives his full attention and lets them talk until they choose to leave, then he goes back to his task. It’s amazing to watch because I have never seen the same in my century. I wish I could write a book about the staggering differences between the centuries. Maybe people would turn off their television and push away from the computer, spend more time with neighbors in helpful pursuits, spend more quiet time in their head so they quit looking outside themselves to define who they are. If it required returning to my own time to give this book to the people I wanted no part of it. My heart would burn for Scotland and this beautiful life. I could think of nothing I would risk going back for and settled into my nap feeling warm and loved. 

In mid-February, I laid in the dark with Jamie and asked the question that burned daily in my brain; when do we leave for the new world? We spoke quietly and Jamie instructed me to pack a trunk for each of us and be ready to leave as soon as passage could be secured. I kissed him over and over again, crying with my relief. Murtagh would secure our passage and he was leaving for the docks the next day. 

Jamie had an Aunt in North Carolina and he had received word from her that we were all welcome and she would pray us safe to our new home. I could see Jamie’s heart breaking and I held him to me as often as possible. He spent more time outside on the property and I would find him watching the sunset, alone, with his sadness. I told him we would come back after a time and regain our wonderful life atLallybroch. Sometimes it was enough to lift his spirits and sometimes it wasn’t. 

Snow covered the land until late February, and I was finally able to get through the trail to the bottom of the gorge. I searched for the blue rock for as long as I dared before returning home disappointed. Murtagh made his third trip to the docks as he had been unsuccessful so far. Again he returned empty-handed and my worry was blooming into a continuous panic. All of the treasures from the house were buried in the priest hole and the trunks were packed and ready. The voyage to America was a dangerous journey with sickness and treachery. If a mother got sick during the passage; she was thrown over and her children followed. This added another layer of fear to my days. I didn’t care. I just wanted Jamie on a ship sailing away from Scotland and I hardly cared the direction. 

Jamie visited each tenant’s home and spoke with the family about the coming war and what was likely to happen after. He left their homes with the women crying and the men pacing. It was very unpleasant, and he would cling to me that night and claim my body to help him forget. 

One day in early March, Jamie kissed me and left for his chores. It was a lovely day and I dressed Faith in warm clothes, and we spent some time outside in the fresh air. I helped Misses Crook in the garden preparing for seed we would never see sprout and I worried like I did every day. 

Once again, Murtagh returned with no passage booked for us and I excused myself to fall apart in our room. I cried until I noticed the light waning and ran to the window to look for Jamie. Where was he? It was long past his usual time to get home and the sun was setting fast. I paced in our room until Misses Crook knocked on the door.

“Should I hold dinner for the Laird, Misses?”

“No, let’s go ahead and eat. Leave the pot on the fire to stay warm for Jamie.” 

I needed the feeling of normalcy tonight to keep my hysterics at bay. I will feel much better when I see my husband and then we start again tomorrow looking for a ship. 

Murtagh had searched the fields for Jamie and came back freezing. I searched his eyes and he nodded side to side while I collapsed in a chair. Where are you, Jamie? Are you hurt? Please come home, I prayed. By ten o’clock there was no sign of Jamie and my tears were uncontrollable. I sent everyone to bed and stoked the fire so the house would be warm when Jamie came home.


	7. Culloden Moor

I thought Murtagh had gone to bed, but here he was again kneeling in front of me. I saw a fear in his eyes I had never seen before. He took my hand and my tears poured down my face not wanting to hear what he came to tell me. No! He will be home any minute, I screamed in my head. 

“Lass, it’s time to discuss a probable explanation for Jamie’s absence. Ye need to be strong like never before, ye ken?”

I saw him through watery eyes and shook my head side to side. In my head, I was screaming at him to shut his mouth, but I knew I could not stop this insanity, whatever it was. 

“It’s likely Jamie has been press-ganged into service for Prince Charles. They will secure his service with threats against you and Faith. He will be convinced he must serve and lead men into battle or ye and Faith will be killed.”

I couldn’t breathe suddenly, and my hands flew to my back reaching for my corset laces. I was panicked and feeling the dizziness of oxygen depletion. Murtagh pulled my jacket off and quickly pulled my laces enough for a deep breath. I held my skirts to my face and sobbed like I would die from this broken heart. When I could steady myself, I looked up at Murtagh.

”If Jamie fights on Culloden Moore he will be killed, and we will be next.”

“I believe Jamie will find a way to escape and we have to be ready to disappear with him. We can hide out until a ship will have us. Don’t lose faith in Jamie lass, he will find his way back, and alive.”

Murtagh went to bed and I stayed in the parlor all night, waiting for Jamie to return, waiting for my heart to start again, waiting for an inkling of hope all was not lost. I did not see my bedroom for three days because I was waiting for Jamie. I didn’t eat or speak to anyone other than Faith. On the third day, my lack of sleep drove my sanity away. I saw Jamie out the windows, working or feeding horses. I jumped up and down, so happy to see him safe. Running outside I would not be able to find him, and my despair would return. During dinner the third night, I saw Jamie walk down the hall and screamed with joy running after him. When he couldn’t be found I crumpled into the wall and fell to the floor. I remember nothing after that except Faith nursing at my breast and then darkness. 

I woke up terribly stiff during the night and was shocked to see Murtagh in the corner chair, elbows on knees, staring at the ground. He looked so sad. 

“Murtagh?”

“Thank Christ, yer awake lass. I need to ask ye, please find yer strength. Yer family needs ye desperately now, please don’t go back into yer long sleep.”

“How long have I slept?”

“two days Claire.”

“Dear God, what’s happened in those two days? Murtagh, I’m so sorry I left you holding down the house. Are the animals okay? Misses Crook and Glavia?” 

He nodded yes to all my questions and filled me in on the news of several skirmishes with the British that the Jacobites had won. The Scottish troops were assembled for training and preparation of the coming battle. British troops were massing for the one-sided battle that would bring Scotland to her knees. 

“Claire. Do we stay or do we go?”

I looked at him wide-eyed like I had not considered leaving Jamie behind. I couldn’t speak because this reality was outside my ability to endure. Leave him behind. Take his daughter and run away from him. 

“I cannot.” 

Murtagh told me to think about a plan, we needed a plan, or we would all be killed when the red coats came to wipe-out the families of the traitors. Murtagh left my room and I walked hunched over looking at the ground. I wanted to lay on the floor and just wait for Jamie to come home. But I had to move and save my daughter and two dear friends who trusted me to lead them to safety. 

My days were filled with chores and fear. The British had requisitioned a great many resources in Scotland to be used to murder Scottish men fighting for our freedom. They had seized most of the ships that we would need to find passage to America, and the chance to get away became slim to non-existent. On April first I hung my head and cried for Jamie to come home. Seventeen days to escape my love, it’s time to find a way. 

Murtagh and I were exhausted trying to fill Jamie’s shoes; when I could no longer stand it, I climbed the hill and found my tree. I sat on the ground and ran my hand over the place I would wake up day after day and Jamie’s smiling face filled my mind. It was transporting. I closed my eyes and let those memories drift through my mind, making me forget he was gone. The dipping temperature woke me hours later and I staggered to my feet feeling my breasts achingly full trying to remember the last time I had nursed Faith. I was running and misjudged the hill, running straight off the edge, and flying through the air before tumbling to the bottom. 

“Claire!” Murtagh pulled me up. “I’ve been lookin everywhere for ye lass, are ye alright?”

All I could think of was Faith as I ran to the house and up to the nursery. I came in wide-eyed to see Glavia hold a cup to Faith encouraging her to sip the milk. Misses Crook was behind her with a big encouraging smile. 

“What are you doing?”

“Teaching the little beauty to drink from a cup and look at her!” 

I felt betrayed and suddenly left out. I had hardly seen my daughter except to nurse her in the past three weeks, and here she was learning to drink without me. Glavia was nothing short of a miracle since the day she delivered my baby. I loved her and knew she meant only the best for Faith, so I kept quiet. 

When Faith saw me, she reached out calling, “mama up. ” Glavia held her hands while she took bold steps toward me and I sank down to the floor to witness this miracle. Faith was breathing hard and smiling as she came to me. I held out my hands and caught the second love of my life holding her to me and wishing Jamie was here to see this. 

On April 13th, Murtagh again went to the docks and returned with nothing. He was starting to pester me about the plan. It was time to go and I knew it. I couldn’t think with the battle on our heels; I would rather sit in a corner and pray for Jamie’s safety. 

On April 17, 1745 I sat on my bed and watched the sun come up through bloodshot eyes. It was almost over and the greatest man I had ever known would raise his sword against the muskets, carbines, pistols, cannons, and 35-inch swords of the British army who will outnumber the Highlanders four to one. I sobbed and hugged Jamie in my head. Trying to say everything I thought I had a lifetime to say. Please hear me Jamie. I love you, until the end of time, wait for me in heaven, feel my love.

Jamie was in battle uniform in the quiet of the sunrise. He knew the battle would be lost today and his worry over Claire and Faith nearly crippled him. He had tried to escape twice and paid dire consequences at the wrong end of the whip. He pulled Claire into his mind and when he saw her wide golden eyes and beautiful face, it broke him. He walked the field they were camped in trying to stay ahead of the guards posted to him day and night. He just wanted to be alone with the Sassenach and Faith one last time. 

In his mind, he touched her cheek. I hope yer on a fast ship to America my love, far away from the devastation to come. I hope ye remember me always. The man who loved ye like ye were the sunrise itself. It has been this lad’s honor to love ye and I humbly thank ye lass. 

All day, Murtagh and I carried supplies high into the hills where we would hide in a secret cave barely big enough for one person. On my third climb, I fought my skirts and strangulating corset, finally throwing my armload to the ground I walked back to the house. 

“Misses Crook! Kindly assist me with this hateful corset.”

I climbed into the attic with Misses Crook looking like I was the worst sinner she had ever seen. To be walking around the house without my corset was just not done. I was pleasantly surprised I was not panting for air from my efforts and set about looking for clothing I could wear. When I emerged, I wore breeks, a linen shirt, boots and a hat with my hair stuffed neatly inside. The next ten trips up to the cave that day were far easier. 

I had a steady stream of tears on my cheeks throughout the day. I was so tired I could not move anymore. The battle was over and Jamie was dead, my dreams were dead, my world was dead, and this century was dead to me. We hunkered down in the cave and slept fitfully all night wondering if Lallybroch was being raided and if we would ever see it again. 

The next day I passed out salted fish and jerky to everyone except Faith who was nursed as always. I told everyone we were leaving this place, today. Gone were my refined manners and speech, I addressed them like a New Yorker, and I was taking them home to my century. One way or another. 

I crept into the barn after hiding to watch the house for ten minutes. I saddled Brimstone quickly with shaking hands and held my breath. I led her quickly out into the long grass and then mounted and galloped into the woods. I told her how sorry I was, but we needed speed and urged her to keep running. When I tied her to a tree at the bottom of the gorge, I heard thunder above my head and a second later, rain. It came down in buckets soaking me through. I held my ears from the loud claps of thunder and sat on a large rock to wait the storm out, never so defeated in my life.

I stared at the rocks, as far as my eyes could see. Normal, round, ugly rocks that held no magic to get us to safety. I continued to stare at them and saw the pounding rain hit them with force. Pieces of sand and dirt were knocked away and slowly the outer crust of dirt melted away by the pounding rain to reveal a beautiful, brilliant blue! I screamed and jumped up to lift the rock into my sack, smiling ear to ear. 

There were more and more pieces revealed by this miracle rain and I gathered them all into my sack and tied it my saddle. If the magic was still there, we would escape sure death today. I galloped home with renewed hope slowing to a quiet gate as I approached the estate. The rain continued and the house was crawling with redcoats. 

I pulled the tack off Brimstone and told her to go home, then I ran for the big hill to join my family and get us to a safer time. I saw several redcoats in the hills above Lallybroch and luckily avoided being seen. As I approached the cave my heart nearly stopped when I saw Murtagh, Misses Crook, Glavia, and my darling Faith, being pushed out of the cave, the swords of two British soldiers were at their backs. 

I was breathing so hard I thought I might pass out, so I sat low behind a tree and calmed my breathing. I prayed for the strength to do this and prayed to Jamie to help me know when to run to my family. The minutes were like hours as I watched the sadistic soldiers torture Murtagh and leer at Glavia. She was so scared and my heart broke for her. There was nowhere for the group to run as the soldiers were in front of the path that led down the hill, they were captives awaiting execution. 

When the soldiers huddled to discuss the murder and rape of Glavia, I made a run for my “family” holding my finger to my lips to shush them all. I held out my hands instructing us all to join hands tightly, and not to let go under any circumstance. I didn’t bother with whispering anymore. I reached into the sack and pulled out the biggest blue stone yelling at them not to let go! 

Two muskets were raised and aimed at my head and the balls were fired into thin air, we had vanished leaving the soldiers staring ahead, mute with shock. I clung to Glavia and Murtagh and felt the whole group jettison away from this time. I concentrated on modern Scotland and Lallybroch, envisioning how it was when I left. 

When I became aware of the others again, we were standing in front of Lallybroch on a warm sunny day. I pulled Faith into my arms and kissed her awake. My smile was so big it hurt until I saw the terrified faces of Murtagh, Glavia, and Misses Crook. The women were crying uncontrollably and clinging to each other. I put my arms around them and told them we were alright.

“We made it! I’m sure of it. Please trust me, it was the only way to save all of you. We are at Lallybroch, two-hundred and fifty years in the future. I am a time traveler, and this is my time. I know it’s a lot to take in, but we would have died horrible deaths at the hands of those soldiers. This was the only way. I’m sorry it was such a shock. I am not happy about being here, but you are all alive and hopefully, I’ll get you back to your time, when it’s safer.”

The house looked incredible as we walked toward it. It shined with new windows and paint, fences repaired and whitewashed, and a garden! I wondered if I brought us to the wrong time and we were about to walk into someone’s home. My poor startled friends were huddled together, scared shitless, and looking suspiciously at me.

“I’m so sorry, please forgive me for not telling you before we made the jump. There just wasn’t time. Please, don’t be afraid. This is safest place you could hope to be. I don’t remember the house looking this way so I’m going in first to make sure it’s empty. I gave the estate to my best friend before I went through the stones to stay in your century with Jamie.” Blank, fearful faces looked at me. “It’s a very long story and I will tell you everything in due time.”

I knocked on the kitchen door and said hello! Nothing. The door was locked so I walked around the house counting to the third window. I reached high and felt a key. Thank you Joe, I thought, for always being consistent. 

I returned to the group huddled at the front of the door and held them back as I unlocked the door, telling them I would check the house and then let them in. The kitchen was completely updated and smelled like fresh paint. It was so lovely. I crept through the room and noticed the fire pit and cauldron had been replaced with a contemporary stove. When I looked up, I stopped dead in my tracks. 

On the counter was a cell phone plugged into the wall for a continuous charge. I picked it up with shaking hands and pushed buttons until it lit up. The phone app was on and a phone number had been punched in. I hit the call button and held my breath. I knew the line connected to someone and my heart pounded waiting for a hello. 

“Pet.”

When I heard his voice the last two months of worry and loneliness crashed down on my head and I held on to a cabinet to keep from falling. 

“Joe!” I wept, uncontrollably. The millions of minutes I held back my emotion for the good of the group came bursting forward like a damn broke and I sobbed his name over and over again. 

“I am close, and I am coming pet. Please be there. Please.”

The line went dead and I staggered to the door to let everyone in. I was holding a paper towel under my nose as Misses Crook pinched it trying to understand what it was. I took Faith from Glavia and we walked through the house that had been repaired, retrofitted for electricity and plumbing, and furnished. Each bedroom had a bed, dresser, lights, and other assorted furniture. I avoided Jamie’s room knowing I would lose it completely, wanting to spare Faith that scary sight. Joe had thought of everything including a crib for Faith and an extra bed in the nursery for Glavia. When I left him almost four-million dollars it was intended for his education not restoring Lallybroch. Right now, I couldn't be happier.

It was overwhelming to us all and we gathered in the kitchen so I could show them some of the benefits of the twentieth century. I could see they were starting to withdraw from the shock of being transported to another time where their house still existed. Wait for a plane to fly overhead, I thought. 

“I’m sorry you all got the fright of your life, truly sorry.” I looked at Murtagh who was white-faced and quiet. “We are safe here. Many years in the future. No wars, no clans, and … no Lairds. I lost my control at that point and my tears flowed for several minutes.

“But! Here are some nice things you can enjoy while you are at this Lallybroch..” I opened the door to the refrigerator; it was well stocked with drinks in cans, including beer, but no food. The freezer was stuffed with dinners, side dishes, minute meals, and everything else Joe could get into it. I pulled Misses Crooks hand to the frig and put her hand on the cold cans. She gasped and pulled her hand away holding it close to her body with wide eyes. I turned on one of the burners and held Glavia's hand above it until she snatched it back feeling the heat with no fire.

I pulled a beer out for Murtagh and watched his eyes light up when he drank it down. I pulled juice out for Misses Crook and Glavia and watched their surprise when they tasted the liquid. I tipped a juice to Faith’s lips and she took a tentative taste scrunching up her face at the bold flavor. Her little arms reached for the can every time she swallowed and the laughter from that was our first relief from the stressful shock. 

The next modern marvel was the bathroom and the updates were stunning. The house had four bathrooms that I could see and figured another would have been built into the master bedroom making five total. I took a tumbler from a kitchen cabinet and led them all into the downstairs bathroom. First I flushed the toilet causing them all to jump back and gasp. I turned the faucet on and blew them away with the column of water that poured out on my command. Next, I filled the glass to the brim and poured it into the toilet, wadding up some toilet paper and dropping it in before flushing it away. 

The confusion on all their faces suggested I oversimplified this particular room. I thought for a minute and announced “the chamber pot” creating nodding heads and affirmative oohs and ahs. They were hustling out of the bathroom when I pulled them back to see one more miracle. I pushed the shower curtain open and turned on the shower with hot water. I pulled Glavia’s hand to the water and she nearly screamed with her shock as the water came out hot. After each person had felt the water, I decided it was time to rest. 

Murtagh vanished and I led Glavia and Faith to the nursery where I nursed my daughter and soothed Glavia’s nerves. Faith was out like a light and I kissed Glavia’s hands promising her we would be alright and she would return to her own time. I begged her to lay down while Faith slept and then left her. I walked through the lower level appreciating everything Joe had done to the house. It was spectacular. I threw logs into the fireplace in the parlor and then ran for the ringing phone.

“Joe?”

“So it’s true. You’ve come back. Thank God you’re safe.”

“Baritone!” Are you coming? Please say you’re coming!”

“I am pulling up to the parking garage at the airport as we speak trying to overcome my shock at hearing your voice. Are you alright Claire?”

My chin was quivering so hard I grabbed it to hold it steady. “I lost…and then they were…I found the stones… red coats drew their weapons….found our cave…Jamie died today.” I gripped my stomach and bent over to endure the sobs that came. Baritone kept talking to me about things that were non- threatening. He kept up a steady stream of chatter that finally calmed me down. 

The voice changed and it was Joe talking to me in his soothing big brother voice. They were boarding a plane in London for a one and a half hour flight. I gripped the phone like a lifeline and whined myself back into sobbing when Joe had to hang up. The plane was taking off for Scotland. I put the phone on the counter and stared at it. The popping fireplace sounded like home and it calmed me, so I just stood in the kitchen and listened. I realized that this was the hardest day of my life and I was not in my right mind. I walked into the parlor and sat on the couch staring at the fire feeling the tears roll down my cheeks.

Someone was calling my name. Two voices calling me and my eyes flew open looking for Jamie. I ran into the kitchen and right into Joe’s chest feeling his arms come around me and hold me possessively. He didn’t let me go but walked me back to the couch and gently pushed me down. I looked at him and felt my heart in my throat. My friend, my dearest friend was here, holding my hands and smiling. 

Baritone kissed my cheek making me look up at his beautiful face. He was even more breathtaking than before and he looked at me with such compassion. My brain must have shut down because all I could do is look from one to the other. When I finally said something it was ridiculous. 

“These are lad’s clothes because I had to climb to the cave over and over this morning and my corset was about to kill me.”

Joe nodded his head like he understood completely. “You found the rock pet.”

“In the pouring rain, it melted the dirt and sand from the rocks, and they were bright blue, so I took them all and begged Brimstone to gallop for all she was worth.” Remembering the scene when I arrived at the cave stole my voice again and made my heart pound.

Joe rubbed my arm and spoke in an upbeat tone. “And when you got back you pulled everyone to your own time?”

“I had one chance to get to them and I was so scared. I started a couple of times and then went back behind the tree. The soldiers were going to make Murtagh watch and then kill him too. I just ran for them when the soldiers were distracted. I shouted for everyone to hold hands tightly and not to let go. I saw the rifles pointed at my head and then heard the wind in my ears as we were pulled away.”

“Jesus Pet. That just happened today and look at you holding the world up for your group. You are amazing.”

I looked at Joe and thought, really? I’m amazing even though I feel shattered and small at the moment? Baritone fetched a whiskey bottle and glasses and we all had two shots in front of the fire. Joe never let go of my hands and Baritone did not leave my back. As the whisky warmed me on the insides I started to relax until I heard Faith cry. I ran to the stairs and found Glavia making her way down. Faith held her arms out to me and I hugged her close. 

Glavia stood ramrod still when she saw Joe and Baritone. They both stood while I introduced them and urged Glavia to join us for a whisky and talk. The next one to show himself was Murtagh and I was so happy to see him, pouring his drink and introducing everyone. Joe and Baritone were very nice to everyone, but they could not take their eyes off Faith. She was well-rested and full of happy energy when she stood up in my lap. She looked closely at Joe and babbled at him quite insistently pointing her finger at him. We laughed at her antics until she lunged herself at Joe. He caught her easily and let her sit in his lap. It was obvious Joe was not doing what she wanted so she pressed her head against his chest sitting very still. 

I watched my darling girl and wondered if she was looking for a voice she knew from some other time. I asked Joe to talk continuously for a few minutes and nodded to Faith. He launched into everything that happened since I walked through the stones. Faith kept her little head pressed to his chest, eyes drooping as she listened. When she was sound asleep Joe just held her sleeping form, and I was loving him for it. Baritone asked if she normally goes to all new people. I explained my theory, she was looking for the voice she heard daily as she grew in my womb. “That must be what he sounded like when we would cuddle in the morning.”

“This is the first time I haven’t been totally pissed off hearing about that because it’s so fascinating.”

Baritone showed bigger changes than Joe. Maybe because I knew him less in the beginning, but he had definitely changed. Confidence had replaced the confused Brainiac, and his body had filled out quite nicely. They were both stunningly handsome, confident in their own skin, and radiated love for each other. I felt the bottom of my stomach fall and my tears gush as I dropped my head and looked at my lap. I cried openly and Joe squeezed my hand encouraging me to let it out. 

“Jamie’s dead. They took him a month ago and pressed him to service. He led his men into battle today, at Culloden Moore and he’s bleeding out on the field right now and doesn’t know how much I love him.”

It was the horrifying image in my head, all day, and I spoke of it before I knew what I was doing. I saw Joe reach into his pocket for a small bottle of pills while Baritone filled my glass with a shot of whisky. I picked my glass up, only to have Joe press it back to the table.

“Not so fast pet, we all need a glass so we can toast.” 

Joe put something back in his pocket and filled the glasses, then we toasted to our safe landing while the tears continued to run down my cheeks. I noticed Murtagh was watching me and I tried to smile through my watery vision. I looked at him and saw Jamie right next to him smiling at me. He said, “I love ye, I need ye, please help me Sassenach.”

I gasped and shot up from the couch feeling my legs give way and strong arms pulling me up. I was in the dark feeling peaceful when I heard his beautiful voice. He was calling to me, asking for help, saying he didn’t want to leave me. I was face to face with Jamie in the blackness. He told me I was heroic today and he was never so proud. Then he told me that Donus and Brimstone would starve. He asked if I could take them to the new world. “Please Sassenach.” I promised I would. He told me to never return in the light of day, they were waiting for me, but it was safe at night. He touched my face.

“I will hang on until I know yer safe mo chridhe, save the horses.”

I fell into the black velvet and Jamie held my hand for a long time. "Wake Sassenach!" I sat upright on my bed blinking my eyes in the dark. I smelled Jamie and knew he was with me. I felt my way to the bag of stones thinking I would walk over hot coals to save the horses. When I felt two shards, I put them in my palms and closed my eyes concentrating on Lallybroch in 1745. 

The wind lifted me and carried me far away very fast setting me down in the field near the house. I stayed low and worked my way to a tree behind the barn, watching. When I started to move to the barn, I heard Jamie’s voice say “wait!” I froze and dropped to the ground. A red coat came out of the house and pulled his horse that was tied in the dooryard. He mounted and rode away. I let out the breath I was holding and continued to watch. My fear was taking over and I shook with it. “Don’t be afraid, take the horses mo chridhe.”

I ran to the barn panting with the effort. I threw their tack on, saddles, pads, and bridles tying the reins in a knot. Then I attached leads to both, pulling them out of their stalls to stand in front of me. I placed a shard in each palm and pressed them against each horse's chest, concentrating on Lallybroch in 2019. I had wrapped the leads around my waist so they would not separate from me and quickly pulled the ropes away and led them to the barn. We were back and it was daylight. I carried buckets to an outside spigot and hauled the water back for them looking around for some stored food, finding none. 

“I know you guys are hungry and I promise to get you food right away.” I hugged them both and left the barn, looking around the estate for the first time. The fields were planted! As far as the eye could see rows were plowed into the dirt in preparation for the spring seeding. Joe was a marvel with all he had done which included leasing the fields for planting. It was time to wake him up to find some food for the horses and people now in my charge. 

I looked at the jeep parked on the side of the house, probably there to avoid shocking someone who wandered outside for some air. I smiled, which felt so foreign to my face. I was still high on Jamie helping me and looked up at the sky like I would see him looking down. I started to cry and forced myself to walk back to the house. 

Murtagh was sitting in the kitchen with a beer and fruit juice opened in front of him. He startled when I walked in and his face looked so sad. He got up and hugged me for a long time. I knew both of our hearts were breaking and I hugged him back.

“The horses are here, in the barn. Jamie woke me up and said they were starving so I went and got them.”

Murtagh looked shocked and then stern. “No more of that lassie, home must be crawlin with red coats and what would we all do if you get yerself killed?”

“I am going to teach you what to do, just in case. Someone besides me needs to know the way back. Besides, I was safe with Jamie last night.”

Murtagh looked at her with sympathy and shook his head wondering why the stones allowed her passage when Jamie would be killed in less than two short years. He would choke the life out of the witch when he returned. “I’m goin out to check on the horses, lass.”

I felt Murtagh move away from me but didn’t hear where he was going. I built a fire to add some normalcy to the morning as people came downstairs after a night’s sleep. Misses Crook practically ran downstairs with a look of fear. She had slept right through the afternoon and evening and must have been startled in this strange place. I hugged her and begged her to relax and trust me. She walked into the kitchen and called me a few minutes later.

“I found no cauldren and where do I make the fire?”

“Well, they never make fires in the kitchen in this time.” I bent down to pull out the biggest pot in the cabinet and placed it on a burner. I opened all the cabinets looking for dried goods and soups. When I found the container of oatmeal, I read the directions, poured hot water into the pan and sprinkled a quarter of the oatmeal into the boiling water. Finding hot pads, I moved the pan to a cold burner and stirred the oatmeal. The whole operation took ten minutes.

Misses Crook watched everything I did and then looked into the pot and gasped. “What is this, magic? I’ll no be cavortin with the devil to make breakfast, ye can be sure of that.”

I stopped her gently and explained it was simply advanced technology and food science and had nothing to do with the devil. I filled a bowl for her and encouraged her to eat it. She was so overwhelmed, and I saw her eyes, red-rimmed, for the first time since our meeting a year ago. She was so scared and my heart broke for her. 

“Let me show you how to make coffee. It’s fun and fast.”

I told her what to pull out, how to measure, and fill the pot with water, then pour it into the machine and turn it on. She seemed to do better when she was put to a task. I would have to remember that. 

“Misses Crook, I brought the horses here last night and they are starving. I would bet a paycheck someone grew alfalfa in one of those fields last year.”

“What is a paycheck. What is alfalfa?”

“It’s horse food actually. When they harvest it, some people turn it into cubes with a large machine called a combine.”

I knew it was hopeless to make her understand such a leap in technology, so I grabbed her hand and pulled her outside. It was warm enough to go without cloaks, so I nudged her toward the field and started looking for the cubed food leftover from last year. I knew there was a lot of spillage and it would have been frozen through the winter. We might get lucky and find a field with leftovers from last year’s harvest. We hunted, crossing two fields before Misses Crook yelled for me. She held a perfect Alfalfa cube in her hand, and I let out a whoop with a smile.

It was on. Like an Easter egg hunt, we searched the field for more cubes. Murtagh came to ask what was lost and we filled him in. Misses Crook’s cheeks were pink from the cool morning and her excitement. Glavia waved her hand from the kitchen door and I ran for my daughter. 

“What is happening in the field?”

“We discovered horse food cubes and the horses are starving.”

She watched Murtagh lift a cube in the air with a rare smile on his face. I sat on the stairs to the kitchen and laid Faith at my breast. 

"Glavia, we could use your sharp eye to find more."

She was smiling with excitement and took off running for the field. As Faith filled her little belly, I watched the three of them get lost in this game with smiles and laughter making them forget for a little while. 

“Morning Pet, how is my girl today, good?” 

So like Joe to provide the only answer that was acceptable. He looked out at the field and three people dancing around holding something up in the air. He blinked several times and asked me what they were doing.

“I brought two starving horses back last night and they are finding food for them. It was a great thing you did, leasing out the fields for growing. You are brilliant Joe.”

He looked me in the eye for a long minute. “Are there two horses in that barn now?”

When I nodded yes, he took a deep breath. “Where did they come from?”

“I went back and got them because they would have died.”

Joe put up his hand to stop me and then put his hand around mine. “Pet, did you go back to 1745 last night to bring these horses back.”

“Yes.”

His eyes were closed for almost a minute as he wrapped his head around my truth. I realized he had believed everything I had told him so far. At least I thought he did.

“Take me, please.”

“I cannot during the day. There are many red coats waiting for me so we can only go at night. I will take you Joe.”

I felt a tear slide down my cheek and then another. My heart ached to kiss Jamie good morning and the pain that pressed on me, knowing I never would again, crushed me to my tears. I asked Joe to help in the field, looking for cubes. I needed to lay Faith down in her bed and then sob into a pillow. 

Joe ran for the field and I carried Faith to her bed before laying in Jamie’s room where I let it go. My body shook with my sobbing and I felt a warm hand on my back that was so comforting and so familiar.

"Jamie! Jaaamiiiieee! I can’t bear this pain, I want to go with you! Please God let me die with him.”

I felt him pull me down and his warmth wrap around me. I could hear his breathing in my ear until I fell asleep, a dreamless, healing sleep that lasted for hours.

“Help me Sassenach.” I heard his voice in my dream and panicked myself awake. I sat up on the bed and noticed the room was darker with the late afternoon. I stumbled downstairs and blinked at everyone sitting in the kitchen together while Faith entertained. When she saw me her arms were raised. “ma-ma-ma-uppy”

I pulled her to my breast, wishing I could feel Jamie now, so he would know I was taking care of his daughter. Instead, I just blinked at everyone while Baritone filled the kitchen with the delicious smells of lasagna and garlic bread. I figured someone had gone shopping and wondered how the jeep was received.

“The horses,” I said as my memory of searching for food came back.

Misses Crook beamed and announced they had found enough cubes to last several days.

“I ordered from the feed store in Edinburgh Pet. It will be here tomorrow. I didn’t know what to get so I asked for grain, and hay.” 

He was watching Faith nurse and I kissed his hand. “Thank you.”

A plate was set in front of me and I put a forkful in my mouth. It was so delicious I closed my eyes and I chewed while my mind filled with images of Jamie on the battlefield. My eyes slammed open and I shot out of my chair. How could I eat and enjoy food when Jamie never would again? 

Faith was out for the night, so I made my way to Jamie’s bed, holding the pillow in front of me, clinging to it. I knew then I could not bear this pain for long. It would kill me and that would be a relief. Somewhere far away I heard the word “NO” whispered on the wind. I laid in the dark and prayed that Jamie would feel my love. 

I was dreaming of teaching Faith to count hay cubes when I heard him, “Sassenach, wake up.”

I could not see the hand in front of my face it was so dark. My feet touched the floor and I felt him calling me back to Lallybroch. “Jamie, are you alive?” A whispered “help” was what I heard. I jumped off the bed and grabbed my bag stopping suddenly when Joe’s request came back to me. I searched the house for him finally finding the basement room that he converted into a bedroom. I approached the bed and touched Joe. He gasped and turned to see me. 

“Pet.”

“I am going back tonight. Do you want to go?”

He was pulling his clothes on within seconds, feeling around for his shoes. He said nothing. He stayed very close, and when I told him to cling to me, he did. 

The same rushing in my ears and feeling jettisoned away while I held tight to Joe’s arms. We landed in the field outside Lallybroch and I pushed Joe to the ground. He was hyperventilating and I whispered, “breathe slowly Joe.” I waited until his breathing normalized and felt him grip me in the pitch dark.

“Did we go back in time Pet?”

I had scanned the property looking for red coats and barely heard him. I could tell it was much later in the night when this land is devoid of movement or sounds from a human. My eye caught something new in the dooryard and I squinted to make the shape out. 

“Help”

I took off running as fast as I could. Not looking for red coats, not caring if I was shot in the next minute. Jamie was in that shape, a wagon, asking me for help. I ran up on the wagon, left in the front of the house. I jumped inside and fell on his back, listening for breath. I knew there would be red coats laying in wait around the property, so I was silent. Joe was next to me somehow, he flipped Jamie over and felt his neck. He whispered in my ear, “take us all back right now Pet.”

I pulled Jamie onto my outstretched legs and linked my arm in Joe’s as the shard was pulled from my pocket and my eyes closed to the image of modern Lallybroch. As we were pulled away at warp speed I clung to Jamie and Joe, praying we found him in time.

In the yard of 2019 Lallybroch, Joe went to work on Jamie. He grabbed my hand and begged me to get Baritone and then go to my room. I took off for the lower bedroom bursting in to find Baritone sitting on the edge of the bed. I pointed, “Joe needs you, please.”

Baritone passed me in a streak and I stood there, panting, wanting to go to Jamie but Joe made me promise to stay away. He was already a doctor and I had to put my absolute trust in him. I waited until I heard them bring him in. It sounded like they were in the kitchen. My ears strained to hear each word and nuance and the tears came down. 

“Jamie, can you hear me? Are you with me? Jamie!”

“I am fighting.”

I grabbed the wall as I spun to the floor. I heard Murtagh’s voice, yelling at Jamie and I couldn’t stand it anymore. I ran to the kitchen and saw all the men around Jamie. Baritone was doing chest compression while Joe was breathing for Jamie.

“Oh dear God,” I ran to the table where they had laid Jamie. On the other side of Joe, I put my mouth next to his ear and told him how proud I was that he survived and came back to me. I poured my love into his ear and did not let myself speak any negative, just encouragement to fight, for me, for Faith, for our promises. I did not notice all that Joe was doing and how Baritone and Murtagh were helping. I was alone with my husband speaking my love and my faith in him, feeling drunk on the hope he would take a breath on his own.

“Jamie?”

“My love.” Was but a whisper.

“Fill your lungs with air, RIGHT NOW!”

Jamie made a strangulated sound as his chest rose and he breathed deeply. Joe was overjoyed and pressed a stethoscope to his chest and pressed a finger to his neck. 

I had pressed Jamie’s head against mine, like I wouldn’t allow him to leave me. With the jubilation in the kitchen, Jamie and I held each other in the blissful quiet of a secret place in my mind. His hands held me close, shaking at first, then gradually feeling stronger, possessive. He gripped me to him and whispered, “my beauty.”


	8. In The Nick of Time

I felt tears running down my face and said over and over again, “I love you Jamie, please don’t leave me.”

Misses Crook commanded the faucet to shoot water out and filled a large pan. She wielded her power to push the burner to high so the water would boil. She was not afraid. The Laird needed her attention and skills to pull through and the devil himself would not alter her purpose. 

Glavia brought stacks of towels from upstairs and tore into linens to make bandages and fabric for compresses. I witnessed the mobilization of the household to pull Jamie from death’s door and felt him pull me to him. 

“Stay with me, love. I am afraid to leave ye. I’m afraid.”

“Don’t be afraid, I will follow you through the gates of heaven or the fires of hell. I will not let you go.”

My hands gripped his upper arms and Joe somehow worked around me. I could tell there were many wounds that were cleaned and bandaged one at a time. I heard Baritone call out beats per minute and blood pressure as Joe worked swiftly to stem the bleeding from so many wounds. I just laid with Jamie and made him feel my love. 

I was coming to the surface from somewhere unknown. My back was screaming at me to move and my arms were completely numb. I panicked because I could not hear Jamie. My head came up and my wide eyes looked around the kitchen for Joe. Jamie had white bandages all over his legs and arms, chest, and head. I looked for someone, anyone, to tell me Jamie was alive. I felt myself getting hysterical and then Joe breezed into the kitchen and looked at me smiling.

“You’re awake Pet, and your husband lives.”

“He will live? Joe? Oh, my God! Thank you, Joe, thank you. You brought him back, didn’t you? He was dead when we found him, wasn’t he?”

Joe looked at me with such compassion, and when he spoke, I felt the magic of the stones, time travel, and a promise made two-hundred and fifty years ago. It was all in me, filling me up. I looked at Joe, waiting to hear the miracle.

“Yes, Pet. Jamie had passed already when we found him. You got us back here in time to restart his heart. If his heart had been beating when we traveled, I think it would have killed him, judging by the pressure exerted on me going through the centuries. It took all of us, including you, keeping him calm, giving him a reason. When he took that first breath I almost fainted. I would not have bet on him to rally.” He touched my cheek. “But he did.”

I was too happy to listen at the moment, but I tried anyway. I wanted to shout it from the rooftop that Jamie lives!

“I knocked him out so he could rest for several days and start healing. He would sacrifice everything to make sure you’re cared for, so I took that option away. I’m sorry Pet. I want him to wake long enough to eat and then another injection to put him back to sleep. If I had the equipment, I would feed him by tube and not wake him at all. Will you help me Pet? While he’s awake eating you talk of daisies and blessings. Okay?”

I got up and put my head on Joe’s shoulder. “Okay.” My arms went around him, and I hugged him with all my might pulling a chuckle out of him.

Later in the day, Jamie was stable enough to be moved to a bedroom. Joe suggested Murtagh’s room because it was on the same floor.

”Please Joe, is it so terrible to carry him upstairs so he wakes in the Laird’s room, his room?”

All the men gathered around Jamie and carried him upstairs to his room. I laid beside him and held him close to me. On the third day, I heard Jamie chuckling in his sleep.

“Ye have a kiss for da? That’s a good lass.”

I was happy that Faith found him in his dreams and gave him love. I looked at his face in sleep and saw him smile. I dropped back to sleep and sometime later, felt a warm hand move up my arm and jerked my head up. Jamie was still smiling, running his hand down my arm like he used to. I cuddled him close to me and saw it was dark outside, so we had a bit more time to dream together before Joe woke him up. 

My little Faith had been brought to me for three days so I could nurse her. While nursing she would tug at Jamie’s shirt and babble at him. Several times she would cling to Jamie when Glavia came to bring her back to the nursery. I would lay her next to her father, so she could fall asleep holding his arm, with her thumb in her mouth. It took my breath away to see her love for him as they slept together for hours while I watched.

On the fourth day, Joe did not come with an injection after Jamie ate. We were left alone, come what may. Jamie slept for many hours and Faith decided she had to stay with her da after I fed her. I hardly knew if it was day or night anymore. I looked out the window at the low light and wondered if it was dawn or nightfall. I didn’t care. 

Faith wrapped her arm through Jamie’s and babbled to him. She wasn’t falling asleep like usual and squirmed until she had climbed on his back and put her head down. Her fingers were in his hair and she worked her way into his neck. The thumb found her mouth and the babbling stopped. I watched the miracle with a full heart that almost stopped when Jamie asked her for a kiss.

He raised his head and turned his face toward her while she grabbed for more hair.

“Faith, do ye have a kiss for yer da?”

She kicked her legs and pulled on his arm trying to get her puckered mouth to his face. He leaned into her to receive the requested kiss and his hand came out to hold my arm. I shook with my tears watching him come to life. When he looked at me, he smiled. 

Sometime in the night I felt Glavia touch my arm and point at the baby. I extracted a sleeping Faith from under her father’s arm and handed her over. When it was just me and Jamie, he pulled me close to him. I placed feather-light kisses on his face as he smiled himself to sleep.

When Jamie was awake enough to meet Joe, the moment felt suspended across two and a half centuries. They were both sparkling happy to meet the other after hearing so much about each other. 

Joe examined Jamie’s wounds checking for infection and then redressing them. He had come prepared to treat anything I assume, because he never seemed to run out of needles and tiny bottles as he attended Jamie. I finally put myself in Joe’s shoes and realized just how much of a hero he was. What was he doing in London, how could he get away at a moment’s notice, how could he get all this medicine and instruments? It seemed an endless supply and then there was Baritone. What was he doing in London with Joe? I had a million questions that would have to wait until Jamie was under his own power again. 

The men were locked in a conversation about the weapons used to cause the various injuries. Jamie did his best to describe the event, the arc of the weapon, the force used to wield it, and Joe made drawings and scribbled notes next to each.

“It’s lights out for you my friend. I apologize for so many questions. I look forward to talking again.”

Jamie’s eyelids were insistent and closed for a rejuvenating sleep that would last for hours. I pulled the quilt up under his chin and walked Joe down to the kitchen just as Baritone was plowing through the door holding a king's ransom in clothing. Bag after bag was placed on the table as I tore through them. I had washed my breeks and shirt every day, but I was very ready to relieve myself of this ugly outfit. I thought about Misses Crook and Glavia for the first time in four days, feeling ashamed it took so long. 

“Where on earth did all this come from, Baritone?”

“I have scoured every thrift store in Edinburgh and a church rummage sale to find this stuff. I asked the women what they would feel comfortable in and pestered them until they let me measure them. It was an easy conversion of my hand width although Misses Crook may not recover from being touched continuously for ten minutes.” He was laughing. “She clung to Glavia the whole time and closed her eyes. Glavia was easier. That girl is game for anything, it’s awesome. I tried to get them into the jeep for a ride but that is still a no-go zone.”

I kissed his cheek and hugged him with my thanks, he was a good man who took it upon himself to see to their every need. 

“This is the fun part, go get them so we can find some stuff that fits!”

I ran upstairs and pulled the women down taking Faith so she could watch the excitement as they held shirts and pants in their arms. Well, Glavia did. Misses Crook looked traumatized at having to wear such things and looked at me for an escape. Baritone handed her a bag of special things he found just for her and he smiled at her fearful face. I pulled each item out and was astounded he found such things. There were six garments that would suffice as a shift and long dresses that covered her completely. Glavia pulled her upstairs so they could finally get out of the dresses they had worn for five days. It was a tense twenty minutes. 

When I heard footsteps on the stairs, I held my breath until two transformed women walked meekly into the kitchen. Joe and Baritone won the world record for compliments and esteem building statements. I felt the tears again and wondered if they would ever stop. Faith pushed the tears off my cheeks, “no, no, mama.” Then she kissed my face for several minutes making me laugh. 

Misses Crook wore a casual floor-length dress that was all the rage when I was last here and her boots. I told her how nice she looked and saw the red rims of her eyes as she looked at the floor. She was miserable and my heart broke for her.

“Misses Crook, I am rather good with hand sewing. I don’t know how long we will be here, but I will dedicate time to crafting something more suitable and beige. Skirts, jacket, petticoat, and bum-roll. You only need to wear this when I wash your dress. Okay?”

She reached out and grabbed my arm as the tears fell. “Mistress, I thank ye. Bring the fabric, I can sew my own. 

I turned my attention to Glavia, and it was like looking from night to day. She was dressed in loose pants and a cotton button-down with flat shoes. She radiated happiness in her modern clothes and touched her ribs constantly. I walked to her smiling. 

“It feels weird at first not to wear a corset, but you will learn to love it.”

She beamed at me and curtsied reaching for Faith who now had a belly full of milk and drooping eyes. When she left the kitchen to take Faith to bed she backed out, smiling and nodding. That was weird, I thought. I wondered if she was self-conscious of her butt showing with no bum-roll. 

With Misses Crook still looking at the floor and sniffling, I pulled her upstairs to gather the soiled pieces of her dress and get them in the wash. She stayed in her room and sat quietly on her bed until she had her skirts, jacket, bum roll, corset, stockings, and shift back. I hurried. 

I raced downstairs to hug both men who were making sandwiches and drinking beer. They both wanted me to sit with them and talk and I realized how little time I had given them while they were so devoted to each of us. I moved toward the table and heard a crash upstairs, spinning on my heel to race up the steps.

Poor Jamie was on the floor passed out. I called for Baritone and Joe, then heard Faith crying after being woken up by my yelling. I was hysterical and torn between helping Jamie and helping Faith. I could hear Glavia coo’ing to the baby and her crying stopped. I helped the men get Jamie back into bed. Joe sat with him, finger on his pulse and Baritone came back with the blood pressure cuff. 

“He needs blood Pet. I hoped he would build his blood by eating but there is too much taxing his resources with all his wounds. I don’t have the equipment to test everyone’s blood type and give him a transfusion.”

Joe hung his head and looked crestfallen. “How could I forget that?”

I hugged him and told him of everything he did bring and how it saved all of us, but it did little to help his concern. He would be staying with Jamie for now and suggested we relax for the afternoon. We were being dismissed and Baritone held the door for me looking at Joe compassionately. 

“He will be inconsolable for the rest of today Claire. That’s just Joe, especially when it affects someone so important. He will be fine as soon as he forgives himself.”

I was horrified and pestered Baritone for a way to help Jamie. 

“I may be able to help but it won’t be quick, or ethical. If Joe is this distraught, he must fear for Jamie’s life so I will do what I can.”

He was holding me down telling me to breathe and calm down. He kept apologizing for his insensitive comment about Jamie dying. I just wanted to run upstairs and hold him, but Baritone pleaded with me to let Joe doctor him. It took a good five minutes, but I finally nodded my head and sat back on the couch. My whole body was shaking, and my head was screaming but I promised Baritone and put my faith in Joe. 

It was a long afternoon and the minutes passed like hours while my mind conjured up every awful scenario, driving me closer to insanity. I turned the television on hoping for distraction and watched a program like it was yesterday I had done such a thing. Misses Crook came quietly downstairs and launched herself into the closest wall when she looked at the television. Her hand was pressed to her chest, eyes wide, and mouth agape. Like she had just seen miniature people interacting inside a box. She was crossing herself continuously and trying to melt into the wall. 

“Misses Crook! It’s alright, I’m sorry for not warning you about this box. It’s alright, those people are not real. Well, they’re real but not in the box, umm, let’s turn this off and explain another time. I think your dress is ready, let’s check.”

She would not enter the laundry room, too small and too loud for her nerves I think. I handed her a fresh, warm dress and smiled encouragingly. When she came downstairs the next time, she looked just like the old Misses Crook with renewed confidence and a clean dress. 

The afternoon went by at a snail’s pace until I could not stand it anymore. I opened Jamie’s door quietly and looked at Joe who was deep in concentration. Jamie looked very pale in his sleep and wore the deflated cuff around his arm, apparently for repeated readings. Joe didn’t notice I had come in the room and I was too scared suddenly of what he would tell me. I slipped out and went back to pacing the downstairs. 

We prepared dinner and I nursed Faith while I watched the sunset and darkness set upon the estate. Where was Baritone and what was his mission? He said he would try to help Jamie and left hours ago. I handed a sleepy Faith to Glavia and walked upstairs hanging my head. I didn’t want to hear that Jamie would die; I didn’t want to hear Joe could not help him. I entered the room with tears flowing and looked at the two of them. Jamie looked even paler if that were possible. I knelt at Joe’s feet and looked up, ready to be devastated. He pulled me up and walked me into the hall. He would not let go of my shaking hands.

“It’s time to make a decision Pet. Without a transfusion, Jamie won’t make it through the night. The hospital will want identification, at least a name they can match with birth records. They won’t find anything for a twenty-five-year-old Scot named James Fraser. They will treat him and then interrogate us for his next of kin, parent’s names, siblings, anything that will provide his identity. His wounds are not consistent with any weapon we use today. They will send his picture to every agency in Scotland asking for identification.”

What Joe couldn’t tell her is he could not be involved with the hospital and their pursuit of Jamie’s identity. He could not risk involving himself with a man with no identity. It felt to him like abandonment because she would have to bring him in alone. It was the only way to save Jamie at this point. 

I pulled Joe to the kitchen for much-needed food. There was something he wasn’t telling me and that was my worst fear now. I tried to eat but could not, so I crept into Jamie’s room and carefully laid down next to him. His skin was the color of a white sheet and my tears were pouring out of my eyes. There was no decision to make. We had to save his life and pay consequences later. I went back downstairs to tell Joe. I could hear excited talking and Baritone’s voice, which was never hard to miss. When I walked into the kitchen Joe was crushing Baritone to him with a huge smile. I saw a cooler on the table and two bags full of what looked like medical equipment. I looked at Joe blankly.

“We are saved Pet, because Baritone is the smartest, most resourceful person in the universe! We have blood for Jamie!”

It was quite a leap from utter despair to saved and all I could do is smile vacantly and wonder why Joe wasn’t shooting the blood into Jamie already. I looked in the cooler and saw piles of O-negative blood bags. Joe took my hand and the cooler as we walked upstairs. He took some time to smooch with our hero Baritone while I cuddled up to Jamie. 

“Do not be afraid my dearest love. Help is here and you will feel better in a short time. Be strong and brave for me, don’t give up.” 

I gave him the lightest kisses while Joe and Baritone set up a crude stand for the blood transfusion Baritone was blushing from Joe’s constant praise which made his Hollywood-handsome face even more disarming. I watched the blood run down the tube into Jamie’s arm and felt the first ray of hope in this devastating day. Joe shuffled everyone out of the room and closed the door leaving me alone with Jamie. 

I started telling him what I remembered of our days together before we sailed for France. I explained the funny times when his joy would sweep me away and the intimate times when we celebrated our never-ending desire for each other. I talked myself into a deep sleep, disturbed only by Joe coming in to check Jamie’s blood pressure and heart rate., or hang another bag of blood. I could not remember how many times Joe checked Jamie as he was in and out of the room for most of the night. Several times he touched my cheek or squeezed my hand and my heart was bursting with love for my friend. For saving Jamie.

Deep in the night, I felt Glavia touch my arm and I heard Faith sniffling. She had cried so hard she hiccupped when breathing and held her arms out to me. I didn’t hear her cry meaning my sanity edged farther away from me. I told Glavia I would keep her for the rest of the night and sent her to bed. 

I hummed while Faith nursed and settled down. When she was deep in sleep again, I laid her between us and drifted back to the black.

“Da-da-da-kish-da-kish ohh ma-mum-mum-mum-up mama.”

My eyes opened to Faith’s nose pressed against mine and she smiled and sat up reaching behind her to play with Jamie’s shirt. I kissed her a dozen times and went rigid in shock when I heard Jamie’s voice say, “wee lassie.” Faith was babbling to her father while I shot up to look at his beautiful face. His color was back, and he was reaching for me. I noticed there wasn’t a bag of blood hung so Joe cut him off sometime in the night. I cuddled him and said good morning. 

When Joe came in to check Jamie, I took Faith downstairs to start breakfast for everyone. Misses Crook had a large pot of oatmeal ready to serve and I demonstrated the use of the toaster to her and Glavia. I pulled fresh fruit out, butter, and cream cheese just wanting everyone to eat all they could and then celebrate the day. 

Baritone was picking at the oatmeal, still a slave to his body fat index. He handed me a large bag from Macy’s and smiled as I tore into the treasures inside. There were two pairs of designer jeans and several shirts, belts and sandals. I launched at him and kissed him soundly while he laughed deep in his belly. 

“I turned the horses out lassie.”

My head shot up at the sound of Murtagh’s voice. I hugged him for a full minute because it had been so long since I’d seen him.

“And the Laird?”

“He is doing much better Murtagh.”

The passage of time was finally less painful, in fact, it was springtime when everything is renewed. The days were warmer, Jamie got stronger, and the household settled into a routine. One morning I awoke early, just as the sun was coming up and went downstairs for some juice. Joe was sitting in the big lazy boy reading the paper, just like I remembered him doing. I watched him, missing the closeness. 

“It will always belong to you, Pet.”

“What will?”

“My lap.”

I hugged him and found my drink before returning to Jamie. We have been in this century for four weeks and even Misses Crook has accepted the wicked technology of the television. At least she doesn’t throw herself at walls anymore when the television is on. I could not wait to get back to Jamie’s time at first, but I am getting accustomed to the luxury of hot showers, toilets, cars, and riding for fun rather than transport. What will we do when Jamie is strong enough to travel the centuries?Will we stay or will we go back?

Misses Crook made a new kilt for Jamie from wool Baritone purchased along with several white shirts. When Jamie could stand for a few minutes, baritone measured his waist and thighs for pants. He still slept for most of the day but in the evening, he would get a second wind and we would play with Faith on the big bed and talk a little.

“Sassenach, where are we? I assume this is your time because of Joe bein here, but where are we?”

I was stunned. “You don’t recognize the house? It’s Lallybroch Jamie. Fixed up and modernized but it’s your home and land. Remember me telling you I purchased it from the bank?”

Jamie looked around the room as if for the first time. His eyes were very large as he considered the possibility. “I want to see the rest of the house, please Sassenach.”

Joe had mentioned recently that Jamie would want to get out of his room as he felt better and warned me to go slow but let him out. I giggled at that, then and now, like I would have any power to stop him. 

We walked slowly down the hall so he could see the door to the attic, the grand hallway of the second floor and doors to the same rooms he and Jenny had when they lived here. He moved toward the stairs and I pulled him back asking him to rest first. I could see his eyes blazing with excitement that this really was his childhood home. 

He pulled me into a hug and looked down at me cocking his head. 

“Well Sassenach, I could leave ye here and go myself but that wouldn’t be much fun so yer goin with me.”

He saw Faith sitting on the floor playing with her blocks and his smile beamed. When she saw him, she started babbling excitedly, “da-da-da!” Glavia looked up and saw Jamie taking a careful stair at a time and she jumped up and down and clapped her hands calling for Misses Crook. We had an audience as our feet finally landed on the first floor. Jamie looked pale and I freaked out pulling him to the couch. 

I brought Faith to sit in his lap and the two of them went into their own world while I looked for Murtagh. I finally found him repairing fencing and shook my head smiling. The work ethic of a healthy Scot could not be ignored. They were driven to work. It’s what gave their lives purpose and stability. I remembered times when one man could finish the chores on Jamie’s estate, and Murtagh would go work with a neighbor that needed help. I suddenly felt nostalgic for that better life and realized the trappings of the modern world were complicit in separating people from all I loved about 1745. I knew Jamie would feel it too, eventually. 

Murtagh was full of smiles seeing Jamie on the couch. They sat and talked a bit while I nursed Faith. She was getting quite good at drinking from a cup and it was time to start weaning her. My heart broke a bit as I rocked this sweet child looking up at me, forcing her eyes to stay open. Sleep won and I handed her to Glavia and followed them upstairs to change the sheets on our bed and air out the room. I made fast work of it and coming down to the laundry room saw all the men sitting together talking about life in Jamie’s time. I started the wash and saw Jamie’s eyes follow me, beckoning. I sat next to him and joined the conversation until Joe declared enough for the first trip downstairs. Murtagh and Joe helped Jamie upstairs and into bed. He barely had the strength to lift his leg for the next step. I thanked them all and said good night.

“Sassenach, I canna sleep with all these clothes. Will ye help me get them off.” When he laid down on cool clean sheets, he sighed for so long it made my heart hurt. I never thought to take his clothes off while he laid there, week after week. I sat on the edge of the bed and ran my hands through his hair until he fell asleep with a smile on his face. 

Jamie’s recovery was nothing short of a miracle and in a week's time, he was walking short distances outside in the fresh air, looking at fields that hadn’t changed since he last saw them in his time. When I knew he could make it to the barn I walked him in and watched the shock on his face as Donus stamped the ground and snorted in his happiness. 

“Donus, how?”

“I brought them so they wouldn’t starve just like you told me to.”

Jamie’s face lost color and he staggered to a hay bale to sit down. “Come sit with me Mo chridhe and tell me how you got them here. How you got any of us here.”

My heart was racing as I took one-inch steps toward him. I had avoided all talk of transporting people across the centuries, pulling them away as the British musket balls flew through the air toward my head. How we were unable to sail to safety with no alternative but to seek shelter in the high caves only to be discovered the second day. I didn’t want to tell him how many trips I took to the gorge looking for the blue stone. I didn’t want to tell him how I betrayed him. 

“Sassenach, no matter how slow ye walk ye will eventually answer my questions.”

When I looked up at him, I heard the gasp. “Come here lass, now, ye look like yer walkin to the gallows. What can trouble ye so?”

I sat down on the hay with him and looked at my feet, pleading for a way out of this. 

“Are ye ready to talk to me, sweetheart?”

“I’d rather not actually.”

He took my hand and dropped his head back to rest on the wall behind him. “There are two women in ye Claire. Here, yer independent and commanding in the nicest possible way. Suddenly, I’m with the wife I remember in our life at Lallybroch. Timid, quiet, subservient.”

He pulled my shoulder so I would turn toward him and lifted my chin to look at him.

“I loved her, with all my heart. But I love ye more this way Claire.”

His eyes were burning with his truth and it took my breath away. Was he telling me he loved the take charge Claire the most? I was confused, remembering the day he tortured me about the money I took from his desk. I didn’t know what to say or how to say it. 

“I can see ye bein tossed on an ocean of changing rules and roles and I want to quiet yer mind love. We do as we are taught until we see another way that is better. Forgive me for my dominance of ye, forgive my callousness. Open yer mind like ye have opened mine. I’ve watched ye for the past weeks and I’ve fallen in love all over again. Speak yer truth Sassenach and please don’t lose yerself again to walk in my shadow, not ever.”

His eyes were full of compassion and I felt my back straighten and met his gaze. 

“Now then, how did ye get everyone to this time, love.”

I had a choice, to believe in what he said about loving the strong Claire, or dodging his questions and getting him back to bed. 

“Well, Murtagh tried many times to book us passage to America. He told me you would escape, and we had to be ready to disappear with you. There were no ships because the British army had taken them. As the battle got closer, we had no choice but to hide in the caves until we could find a ship. We emptied the house of the valuable pieces and heirlooms and put them in the priest’s hole. I went to the gorge four times after they took you, looking for the blue stone. I had a bad feeling we wouldn’t get away, so I kept searching. After our first night in the cave, I snuck Brimstone out of the barn and rode for the gorge. A huge storm was above me and it ripped open leaving me with no shelter against the pouring rain and lightning. I was heartbroken, defeated, and utterly empty inside as the rain soaked me through. I didn’t pray. I just stared at the rocks. Then, the outer dirt melted away from a brilliant blue rock, right in front of my eyes. I grabbed it and saw others, putting them all in my sack.”

“I galloped back and saw the house was full of red coats. When I reached the cave, Murtagh, Misses Crook, Glavia, and Faith were being pushed out of it by two British soldiers. I believe Faith was crying which led the soldiers to them. I waited, hearing them taunt Murtagh with watching them throw Misses Crook over the edge followed by Faith and then raping Glavia.”

I cried with the memory. It was terrifying and this was the first time I brought it all back. Jamie held me close to him and asked me to continue when I could.

“The soldiers were talking among themselves and distracted so I ran to the group, telling them to hold hands and not to let go. I was so scared. I saw the soldiers raise their rifles, pointing at my head. I closed my eyes and thought about Lallybroch in my own time and suddenly we were whisked away, seconds before the musket balls could crash into my head.”

“Jesus Claire!” Jamie hugged me to him, and I felt his strength and his love but there was no anger. It gave me the strength to continue. 

“I thought you were dead. You came to me in my dreams and told me to get the horses or they would starve. You woke me up and told me to go. So I did. Watching the house, I started to move toward the barn, and you told me to wait. A red coat walked out the kitchen door and rode away. I brought the horses here soon after.”

Jamie was speechless but continued to hold me close, lending his strength so I could tell the story. 

“How did I get here Sassenach. My last memory is laying on the grass of Culloden Moore, knowin I was dyin and praying you would forgive me.”

“For what?”

“For being taken and leavin ye alone.” He dropped his head. “For breakin my promise to get us away before the battle.”

“Jamie!” I threw my arms around him and told him it wasn’t his fault and I never thought it was. I was crying and he just held me to him. 

“The British gathered the living and we waited our turn to be shot. I had no more life in me and felt myself drifting away. Rupert McKenzie shook me, askin if I was alive. It brought me back, to the pain and the visions of you and Faith that were breakin my heart. They pulled Rupert away and I heard the shot that ended his life. I remember nothin after that, so how did I get here.”

“You woke me up and asked me to help you. I took Joe with me and found you in the dooryard of Lallybroch. Someone had left you there, I don’t know when. Joe told me to get us back immediately, so I did. They worked on you all night and I later learned you had passed already, and Joe brought you back by restarting your heart.”

I was sobbing now and clung to Jamie like a lifeline. He had gone pale again and I suddenly worried I had overtaxed him. I begged him to wait right there and ran to the house for Joe sprinting back to my relief he was still seated where I left him. 

Once Jamie was in bed with some juice, he held my hand to him. “Dinna leave yet Sassenach.”

I stayed back when the others left and closed the door. Jamie looked up at me like he was seeing me for the first time. His eyes radiated love and appreciation and he kissed my hand. 

“Ye set yer cap for me Sassenach and fought death itself to keep me. I am so grateful mo chridhe. I saw ye as the beautiful woman that ye are before, now I see ye as a warrior, like me. How did I win the love of one so special?” 

I laid down next to him and he held me close. I looked into his crystal blue eyes and smiled. “I fell in love with a handsome, dashing Scot, in a barn, in the middle of the night, when it was bitter cold outside. I haven’t seen my heart since.”

I kissed him and felt a kiss I remembered. Soft at first, gradually claiming my soul, stealing my mind, promising everything, and leaving me breathless. I felt my arousal and panicked trying to think of a way to extricate myself from his arms. I felt his breath on my cheek and saw he was sound asleep. I cuddled with him, giving up the reins of the day, happy to free-fall with my dearest love, into the surrender of sleep.


	9. Recovery and Truth

Each day Jamie had more and more strength and focus. I would leave him to check on the others and take one of the horses out for a ride. When I returned, and after a hot shower, he would breathe in the aroma of my shower gel and cuddle me to him. 

“Ye miss bein clean and perfumed, do ye not?”

“Yes, that is the only thing I really miss about 1745.” I looked in his eyes, “I got used to it Jamie and it didn’t bother me that much.”

“If we go back lass, I’ll build ye a proper bathtub so ye can use it daily if ye want.”

I had not spoken yet of going back. Jamie was still weak and I wasn’t sure how the conversation would go. I was pulled back to a time and place that was beautiful and I wanted that. I was tempted to stay in this time because my family, Joe and Baritone, were here and it was safe. It didn’t seem possible without identification for the adults and no birth record for Faith. Four adults don’t just materialize without a history, so it seemed impossible to stay in this time. The only way it was working so well was because we were out in the country with lots of land between us and the world. I wanted to wait until I had made up my own mind and avoided the discussion once again. 

When Jamie fell asleep in the afternoon, Joe asked if I wanted to see Fiona and I jumped up from my chair and was pulling him and Baritone out the door. I was so excited to see her and tell her all that had happened. When we walked into the B&B, the smells brought me back and my eyes burned with tears. I searched for her, finally seeing her wide eyes and open mouth, staring at me. I ran to her and embraced the woman who taught me so much. 

“Claire…what’s happened…how are ye back lass? I am so shocked!”

She hugged the boys and pulled us to a couch to get her answers. I explained, in short form, how we got back, a bit about Jamie being kidnapped and forced to fight in the uprising and how Joe saved his life.

“Excuse me Claire but did ye say the Dunn Bonnet is here, in this time, now?”

“Yes, he is at Lallybroch, recovering. Fiona, are you alright?”

Her flushed face and rapid breathing was concerning to me and I held her hands while she tried to answer.

“The Dunn….the Dunn….here…now.”

“This is just a bit of hero worship I think. He is larger than life Fiona. You must meet him,” Joe said chuckling. 

“Claire, if you could set a date, I will contact my sisters and tell them he will be here. It would mean so much to them after spending their adult lives at the stones twice a year for his benefit. Would that be possible?”

She almost whispered her last question and I felt the enormity of Jamie’s influence on all their lives. It rocked me to the core. “Of course I will, I can call you with the date.”

We spent a glorious hour catching up and I promised to bring Jamie and Faith as soon as I could. I clung to her as we left, hoping to spend more time than just quick visits. She was very special to me.

I thought about Master Raymond on the way back to Lallybroch. Joe told me about restarting his heart after his trip through the stones, his torture and most of his skin burned off. If he knew that would be his fate then he walked taller than anyone I knew, except Jamie. We were unable to find any information about him and I was so sorry I would not have the opportunity to thank him. 

The days passed, Jamie continued to recover, the weather was warm and beautiful, and the household was happy. Murtagh had repaired the entire fence and fortified a sectioned off pasture for the horses to enjoy the days outside. When Jamie walked to the barn, he would hug Donus for so long I feared my throat would rupture from my choking heart. Soon after, it was Jamie’s duty to tend the horses, always with the company of Murtagh or me, just in case. 

Misses Crook still had not risked a ride in the jeep, so we left her behind with a resting Jamie when we went exploring. I always felt bad for her. When we had returned alive and well so many times, I begged her to take a ride with me and pulled her to the jeep. She looked up at the seat and then at me. I was quick to start the jeep and pull it around to a large rock, then I assisted her climb into the seat. She giggled a couple of times and I thought I heard some excitement in her voice. Once she was buckled in, I started slowly and watched her for a coming meltdown. She was doing fine, so we drove around the estate so she could see other farms and automobiles. She handled it so well I pulled off the road and dropped it into four-wheel-drive so we could bounce back to the house. She had so much fun, laughing and pointing, which was evident by her hair coming undone and flying around her face. 

She was teased mercilessly by everyone for being so brave. Only Jamie was quiet and thoughtful, I wondered what was troubling him. Later in the evening, I asked him.

“I dinna need an automobile,” he said slowly to get the word correctly. “I have Donus to take me.”

“The druid sisters performed the ritual at the stones twice a year since they were eighteen years old. For you, Jamie, for your promise. They kept the stones open so we could be together again. They are standing by to fly halfway around the world, some of them, just to see you.” 

“I know of no one in this century Claire, I think ye have it wrong lass.”

“Your story, well our story, has been passed from mother to daughter for two and half centuries. The ritual was required on every solstice to keep the stones open until one day we would find each other again.”

I knew he didn’t fully believe, but he saw how I was shot out the stone right after watching Master Raymond melt into it. I hoped he would feel gratitude at the very least and want to meet the sisters based on that. 

“You will need to take a ride to see the sisters Jamie.” 

“I’ll no be goin then.”

He walked away before I could utter a strangulated word. He was scared of the jeep I figured, and the sisters were getting impatient. I would have to trick him with my Ace in the hole, Faith. 

I called Fiona with a date to meet the sisters in eight days. She was thrilled and hurried off the phone to dial the string of sisters waiting for the call. Jamie would eye the beastly jeep each time he walked to the barn but had no change of heart.

On the day we were to meet Fiona I packed a picnic lunch so Jamie and I could take Faith into the fresh air and enjoy a day in the sun. We ate while our beautiful daughter walked from one to the other handing us food and squealing in delight when it was eaten. 

I sighed deeply and told no one in particular that I was worried about Faith on the drive to Edinburgh.

“I do hope you don’t fall out of the jeep sweet one. You must remember to hold on tight, especially around corners. Alright?”

I started to get up, telling Jamie to have a lovely nap and then picked Faith up and walked toward the jeep. He was in front of me in seconds like a human wall blocking my way. 

“Jamie please, we have to go.” I tried walking around him and he jumped into the jeep, arms out for his daughter. It took all my strength not to click my heels as I moved to the other side and climbed in. I said nothing, knowing Jamie would calm down after a few minutes of driving if he was not dead yet. He held Faith to him and spoke soothingly to her, thinking she was as scared as he was. When the jeep hit a pothole, Faith squealed with delight and laughed uncontrollably. There is something about a baby’s hysterical laughter that breaks the bonds of fear. Each time the jeep bounced Jamie and Faith lost themselves in giggles. 

When we walked into the B&B, the living room was packed with sisters. On the couches and chairs and taking up most of the floor. You could hear a pin drop as Jamie stood in front of them. Fiona rushed out with a chair for each of us and I nursed Faith while the questions were respectfully asked, one after the other. Jamie was generous with his answers and even teased some of them because of their questions. It went on and on. The hero-worship in the room was palpable and guests would hush as they walked through, sensing someone great was in the room. Faith slept in my arms while I also answered questions about Master Raymond and how I got us back to this time. I told every detail about my passage and honestly admitted I would not have made it without the aid of our parents who came from the other side to assist me. “I could feel the hunger and desire to feast on flesh and heard the screams of the damned.” There was a warning in my answers, not to treat the stones as benevolent portals to another world. 

Jamie let each sister touch him before we left, and I hugged Fiona as she thanked us. She was the last to hug Jamie and her eyes were shining brightly when she let him go. It was a fairly somber goodbye, and as we headed back to Lallybroch there was little talking. 

“Sassenach, there needs to be more bouncing.”

“I looked at Jamie and Faith, both bored with the ride back. I engaged the four-wheel drive and took the uncivilized way home, across the fields, through the washes, climbing hills and dipping suddenly like a roller coaster. It was the most fun I ever had in a vehicle. 

Faith and her father slept deeply for the next two hours making me hope for some peace to join my husband when I felt hands on both sides of me. Joe and Baritone kidnapped me for a walk in the woods. It was delightful as I pointed out where Jamie and I slid down the hill with bad men at every door waiting to take me into the hills. My tree where Jamie found me nearly frozen to death. We walked to the Grant house, nearly crumbled to the ground, showing only the chimney and one wall. We sat on an outcropping of rock, Joe passed out cans of juice, and the three of us spent time together like the old days. It was wonderful.

Returning to Lallybroch we could smell the rich aromas coming from the kitchen and quickened our pace. When we were all enjoying a lovely meal that Misses Crook made, I asked Joe how he was able to make all the improvements to the house in only two years. He sat back and smiled at Baritone rubbing his full stomach. 

“My boy Baritone is in the big leagues, you know? He does half the shows and makes triple the money now that he’s in print. When my residency started he got bored from too much time alone, so he took over the improvements.”

My mouth hung open because I never knew Baritone could do half of this work. He was laughing with his hands up like he wanted to stop me. 

“I hired a lot of it out, especially the windows and the painting, so don’t worship me quite yet. I started staying here when the bathrooms were being built and I’d lay on the only bed and wonder where you were in the house. It was a trip.”

I was very touched by that comment and my heart grew for this man if that were even possible. I thanked him for his hard work and for thinking of me. 

By August, Jamie was riding Donus, slowly, and his face looked boyish again, grinning and speaking his special language to the horse. I watched his hair blow in the wind and let his ice blue eyes pierce my heart shooting sparklers into my core. I wanted him, in a big way. If he could ride Donus then he could certainly ride me. I put a plan together in my head and disappeared to my bathtub filling it with COCO bubbles that turned the volume up on my arousal. It was time to be a girl again, and that started with shaving everything, something I hadn’t done in two years. 

I looked at my body in the mirror and saw my flat stomach had returned but my ass was a bit more fleshy as were my boobs. I covered myself in body oil and blew out my hair before retrieving my shortest shorts and the tight sleeveless shirt that went with them. The shirt stopped several inches above the shorts and the lower globes of my ass hung out. It looked like bumming around in sleep clothes while pulling the eye to all that’s important. At least that is what the saleswoman told me. I had nursed Faith to sleep and pulled the quilt almost off the bed, laying back I pretended to read my book.

“There ye are Sassenach, I’ve been lookin for ye, to ah… see about a walk tonight. But, ah, I see yer readin and ah… probably ready for bed.”

“Hmm?”

“Nothin mo chridhe. I am goin under the water. What is that smell, it’s so good and reminds me of somethin.”

I dared not look up at him or he would have seen my arousal and I was pretty sure his interest was piqued. When the water turned off, I watched him walk through the bathroom with a towel on his head. I was stuck on his expansive chest, thick thighs and flat stomach. Jamie Fraser there is little you can do to stop me tonight. When he dropped into bed, I felt him lean over and look at my book.

“Sassenach, what are ye readin?”

I had a moment of panic that the book was upside down and quickly closed it and fake yawned. Jamie was laid out naked next to me and I thought I might combust looking at him. Obviously, this would need more than a hint. 

“I can’t sleep in this heat.” I used my best complaining voice and pulled the little shirt over my head. Then I got up to open the window and stood there filling my lungs with the cool night air. I was praying that Jamie would get stuck on my butt and turned around piling my hair on my head like I was still heated. Jamie was mute and looked like a fourteen-year-old seeing boobs for the first time. 

“Leave it, lass,” he croaked. “If it gets cold in the night I’ll close it.” He patted the bed beside him and I exaggerated the swing of my hips walking back to the bed, feeling my breasts move with each step. I swung my leg over Jamie’s body to land next to him and stretched languidly. I felt like I was back in that barn with Jamie, a virgin, trying to lure him to me. He was staring at me but not making a move to touch me, so I ran my hand down his leg and back up his inner thigh. 

“Goodnight love.” He turned out the light and exhaled a ragged breath. I gave up in frustration and closed my eyes to sleep. It was sometime later I felt his warm hand move up my stomach and cover my breast. I didn’t move even when he turned the light back on, very low. I took a deep breath and stretched but kept my eyes closed. He continued to touch me; I could not quiet my pounding heart any longer, so I looked at him. He was watching his hand move over my skin like a starving man. 

“Wake up love, I need ye.”

His mouth came down on mine and moved quickly to my breast as he pulled my shorts off and pushed my legs apart. He kissed me again and moved between my legs, pushing into me with a grunt. I felt white-hot pain as he moved in and out, heard his loud breathing in my ear, and then he stiffened for thirty seconds, dropping back to my side. 

I couldn’t believe it. My Jamie was the most generous lover before and never pleased himself before pulling at least one orgasm out of me. He laid next to me like a lump and did not reach for me. I rolled to my side and swallowed the hurt that was growing exponentially. When I heard him snoring I lost it. 

For the next several days I went into my head and stayed away from everybody. If Jamie spoke to me, I gave one-word answers and left the room. He would ask me what was wrong, and I ignored him. The hurt had not left me, so I took long walks in the evening and tried to imagine what had changed him so much. On one of those nights, Joe snuck up and fell into step with me.

“Care to share Pet?”

“No.”

"C’mon, I can’t pretend to sleep over so I can listen to you talk in your sleep. I doubt Jamie would appreciate me laying on the floor while you two got into bed.”

“He wouldn’t notice anyway.”

“Is he still too weak to take you to the stars?”

“He rides Donus for hours and hardly naps anymore.”

“Has he tried?”

“He is very capable but he …”

The silent minutes ticked by as I tried to think of a way to explain it.

“Is it safe to say it’s different now and you don’t like it?”

“Yes.”

“You know Pet, that part of a man, ejaculation, is controlled by the ancient part of the brain. For thousands of years, the way humans had sex was quick, sometimes brutal, and done, rollover, or walk away. It was even selected for in evolution. Those that were quick lived another day.”

“Are you saying Jamie has de-evolved into a cave man?”

“Kind of. He suffered wounds I have never seen before, left for dead on a battlefield he wanted no part of, and was left at Lallybroch, for how long no one knows. And then he expired, luckily within seconds or minutes of us finding him. I’m not sure what that does to a man, but my guess is it’s really big. Jamie is not the same man right now but maybe he could be. It’s obvious he still loves you. My guess is he will remember in time and those skills in lovemaking will come back to him. Or, you could teach him.”

“Teach him?”

“Well, you were the little hussy that took his virginity. How did you show him then?”

“How do you know I taught him anything?” I was feeling defensive. “Maybe he learned it from porn.”

“Not in 1743 Pet.”

I felt empty inside and turned around to go back. I just wanted to be alone, but Joe’s suggestion was bouncing through my head like a pinball. When we neared the house, Joe pulled my head to him and kissed my temple.

“Good luck Pet,” and he walked to the back of the house where his bedroom was.

I closed the house up and turned all the lights off before going upstairs to Jamie. I took my time in the shower and moved over him naked to take my place for sleeping. He was awake, waiting for me it seemed. The second I was laying down he pulled my hips and to get on top of me. I pushed his hand away in disgust and his persistence made something in me snap. 

I rolled toward him, pushing him onto his back and straddled him. He stared at me and I moved my hands up my stomach and cupped my breasts, squeezing them and pinching my nipples. With him under me, even with my hurt feelings, I felt the heat coming and moved my pelvis side to side feeling him grow under me. He was transfixed watching my finger in my mouth, shiny with saliva, slip into my fold and move against my clit. I was breathing heavily, getting closer to the prize when he grabbed my wrists and shoved them behind my back.

I watched him suck on my nipples and felt his hand under me. 

“Release me please, let me show you.”

I pressed his fingers into me, slowly, and he watched me react to the stimulus. I knew he was ready and so was I. When I moved to put him inside of me, he flipped me to the bed and finished in under a minute. He was asleep before my head cleared. 

This was unacceptable. I got up and walked to the barn where I leaned against Brimstone and cried. When I started yawning, I laid down on hay bales and fell asleep feeling tears continue down my cheeks. 

Jamie opened the barn door at six in the morning and I jumped up startled. He looked so innocent and happy to see me, but I was too full of his brutish behavior from seven hours ago. I walked past him without greeting and went back to our room to lay down. I held my stomach and rocked myself back to sleep. 

Jamie continued to talk to me, and I continued to give one-word answers and avoid him. I would read in a chair until he fell asleep at night and then sleep in the barn. There just wasn’t another room in the house where I could hide from him. So he startled me awake every morning to receive my cold shoulder. It was starting to affect him. He pretty much stopped talking to any of us and went through his day robotically as my heart broke even more. When Joe couldn’t pull him out of himself at dinner I found him holding his bedroom door open and pointing into it after dinner. 

I was done being shy or modest with Joe. My husband was hurting, I was hurting, and neither of us knew what to do about it. I told Joe what happened and that I stopped sleeping with Jamie because I didn’t like being raped. 

“I’ve hardly spoken to him this week and he finds me sleeping in the barn every morning, so I suppose he’s sad about that.”

“When you see him do you feel happy, in love?”

“For fleeting seconds and then I remember and my heart turns to stone. The last few days he has seemed so lost that I hurt for him, no matter what he’s done. If I’m nice to him he will hurt me again. I don’t know what to do,” I said miserably.

“The first thing you do is stop the progression of hurt, Pet. Jamie has an issue right now but you two love each other and it’s not a normal love, it’s enviable. I have a friend in his psych residency. Give me some time to speak to him about this and we can formulate a plan to keep you safe and loving. Don’t cry Pet. Put your faith in eternal love and remember to call me an idiot every now and then. It’s been awhile.”

I hugged Joe for all I was worth and felt better after my honest disclosure. Joe was the smartest man I knew, and he was going to help. I bounced up the steps and ran smack into Jamie hearing him gasp. I wrapped my arms around him and suggested we take a ride this morning. He looked worried and I pulled him to a couch.

“I’m sorry for being so cold to you this week Jamie. I am working out stuff in my head and I didn’t mean to hurt you. Can we enjoy some time alone to relax and reconnect, so I can tell you how proud I am of you, and how happy I am to be your wife?”

“Aye, lass, thank ye.”

Misses Crook had stopped Glavia from leaving the kitchen when she saw Claire and Jamie talking together. She pointed to the back staircase and prayed for the lovers under her charge. 

I walked into the barn an hour later and Jamie looked up at me so sweetly. His smile made him look ten years younger and I remembered him before Culloden. His excitement was contagious, and we mounted the horses for a fun ride through the woods. We were approaching the stream and he suggested letting the horses drink a bit. The cool water on my face felt amazing. 

“Time to go Sassenach, I want to show ye something.”

I smiled at his happiness and watched him swing up on Donus without the use of the stirrup. I giggled at that feat.

“Why didn’t you mount Son of Satan like that when he kept moving away from you?”

“Who?”

“The red horse you broke for Murtagh..” It felt like the air was suddenly sucked out of my lungs watching Jamie’s confusion. He didn’t remember. 

“Come lass. Ye must see my surprise.”

I could hardly believe what was happening and my head spun until he told me to look up. There in front of us was the remains of the cottage. He described who built it and why, like I had never been here before. He remembered none of our time here and I clutched my saddle to stay on Brimstone. I turned toward home and pushed Brimstone into a trot. I was done with this excursion that broke my heart. I needed to speak to Joe. 

Jamie was looking hurt again as he rode next to me and I apologized for leaving abruptly and said I wasn’t feeling well. His hurt turned to concern and pushed Donus into an easy lope with Brimstone happy to follow. 

“I’ll put the horses up. You go see Joe and let him doctor ye.”

Normally I would have kissed him in that moment. Instead, I smiled and thanked him. Once out of sight I ran to Joe’s room and pounded for him to let me in. He opened the door and I rushed past him speaking a mile a minute.

“He doesn’t remember Joe, he just took me to see places we have spent enormous amounts of time at. He was showing me for the first time. He doesn’t remember Murtagh’s old horse that he broke.

My voice was losing its volume like I didn’t want to say the words. I sat down, shaking from the shock of it, and looked at my feet. 

“He told me a month ago that he loved who I was in 1745 and he loved the woman I was here more. How could he know that if he didn’t remember me then?”

Joe told me to stay put and a minute later he placed a glass of whisky in my hand, toasted me, and threw his back watching me to do the same. He poured us another and sat on a chair across from me, thinking. 

“Poor Jamie.” 

“Why do you say that?” I was terrified asking the question.

“Okay Pet, all the pieces are falling into place. It’s not a terrible thing, although it probably feels like it to Jamie. It might explain the changes in intimacy as well. Have you heard of battlefield PTSD?”

Joe explained his theory that Jamie had large gaps in his memory caused by trauma, both physical and emotional. Under perfect circumstances, some of his memory would come back over time but he required a stress-free, healing environment. In short, he needed to be loved and free to heal his mind. 

“That means sleeping in the same bed Pet. No talk of going back for an extended period of time, I would say at least a year. I’m sorry, I know you want that life again, but it will have to wait, it’s too risky.”

Later, I wandered around the house letting the reality sink in before finding Jamie. I wanted to present a calm port in the storm to him and put my hurt feelings away. They didn’t belong here anymore. 

He was sitting on the side of our bed staring into space when I walked in. Something he did a lot of since his recovery. I wanted to cry at the way he looked at me. A mixture of happiness and fear I would not love him anymore. The stupid tears came; I pushed them away and sat next to Jamie. 

“Joe says I will be fine once I rest a bit and I was wondering if you would rest with me, so I know you're here, next to me? Sometimes I wake up afraid that you’ve gone away and I can’t go back to sleep.”

I sobbed and he held me close, leaning us back to lay down. 

“I am here always Sassenach, right next to ye. Sleep in my arms lass.”

Jamie held Claire while she slept. He knew there were things she didn’t tell him but decided not to press her. Things between them had been strained and cold for the past two weeks and he did not want to risk that again. So he let it be. When she started to mumble, he was still awake and heard every word. 

“hurt me… brute hurt… cottage…so old now, remember me.” 

He burned the words into his memory hoping to understand them in the future. One thing was clear, someone had hurt the Sassenach and he felt that burden deep inside. 

When the September winds blew, we all spent less time outside and our evenings were spent together playing with Faith, reading, or sewing. Baritone was gone for extended periods when he had a show and Joe was acting a bit restless, maybe from missing Baritone. Laying on the floor with Faith one evening it hit me like a smack in the face. I asked Joe to talk with me and we went to his room where I started pulling his drawers open and pulling suitcases from the closet. 

“Pet? What’s got into you?”

“You are leaving and I am helping you pack sweetheart. Now, which drawers are yours?”

“You aren’t the boss of me,” he said playfully, “so come sit and talk.”

I looked at him with all the love I felt and recalled the huge sacrifice he had made when we came here, so needy, so sick, so lost without him. 

“I don’t know how you will resume your residency at Oxford, but I know for certain that it’s time you do. You have been my hero these past months. You saved Jamie’s life, you gave me strength and stability, you provided everything we needed. It’s time for you to go now.”

He touched my cheek and just looked at me for a minute, then he slowly shook his head yes. 

I did what laundry he had while he packed his clothes, medical equipment, and books, putting one book back on the nightstand, like a promise he would be back. He made flight arrangements for the next day and then sat down and exhaled.

I sat in his lap and put my head on his shoulder. He told me the jeep was mine because he bought it from the rental company months ago. He had opened a checking account in my name and loaded it with fifty-thousand dollars asking if I wanted more. He had started these preparations knowing he had to return to his program. No wonder he was restless. 

The next day I clung to Joe at the kitchen door where a taxi was waiting. I cried and hugged him one more time, and then we all waved goodbye. He looked straight into my eyes as the taxi pulled away making me cry again. I had left Joe once, at the stones, but since the day we met, he had never left me. Jamie pulled me into a hug, reminding me Joe was only a couple hours away and we would still have Baritone for long visits. I looked up and smiled at his sparkling eyes determined to lighten the mood.

“Suppose you show me what you have been working on in the barn?”

“Not yet, give me one hour and all will be ready.”

Jamie had locked himself away in the barn asking everyone but Murtagh to stay away so he could surprise us. I hadn’t seen Murtagh in two weeks because he was helping a neighbor build a garage. He came back for Jamie’s project and I was anxious to see it. I got lost in playing with Faith’s toys until I heard Misses Crook calling me. 

I stood in the kitchen and looked at a large ancient wagon. There was a box seat build from new wood with a foot platform, just like the carriages of our time. Jamie walked Brimstone out of the barn and Murtagh attach the yolk and side rails pulling the long reins over her back and winding them onto the hand break. I could not believe my eyes.

“What’s he doin with that thing?”

“I don’t know Misses Crook, but I think we need Glavia to see this.”

Now we were all standing at the window watching Jamie and Murtagh smile excitedly. Jamie opened the door and asked us if we wanted to take a ride. He took his precious daughter and she picked up on his excitement making her smile. We came around the wagon which was full of straw and Jamie told us to hop in, we were going for a ride. Murtagh was driving so we piled in. None of us could see over the side of the wagon so Jamie whistled to stop Murtagh and jumped out. The hammers came out and the top two boards were pulled off the wagon opening up the view. 

Jamie pulled me to his chest and Faith stood between my legs as we lurched forward. It didn’t take long for the wagon to bounce into holes in the terrain as it rambled along. Faith laughed nonstop and got the rest of us going, even Murtagh. It was a thoroughly enjoyable time we spent rolling along the countryside laughing and waving at anyone we saw. 

It was getting dark when Murtagh pulled into Lallybroch and set the brake. We all piled out while Jamie and Murtagh unhitched the wagon and freed Brimstone. I hooked my arms around both of their necks, kissing Murtagh on the cheek and Jamie on the mouth. 

“That was an exceptional surprise you guys. Thank you.”

The following weekend I decided on a surprise of my own and slipped away in the jeep to purchase what I hoped would be something to give lasting pleasure. I tried to find movies that would show the succession of time and found Marie Antoinette, Napoléon and the French revolution, the American Revolution, Gone With The Wind, and several old westerns showing the lawless towns and the Indian plight. It will be a long winter, and this would keep everyone busy and learning some history. I picked up porterhouse steaks and vegetables for grilling on the way back. Baritone would be home tonight so we would celebrate his return while the poor man will push his plate away. 

Returning home, I set Jamie and Murtagh on the project of digging a pit to cook food over setting a bag of charcoal and a grate from the stove where they were working. I checked twice, shaking my head side to side and showing how much deeper it needed to be. They were being funny and mock complaining, but I know how to make an ancient Scot happy, put a shovel in his hands. 

I showed Misses Crook how to prepare the vegetables for grilling and we had a pile of broccoli, large carrots, Onions quartered, and full Portobello mushroom caps ready. We wrapped large potatoes with butter and foil to be set down into the coals thirty minutes before the steaks. 

I heard a commotion in the kitchen and ran in to welcome Baritone home. I sat in his room while he unpacked, and we gossiped about the shows and everyone I remembered. I knew he missed Joe, but he would be joining his love in London next week and be just as bored as he was here. 

We feasted that night and enjoyed the last of the Indian summer. I wished we had a large table outside and Baritone asked me how long? How wide? I wondered if he could make a large picnic table and changed my wish to a table outside next spring.

We would all need warm clothes, jackets, scarves, and gloves so Baritone and I spent a day in Edinburgh buying out the thrift stores. Fiona had been collecting warm clothes from her vast network of friends in Edinburgh, so we stopped there on our way back. It was a Saturday afternoon and the sky was dark with fat clouds. She had a roaring fire in the main room and treated us to hot cocoa and a talk. While Baritone made trip after trip with all the clothing, Fiona took my hand and looked into my eyes. 

“Have faith dear Claire. The sadness ye feel will no last.” 

Was it that obvious I wondered? Jamie must see it too and that was unfortunate. I waited for him to mention something that would tell me he had gained some of his memory back, but it hadn’t happened yet. 

Misses Crook and Glavia plowed through the mountain of clothing while I pulled pieces for Jamie and Murtagh. The blankets would be used to fortify Misses Crooks two dresses, and there were so many cute outfits, coats, and boots for Faith I was delighted. It was all thrown into load after load of wash as the snow started to fall outside. Everyone was at the big window in the parlor watching the heavy flakes fall like a silent blanket of white as far as the eye could see.


	10. Remember Me

We all watched the snow fall, each in our own thoughts. Jamie put his arms around me and said something remarkable.

“We should make haste to build a fire pit for the barn, remember startin yer wee fire for the freezing animals Sassenach?”

I whirled on him with a smile and shook my head yes. “There’s nothing like a snowstorm to be outside. I will use the rest of the light to search for rocks, Glavia will help me if Misses Crook will take Faith.”

My sweet little girl reached her arms up to Misses Crook who would be her slave for the next hour. We all bundled up and went to our task. It wasn’t easy finding the rocks under a layer of snow, but we kept bringing them into the barn and Murtagh would send those back that were too big or too small. 

On the next trip back, Jamie was laying on the roof cutting a section out to vent the fire. The string was tied, then he dropped it down into the barn before he gasped and grabbed the side of the hole to keep from sliding off the roof.

“Murtagh, I’ll be needin yer assistance to keep from fallin off the roof. If I let go, I’ll slide straight off.”

It took Murtagh about ten minutes to secure a rope around one of the supporting structures and toss it to Jamie who used it to control his descent on to the ladder. My heart was pounding in my chest and I stood at the ladder until Jamie was on solid ground again. I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him, so relieved he wasn’t hurt. His eyes were so blue against the white snow he took my breath away. 

The pit was ready and Murtagh called us inside to carry out wood once we warmed up. I put my cheek against Faith’s and made her squeal from the cold. Glavia stayed to help Misses Crook get dinner ready and we went out to finish the pit and light the first fire. 

I admired the tight-knit stones that were even and level at the top. Baritone came in hunched over from the cold and asked about the pit. Jamie explained what we had done and told him we still need to find a cover to keep the embers in.

“Why not put a heater in here? It’s safer and warmer I’m sure.”

I smacked my forehead feeling like an idiot. Jamie looked at the column of snow coming through the vent hole and half smiled declaring it one of the drawbacks of the vent. I hustled everyone inside because I was freezing. 

I slipped away after dinner to look for a hardware store in Edinburgh. I got there with ten minutes to spare and explained the barn interior to the salesman. As they were locking the store for the day I was paying for the heater and an industrial power cord. I raced back to Lallybroch. 

It was dark when I pulled in and I ran around to the back of the jeep to pull the heater out. It was far too heavy, so I spun around running smack into Jamie’s chest. I kissed him and told him not to worry about the firepit, I may have solved the problem. I asked him to pull the heater to the inside of the barn while I ran the power cord to the exterior sockets. 

Jamie’s eyes were huge as he felt the radiating heat almost immediately. He checked the heater for stability and safety and was satisfied. He pulled me to him and I could feel his ardor building as we kissed. He pulled me against his erection and I felt ice go through my veins from fear. 

“Come Sassenach, I need ye lass.”

I tried to linger in the shower, calming my nerves and bracing for the pain, but Jamie reached in and pulled me out. He could hardly wait for me to brush my teeth and dry my hair. Instead, I was flat on my back feeling him invade my body, made worse from my tense muscles. It was painful and quick leaving me alone and violated once again. It took forever to fall asleep and my sobbing did not disturb the giant Scot. What has changed you so much I wailed in my head. 

I saw Jamie’s face loom above me and panicked. I tried to stop it, but Jamie was holding me down, pinning me to the bed. He moved over me and I was thrashing, trying to break free of the oncoming assault. I kept pleading, no, no, no Jamie, please don’t hurt me. 

Jamie was startled awake by Claire’s thrashing body, locked in her nightmare. He heard her pleading cries not to hurt her. When she said his name his heart nearly stopped. He reached to shake her awake and heard enough of her begging to know she was terrified of him. He grabbed her and held her close until her shaking stopped. When she was deep in her dreams again, he laid in the dark trying to understand what she was afraid of. He recognized the pattern of pleading like she was trying to hold off an attack on her person. It didn’t take much time to piece together the only scenario. When he had sex with her. To him, it was a woman’s duty, like putting supper on the table, washing clothes, and laboring through childbirth. It was the woman’s role his father told him, and everyone knew that. How could she be so loving to him and so terrified of that? 

He didn’t sleep much the rest of the night. He felt protective of the Sassenach but could not see an alternative to meeting his needs. He was torn and tried to remember sex before he was taken. Try as he might, he could not bring a single memory to mind which troubled him further. He wanted to put his arm around her to ease her discomfort but when he did, she jerked away from him and pulled the quilt around her. 

Jamie checked on the horses at dawn and the barn was comfortable and warm. He sat on hay bales and continued his deliberation about his fearful wife. Claire bounded in fearing the heater had malfunctioned and was burning the barn down. She was five feet inside before she saw Jamie sitting there in his misery. Their eyes met and she saw all his questions on his pained face. Do ye still love me? Why do ye fear me? How have I hurt ye? He saw her wide eyes struggle to rally and get right with his presence and that broke his heart. 

“Ye’ve been pretending to love me Sassenach?”

“What? No of course not. Why do you say such a thing, Jamie?”

“I can see ye puttin yer mask on, hiding some truth from me. I know yer terrified of me because ye dream of this fear and plead with me to stop.”

Jamie’s brutal honesty was disarming. I could not pull it together quickly enough and he would not look away from me. I was caught, as it were, and my heart pounded in my chest. I gave up trying to rescue the ruse of happy, untroubled wife and hung my head still standing in the middle of the barn. 

“Come here, lass. Yer my reason for livin and I promise we will find an answer so ye dinna live in fear anymore.”

That sounded so ominous I couldn’t move a muscle until he came to me and walked me back to the hay bale. I tried to breathe and slow my ramming heart, but it wasn’t working, and I fell further into my surrender. This was the exact opposite of what Joe told me he needed but I couldn’t stop it now. I took a deep breath and looked at him.

“Have ye lied about loving me lass?”

“No.”

“Do ye love me less because I was taken?”

“No.”

“Do ye want to live separately?”

“No, no, no Jamie! I love you more than the day we wed, and I was ready to die with you rather than live with the pain. I bartered to die to make the pain stop, wanting to follow you to the next realm, wherever that is.”

“I’m certain of yer love for Faith. You would leave her to Glavia to follow me?”

“My pain would have killed me anyway.”

“Why do you plead with me to stop hurtin ye when ye dream?”

My tears were falling, and I felt myself surrender to telling him the truth. “Do you remember the night I found you in the barn, the first time we made love?”

He struggled with that and I could tell he didn’t remember.

“What about our wedding?”

“A grand affair it was.”

“What did my dress look like?”

He sputtered and moved his hands through the air and finally gave up. “I dinna ken.”

Here we go I thought. “Jamie you suffered terrible injuries at Culloden and untold emotional injuries before and after. You have lost part of your memory because of it. Joe says it will come back if you live in a healing, stress-free environment. I have been trying to provide that.”

“Go on Sassenach.”

“You have forgotten how we used to touch each other and how generous you were when we made love. You have forgotten it would take hours sometimes because you touched me and kissed me everywhere. You used your hands, your mouth, and your body to arouse me and then push my release before finding your own.” 

I was sobbing with my truth and clinging to him. The greatest threat from revealing the truth is it would change nothing, meaning Jamie was suddenly heartless, a product of his time when women did not matter during sex. It was hugely important to me and once was to Jamie as well. I wouldn’t have fallen in love with a heartless man so how could I love him now? A cold calm came over me chasing my fear and broken heart away. When I realized that Jamie had the power to restore us or ruin us, I took a breath and waited. 

“Ye have mentioned meeting me in a barn, late at night, the first time I touched ye. Would you tell me about that, every minute of that meeting? Please Sassenach.”

I told him the story, burned forever in my mind as a turning point in my life. The night I fell in love. I described every moment, every touch, every truth we whispered to each other and how we made love so sweetly.

His eyes were burning into me when I looked at him and feared I had piqued his arousal with my recounting. He held my hands and told me to relax, he had no intention of throwing me to the floor and pushing into me. 

“I know ye were orphaned at five years old, that ye took money from me to help Jenny, that ye left yer life in this time to risk walkin through the stones to be with me. How can I remember all that and not the times I loved ye as ye described?”

“I don’t know Jamie. It sounds ridiculous but loving each other in that manner was our cornerstone. We craved each other, taught each other, and never had enough. Somehow, it was in every look, every touch, every greeting, and farewell. It was like breathing to us. It must have been a crippling memory as you prepared for battle at Culloden. Maybe you put me away in your mind so you could fight, I don’t know.”

“But I remember you from before Culloden and I loved ye dearly Sassenach.”

“Do you remember the intruder that tried to rape Glavia? I hit him…”

“on the head with an iron pan and tied him up!” Jamie looked triumphant.

“After all that we went to wash with new soap.”

“I remember that too Sassenach. I carried ye to the water and rode ye home on my back.”

I encouraged him to remember being in the water with me when my body wouldn’t open for him and later seduced him into a particularly erotic night of sex. The intimate moments when our hearts were open and we could see the other’s soul by looking in their eyes. The most extraordinary joining of two hearts had all been forgotten.

I exhaled and stared at nothing while Jamie sat mute beside me.

“Sassenach, without the events you describe would yer path have taken a different turn?”

“Yes,” was my exhausted whisper. I stood and walked slowly out of the barn and into the house.

Jamie came in eventually and I sat everyone in the living room to watch a documentary about the two queens, Mary of Scots, and Queen Elizabeth of England. It was fascinating and a good starting point to bring them through history. 

I tried to relax but felt Jamie’s eyes on me the whole time. I was emotionally exhausted and when the second movie started, I climbed the steps with effort and collapsed on the bed. I slept deeply, rousing slightly when Jamie laid down. I felt myself sinking into peaceful blackness and the relief I would not have to speak to anyone.

Large warm hands wrapped around me and then softly found each button of my shirt and pulled it away. I moaned my complaint, not wanting to wake up and when the warm cocoon came back, I slept. 

Jamie was aching to touch her the way she described but too afraid she would storm out of the room leaving him alone. She pushed back when he removed her shirt, so he just cuddled her and fell asleep beside her. 

There is a hand running down my leg, coming up the backs, and caressing my butt. It moves up my stomach to cup my breast before I feel a warm mouth with the tongue flicking across my nipple. I heard myself moan and turned toward the hand as Jamie’s mouth came down on mine. His kiss was soft at first but when my arms encircled his neck the kiss became demanding. His hands were on my breast and he went from mouth to breast stirring my passion. I knew I was dreaming and felt no fear from him even when he pulled my jeans off and rolled me onto my stomach. 

His warm hand moved down my back and over my butt and then dropped lower between my legs. My heat was throbbing, and I moaned when a finger found my bud and caressed it. The mouth kissed down my back as the finger brought my release. 

My eyes shot open as he turned me over, kissing my abdomen and moving lower. When he pushed my legs open, I could feel a hot tear squeeze out the corner of my eye. He was doing everything I told him about and he was the king of men again and I a slave to his pleasure. My back arched as he drove his tongue into me. I pulled on his shoulders begging him to take me. He kissed me deeply as he moved into me with a moan. He made it last until I was pushing on his butt to deepen his strokes. My legs came up at his sides and I told him deeper, faster. He was making my head spin and I felt ready to tear him apart.

“I love ye, Claire, I love ye. Tell me ye love me lass.”

“I love you, Jamie, with all my heart.”

He drove himself into me and stiffened for several seconds. He was panting, telling me he loved me while I kissed his neck and face a dozen times. When he fell next to me, he reached out and pulled me closer. 

“Was that more like it Sassenach?”

I could see his hopeful eyes; I smiled nodding my head yes. His moves were different, a bit clumsy, but he was trying and I loved him so much at that moment. I napped in Jamie’s embrace and felt his love like I used to. I hoped this was an end to the torture.

The following day I woke up smiling at the world and couldn’t wait to kiss Jamie and Faith. When I breezed into the kitchen Jamie and Baritone were seated with Faith on Jamie’s lap. I smiled at him and he did a double-take, looking into my eyes, he smiled and blushed. I kissed Misses Crook, I kissed Glavia and Faith, and I kissed Jamie on the mouth. I moved toward Baritone and dropped into my chair.

“Ew, not you.”

Baritone laughed at me and mentioned I get more like the old Claire every day. That brought a cheery laugh from everybody, but it made me wonder, was I so different since I left them two years ago? 

Whenever I met Jamie’s eyes, I saw them sparkle. He was exuding that boy charm that made me weak in the knees. After morning chores, we played with Faith until she yawned and rubbed her eyes. I nursed her, knowing I should get serious about weaning her. Jamie was pulling me to him, I could feel it. When I handed a sleeping Faith to Glavia I went to the kitchen for another cup of coffee. 

Jamie came and leaned against the counter. I asked him about the barn temperature this morning and he said it was fine. 

“I need to check the feed and place an order today.”

“I’ll help ye Sassenach.”

We bundled up and he put his arm around me as we walked to the barn. His happiness was unbridled this morning and it made me giggle when he threw me over his shoulder and bounced me to the barn. Once inside he let me slide down the front of his body and I caught my breath when I looked at his face. Our kiss was one for the record books and I panted when I could tear away from his mouth.

“Let’s count the bales, shall we lass?”

I struggled not to fall over when he let me go and cleared my throat hoping to clear my head. I followed him as he counted and then he turned quickly and asked how many that was. My eyes shot to his face, wide-eyed, not understanding what he asked me.

“Hmm?” 

“Now Sassenach, this is a team effort so ye must pay attention.”

I heard him counting and then he turned to me again. “How many bales do we have.”

His eyes were extraordinary, and I wanted to fall into them so I never had to look away.

“Hmm?”

“Yer makin this hard on me lass. I want to see ye naked in my arms makin yer wee noises and beggin me to love ye.” 

He crushed his mouth to mine and I felt him pick me up. He chose the back stairs to the second floor and lowered me to our bed locked in a sensuous kiss. He laid next to me and pushed the hair off my face and ran his hand from my neck to my ankles.

“Forgive me lass, but can I see what is under yer shirt?”

He held my collar out and tried to see inside my shirt making me quake with laughter.

“That didna work so well.” He unbuttoned the top of my shirt and looked at me. “I might be fine to see with just one more button?”

He was so disarming with his charm and I was feeling my heat as he played with me. I smiled encouragingly and ran my hand down his arm. 

“I know ye will give me a peek if I take my shirt off, no one wants to be left out, Aye? Give me two, sweet lass, they are so small.” 

He took a peek inside my shirt and got three more buttons open, looking very proud of himself. He moved the fabric away from my breast and sucked my nipple, quickly letting go to caress it. Having just been drained by Faith I didn’t worry about drowning him in breast milk. 

He ran his tongue from my collar bone to my ear and watched me pant from his efforts. 

“I could do exactly what I did to ye yesterday, or ye could show me other things ye like. It would be a poor lesson if you had all these clothes on.” 

I felt him pull my jeans off and lift my upper body to pull my shirt away. I inclined my head toward his jeans and they did a disappearing act. The smile had not left my face and I pushed him back on his pillow and ran my hand down his stomach coming dangerously close to his erection. I could see his chest expanding with each breath.

“Would you like to see what you loved the most?”

“Aye, I would.”

He watched every move I made and when my mouth came down on him, he sucked air and pushed me away as he tried to get some distance from me. “Lass, what are ye doing?”

I laid on his thigh and touched him. “Let me, Jamie. I’ll show you what you loved.”

I moved toward him again and put him in my mouth. When I heard him growl, I released him and was flipped under him in an instant. He looked at me closely, like a starved man and brought his mouth down on my fold. His movements were more experimental today and he was fascinated by my anatomy. He would touch my bud and watch my reaction, smiling confidently that he found the sacred place. He was lost in my body, moving my legs, touching my core, licking my bud until I was losing my mind.

“Jamie, I can’t take it anymore, please come here and love me.”

He watched my face as he pushed carefully into me. Three strokes watching me and he suddenly froze. “Wait, ye havena… ah …ye havena…”

“Not yet sweetheart.” With that, he dropped to my core and licked me until I saw the fourth of July going off behind my eyelids. I moaned his name for what seemed a full minute and my body shook with it.

“Come back to me Sassenach, I need ye and I dinna want to hurt ye.”

I pulled him to me and lifted my legs at his sides pressing his butt, driving him into me. I felt out of control and told him deeper, faster. When he rammed into me with his release, I followed him with another earth-shattering orgasm. 

I felt him all around me. Arms, legs, hands pulling me to him, mouth kissing my face and neck. We seemed suspended in time, alone in our world, so close, so utterly happy. He held me and told me he loved me.

“Yer a rare woman Sassenach. If there were more like ye I would have heard of this. Ye love like a man, chasin yer release. I did not know it was possible for a woman…”

I kissed him quiet and cuddled him for a mid-day nap. I smiled thinking I was reliving our earlier lovemaking when Jamie was curious and experimental, so intent on pleasing me, so terrified of the overwhelming pleasure I could give him. I vowed to show him the promised land of oral sex although I might have to handcuff him to the bed so he couldn’t stop me. 

We were back in our sacred place where touches throughout the day were a memory and an invitation, and I was so happy. Jamie started leaving with Murtagh, just like they used to. When there was nothing to mend or build at Lallybroch they would often lend a hand to a neighbor working on his fence or building a barn. They would come home for dinner and Jamie would look at me like I was the only woman on earth.

Joe came back to Lallybroch during the holidays and we had four glorious days with him and Baritone. He surprised me one morning with his plan to take the whole group to see an animated Christmas movie and then treats afterward. 

“It’s my Christmas present to our visitors and to you and Jamie, four hours alone Pet.”

I kissed his cheek and ran for a bath where I would make a plan to spin Jamie’s head in a house to ourselves. 

We waved to everyone piled into the jeep and watched them disappear down the road. My heart was already pounding and I looked at an unsuspecting Jamie, and wanted to purr. 

We laid on the couch in front of a roaring fire. Jamie kissed me sweetly and moved me to lay on top of him so he could knead my butt. His hands found their way under my sweater and I was about to lose it, so I pushed up and left the couch. He laid there watching me with hungry eyes.

“Come back Sassenach.”

“If I do, you will probably remove my sweater?” I pulled it over my head and heard Jamie gasp at my lace push-up bra. A treat I acquired tagging along on Baritone’s shopping trip. He stared at my breast pouring out of the lace. 

“Come lass.”

“So you can pull off my pants Jamie?” I rocked my hips and pulled my jeans away to reveal a matching thong that was next to nothing. 

“Now, lass.”

I got on my knees and unbuttoned his jeans asking him to remove his shirt. When I pulled his jeans and boxers away I almost swooned at his beautiful body taking up the whole couch. His eyes were drilling into mine and he reached for me. I put his hands to the couch and told him to watch me as I licked his balls and held his erection toward my mouth. He stiffened when I put him in my mouth, and it was so erotic I had to struggle to breathe. Jamie was moaning and pushing himself to my throat and suddenly I was lifted off my knees and dropped onto the couch with Jamie inspecting my bra and thong.

“No fair, you are stronger than me.”

“Aye, a good bit stronger lass and I intend to leave the earth with ye today, not by myself.”

He took his time pulling me up to the begging stratosphere. When he pulled my panties and bra off, I thought I might expire from a lack of oxygen because my heart was ramming in my chest. I could see Jamie was struggling by starting something then changing his mind. It almost looked like he was fighting himself and I wondered if my little strip tease got him too hot for control. 

“Jamie,” I panted, when I’m like this it’s okay to be forceful, I like that. “I’m going to come the next time you touch me and then you can let it go, and I will like it. Please let it go.”

He pushed me over the edge and sent me careening into the erotic wind. Before I opened my eyes I heard him apologize, he didn’t want to hurt me. I promised, he wouldn’t hurt me and in the next minute the beast was with us, bending me into positions that threatened my sanity as he devoured me. My second orgasm was more than Jamie could handle as he was held tightly by undulating muscles.

“Jesus, lass!”

He held me to him as he pumped himself into me, panting and watching where we joined. I held my arms open for him to drop into. With his head on my chest, I stroked his back and kissed his forehead. He asked if I was alright and I purred, “never better.”

I was preparing dinner when the jeep pulled up and everybody piled out with huge smiles on their faces. Joe saw me through the window, and I smiled my thanks as they all came through the door talking about the miracle they had witnessed. I couldn’t help laughing at the description of multicolored people who were one-hundred feet tall, but nice, and funny. I hugged Joe and Baritone and announced dinner was ready. 

Misses Crook dropped into a chair and looked a bit green with beads of sweat on her forehead. She launched herself toward the bathroom and forcefully expelled the four boxes of candy she had eaten. Poor Misses Crook. People in this time learn that painful lesson before the age of ten. It would be harder for her. I put her to bed with a cool cloth for her face and said goodnight. 

It was after Hogmanay I noticed Jamie getting restless and looking for things to do during the day. His mood would swing from cheerful to depressed in a matter of minutes and he would go into the barn just to stay away from us. I felt terrible because I couldn’t help him. By the end of February, he was locked in his head most of the day. Alone in our room at night and he would lavish his love on me a brief escape from the depression. 

When the house was dark and quiet, Jamie laid on his back, suffering like never before. He was disciplined, he was a warrior, and he laid perfectly still as the images tormented him. He saw his men cut down right in front of him. Their bodies nearly cut in half by a British blade. He saw three men hit by cannonballs flying through the air, already dead from the impact. And then he saw Claire, asking to see him and the hungry look on her face when he was naked. He saw her laying on a bearskin rug and new it was their wedding day.

The images of the battle and making love to Claire were intermingled in some tragic way and he felt a tear slide down the side of his face. He held a young soldier, no more than fifteen or sixteen. He was dying and cried for his mother. He was back on Culloden Moore as that boy slipped away and he lost it. His body shook with his sobs that he tried to quell. It was terrifying. He heard the voice of his superiors taunting him with their place on the list to rape Claire describing how she screamed his name when they dragged her from Lallybroch. 

He saw her face in front of him, begging him to love her. A fancy carriage on her knees pushing him deep against her throat, taunting and defying him until he ripped the clothes from her body then gorged himself. 

He couldn’t take anymore; it was killing him to remember and he would do anything to make it stop. He started to get up when he felt Claire’s warm hand on his stomach. She looked up at him and asked to be held and warmed up. His heart melted at her innocence and love, so he eased his body down next to her and wrapped her in his arms. Holding her like this he relaxed and sleep mercifully came for him. 

Jamie was locked in his torturous head in the morning. He felt a strong urge to get away from everyone, to hide from them. There was enough snow melt for him to wander in the woods for the day, so he got up and dressed. Claire was already up making him feel even more off. When he walked into the kitchen Misses Crook was handing Claire bags of food that she put into the jeep. She kissed Faith and hugged Glavia and Misses Crook before taking Jamie’s hand and leading him outside.

“What is this then,” Jamie almost looked afraid to ask.

“We are going on holiday. We are getting some alone time and might be back tomorrow or maybe the next day. Who knows. Faith is fine with my stored breastmilk and juice in her sippy-cup, so we can relax.”

I handed him a steaming mug full of oatmeal, we buckled up and headed for town. Jamie complained a bit but when I didn’t entertain his complaints he went back to his oatmeal. 

“Stay right here, please. This is a surprise.”

I jumped back in the jeep and drove around to the back of the hotel before pulling him inside the room and closing the door.

“I want to hear all about it. No one is around, no one can hear you. I will not leave this room until you have let me into your ravaged mind. Look at this Jamie.”

I pulled my sweater sleeve up high on my arm and flexed the muscles I had been building. He put his warm hand around my bicep and looked so sad.

“If only it were enough to keep me safe from my own head.”

“Your mouth will save you, love. When you share the horrors that are crippling you the healing will begin. I watched you last night, grapple with your thoughts and tears, memories that are too hard to bear. I will hear them all before we leave and I have enough food for a week, just sayin.”

Claire was talking softly telling him everything was fine, they were alright. Jamie put his hand up to cover hers and struggled not to leap off the bed and run to a safe place where he could hide from the dawning memory of his life after he was taken. He grabbed her and held her close to him as he sobbed with the memories flooding into his consciousness. 

I held onto him as tightly as I could. Something was happening to him that was locked in his head and scared me to the bone. It broke my heart to hear the gut-wrenching sobs and feel him shake with it. Little by little his shaking stopped, and I kept telling him all was right in our world. He turned the light on low and looked around the room and then at me. I pulled him down to lay his head on my chest while I stroked his hair and scratched his scalp. He was relaxing, slowly, and his breathing returned to normal. I hummed a relaxing melody and held him close. When his grip on my arms let up, I knew he was asleep. I didn’t move for the next hour, standing guard against his nightmares in case they returned. 

I felt his heartbeat ramming in his chest. He had not moved or spoken but something was driving his racing heart.

“Tell me what you see, Jamie.”

“Almost home, I was almost to Lallybroch, to you and Faith. I had been runnin for two days, not sleepin. When the bullwhip wound around my legs I fell forward. I was caught and tied to a horse, forced to walk behind or be dragged. I was helpless and exhausted and the worst was yet to come.”

“What was that sweetheart?”

“Forty lashes, double the first time I escaped. They posted men to guard me day and night and my hope of gettin to you had vanished. I worked the lads hard for the next week, they werna ready and I felt my guilt about that.”

“Why guilt?”

“I had no intention to fight and my mind was busy with a plan to escape, not train men for battle. I tried to make up for what I hadna taught them and I prayed for their safety.” He raked his hand through his hair. “That wasna the worst of it,” he whispered, “the captains taunted me with what they would do to ye if I refused to fight.” 

Jamie's tears came down and I held him close to me. “They never had me, sweetheart.”

“If I had kent that I coulda won the battle single-handedly, with my relief alone. But it tortured me and on the night before the battle, I saw but one road ahead. To save yer life by fightin as best I could. I put my sweet memory of ye away, locked it away so I could fight and fight I did, for ye Claire.”

“I understand you forced my memory away so you could fight, and save my life.”

“I took several cuts deep into my muscle and watched the blood poor out but it wasna enough to save ye and I kept goin, wonderin if I was dead already and didna ken it yet. My men were cut down like babes before the British blades. If I saved one from an advancing attack another would come to cut the lad in half.”

He wept at the memory of mere children sacrificed for a lunatic prince Charles and his lust for glory. Jamie cried and gripped me to him. He couldn’t speak so I just held onto him. I was horrified at what he went through wondering how he was able to keep breathing until we found him.

The description of his men dying went on through the afternoon. I cried with him at the suffering, fear, and waste of life. He tried so hard to save me by fighting fiercely, to save his men by killing those who were advancing on them, all with multiple wounds that would have finished a lesser man. 

By nightfall, he was exhausted. I got as much food into him as possible before he laid down and passed out. I laid next to him and stroked his back lightly so he would know I was there. By midnight I was homicidal wanting the blood of those who would torture a man to such degree. At one point I jumped out of bed and paced the room, fists clenched at my sides. I was breathing hard visualizing what I would do to those who hurt him like this. Not realizing my own exhaustion, I had worked myself into a murderous rage. When Jamie touched my back, mid-pace, I whirled around with my fist in the air to strike the enemy.

Jamie caught my hand easily and looked at it curiously.

“What did ye have in mind for this, Sassenach?”

“I will kill them Jamie! All of them, as soon as we go back. I will not stop until they are all dead,” I shouted. “I have fancy rocks. I can pop in, slice their throat, and pop out.” My feet were moving toward the door as visions of murder danced in my head. 

Jamie was chuckling and picked me up to hold me in his lap. I fought him, willing to gamble everything on my revenge. He said nothing, just waited for me to empty myself of energy and rage. I laid in his lap panting and crying. He pushed the hair off my sweaty face and looked at me with such love it made my heart hurt. 

“I must tell ye Sassenach. I fought hard to get back to ye and ye’ll no be popping anywhere away from me. Is that understood lass? I see yer no convinced and still want the blood of my tormentors. Easy lass. They are all dead. Those who survived the battle were shot, or hung, as traitors. I imagine their families also went to the gallows. There is no one to fight, love. Promise me Sassenach, if I let ye go ye stay here with me, forever.”

I heard my own gasp realizing how crazy I sounded. I could feel my chin quivering as my resolve to hurt and maim faded. When Jamie let me go, I scrambled up and pressed into him holding him fiercely and sobbing. I couldn’t get close enough to him but felt his hands stroke up and down my back as his beautiful Gaelic filled my ears. 

He dropped to the bed and pulled me away so he could look at my face. He spoke slowly while pushing my hair behind my ear. 

“I feel lighter lass. Empty of my thoughts of the battle. Ye did this for me and I am grateful. I hope I can learn to live with the memories, and they won’t choke the life out of me. I need to forgive myself and move on.”

Jamie kissed my face over and over as I gripped his arms. It had been seven or eight hours of horrific memories pulled out and described in bloody detail. He looked different somehow or maybe it was my fatigue. 

“Yer dress was black velvet with pure white lace underneath. It was flared from yer wee circles of wood tied to ye. Yer hair was up at yer temples with two or three big curls down yer back and wee curls around yer face. Ye were breathtakin Claire. When I came to the house ye laid on a bearskin given by Letisha. Yer dress was off and ye wore a shiny corset and magic stockins. I felt like the luckiest lad in Scotland at that moment and when I loved ye, yers was the sweetest surrender.”

He remembered our wedding! I was so happy and dared to hope the rest of our lives came back to him. Our intimate lives.

“I have a vivid memory of a fancy carriage rolling through the crowded streets of Paris and the most beautiful lass on her knees in front of me. And holding ye close, slowly pushing deep into yer body while ye gasp. So much love between us, physical and emotional and I remember it all Sassenach.” 

I pushed back on my tears, so sick of crying all the time. I thought about how much we had overcome. The pain, the wounds, the fear, and death itself. Our future might be unknown, but now I knew we would live it together, like the warriors we were.


	11. 1747

We welcomed the second spring since our arrival, and it was so much sweeter this year. Faith was growing and strong, Glavia and Misses Crook were happy and busy planting the garden which had grown to double its original size. Murtagh and Jamie had built a reputation as Carpenters and laborers, so once spring melted the snow they were in constant demand in the area. I would sit and talk with them in the morning until a pickup truck swung into the yard and they jumped in the back. Jamie would stare at me with a half-smile until I could no longer see his eyes. 

Misses Crook took up exercise after watching a Doctor Phil program where he preached the merits of cardiovascular fitness. After that, she would tune into an exercise program Monday through Friday from seven to eight in the morning. Baritone would do it with her when he was here, looking like a chiseled Greek god in his shorts and muscle shirt. Misses Crook would look at the back wall blushing crimson if he spoke to her. He figured it out after the first week and switched to a sweatsuit that covered every beautiful inch.

Glavia would go to the library with me or Baritone once a week and check new books out. She was a voracious reader and loved fiction set in earlier centuries as well as history. I pulled her into the community center in Edinburgh to watch a woman weave a basket in the old tradition. Glavia shook her head back and forth grabbing rattan shavings and weaving an intricate design with steady, fast hands. At first, I was horrified that she would start talking about the eighteenth century like she had lived in it, but Glavia understood we were living on the down-low and winked at me as the women gathered closer to her to learn her pattern. She was a social butterfly when given the chance and the women loved her. Soon she was asked to teach her own class and I would spend Saturday mornings window shopping until she was finished.

As summer warmed the growing fields, Jamie’s skin turned a gorgeous bronze and I could not keep my hands off of him. Any room with a door, be it a barn, or the laundry room was fair play during the day. The game of seduction would start when he walked naked through the bedroom to grab his clothes for the day. He would nuzzle my neck and his hair would drip cold water on my shoulder making my eyes slam open and kiss him good morning. If he came home for a snack he would linger in the barn, knowing I would follow him for a sweet kiss fest. He would grind his erection into me and promise me a slow trip to the angels after dinner. 

It was the happiest I ever remembered being, maybe in my whole life. There was not a thing to stress us and cause argument, emotional distance, worry, or fright. All we felt was love and happiness. It was magical.

The daily energy and flow of the household stayed the same in this century. After dinner, we would find our own rooms to read, sew, talk, or make love before a restful eight hours of sleep. They all knew the television worked around the clock, but no one had any interest after supper. It was part of what made these people strong and resilient, twelve hours of work and twelve hours of rest.

I wasn’t thinking about the future or leaving this century. Not when the long days of summer were warm, we were healthy, and Lallybroch served all our needs. Midway through August, we were harvesting the last of the vegetables, ready to prepare and process all of it in Mason jars for storage in the basement. Faith was playing nearby and clapped her hands jumping up and down pointing.

“Mutagh! Mutagh!”

I walked to Faith and looked in the direction she pointed as the bottom of my stomach fell away. His face was bright red from running and I could see he was panting. I shouted at Glavia to take Faith and started running toward Murtagh. The closer I got to him the more dread I felt. Something was very wrong, I could feel it. 

“Claire! They took Jamie!”

“Who took him?”

“The man said the police, right after Jamie hit him.”

“What? Why did Jamie hit someone?” I could see Murtagh was struggling for breath and waited with my questions for several minutes.

“Jamie stepped between the owner of the house and his wife, who he struck right in front of us. The man took a swing at Jamie and, well ye know how that went. Jamie dropped him with a punch to his jaw and the wife ran in the house and called the police. Said we came up on them and beat up her husband. They are still there and Jamie is in the back of their car.”

I was running now, as fast as I could. Murtagh pointed the direction of the house and I jumped in the jeep and sped toward the house, picking up Murtagh on the way. There were three squad cars in the driveway with blinking lights and I rolled my eyes at the show of force. I saw Jamie in a closed squad car with his hands behind his back and felt my blood boil. In the fifteen feet it took me to reach the front door of the house I pushed back on my anger and took several deep breaths.

An officer opened the door and I could hear the man telling his side of the story, about two men that walked into their yard and accosted them. We were escorted inside and the conversation hushed as we walked into the kitchen. I could see the man was drunk and I looked around for the wife. 

“I am Claire Fraser, this is my uncle, and my husband is in the squad car. This man hired Jamie and Murtagh to build his pasture and fence. They have been here daily for a week.”

When I took a breath, I noticed the officers were listening to me and the man was just blinking in my direction. So I pressed on.

“This man got drunk and started beating on his wife. Jamie stepped between them and punched this idiot to make him stop swinging. Where is your wife, sir? I think it’s important to get her side of the story.”

An officer called up the stairs for her to come down. It took several minutes and a second call, but she finally walked into the kitchen. Long sleeves and a scarf knotted at her neck seemed overdressed for the warm day. An officer asked her to explain what happened and she stuck to the story of two drifters coming upon them and beating on her husband. 

I had enough of this situation and stood in front of the woman asking why she was lying. When I grabbed her arm and pushed her sleeve up, she tried to jerk away from me, but it was too late. Dark bruising up and down her arm was ample evidence of spousal abuse. I asked her to remove her scarf and she refused.

“Take your scarf off!”

The woman tried to run out of the kitchen only to be blocked by officers. They kindly asked her to remove her scarf revealing bruises in the shape of fingers around her neck.

“Jesus Christ. How did that happen?”

An officer was putting handcuffs on the man and leading him outside. This poor woman was strangled by her husband and by the looks of the bruising, fairly recently. I followed them outside and saw Jamie being released, I ran to him pushing him and Murtagh toward the jeep, and politely avoided any questions from the officers. I shook my head yes at them and drove away hoping they would not be pounding on my door in the next hour. 

Catastrophe averted, barely. They asked for Jamie’s ID and he told them it was at home. It bought enough time for me to get there and set the story straight. But it scared me. All of these people in my charge were vulnerable because there was no record of them, no identification, they didn’t exist in this century. It concerned me for the rest of the day, and by dinner time I was deep in my head. 

“Come Sassenach, Faith is asleep and I am needin a walk with ye.”

We walked the dirt roads for thirty minutes without saying a word. I realized Jamie was troubled also and broke the ice. 

“That was a close call this afternoon, but it ended fine and I am so proud of you for standing up to that man.” I squeezed his arm and looked up at a troubled face. 

“What are we doin here Sassenach? I am grateful for a safe place to heal and rest, but it has been long enough. Can we talk about what is ahead for us?”

I tried to think of all the reasons we should stay in this century and realized I didn’t want to stay. I was ready to go back to a safe place in the eighteenth century and resume our lives. I didn’t offer any opposition and encouraged Jamie to express his wishes for going back. 

“Before I was taken, I planned to bring you all to the plantation owned by my aunt Jocasta in the new world. North Carolina is what she called it. She wrote to me sayin we were all welcome. There are Scottish immigrants flooding into the country and we would find our people there. She mentioned there would be work for me, possibly managing the plantation.”

“I’m sorry we can’t go back to Scotland Jamie. I’m sorry you won’t see your home again. As it is, we are risking our lives going back to find a ship for America.”

I shivered at the thought of popping back into Scotland and an army of redcoats wanting Jaime with a rope around his neck. I thought about taking Faith into that horror and stopped dead in my tracks. I could not catch my breath suddenly and Jamie instinctively reached behind me for my corset laces, instead feeling just my skin under my light t-shirt.

“What is it Sassenach, what’s amiss?”

“Even if I could get us right to the docks I am terrified, Jamie. I don’t want to bring Faith into that kind of danger. No, we can’t.” 

He held my hand as we walked and reaching Lallybroch, we had not spoken again. When we laid in bed, I was too preoccupied to notice how silent we both were. It wasn’t until I was drifting off to sleep that my mind snapped to a thought and I sat up, pressing Jamie to wake up. 

“What if we can avoid Scotland altogether and go straight to North Carolina in 1747?”

“Can ye do it mo chridhe?”

“It has to be a place familiar to me, I think because I always concentrate on the place and time when we travel.“ I thought for a minute. “It’s time to get acquainted with North Carolina before we go back. Not to worry love, I almost have it figured out.” 

I kissed Jamie and let him empty my mind of scary things and take me to the angels. I didn’t want to think anymore tonight, so I didn’t.

“I’m going alone the first time Jamie.”

“No, lass.”

“Please Jamie, I won’t risk anyone else until I can navigate our landing in America. I have a plan to help me do it.”

Jamie was decidedly unhappy about the idea and I hoped his desire to go back would help him accept my going alone. We spent the week in the library, looking at pictures of North Carolina and studying the land and riverways to Jocasta’s plantation. I looked at so many pictures I started to feel I had been there and that was precisely what I wanted. I checked out as many books as I could and continued my study at night when the house was quiet. 

North Carolina was in my mind almost every waking hour before long. I found a perfect place to pop into and I was ready to make my first attempt. I mentioned during dinner that I was ready for a test run. When dishes were done, I climbed the stairs to our room and found Jamie standing in front of our closet with his arms crossed in front of his chest. 

“I think tomorrow is a perfect time to pop into North Carolina Jamie, but I will need my rocks that are in that closet. Could they be the reason you won’t budge from the door?”

“No, lass, ye wilna be goin alone. Take me or dinna go at all.”

“Well,” I teased, “you can’t stand there all night.”

He dropped to the floor and curled up, his back to the closet door. The stubborn Scot would be there until the snow fell this winter, that I knew. With a deep sigh, I promised him we would go together, tomorrow, and coaxed him to bed. 

I greeted the new day with trepidation and uncertainty. What if we materialized in the middle of the ocean or inside a volcano? I kept my thoughts on the pictures of North Carolina and prayed. I hugged everyone extra-long and went outside to join Jamie and my sack of rocks. He looked calm but I could tell he was shaking inside. Jamie never traveled when he was conscious, or alive for the matter. I assured him we would be fine. Behind the barn, we held each other, and I put a rock in my hand while I concentrated. I heard the wind rushing in my ears and felt the pressure on my body as we hurled through space.

I gripped Jamie’s middle and looked up to see his eyes closed and his face pale. 

“Jamie, are you alright?”

He opened one eye to look at me. “It’s alright Sassenach, we can try again tomorrow.”

“Jamie, I think we’re here.” 

He was already moving his head from side to side looking at landmarks we had seen in the books. He was still pale, but his smile was a relief to see. We found a good place to hide the rocks and set out for the rental place right across the street to rent a car. We told everyone at home we would call the cell phone when we got here so they wouldn’t worry. We planned to be exploring for several days so I could find something common to both centuries to use for navigation. 

I never figured we would have so much fun driving through the North Carolina countryside, staying at quaint bed and breakfast locations, and generally living life like we had no responsibilities except to each other. 

We found Jocasta’s plantation, now a historical museum that boasted furnishings of the original family. Jamie pulled me aside to warn me against looking at any dates. Knowing the year someone died is not a burden we should bear. When I stopped to read a bio on the original family Jamie whisked me away from it before I saw the date of his aunt’s death. 

We found the perfect place to land our little family. A large rock outcropping that was surely unchanged for the past two centuries. We bought chicken in a bucket and lazed on the rock for the afternoon. When the sun was setting, I looked at Jamie and told him I was ready. We returned the car and found my rocks in the dark before hugging for the trip home. 

We went back two more times during September and landed on the rock on both occasions. It was time. When spring chased the winter away, we would go back, and I would leave my birth century for the second time. 

During Hogmanay, I considered at this time next year we would be back in 1747, hopefully, happy and busy building our new life and Faith would have forgotten her time spent in the future, God willing. 

I bought bolts of fabric, cotton, and wool to make dresses and suits common to the time. During the cold winter months, we sewed by the fire and spoke of home. Our corsets were retrieved from drawers where they had laid for the past two years and the only one who smiled was Misses Crook. Try as she might, the future held no happiness for her.

Joe and Baritone spent two glorious weeks with us in the spring and he told me all about what he was doing, who he was treating, and the remarkable equipment he had made for clinical trials. I was bursting with pride in his accomplishments and knew he would lead an extraordinary life. The time with them was bittersweet and there were several mornings I crawled in Joe’s lap so I would remember the sound of his voice, the way he smelled, and the way he calmed me. 

We cleaned the house thoroughly while Jamie and Murtagh did the same in the barn. Jamie led me outside to say goodbye to Donus and Brimstone and I held them and cried until he pulled me away. We each had two outfits and wore them both taking one string bag with necessities. When we gathered in the yard I held onto Joe like I would never let him go, and I cried like my heart was breaking because it was. 

“Be fierce and happy in your new life Pet. I will think of you every day for the rest of my life.”

I thought I would chatter on and on before letting him go but I couldn’t speak at all, so I just looked up at his handsome face. “I left you something on your bedside table, Joe. A part of me will always stay right beside you, don’t forget that.”

A lingering hug for Baritone and then I joined my group linking arms and praying. I pulled the big rock from my sack and closed my eyes feeling the sensation of movement, hearing the roaring wind in my ears, and squeezing those arms I was linked to. I concentrated on a picture, an artist’s rendering, of the immigrants disembarking in North Carolina in 1747 and our landing rock. I had no sense of time or space, just pressure against my body, like I would imagine G force would feel, and the loud rushing in my ears.

When the party disappeared, Baritone led Joe back into the house where he quickly went to his room where a small box laid on his side table. He lifted the lid and saw writing on the inside.  
My dearest Joe,   
Do not touch this stone until you want to find me. Just close your eyes and think of me then hold the stone.   
All my love, Claire

Joe tipped the box at Baritone. “In case we ever want to find her…”

It felt like we were flying through space and time for much too long. When the pressure lifted, I finally felt the solid earth under my feet and opened my eyes. I blinked several times as the image of the others was blurry and started spinning. The last thing I remember was hitting my head on the rock. 

“Sassenach! Sassenach open yer eyes lass!”

I looked up at Jamie noticing I was now in the shade near our landing rock. I searched for Faith and was filled with terror when I couldn’t see her.

“Where is Faith?”

“She is over there Sassenach, exploring.”

Jamie helped me up and pointed at Faith picking wildflowers and chasing butterflies. I was shocked that Jamie would let her wander like that until I realized there was no threat to her safety here. No water to fall into, no hills to hide her, no vehicles, no dogs, and no people other than us. Just nature’s embrace that thrilled this little girl at the moment. 

Once we had our bearings, we set off to find Aunt Jocasta’s plantation and begin the next chapter of our lives. Jamie walked on one side of me and Murtagh on the other, taking turns holding Faith. I smiled at them both, feeling safe, excited, and something else I could not put my finger on. 

I recognized the big house that now stood on a vast expanse of land with dozens of people working in the fields as far as the eye could see. All this land had been consumed by a growing population and a modernized world in 2019. I decided it looked much better in this century. Aunt Jocasta opened her door and her heart to all of us. She was overjoyed we had survived the clearances and risky sail from Scotland. I smiled and said little when she talked of our journey and with no one offering any stories of our crossing she would drop the matter in favor of something else. 

There were servants throughout the house ready to fetch or assist with whatever was needed. I mentioned to Misses Crook and Glavia that I wouldn’t mind if they preferred to stay in the employ of Aunt Jocasta. They both went white-faced and shook their heads before they vaporized. I thought that was odd. Perhaps they heard the pay was not enough for them to leave us. 

I have never seen Faith so happy. She is free to roam where she wants, always within eyesight of an adult. To Faith, it felt like no constraints and she explored her surroundings with great interest. This life was idyllic and civilized. I was so happy here. 

One afternoon I passed through the kitchen when the cooks were getting dough ready for pies. I pushed my sleeves up to my elbows and rinsed my hands in the water barrel before grabbing a round ball of dough to roll flat. The cooks were wide-eyed, almost frightened by my actions and shook their heads rapidly. One of them held my hands down and thanked me but rushed me to the door leading into the parlor. That was odd, my being summarily dismissed from the kitchen. 

When Faith was napping in the afternoon, Jamie led me outside to a delightful bench swing that hung from a low branch. We sat in the dappled shade and talked about how lovely it was on the plantation. 

“My aunt has asked me to stay on as her manager. We would live here in this house and be at her beck and call I imagine.”

“Maybe we could view it as a place to start Jamie, not forever, but until we know what we are looking for.”

“I know what I’m looking for Sassenach. It’s somewhere in those mountains. A large piece of land where we will gather the Highlanders to us and build strong homes for our families, plant fields we clear and cultivate. Invest in our community and heritage.”

His eyes were on fire when he talked, and I could see and hear his conviction. I would not block his way to this dream no matter how wonderful life was on the plantation. I sighed deeply and squared my shoulders before looking at my love. 

“Well, I hope I can hire quality help like Jocasta has when we finish our big house in the mountains.” 

Jamie cleared his throat and looked at me strangely. “Ah…they arna hired help Sassenach, they dinna work for Aunt Jocasta.”

“Who do they work for then?”

“No one, love. They are owned by my aunt. They’re slaves.”

“They’re what?!” I was standing suddenly, feeling the air evacuate from my lungs. “All these people are slaves? Oh dear God. How could she?” 

I looked from person to person or rather slave to slave, puffing to get enough air to feed my ramming heart. I watched them toil in the fields, carry large bunches of tobacco leaves to a waiting wagon. Their shirts were soaked with sweat, torn and filthy and I wondered if they were allowed to stop in the shade for a minute or get a cool drink. 

Jamie had said something so foreign and discordant with my reality I was trying to force it into my brain. And then I heard it, like a bolt of lightning to my spine. The sound was a loud crack from a bullwhip that surely delivered a payload of pain. I felt Jamie’s hands around my waist, pushing me back to the bench swing, talking softly in my ear, holding onto my hands, holding me down, forcing me to accept this horrific scene. 

“This can’t be! Aunt Jocasta is a sweet woman who would never own people and force them to work. She…she wouldn’t do that Jamie. You’re mistaken!”

“Sassenach, listen to me. They are slaves, purchased by my aunt to keep this plantation thriving. It is not a pleasant thing, but I am sure she cares for them and provides for their needs. Mo chridhe, you look about to burst at the seams and ye worry me, breathe and relax.”

I looked back at the field where the man was whipped. There was blood on the back of his shirt, and he winced in pain but kept working. I scanned the other bodies and came to rest on a fat white man with the whip in his hands. 

“Over…over…overseer, cracker, forced labor, no value, servitude until dead.” I knew I was babbling and stood up suddenly telling Jamie I was ready to leave. “I need to leave this place, now Jamie. I will not spend another moment in that house with your aunt. Let’s go.”

He tried to push me back to the swing, but I avoided his hands and stood my ground. If I had one of my rocks I would have vanished from this horrible place and gone anywhere without slavery. 

“Sassenach, we will go but I need some time to speak to my aunt. I think we should leave Glavia, Faith, and Misses Crook here while we scout for land. Claire, it is a terrible thing but we canna run away. There’s nothin to run to.”

He finally talked me into the house where I stayed upstairs with Faith or read in my room giving Jamie time to speak to his aunt. I felt miserable about escaping this place when the slaves never would and prayed they would not be harmed or killed by that wicked man with the whip.

Jamie and I waved goodbye three days later from a borrowed wagon climbed into the North Carolina mountains. Murtagh rode alongside of the wagon and occasionally rode ahead or cut into the woods to see a homestead. We went higher and higher and the temperature cooled enough for me to grab a shawl aunt Jocasta gave me. By afternoon, the air was thinner and cooler. There was so much to see that reminded me of Scotland, but Jamie continued up the mountain and I wondered if we might find the tree line soon. 

When the wagon finally stopped Murtagh looked at Jamie and smiled. Jamie looked like he found the garden of Eden and I frankly, could not see the difference in this land and the miles below we had traveled through. 

“Come Sassenach.”

Jamie led me through the mountainside, pointing out the rich black soil, a healthy flowing stream, areas easy to clear for building houses and planting fields. 

“Jamie, can we just settle here without permission or purchase?”

“Nah, I’ll make a deal with the devil for it Sassenach, and we will prosper here in spite of it.”

That didn’t sound good at all I decided but I would stick to my resolve and not stand between Jamie and his dream. I stayed quiet and supportive when he looked to me for that. 

I didn’t know who he would sell his soul to, but he knew about the Revolutionary war that was coming and would surely avoid any military commitment in exchange for the land. I was anxious to get back to town so Jamie could claim this property and I could make peace with what he promised in return.


	12. A Deal With The Devil

An exhausting two days it was, high in the mountains above River Run. I missed Faith terribly feeling almost hysterical in my need to see her. When Jamie called us to load up, I was filled with relief and a full dose of ants in my pants. As we ambled down the mountain, I sighed a lot and flopped around on the seat shared with Jamie. I could tell he was getting annoyed but could do little to curb my constant movement. 

“Murtagh, I’d be grateful if ye gave Claire a turn on the horse before she throws herself over in a restless fit.”

I smiled when Murtagh pulled alongside the wagon and I almost leaped on the horse in my joy to stretch my legs. As the wagon moved again, I trotted circles around it, smiling at the men before pushing the horse to canter a bit. I heard Jamie yelling for me to come back and slowed to a walk before turning around. 

I couldn’t have been more surprised when two men flanked me out of nowhere. One of them covered my mouth with his fat hand and pulled me onto his saddle. I was thrashing hard enough to almost get away when he pressed me painfully into his lap and ceased any more movement. I heard the wagon come around the bend quickly and suddenly stop. I glanced at Jamie who stared wide-eyed at the two men, his rifle raised, and his eyes darted around them looking for more I expect. 

“Please! We mean no harm to ye, we’re just passing through on our way back to the valley. I’ll thank ye to take yer hands off of my wife.” 

The man looked at the two guns trained on his head and shoved me off his lap, quite unceremoniously. That is when I noticed the men were naked to the waist, wore long hair in a braid, and painted their faces. I was terrified looking at what I assumed were savages as stories of their raiding and killing came back to my memory. Before Jamie could utter another word, the men turned their ponies and galloped away. 

Jamie pulled me into his arms asking if I was alright. I was so sick of my tears but felt them, once again, leaving evidence of my fright. He kept me close to him in the wagon while Murtagh caught the horse. I was not such a wiggle-worm for the rest of the trip and felt deep relief seeing River Run in the distance. I just wanted my arms around Faith for the rest of the night and tried to turn off my warring emotions as we passed more than a dozen slave shacks. 

Jamie spent several hours downstairs with his aunt and I was grateful for the tray of soup and bread I could share with Misses Crook, Glavia, and Faith. The four of us relaxed around the food and spoke of the crazy road we had traveled to end up here again in this century. I was proud of Misses Crook and Glavia for their honest recounting of facts and how easily they had assimilated this truth. I warned them against sharing this information with anyone else and they both nodded their heads vigorously. 

Little Faith grew sleepy from all the attention and lifted her arms to me. I put her to bed and we all disbanded for the evening to our separate rooms. I laid in the dark and tried to imagine our lives as we built our home and community so high above the plantation. How long would it take to have a door that locked, or feel safe against the woods, the cold, and the hunger? I wasn’t afraid, just curious, and maybe anxious to be a part of a thriving highlander community where Jamie would once again preside over the happiness and welfare of the people who depended on him. I felt my smile as I drifted off.

It was several days later when Jamie came back from seeing people in town that I finally saw a glimmer of hope and happiness in his face. I felt my stomach tighten, knowing he had secured some kind of agreement for the land. I could hardly make it through dinner, with Jocasta’s numerous guests, before I lifted my skirts and ran up to our bedroom to prepare for bed. I paced our room, straining to hear Jamie’s boots on the stairs and when the door opened, I almost jumped out of my skin. 

“My darling Sassenach,” he cooed, “what has ye jumpin so?”

He looked dashing, confident, gloriously handsome in his dinner finery, and I felt my knees go weak from the sight of him. I watched him drop his sword and dirk on the table and remove his coat as he approached me. I was helpless to do anything but stare at his face, his lips, his broad shoulders while I clung to the bedpost. I surrendered to my wanton desire of him, my inability to think beyond this room, and kissing him, licking his skin, watching his eyes devour me eclipsed all else in my mind. 

It would be another twenty-four hours before I finally asked about the land and then I stopped talking to Jamie altogether, or even looking at him, while my ire steeped. The deal he made for the land, the price for his soul in this endeavor was unacceptable. He had agreed to an officer’s position in the British army. The same army that drove us out of Scotland, killed thousands of Highlanders and banned our way of life, now had Jamie’s pledge of fealty. I believed he would unwind the deal when faced with my incredible unhappiness and waited for him to do just that. 

Jamie made many attempts to talk to me only to see my back before I slipped into bed to sob into my pillow. After three days of silence between us I couldn’t take the brutal fear and unhappiness anymore. I was spent from tears, from fear, and from the disconnection to my husband. I felt like a walking ghost just passing time until we left for the great adventure I had come to dread. When Jamie reached for me the fourth night, he wrapped himself around me and spoke into my ear when I wouldn’t turn toward him.

“Sassenach, please talk to me lass. This is the only way to secure the land we want and need. I swore my service to the British knowin the war is still twenty years in the future. We both know this land faces challenges from Indians and the corrupt local justice, and I can deal with that. Why do ye doubt me to such an extent? I must know before my heart breaks completely.” 

The betrayal I felt from Jamie’s agreement would not allow me to feel forgiveness, understanding, or even love. My insides felt as cold as ice and I blocked out his words and steeled myself against his pleading. I said not a word and waited to hear him breathing deep in sleep. I cried again until I was completely spent and fell asleep as the gray light of dawn was seeping into our room. When I woke up, Jamie and Murtagh were gone.

Jocasta bent over backward to make me feel comfortable and filled the house with interesting people and lavish dinner parties. I thanked her for each favor of dresses and introductions but inside I felt dead like I would never wake from this nightmare. Jamie had abandoned me rather than rescind his promise to the British. There was no coming back from that, especially in his absence. His priority was absolute, and Faith and I would have to find a place in his ambition or be forgotten I feared. 

On three occasions, a traveler arrived at the plantation with a letter from Jamie. My heart rammed in my chest as I held it in my hands and the paper shook violently as I tried to read it. He poured his soul out with his words and begged me to forgive him for this deal. He explained the progress made on the house and the setbacks from skirmishes with the Indians and the local militia who were victimizing the settlers. My eyes glazed over reading about the events with other people feeling even more abandoned. The third letter was mostly about the challenges he faced, alone, without me. There were two brief lines about his love for me, and that was it. My tears flowed down my cheeks and I let the letter drop to the floor. It was obvious he had left us behind to pursue his dream of a Highland community on the mountain. I felt the tearing of my soul away from him and it physically hurt, like I had been cut with a knife. 

Misses Crook gasped at the sight of me when she finally opened my door the next day. My eyelids were almost swollen shut from crying and I looked at her from bloodshot eyes. She rushed to my side and held me like a mother would, rocking and telling me all would be resolved. 

“I’m taking Faith back to my century Misses Crook. I will take you and Glavia if you want to go.”

She was silent for a few minutes, “of course I will go with ye mistress, yer my charge and I will see ye safe. Glavia will come too I’m sure. It may be strange, that place in the future, but it was a happy home when we were there. Are ye sure the Laird isna comin back for ye?”

“I’m sure.”

Saying those two words turned my heart to stone and I was filled with the resolve to leave this wretched place. I stood up and started searching my drawers for the blue stones and started to panic until I heard the stones rumble in the drawer I pulled open. I grabbed the sack and we left to find Glavia and Faith. 

I read Jamie’s letter over and over through the day, hoping to find something I missed, a promise to come for me, a lonely heart wanting to reconnect, but I found nothing. I sat with Jocasta and told her my heart was broken because Jamie didn’t want to find his way back to me. He was high in the mountain building his dream, so I was moving on. Jocasta was terribly worried, but I assured her we were going to a safe place. I couldn’t answer her questions so I broke away promising to continue the conversation at dinner, knowing we would be long gone by then. 

In the late afternoon, while Jocasta was napping, Misses Crook, Glavia, Faith, and I gathered behind a barn and linked our arms together holding Faith tightly between us. I looked up at the mountain and tried to feel Jamie before I closed my eyes and concentrated on Lallybroch in 2019.

I felt the earth under my feet and opened my eyes to Lallybroch, pushing the women toward the house as we were very conspicuous in our long dresses and corsets. I felt the key above the window and opened the house to our sanctuary. I ran upstairs finding all my clothes still in the chest of drawers and knew Joe had not moved anything after our departure. I quickly changed into other clothes and pulled a sweater on against the chill. I felt cold on the inside as well as the outside and wondered if any amount of layers would help.

A neighbor’s boy walked out of the barn and knew he had come to feed the horses. I ran outside and told him I would take over feeding from now on. He lifted his shoulders and said okay before heading home. Donus lifted his head and whinnied when I entered the barn. He seemed to be looking behind me, looking for Jamie no doubt. 

“We must both forget him Donus. We don’t belong to him anymore.”

Making the lonely walk from the barn I noticed Misses Crook inspecting the garden and pulling the weeds that had taken hold. Glavia and Faith were outside singing her favorite nursery rhymes. The three of them looked happy and relaxed with no sign we had just jumped almost three centuries to the other side of the world. I guess only I felt wasted, tired, empty, and heartbroken. I kept walking straight upstairs to lay down on our bed. My bed, shoving my face into the pillow so no one would hear me fall apart.

When I felt Misses Crook touch my arm I knew I had slept many hours and blinked at her while something sad and painful crept up my spine. Inch by inch I felt it moving toward my brain and my ramming heart wondered what tragedy had occurred. It felt rather like a sledgehammer brought down on my head when I remembered we were back in 2019 because Jamie left me. 

Dear Misses Crook rocked me like a baby until my gasping sobs were finally under control. She pressed a whisky in my hand and then passed me a plate of food and told me when to take a bite, when to chew, when to swallow. Another whisky and I felt my muscles unlock allowing me to lie down. The covers were pulled up to my chin and Misses Crook sat in the rocking chair and read to me. It was a book from the Nancy Drew mystery series where Nancy and her trusted friends solved crimes. The characters were too young to know romantic love, too young to know heartbreak and betrayal, so it was safe as one word led to another for what seemed like hours. That act of kindness saved my life that night and the next and the next. Misses Crook’s compassion seemed to have no end.

When his hand touched my cheek the smell of him took me to a safe place in my dream where people were happy and encouraging and I was a queen. His touch was pulling me out of my slumber and I resisted, not wanting to face the pain of a new day.

“Pet, open your famous eyes please.”

My eyelids opened but I couldn’t bear to look up at him, so I stared at his leg and felt the hot tears slide down my cheeks. I wondered why I hadn’t died yet. It was the only solution to the crushing pain, and I had done little to sustain my existence so why was I still waking up each day. When his arms slid under me, I knew my arms and legs would fall off if he lifted me out of bed and I felt a glimmer of excitement the torment was almost over.

Joe pulled me into his lap amid my protests to let me be, but he wasn’t listening I guess. I heard him gasp when his hands touched my ribcage and he pushed my greasy hair away from my face. 

“You have company, that would be me, so get up and take a shower, or maybe you would rather have a bath. What is your preference?”

I laid my head on his shoulder and tried to go back to sleep. Back to the black I had come to love. When I landed on my feet in the bathroom I wondered when Joe had become so annoyingly bossy and finally looked at his face. No tears, that was a shock, maybe my tear ducts had emptied a lifetime of tears and I was finally free of them. Joe felt the water and announced it was perfect for a nice shower, then he left me there. This seemed odd. Leave me alone in a room and close the door. It was time to go back to bed but when I opened the bathroom door, Joe was pushing me back while he pulled off my clothes.

The shower water was the height of discomfort and try as I might I could not get out. Joe pushed me right back under the water and finally stripped to his boxers and got in the shower with me. He shampooed my hair and then handed me a sponge gushing with lather from my shower gel. I rubbed it down my arm and looked at him for approval. The strong scent of aromatherapy was waking me up and clearing my head, so I was able to finish my shower without help. When I emerged, there were clean clothes on the vanity. I put them on with a deep sigh.

Joe stayed with us for a week, until Baritone could get back from his Paris show. It seemed like they were passing the baton of who would be in charge of me. I hugged them both hello and goodbye but felt nothing inside, just one more thing to do. Baritone was so happy to be reunited with the women, but Faith had his heart. He spent hours on the floor with her asking questions about what game they were playing to which she answered mostly gibberish while he smiled down at her. 

The sun came up each day, I went through my chores, and the sun went down. Day after day, week after week, and I felt like a cold wasteland inside. I didn’t cry anymore, nor did I laugh, but it was okay because I didn’t feel pain. 

Three months have passed, and snow now covers the ground. Only the horses are happy about the cold temperatures. We stay indoors and watch movies. Joe and Baritone are both here causing loud laughter during dinners and sparking stimulating discussions that I endure, like everything else. I need to get away from all of these people, so I head for the stairs saying goodnight. Seeing the door to my bedroom fills me with relief but during the first sigh, someone is knocking.

“I request the company of my best friend please.”

“For what?”

“A walk.”

“Don’t be ridiculous Joe, it’s freezing out there, goodnight.”

“Think of it as an incentive to get through our discussion without a lot of arguing. I have a small matter that I need your help with, Pet.”

We bundled up and headed out for whatever Joe needed. I only hoped it would be quick.

“I want to talk about your mental health, Claire.”

I was quite practiced at pretending I was in the conversation and most times it was enough. Not tonight. Joe forced me to look at him as he talked about Jamie and asked how I was feeling. 

“Stay with me Pet. No, you cannot go inside and hide away from my questions. Do you realize you left him no way to find you, no way to message you or write to you? Jamie went to the mountain to start work on a home because you judged him and shut him out of your heart. I realize the hurt was devastating to you, so you didn’t speak to him for three or four days. But a deal was struck for the land and he was expected to be there doing his duty. I don’t see he had much of a choice. He had to go.”

“So he went. End of story.”

“Extraordinary love doesn’t happen every day, and it doesn’t go away, Pet. Maybe the only thing he could do is start building a house and hope with time you would forgive him, but you closed that door. Do you ever wonder if he is suffering, as you are?”

“No. He is quite busy chasing after savages and protecting settlers from the watch. He probably hasn’t had time to build his house yet. Who cares?”

“You do Pet, and he does, I would bet my life on it.”

“Are we done here, Joe?”

I was feeling weird inside like a piano was about to fall on my head, and it scared me. Wherever this conversation was going, I felt vulnerable and laid bare. I wanted it to stop.

“You owe him one conversation, Pet. You owe the man time to speak his peace and you speak yours. If you decide to quit each other after that you will have no regrets or guilt. I have never known you to be cruel until now and I don’t think you want to be that person.”

“I didn’t know you had such a thing for him.” I was grasping for something to say and could feel my nose in the air like some ridiculous power posture. I was starting to feel something and I didn’t want to. I couldn’t let this happen.

“Say his name, Claire”

“I am going back to the house, this conversation is over.”

“Say his name.”

“Jamie. Happy now”

One shaky stride after the other, I made my way to the house and then to my room. I didn’t want to see anyone, not even Faith. My back slid down the wall and I crumpled on the floor. I went minute by minute, hoping to gain some control over my emotions again. I wanted more than anything to feel nothing and was willing to give up every emotional high for the rest of my life, so I didn’t have to face the pain that was coming. 

Maybe this is what warriors do before battle. I willed my thoughts away, closed my mind to everything I loved, and steeled myself against the coming war in my mind. When Jamie’s image filled my mind, I gasped as if I was mortally wounded. I didn’t want this, but there he was. His head was lowered, and his eyes were full of pain on the last day I saw him. He beckoned me to speak to him, pleaded with me to understand his decision. I could see his face and I felt his pain, but I turned my back on him. The man I swore to love until the end of time was shunned by me, his wife. Every minute of our encounters the last four days went through my head. Minute by minute, I saw him plead, with an open heart that I closed myself to. What kind of person does such a thing? That’s when the pain started, really started in my gut, where I couldn’t reach it to pull it away from me. I tried to imagine the same treatment from him and couldn’t because Jamie would never do such a thing to me. 

The pain grew as the minute’s past. It felt like a knife slicing through me from the inside and I couldn’t take it anymore. I moaned and cried, holding myself while I rocked against the wall. When I let myself sob it felt like the end of time had come and I sobbed harder, calling out to Jamie in my mind, screaming at the stones for their passage to this disaster. 

Hours passed as my sobbing continued. My gaze fell to the floor under our bed, to Jamie’s secret place. I crawled to it, pushing the bed away until the board was exposed. I had to touch something of my previous life, something of Jamie’s. Through bleary eyes I found the seam and popped the board loose, falling on my knees I tore through the ancient papers. The years had faded the ink so much I couldn’t read them, and I felt a helpless spiral toward everlasting sorrow. The papers fell to the floor and I heard a glass vial hit the wood. When I picked it up, my name was clearly written on the paper inside.

My Dearest Sassenach,  
Nothing could have prepared me for this heartache. I hoped to bring you back to the land when there was a door that could lock you safely inside. I prayed daily for God to bless yer heart with forgiveness. I did not know what else to do. When I learned you were gone, I lost my mind and jumped on a ship headed for Scotland. Poor weather made the journey twice as long and nearly cost my life from sickness, loneliness, and fear I would never find ye. I have been here for many days, avoiding capture from redcoats while I search the gorge for a blue stone. I won’t stop lookin for ye sweetheart. Not ever.   
JMF

Jamie’s note shook in my hands as I read it. I could not tear my eyes from the paper as I read it over and over again. My poor sweet Jamie, I thought, what have I done? I tried to think of him, searching the gorge in a country loaded with the enemy and felt my protectiveness over him seep into my consciousness. When I stood up, I felt the muscles of my youth flex and hold me steady while my mind cleared for the first time since leaving him. I’m coming, Jamie. Forgive me please. I’m coming for you.

Yanking my drawers open I layered the warmest clothes I had before searching my closet for the blue rocks. I looked for Jamie’s heavy coat and pulled it on before holding the rock and thinking of the gorge I had searched so many times. When I heard the rushing in my ears and felt the pressure of shooting through the centuries, I finally calmed down a little. I am coming, Jamie. 

I felt the wind blow against my face and the earth under my feet. It was so dark I could not see my hand in front of my face and proceeded slowly, feeling my way toward the gorge I hoped. When my eyes became accustomed to the darkness, I could see the outline of trees and the jutting landmass that formed the gorge. I exhaled in relief that I had come to the right place but in this darkness, how would I find Jamie? I pressed on, stumbling over rocks until I lost my footing and landed hard on the ground. When I got to my feet, large hands pushed me hard into the side of the gorge knocking the wind out of me and I fell forward, caught by arms that seemed so familiar. 

“Christ, Sassenach! Dear God, what have I done?”

I tried to pull air into my lungs, making horrible noises in the process. Jamie picked me up and moved us into the trees. He laid on the ground and spoke soothingly to me, telling me to calm myself and breathe. I felt his hand run down my arms and legs, searching for something.

“Are ye wounded, lass?”

“No.”

I could barely see the outline of his head and body, but my hands found his face and held him. He dropped to my side shushing my tears and holding me close. I wanted nothing more than to lay there in his embrace, knowing he was alive and holding onto me. Jamie shook from the cold, so I scrambled out of his coat and wrapped it around him. He tried to protest until I showed him my own coat worn underneath. I buttoned it around him and held him tightly.

I don’t know how long we laid there, asleep or awake, I just gripped his powerful arms and breathed him into me. When I felt a hand over my mouth, I knew danger was close by and my eyes flew open to the dawn. He looked at me and held a finger to his lips and then released my mouth. I heard men talking and rocks being kicked as they searched for something. We were much too close to the redcoats and I suddenly feared we would both be caught. I felt along the ground until my hand settled on my rock in the pillowcase. I held Jamie tightly and pulled the rock out, concentrating on Lallybroch in 2019.

I felt Jamie’s grip on me tighten as we sailed through time. I lifted my face to him, kissing him deeply, and felt time stand still. The wind in my ears stopped, the pressure lifted, and we were suspended in a space without earth, without a century, as we kissed. I clung to him and kissed him with all the love I felt for him and he did the same. When I broke the kiss, I closed my eyes as the wind came back to my ears. 

We laid in a field close to Lallybroch for some time. I could not articulate my thoughts, so I just held him close as he did me. At one point, Jamie pressed his forehead to mine until my tears came, warm and wet on my cheeks. 

“I’m sorry Jamie.”

“Sh. I know your pain, lass, as ye know mine. I have but one wish, to stay with ye, wherever ye choose. I will not be parted from ye again.”

It was dawn in this century and we stumbled to the house, still wrapped around each other, and made our way to the shower. I shaved Jamie’s long beard and threw his tattered clothes into the wash before making my way quietly back to our room. When I saw him laying on our bed I started to cry.

“Come here, love.” 

His arms were reaching for me and I fell into them as he wrapped himself around me. He rocked me until my tears stopped. I wanted to feel his skin next to mine so I pulled my robe off and hugged him as I tried to assemble words into sentences that would convey my every emotion. The only sentence that formed is how sorry I was. 

“I am sorry too, mo chridhe, more than I could ever say adequately. I am so damn glad for yer leap of faith to come and find me. I would have lost my will to live without ye lass, that is the truth of it.”

“I know exactly what you mean. But you’re here now, with me, and we can go home and forget the last three months alone. When we get there, I want to destroy these rocks. I have no interest in being anywhere without you.”

“Thank ye lass.”

His kiss restarted my heart, my hopes and dreams, and my belief in the greatest man. He broke the kiss and confessed he had eaten very little in many days. That is when I noticed his hands shake.

“Dear God! You need a breakfast fit for a king.” Come down whenever you’re ready, I love you.”

I bounced into the kitchen and shocked Misses Crook who was preparing oatmeal for the household. She stared at me in disbelief and asked if I was well. I had not said a word to her, but she could clearly see the change in my face. I held her hands and whispered the Laird was here and hungry. Her eyes went wide, and her smile would have lit up a dark night. I don’t often see Misses Crook move that fast, but she was on a mission. Her Laird was hungry. 

The house filled with the aroma of bacon, sausage, eggs, and pancakes. Freshly brewed coffee and of course, oatmeal. It didn’t take long for the men to answer the call of morning hunger. Joe hugged me for a full minute and whispered “well done” in my ear. How could he possibly know I found Jamie last night? It seemed they were all mind readers suddenly and I giggled at that. I poured coffee for everyone and looked at the parlor wondering where Jamie was. When Glavia walked in smiling brightly she announced the Laird was with his daughter getting her dressed for the day.

I peeked into the nursery and felt my heart jump to my throat. Jamie sat in the rocking chair with Faith’s arms around his neck pressing into him. Neither of them moved, they just hugged each other. I waited for as long as they needed and tried not to make a sound. Faith turned her head to Jamie and kissed his cheek repeatedly, while Jamie smiled. 

“She has grown so much, and where did all this hair come from?”

I had a choice between feeling remorse and guilt or happiness at seeing this reunion. I chose the latter. Jamie and I both had a hand in our separation, and we would forgive each other and get on with our lives. I smiled at him and suggested he could come for the feast we made when he was ready. 

It wasn’t long before Joe and Baritone were on their feet shaking hands and slapping Jamie on the shoulder. Glavia smiled from ear to ear and Misses Crook shoveled food onto a plate and set it on the table for him. A tiny plate was set on the highchair tray waiting for one small, happy baby. Once Jamie swallowed two plates of food the mood became festive and lighthearted. I grabbed the cell phone from the counter and started snapping pictures of everyone. When I put it down, Baritone grabbed it and took many more. 

“How is Donus?”

“He will be overjoyed to see you. I’ll get our coats.”

When we were all bundled up, we headed out to the barn. It was snowing big flakes that swirled around our faces. Inside the barn, it was warm from the propane heater. Jamie held Faith with one arm and hugged Donus with the other. He spoke Gaelic to the beast and I was delighted to hear it again. 

“We ride, later my friend.” 

He held his arm out to me and we walked back to the warm house. Misses Crook scolded Jamie with the utmost respect, telling him many days of food and rest was needed because he was much too thin. He looked down at me with his azure sparkling eyes.

“Perhaps we lay down for a bit when Faith takes her nap?”

“Perhaps we will.”


	13. Love Trumps All

Jamie played with Faith until she was exhausted, and it was a delight to watch her hang upside down squealing with laughter, climbing on her father like he was tree with arms to steady her along the way. Many times he caught my eye speaking volumes wordlessly. I needed him, I craved him, and my body prepared for loving him. When Faith started yawning, we took her upstairs and she was asleep in minutes. Jamie held his hand out to me and pulled us into our bedroom. He leaned against the door and hugged me to him running his hand up and down my back before kissing me senseless. He moved me across the room like a dance and I followed him closely, locked in his gaze. When he laid next to me on our bed, I felt something was wrong. I knew his body, his style of lovemaking, his dominance when his need was high. 

“Jamie, would you mind terribly if I slept a bit. I am done in from the two jumps last night. I need to rest before I love you again.”

“Worry not love, I will wait for you to be ready.”

He kissed me without passion and pulled me to cuddle against him. My body was screaming for him to touch me, so I laid perfectly still and breathed slowly in and out, hoping to convince him I was asleep. Before long Jamie was chasing his dreams and I exhaled in relief before letting myself rest for the afternoon. When I woke up, there was a note from Jamie next me.

‘My darling Sassenach, I hear Donus calling me for a ride in the snow. I tucked the blankets around you and built a fire to keep you warm. I will miss you while I’m gone. All my love is for you sweet Claire.’

A single tear rolled down my cheek from the sweet note, but I was determined to stop the never ending tears and jumped out of bed heading for the kitchen to help with dinner. 

Misses Crook was first to grab my attention as she complained about no meat to cook for Jamie’s dinner. She handed me a list and asked politely if I would purchase the items, on the double. I laughed and grabbed my purse for a quick trip to the grocery store. Soon we would slaughter an animal for such a meal, I was grateful for the short cut of purchasing the meat ready to cook. 

I looked for Jamie and Donus as I drove down our rode and almost missed them deep in the property where the stream was frozen solid. I hit the brakes and slid this way and that before coming to a stop. He sat on his beautiful horse, lost in his thoughts. He stared, unfocused, at the landscape and didn’t move. I wondered how long he sat there, contemplating his world and the bits that were stealing his thoughts. I shivered at the thought I had ruined his interest in me. He couldn’t make love this afternoon and now he sits alone, a million miles away. I drove to the grocery store in a completely different place than when I started, laughing out the kitchen door at Misses Crook’s face. 

I shopped like a zombie, shaking my head occasionally trying to force myself to concentrate on the task I came for. When I pulled the jeep into Lallybroch, Jamie ran out of the barn and carried all the groceries into the house.

“Will ye come for a ride with me Sassenach?”

Jamie’s face was boyish and excited, how could I resist? “Of course, I would love to.”

Rather than take Brimstone, he pulled me up to sit in front of him on Donus who looked fresh as a daisy. No doubt from standing still while Jamie ruminated over whatever was troubling him. I cleared my mind and leaned against the massive chest that I belonged to. I stayed quiet hoping Jamie would open up, but he was in a happy place at the moment and talked mostly about how the land had changed, pointing out landmarks we knew and remembering our time there. He pushed me with his jokes and stories until I was laughing too, remembering a time of innocence and falling in love. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer. I dropped my head back, against his chest, and savored every minute. When the horses were fed, we ran to the kitchen and the savory aromas from a dinner cooking. The guys were busy getting Baritone ready for a show in Italy. They were both leaving tonight, and I wondered if I would ever see them again. 

Misses Crook was red faced as she loaded the table with a tri tip roast, potatoes, baked carrots, green beans, mushrooms, colcannon, bannocks with caboc and crowdie cheese, and several new dishes I had never seen. She was praised for the perfectly cooked meal until she held up her hand to stop the compliments. Baritone asked if she cooked beef in Scotland.

“No laddie, we did not have such beasts to cook.”

“How in the world did you create a rare tri tip then? I’ve heard they are very hard to cook this way.”

“I dinna ken about rare cookin, I just followed the recipe in the book Glavia bought for me in town.”

“It’s a cookbook.” Glavia said distractedly as she spooned food into Faith’s mouth. I heaped another piece of beef on Jamie’s plate and walked behind him pushing horseradish on his plate and suggesting he dip the meat in it. His cheeks were pink from the heat of the horseradish, but he asked for more as another piece of beef was put on is plate. 

I was hyper aware of Jamie, sensing his every need during the long feast and jumping to take care of him many times. Always with a kiss or a hand on his shoulder and blushing at his smile of thanks. When we were all stuffed and the dishes were done, Glavia took Faith to bed, Misses Crook said goodbye to the guys and went to her room. Joe and Baritone, Jamie and I, drank whiskey in front of the fire and talked until they had to leave. I gripped Joe hoping the hug would be remembered for the rest of our lives. I was going back to 1748 and destroying the rocks. We would not be back, and I hugged him for an extra minute to burn the feel of him into my soul. When they were gone, I looked at Jamie and hugged his waist.

“I am so full I think I might pop and this heavy beef is like a tranquilizer.”

“What is tranquilizer?”

“It’s medicine that puts you in a deep sleep.”

“My love is very tired, I am too.”

Jamie turned lights out as we made our way upstairs. My heart hurt because we would spend another night without the love I craved. I knew Jamie. If he wanted to love me, nothing would stop him. I simply provided a convenient excuse to not make love for another night. We wrapped ourselves around each other and rode our dreams, mine coming a bit harder than his. 

This became our ritual for the next six days until I was out of excuses to help Jamie cover the fact that he did not want to make love to me. I went through the day working on my chore list while Jamie mended fences from the recent snow weight against it. The house was quiet when Glavia rested with Faith and Misses Crook cooked. I escaped to a hot shower, a sharp razer, and my favorite body wash. That did the trick and I felt relaxed and calm as I made my way to the bedroom, pushing the door closed with my foot before bending over and pulling the towel to my hair. I squeezed the excess water with the towel and stood up pushing my hair of my face. 

When Jamie spoke, I nearly jumped out of my skin and grabbed the towel around me feeling my face on fire from my blush. I looked down at my feet wanting to melt into the floor, embarrassed by my naked display while drying my hair. I inched toward the closet, stammering to say something.

“Stop.”

I froze in place and heard him leave the bed. I could feel his heat very close to me, in front of me, then behind me. Fingers touched the top of my shoulders, lightly, before running down my arm. I felt his breath on my hair and his fingers dragging up my arms. 

“Yer a bonnie vision Sassenach, every inch of ye as grand as the day we wed. Yer body hasna changed from pregnancy, yer arse is beggin to be touched. May I touch it mo chridhe? Please.”

I could feel his fingers on the back of my thighs creeping slowly closer to the towel. His touch was so light on my butt and I heard him gasp when his hand caressed me.

“Dear God,” he whispered.

I clutched the towel to me as his hands slowly came around my hips moving upwards. I thought I might pass out from the intensity of his touch and his breathing in my ear. I closed my eyes as his fingers touched the swell of my breasts. Every cell in my body was screaming at him to touch me, take me, force his will upon me until I screamed my release. When he covered my breast I sucked air involuntarily, irritated I had tipped my hand to my arousal. 

He turned me around to look at me, but I was suffering from my modesty. I felt his hand under my chin pulling my head up so he could look into my eyes. How could he not see my need for him? 

When his tongue invaded my mouth, I heard myself moan wantonly and was powerless to stop it as he pushed me to the bed and lifted me onto it. Still clutching the towel to me, he kissed me passionately, running his tongue down my throat and chest until he pressed it under the towel. I felt my nipples burning from the stimulation causing another moan when his hand covered my breast over the towel. 

“I would trade a year of my life to look at what is under the towel. Have pity on this love sick fool, lass. Let me see ye.” He was whispering with a horse, breathy voice that made the hair on my neck stand up. His eyes were dark and trained on the towel holding himself back from ripping it off. I tugged until the towel came loose and I pulled it away feeling my breasts bounce from the effort. Rather than mauling me he just stared at every inch of skin before touching me softly with the tips of his fingers. I could feel my heart banging in my chest and took puffs of air trying to regulate my oxygen deficit.

Feather-light touches on my arms, legs, breasts, and neck, he watched the skin he touched and kissed me deeply. I heard his sharp intake of air when he touched my inner thigh and I almost came from the intensity. He was in command and the pace of his exploration was pushing me into the stroke zone.

“My darling Sassench, breathe with me, relax yer quivering body and let me love ye.” 

I locked my eyes on his and followed his instruction, praying he would fill me with himself and claim me as his own. It was what I wanted desperately, for Jamie to show me my place in his world, right next to him, a slave to his pleasure and unending need. When he touched my inner thigh, he pushed them open and slid two fingers into my fold. I gasped and arched my back moaning without control. I felt his tongue in my mouth and almost lost it as his fingers invaded my body.

“This love will bring me to my knees or give me the strength of ten men. I have tried to resist ye mo chaileagan milis, to gain control over yer hold on me. I am sorry mo chridhe. I surrender to yer love woman, I crave ye, every minute of the day and night, I surrender. Open yer body and let me in.”

I spread my legs wide and looked into his dark eyes. He held my head and my gaze as he pushed into me. I could see the superhuman strength he used to go slow and I wanted the moment to be real, brutal if need be, a race to the finish if that is what he wanted. I ran my hands down his back and dipped between the cheeks of his butt running my finger from his balls to his anus making him growl like an animal. He devoured me and lost his mind at my touch. I lifted my knees to either side of him and kept my finger stroking his forbidden places while he pounded into me and sent me reeling to the stratosphere of the angels, barely aware of his extended growl as he pumped himself into me. He panted and clutched me to him while I kissed his neck and cheek. 

When he could breathe again, he turned my face to his and I was startled by the intensity in his eyes.

“You belong to me, now and forever,” he panted. 

I nodded my head yes and felt the assault of his possessive kisses. He was back, by my side, and we had both learned the most powerful lesson, love trumps all, and will not be denied. My fears and timid shyness left my body when I exhaled, and Jamie claimed the space as his own.

“Do not fear, love. I will ride the centuries with ye, after this life and into the next, I wilna be parted from ye. I promise.”

We napped in our embrace and when I opened my eyes he was still holding me, deep in sleep. I felt closer to him than ever before. 

“I will follow you to the ends of the earth, my love.” He pulled me to him and I dropped into the void of sleep again.

We allowed ourselves some time to eat and sleep and talk to Glavia and Misses Crook about what was ahead. Jamie drew the mountain and our property lines, penciling in a small house that they could share in the future in close proximity to our own. I was so glad they were coming with us, rather than finding a position with Jocasta’s friends. The latter would have been much more civilized and comfortable I’m sure, but we were a family now. The bonds forged delivering Faith, fighting off a rapist and thief, narrowly escaping death from the red coats, and time travel, were as strong as steel bands connecting us to each other and I was relieved for their company and help. Jocasta had offered a sizable stipend to both women for their brave loyalty. It would get them comfortably to a new post if they wanted to leave.

We hung on Jamie’s every word when he drew the map. There was a structure for making whisky, a good size barn with an outdoor pen for the smaller animals. A very large garden that Misses Crook gave a nod to.

“Misses Crook, do ye think it’s big enough to feed all of us with left-over to put up for winter?”

“Well, I…I should say so,” she stammered through her blush.

My hand found Jamie’s thigh for a squeeze of appreciation. He found things to ask Glavia as well like which walls to put the nursery windows on. He made them both feel like a part of this enormous project.

Glavia inspected the ten thousand acre piece of land and shook her head, “what will you do with so much land?”

“It’s a home to the Highlander settlers. Each family will have enough space to farm the rich black soil, smaller plots for a home and a business, like a blacksmith, saddle maker, or a tailor.” 

“I dinna see a kirk, Laird.” 

“Ah, that would be here Misses Crook, with windows overlooking a spectacular sight of the land below. A valley nestled between the mountains with a river running through it. I have seen many deer in the meadows, elk and buffalo. People will come to church just to gaze over the ridge and feel inspired and holy inside. The ridge runs all along the East side of the property. It’s why I named the settlement Fraser’s Ridge.”

I was bowled over by the reverence in Jamie’s voice and the careful consideration of the project. I couldn’t look away from his face until he touched my cheek, boldly kissing me in front of the women. 

When we were alone after supper, Jamie was reading in bed. I climbed on him, taking and giving until we were both completely spent. I could see Fraser’s Ridge in my mind and knew Jamie would bring his drawing to life, but he would have walked away, in fact, did walk away, to find me. I was a part of this story, alongside Jamie. I hoped I would be enough to truly help him.

After Hogmanay, we talked in earnest about going back. I realized Faith had outgrown the dress she jumped in five months ago and we would need wraps and new dresses as well. I purchased enough fabric for what we needed and white cotton to make Jamie a shirt. He was worried about Murtagh and it made him antsy. Misses Crook, Glavia, and I worked day and night to finish the garments and our excitement grew. 

I made arrangements with the neighbor’s son to feed the horses again explaining his duty was done when he found the barn empty. He lifted his shoulders and took the fifty dollar bill I handed him. 

My last indulgence in this century was good quality boots for the women and one little girl. They would be easily hidden under our skirts and last for years. I was delighted with my final purchase until I walked by a boutique with a lovely satin corset. I added silk stockings before rushing home. 

On the first day in February, our agreed day to jump, I was strangely nervous. Misses Crook could hardly tie my laces because her hands kept going back to the satin fabric. She helped me into my dress. A lovely yellow jacket and split front skirt with a white facing skirt with green vines that I had embroidered over for authenticity. Printed fabric was still far in the future. 

I was near panic for some reason, pacing our room until Jamie came in. He talked about leaving Murtagh with an enormous task when he jumped on the ship headed for Scotland. He hoped Murtagh went down the mountain before the snow covered the road and spent the worst of the weather at River run.

“You look bonnie in yer new dress Sassenach.” His fingers were touching me everywhere, making me confused in my nervous state. Murtagh flooded my head. Memories of him dropping Jamie’s treasures into the priest hole.

“Jesus Christ Jamie, all of your heirlooms and finery are buried on this property. Murtagh and I emptied the house just before the uprising, to protect it. Maybe we could all take something in our hands, the pieces that mean the most to you.”

“I love ye for thinkin of it but they arna that important, ye ken? Let’s leave them be.”

“Your father’s sword and your mother’s jewelry are here, we can take them with us, Jamie.”

The women were gathered in the parlor when we came flying down the stairs. Jamie had agreed to fifteen minutes of searching and no more. I ran into the crispy air and realized I was dressed for the eighteenth century and the priest hole was in a barn that was no longer there. My heart sunk until Jamie walked quickly to where he said the barn was and more specifically, the priest hole. He held a decorative sword that hung in the parlor which he carefully pushed into the dirt over and over again. I knew he wanted to find the treasure because fifteen minutes had come and gone several times, I was sure. 

“I’m sorry Sassenach, I canna find it. He drove the sword into the dirt up to the hilt and I heard a distinctive thud and saw Jamie’s startled face. It seemed everyone was speaking excitedly at once. I worried we were late to jump until I rolled my eyes at how ridiculous that was. We were not expected, and most people did not own a watch. I told the women to put Faith down for her nap and watch one last movie. Jamie grabbed a shovel from the barn and started digging. He reached the burlap sacks finally and started hauling them up. I worried when I didn’t see the sword but one last feel deep into the hole and Jamie pulled it out with a huge smile on his face.

Jamie was quick to fill the hole and join us inside where we sorted out the most important objects and put the others in their natural place around the house. Misses Crook and Glavia packed their corsets with miniature portraits, candlesticks, and the apostle spoons, a set of twelve beautifully ornate silver spoons. Try as we might, no one had room for Ellen’s jewelry box until an idea popped in my head. I pulled Jamie to the kitchen pulling heavy-duty rubber bands out of a drawer. I put my foot through the bands until there were a dozen around my ankle. I pulled up my skirts and held the jewelry box to my thigh so Jamie could wrap the bands around the box and my leg. 

I looked up, wondering why he was stalling. He was speechless and sputtering about my silk stockings, running his hand up to the lace and then down to my boot. He was spellbound for several minutes before he started moving again. He boldly pushed my skirts up until he could see both legs encased in silk. The skirts continued to rise until he saw the lower part of the satin corset. 

“Christ, if ye mean to kill me with waitin it might be quicker to just slit my throat Sassenach.”

“Well, wait you must because it’s time to jump.”

“I’m a lucky man mo chridhe. Are ye ready?”

We linked arms behind the barn. Jamie held Faith and I held the sword. Faith had fallen asleep again on Jamie’s shoulder, so we closed the circle and I pulled the biggest rock from the sack and closed my eyes, concentrating on River Run.

When I filled my lungs with cool, clean air, my smile almost hurt. Jamie helped us down off the rock and we all looked around for any witnesses, feeling relieved there were none. We started walking to whatever awaited us at River Run.

Jocasta was warm and welcoming. Jamie asked about Murtagh and she blushed when telling him he had been there for the past month but returned to the ridge a few days ago. I wondered what that blush was about but was thrilled he had gotten off the mountain for the worst of the winter.

We spent two days at the plantation and borrowed a wagon to get us all to our new home. Jocasta held me warmly telling me all she had added to the wagon to help our transition. I was grateful for all she had done for us, and especially so for her forgiving the disappearing act five months ago. We settled into the wagon feeling excitement and maybe a bit of apprehension. 

Like the first time to the ridge, we climbed the mountain for hours before Jamie pulled us to stop and stood up. 

“Sweet Jesus. How did he do it?”

I got to my feet and almost passed out from shock. There in front of us was a grand house, piles of split wood, and other materials. The house had to be a two-story and there was smoke rolling out of two chimneys. 

“How did he build this so fast, Jamie?”

“Sit Sassenach, let’s go find out.” 

As soon as I sat down the wagon moved forward right up to the front of house. I could hear men laughing inside and wondered how many men were in there. Jamie helped us all down and reached for Faith then we opened the front door to the most peculiar sight. Murtagh stood over a makeshift desk and ten black men looked over his shoulder, cracking jokes and laughing. I blinked several times thinking I would wake in the wagon after a nap. 

Murtagh looked up and seemed to freeze and stare at Jamie for a minute. Quick to Jamie’s side, he hugged his godson and his relief was clear on his smiling face. He hugged each of us, unabashedly, and looked into my eyes with tremendous warmth. “Welcome home, lass.”

“Murtagh, ye have some explainin to do. How did ye build this fine house during the five months I was gone then? And, uh, who are these men?”

“Except for the month we spent at River Run, they have been here to help, sent by the lovely Jocasta. There’s one thing I must tell ye Jamie. Here, they arna slaves, they are free men who get paid for their service.” 

Murtagh smiled and walked through the men. “As luck would have it, they are strong, they learn quickly, and they are willing to work as hard as I do. We sleep on the floor, together. They havna seen a cold night since they came and what I eat, they eat. We share equally. Most importantly, they are happy here.”

Jamie’s eyes were like saucers as he looked from one man to the other. All of them had decent shoes and warm clothes and looked genuinely happy.

“Does my aunt know what ye’ve done here?”

“They are a gift to you Jamie. She wouldna understand if I talked for days. They wilna be going back to River Run. Might I have a word outside?”

Jamie walked to the door and both men slipped outside. The women looked scared and mute, so I walked to the first man and stuck out my hand in introduction. I went to the next man, smiling in greeting. I asked him what he did here, and he told me he splits wood while another yelled “the best he’d ever seen.” I covered our handshake with my other hand and smiled into his proud eyes. I moved to the next man noticing that Glavia had followed my example and was meeting the former slaves. 

I learned much about these men. Mostly their happiness about the opportunity to work, be paid, be admired and appreciated as free men. What has Murtagh done here I wondered. One of the men offered hot beans as a meal and we were all ravenous. They made short work of finding things for us to sit on and we were handed a hot bowl of beans. The men sat on the floor and ate with us. Faith went from one man to the other, touching his face or arms, accepting a bite of beans when offered. We laughed at her innocence and fearless interaction with these dark-skinned men. She didn’t seem to notice they were different from us because they weren’t. It took the innocent eyes of a baby to see them as her father’s equal. I felt such pride in her. By the time I felt Jamie behind me he had seen enough to be almost speechless. One of the men held a bowl of beans out to him and Murtagh and they sat among us and ate. 

I was quite aware of the miracle I was witnessing and wondered how the future would pan out for them. How could they be returned to indentured servants after knowing freedom, happiness, and pride? I looked to Murtagh and then Jamie. 

“Fraser’s Ridge will not abide slavery,” he announced. “Men of all colors, who can prove their worth as a member of this community will be welcomed and given land to farm. We will let it be known, when a man crosses the line into Fraser’s Ridge, he is free.”

Murtagh smiled at his godson and Jamie looked at me with bright eyes, like he just solved the problems of the century. Because he did. I figured there would be those who oppose us, and those to sue us, maybe those to try and hurt us. It is the price of freedom for these men and we would fight for them. I had a very high opinion of our Laird and felt safe in his decision to give them protection.

I stayed in that pink bubble all afternoon and was anxious to ask Jamie about it when we were alone. When the men retired near the fire Jamie looked for a secluded place for the women to sleep. There were very few walls up on the interior of the house but the ladies were happy with a quiet corner. Too exhausted to care I imagine. Once they were bedded down with blankets and Faith between them Jamie took my hand and led me up the stairs to a place of our own. Only a small area of the upstairs had a rudimentary floor so we snuggled close together. 

“Jamie, I have never been more proud of you than I was today. I am so thrilled we can give these men a better life. How do you plan to handle the opposition?”

“I have no idea, Sassenach, but keep a sharp eye for those who will fight us.”

Pop goes the bubble as he pulled me to him. I couldn’t think anymore and let Jamie’s rhythmic breathing pull me under. 

It was the start of a grand adventure that would surely test our metal in the first years. Jamie held the bill of sale for all of the freed slaves in case we were challenged for our right to them. It happened a few times, local militia would ride in and demand to see papers on all ten men. Jamie was formidable and his dominance in this land was unmistakable. They would ride off and we would all get back to work taking quite some time before the ten of them would relax. 

Jamie made it a priority to build our barn and we all agreed to spend many more nights on the floor so we could rescue our horses from Lallybroch. Jamie bought feed and hay from a merchant in town and we were well stocked when we decided to take our final jump. I felt very familiar with Fraser’s Ridge and confident I could get us back to this very spot. It would be my only failure jumping. We landed on the big rock outside of River Run with two horses, scared shitless at being on a slippery rock so high above the ground. Jamie jumped down and coaxed Donus to jump.

“Sassenach, if ye please, wake Brimstone up so she will see him jump off the rock. I think he’s ready.”

It wasn’t too much longer before Donus took an exaggerated leap of faith and jumped off the rock. Jamie mounted his horse with a proud smile that promptly fell off when Brimstone fell asleep again and I yawned. 

“Ye must work with her to make her jump Sassenach and she’s asleep so ye must try harder.”

We had been on this rock for hours and I was exhausted. I pulled Brimstone to the edge of the rock and dropped to my butt and then onto the ground. She was so high above me I could barely hold her reins but clucked and kissed to her until she leaped to the ground dropping her head to savor the early grasses that grew as far as the eye could see. 

“We’re gonna lose the sun soon Sassenach. Are ye ready to ride?”

I climbed on Brimstone like a man, a leg on both sides of her, and signaled a quick canter which put me in the lead for the race home. Jamie stayed behind me all the way to the ridge and I knew it was the protectiveness of my husband and not my superior riding ability. We let the horses walk and cool off for the last mile and rode into Fraser’s Ridge with calls from those who saw us. Calls of welcome and camaraderie that made goosebumps crawl up my spine. I felt a sense of home, as I did the first two years at Lallybroch before the uprising. My smile was obvious, and Jamie took my hand for a moment and kissed it. Jamie would destroy my beautiful rocks in the morning, and I was quite alright with that.

Small houses went up quickly for the men, followed by land clearing for their farming, and building coups for chickens and pens for goats and pigs. By the second year, our house was finished and fancy, acres were cultivated for sprouting seed in the spring, and settlers came to view the land and speak to Jamie about joining the community. It was very slow going as most of them left and never returned. Then, a Highland family spent time with us, met the freed slaves, looked at a plot of land they would call home and shook hands with their new Laird, beaming smiles at their new home. Everyone pitched in to build a home for the young couple and their two children. Faith was overwhelmed with glee seeing tiny people like her. The children were free to explore and play with sixteen sets of eyes on them throughout the day. It was a slice of heaven for them and it often took three or four buckets of water to clean the mud and grime off her before bed. 

The first family seemed to break the ice in our burgeoning community and soon there were more families. Some were farmers, some were businesses. By the end of the third year, we had a blacksmith and a tanner, as well as five new families that farmed. I always wondered what I would do to fit in as I did not have any skills other than smiling in front of a camera or walking the wood. From morning until night, I was on my feet doing something crucial that would solve a problem, or tend a task that would feed us for the year to come. I dug my shovel into sprouting barely and spread it across the malting floor of our whisky room, put up tomatoes, beets, peaches, and apples, sealing them for the long winter ahead. 

When new settlers came with slaves Jamie would speak to the husband about giving up ownership of his slaves before crossing the line into Fraser’s Ridge. I would watch the exhausted wife smiling as she gazed into a community that would offer her a home and a community to belong to. Eventually, the bills of sale would land in Jamie’s palm and the wagon would roll across the line into Fraser’s Ridge.

Newcomers were put up in our house and I would care for the weary and sometimes wary settlers. Newly freed female slaves had the hardest time and I took extra care to explain Fraser’s Ridge and what their new freedom meant. We built two houses for them, three women in each, and they found work with child care, and cooking, finally showing signs of happiness once the truth of their freedom settled in. There were six women that were brought to the Ridge and freed. In a matter of months, four of them fell in love and were married. 

Jamie took me out, deep into the forest to teach me how to shoot the rifle and pistol. I could hardly sleep the night before, finally to be taught to defend myself. I would no longer feel fear when Jamie was away for an extended time and that meant so much to me. We made many trips, just the two of us, and the time was golden because we were alone to explore topics of conversation or take a break in the shade to tease each other or make love. It was a time to be remembered.

One autumn morning, I pulled my cloak against the cold as I returned from the whisky building. There was a package at our door, and I ran to it, excited to see what I had ordered. I cut the string and pulled the cloth open hearing my gasp at such a beautiful bible. It was large, like the family bibles I had seen at Lallybroch and I couldn’t wait to start recording the births and milestones of our family on the ridge. Tonight I will tell Jamie we will welcome another loved child to our family. He was so busy with his duties in the community I don’t think he noticed the three months without a period. I wrapped my arms around my stomach and smiled with anticipation.


	14. Life On The Ridge

I spent some time writing in our new bible, however, my excitement over telling Jamie I was pregnant kept stealing my thoughts. I would catch myself gazing into space seeing a newborn at my breast. Misses Crook asked me several times if I was well and finally laid her hand on my shoulder with a knowing smile. I looked up at her with wide eyes and she said no more. How could she know I was pregnant I wondered? I cleaned up the main room a bit and helped Misses Crook with dinner, followed by Glavia and Faith. It was getting rather crowded in the kitchen and I wasn’t feeling that well, so I excused myself to my room. The nausea eased when I laid down, so I gave in to fatigue and closed my eyes with an abstract worry taking hold in my stomach.

I dreamed I was being pushed to the curtain to start my walk. Many hands guiding me to the stage as the garment rustled around my feet. The pain in my abdomen brought me to my knees and I heard the collective gasp of those around me as they pulled me up. The pain passed and I walked quickly to take my first step into the audience, seeing girls coming back and disappearing into the curtain. Two steps and the pain gripped me once again. I tried to put one foot in front of the other until it drove me to my knees again and stole my ability to breathe.

My eyes slammed open as the pain sliced through me making me moan and clutch my knees. What the fuck is happening! Pain came again and felt like a wave flowing through my abdomen until I screamed. I knew this was some kind of food poisoning, I had seen it before when a tenant ate spoiled meat. I just had to endure until it worked its way out of my body. I closed my eyes when another wave came and panicked when I felt severe nausea threaten to spill my lunch all over the bed. 

Misses Crook came running into my room and brought the chamber pot close to the bed. I felt her cool hand on my sweaty head and then a damp rag over my eyes. I wasn’t aware of time passing as I drifted in and out of sleep, or consciousness. I felt a cool rag on my face and heard Misses Crook calm me as she lifted my skirts. What the hell was she doing? I couldn’t ask her because the pain suddenly gripped me, and I heard myself moan loudly as I held my knees. My skirts were untied and pulled off me. I wanted to shout at Misses Crook, but I could not utter a word as the pain rippled through me. Towels were shoved under my lower half as I clutched the sheets and clenched my teeth. I just had to vomit or rid myself of diarrhea from the food poisoning. Then I would be fine. 

When the pain came again, I turned my head to the pillow and screamed feeling a gush of warm fluid come out of me and expel one of my organs. I dearly hoped I didn’t need it. That did it. The pain left me, and I breathed in relief feeling sweat roll down my temple. Misses Crook was wrapping my organ in cloth and cleaning me up. I wanted to tell her it was over, not to worry, but lost consciousness and drifted in my sick sleep. I surfaced twice and heard Misses Crook whispering to someone. I was buried in quilts and shivering with cold. The next time I woke I called to Misses Crook and she looked heartbroken as she sat on the bed and mopped my face. I watched her as the tragedy of my loss took shape in my mind. The sadness on her face told me to prepare for a truth that would break my heart.

“Misses Crook?”

“I’m so sorry Claire.”

Tears rolled down her cheeks and she held my hands as I started to cry. I drifted in darkness, asleep I think, until I woke myself up crying. 

“I’m here, love.”

The room was dark and Jamie held me close to his warmth. Sweet Jamie had the sniffles and I worried he was catching a cold. No, that wasn’t it. He knew our baby died today and he had cried. I turned toward him and buried my face in his chest, feeling his arms come around me, he stroked my hair, and calmed me with his beautiful Gaelic. It was a story about love I think, and it lulled me back to sleep. By morning, I was thinking clearly and understood I lost the baby. Jamie stayed in bed with me until mid-morning when I got up with a deep sigh.

“Thank you, Jamie, for staying with me, for grieving with me. You are the best man I’ve ever known, and I am so sorry.”

“Ye tried to bring me a child Claire, but God called him home. I celebrate your love for wee ones and I believe God will bless us with another. Your pain will fade lass, I promise, and he lives in our hearts forever.”

“He?”

“Christian Alexander Mackenzie Fraser. Please, Claire, I couldna put him in the ground wi’out a name. I hope yer not mad.”

“How could I be? You loved your son enough to give him a proper name and bury him.”

“I will work extra hard next season so we can have a grave marker carved for him.”

I was overwhelmed with Jamie’s sensitivity and love. I had known a few women of my time that miscarried and did nothing like what Jamie did. Somehow, it made me feel better he was named and buried, someday to be joined by the parents and family that loved him. I cupped Jamie’s cheek and felt I owed him my soul for what he had done. He kissed me softly and asked me to rest today and then he was gone to welcome a new family to the ridge. 

I stayed in my room for two days and asked Misses Crook not to mention the miscarriage to anyone. Since no one else knew about the pregnancy, it seemed easier if people didn’t offer sympathy. What Jamie did burying our son made all the difference to me as he had a name and a place in the kirkyard. He existed.

When the calendar was turned to November, winter rolled in with a vengeance. Many of us went outside to see the beautiful snowfall and a big fire was started to keep us warm until nightfall. A cauldron of warm cider sat above a low fire and we toasted the storm and each other. I loved impromptu gatherings to spend time with my neighbors and friends. There would be far less of that during the cold days of winter, so I hugged them all extra hard.

It had been months since the miscarriage and I felt better every day, mentally and physically. I lost myself in the new books we had ordered to get us through the cold months. Jamie sat next to me on the sofa and asked me to read out loud while he cuddled with me. He looked closely at me and smiled as if to say, I’m glad you’re back. The pages turned as the story unfolded and Jamie pulled a strand of my hair out and twisted it around his finger. He pulled me closer to him and kissed my neck, then ran his tongue from my shoulder blade to my jaw making me squirm in his embrace. 

“Sassenach, ye look flushed, are ye alright lass?”

I gave him a side-eye and continued to read. Misses Crook was right around the corner cooking dinner and could easily surprise us. I tucked the strand of hair back into my pins and cleared my throat. Jamie played with my skirt, inching it up slowly until I slapped his hand. 

“I like it when ye fight me wife, yer so adorable when ye do it. I am ready for a midday nap, will ye join me?”

I almost laughed at the invitation, as if Jamie needed permission to rip my clothes off and have his way with me. I couldn’t resist him, and he knew it, but I acted distracted to heighten his ardor. The pages continued to turn while Jamie ran his big hand down my back, pulling me into a hug where he could run his hand down my breast and pinch a nipple. I opened my mouth to breathe exposing my arousal and I felt his interest shoot up. 

“Dinna scream mo chridhe.”

Before I knew it, Jamie held me firmly and pushed his hand under my skirt and up my legs. I was horrified someone would walk in on us and see something impossible to forget. I felt his finger open my fold and his hand was back in his lap in seconds.

“Ye canna hide your honey drippin for me, love. Now, be a good lass and go to our room takin every stitch off ye sweet body before ye lay on the bed, quiet and willin. I’m comin to love ye Sassenach and I will have my way with ye, that I can promise.”

He whispered the last part of the sentence and looked at me indecently through dark eyes. My heart rate shot to the moon and I squeezed my thighs together. 

“Be gone with ye.”

I bolted toward the stairs calling for Misses Crook to assist me as Jamie walked outside. I was breathless as my laces were pulled and I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. Now out of my dress, I thanked Misses Crook and feigned a yawn as she left. I laid on the bed, naked, as requested, looking at my mental pictures of Jamie’s favorite positions. “Mmmm, yes that one.”

“Yer a minx alright, my lovely wife. Just what were ye plannin to do with that finger inchin down yer stomach? I’m yer husband, and I want ye to show me.”

I looked at him through slit eyes and watched him pull his clothes off. His erection was large and purple making my arousal almost hurt. My core was throbbing and I pulled him to me, but he resisted and told me to continue. He ran his finger into my fold and my back arched as I moaned. I saw him suck his finger into his mouth and that was so sexy I threw caution to the wind and buried my finger between my legs. 

“I canna see mo chridhe, open yer legs, it will be far better, I promise.”

My legs slammed open as my finger found my bud, swollen, and engorged. I whimpered his name until my breath caught as I pulled my arousal up to dangerous heights. Jamie watched me closely and settled between my legs, his face inches from my finger. I was close to climax and my chest was heaving for air. Just before my release, Jamie pulled my finger away making me cry out for him. He got off the bed and searched my drawers until he found a belt which he used to tie my wrists to the headboard. 

“Jamie please.”

“In just a moment my love, I want ye all to m’self, yer lovely body belongs to me. Relax and breathe mo chridhe, this is gonna take a while.”

When he belted my arms to the headboard his erection danced not an inch from my mouth. I opened my mouth and tried to lift my head to it but couldn’t reach him. I tried to scoot my head under him and suck his magnificent balls into my mouth and became frustrated I could not reach him. Jamie looked down at me and told me to open my mouth before he pressed his cock into my mouth crashing into my throat. I was immobile and lost myself to his cock gliding over my tongue, nearly choking me. He pulled himself away from me and walked to the whisky we always kept in our room. Rather than fill a glass he tipped the bottle to his mouth as he walked back. 

He ran his hand down my breast, stomach, and legs, and then tipped the bottle to my mouth. I couldn’t refuse if I wanted to and felt my mouth fill with the strong spirit followed by Jamie’s cock buried in the liquid. I swallowed as best I could and felt him yank out of my mouth. I looked at him with a warning not to torture me and heard a chuckle out of him. 

“My love, this will take some time so ye need to relax and calm yerself.”

I looked into his eyes and growled like I wanted to tear him apart. One of his balls was shoved into my mouth and I was told to suck it, which I did, gladly.

“Open yer legs love.”

A fat finger invaded my body and I pressed against it wanting it deeper before it was gone again. I whimpered and moaned, feeling true pain in my throbbing core. Jamie kissed me and descended, placing kisses along my stomach and lower until he kissed my clit and I lost my mind. His tongue took possession of my sacred place as he sucked and flicked until I tumbled into the erotic abyss. I felt my stomach jerk into my orgasm and felt Jamie’s tongue on me while I took flight. 

When I became aware of my successful landing on earth, I still felt Jamie’s tongue on me. Ordinarily, he watched me spin into oblivion but this time he stayed between my legs. I felt his warm hands moving up my sides and wrap around my shoulders as my head cleared. He pulled me toward his mouth until his tongue was forced against me. It made me tingle and the harder he pressed down on my shoulders the more erotic it became. I was astounded he could pull my heat up that fast and was thrashing and grinding my core against his mouth minutes later. He pushed me off a precipice that threatened my sanity and I drifted in the erotic, pulsing fog for several minutes. 

I heard him growling, low and quiet, and knew it was a spontaneous sound triggered by dangerous arousal. When I landed back in our bed my one thought was to gift him the same new level of abandon. What came to my mind was to push him away, stimulating the beast, the part of Jamie that was beyond social courtesy. The beast was brutal and limitless. 

“Take this belt off my hands, Jamie.” It was not a request.

He stared at my breasts and licked his lips, but he released the belt and I rolled away from him and got up. He materialized in front of me so fast I ran into him feeling his hand grip my hair and pull my head back viciously. His mouth hovered above mine as he gripped my nipple and shook my breast hard before his tongue made my knees weak. He walked me to a chair and pushed my face into his groin telling me to suck lightly and pulling my head away from him if there was too much pressure. I smiled drunkenly, understanding what he needed. A feather touch of my mouth wide open. He pushed my head to the side so he could watch me, pulling my head back for another mouthful of whiskey. 

I felt the room sway a bit, but the buzz was driving my arousal. When he pushed my mouth onto his cock again, he quickly pulled me up and spun me around before he impaled me. I was so wet and felt him slide into my depths making me quake with need. I tried to increase the tempo, I wanted the friction to make me come but he pulled me to him and leaned back in the chair so I couldn’t move. Every few minutes he would pull me up and let me slide down on him again. Each time I would gasp when he filled me until I was moaning for him to take me, roughly. I needed the beast. 

When he released me, I jumped off of him and knelt between his legs. I pulled his cock to my lips and asked for the beast. He watched me open my mouth and his chest heaved a breath of air ending in a growl of warning. I kept teasing him, making my request and finally, he shoved himself into my mouth and held me against his body before ramming into my throat several times. I felt him lift me to the bed and turn me to the mattress before inching behind me, like a predator sizing up his meal. He pulled my hips up and caressed my butt as he lifted himself to his knees. I knew the beast was behind me and felt my stomach quiver with excitement. 

“I’m gonna love ye lass and I have no more strength to resist the pull of yer drippin honey pot. Ye’ve pushed me to my limit so run if ye have the strength, lock yerself away from me if ye can. I’m comin for ye.”

When he pushed into me, I could tell he was momentarily sidetracked watching his cock sink deep into me. I feared the beast would be in his box before Jamie let him ravish me. I rammed my body against him, pushing him deeper into me and was overcome with the stimulating depths. That did it. The beast was in control and rammed into me mercilessly, pulling my upper body toward his chest he spread my legs wide with his own giving him deeper access where only the beast had been before. He flipped me to the bed and held my ankles up in the air as he rammed me and watched my body open to his assault. He pulled my legs open, still in the air, and growled into a dozen powerful thrusts before he held my pelvis against him and emptied his seed into me.

Jamie dropped to my side panting for his life, pulling me nearly under him again. He pushed the hair out of my face and kissed me before dropping his head to the mattress beside me. I could hear him struggle to breathe and smiled to myself.

“Yer a rare woman Sassenach,” he panted. “So refined to the outside world. Thank God, or I’d be fightin every bucky in the county for ye. Ye fascinate me wild cat, and I love ye for it.”

He pulled me to him and spooned me so he couldn’t see my triumphant smile. I let him pull me into a restful nap and felt his hands up and down my arms in his sleep.

I woke refreshed and stretched before rolling off the bed to get dressed. Damn corsets. I called for Misses Crook and Glavia materialized to pull my laces and help me dress. My breasts pushed up by the corset burned with heat that intensified when my jacket was pulled against them. When my skirts were tied, Glavia gushed about the progress Faith was making with her letters and I promised to come in the next day and observe her lessons. 

I felt uncomfortable through dinner and didn’t know why. I found myself staring at Jamie’s face, animated in conversation. If he looked at me, I quickly looked away feeling foolish. I scrubbed dishes after the evening meal, lost in my thoughts, remembering his powerful body take control of me. When a serving dish slipped into the water Misses Crook sent me to bed saying I was not up to task and likely to break something. I walked slowly up the stairs feeling every step push my inner thigh against my core. I closed the door and leaned against it breathing heavily, almost panting. I couldn’t take this pain and throbbing. I realized Jamie had prepared me for a release that never happened and now I was in poor condition to sleep. 

I left the house, looking in all the outbuildings until I found him stoking the peat fires under the malting floor of the whisky building. Even in winter, this building was unbearably hot and I watched his unclad upper body flex until his shiny muscles bulged. It was too much for me, I didn’t care how or where he made it happen, but it needed to happen. He pulled me deeper into the building where the heat from the peat fires made me sweat and my dress stuck to my skin. He pulled off my jacket and asked if that was better. I smiled at him feeling shy and needy. 

“Do ye know I love ye more than anything in this world?” he whispered. “Ye are my angel, my dearest love.” 

He pushed his erection into my stomach, and I was surprised he was ready to love me again. Hot kisses drove what was left of my sanity away and when he sucked on my neck, I felt his hand moving up my leg under my skirt. I let him push me down on the soft mounds of peat.

“It’s time to kiss the angels love.” 

He dropped to my clit and sucked it, flicking is tongue viciously. When I fell into the cyclonic wind of my orgasm, he pushed into me and chased his own release. I felt like a bowl of jello, completely dependent on the glass bowl to keep me together. Too exhausted to speak I watched Jamie pull his shirt and coat on and then lift me into his arms. It was dark enough to slip into the back door and climb the stairs silently before dropping into bed under the warm quilt. 

“My darling love,” whispered into my ear, “you are so much fun. Yer honesty sets me free.”

I wasn’t sure I really heard it, or what it meant, but his silky voice lulled me to sleep.

After Hogmanay, Jamie and Murtagh made the trek to check on families outside our community. They would be gone all day. I bundled Faith up and sent her outside with a large bowl of juicy scraps from recent meals and asked her to dump it into the pig's feeder. She came flying back through the front door and screamed to me that men were holding Mister Jackson and his face was bleeding. I grabbed my cloak, shoved a pistol into my belt, and loaded the rifle. I was shaking inside and steeled my nerves hoping the rifle didn’t tremble and give my fear away. 

I could see Jackson being held down by three men who were taunting him. It looked like he was already beaten. I raised the rifle to my shoulder walking quickly toward the men. I took a shot splintering bark and a chunk of wood off the closest tree. I kept walking and cocked the rifle aiming it right at the head of the biggest man. The three of them looked shocked and said they were rounding up their escaped slaves. 

“Back away gentlemen. That man is not one of your escaped slaves and I can prove it. I hold the bill of sale for him. Move away before I shoot one of you, intentionally or otherwise.”

I could see the men sizing me up, not knowing to stay or go. When I heard my name, I gave them a last warning.

“You three idiots need to move away and high tail away from this place. Someone is coming for you and it will not be pleasant, I promise.”

Jamie had called my name from the road into the ridge, so I knew he was running to back me up. I was starting to lose my nerve with these reluctant men who could easily kill Jackson if they decided to. Please hurry Jamie.

One of the men lurched forward and fell on the ground as Jamie came out of nowhere and grabbed a second man. I trained the rifle on the third man just as I heard neighbors coming to help. Jackson was taken to his house so his wounds could be cleaned up and the three men were tied up and pushed into the wagon. Murtagh carefully took the rifle from me and smiled before joining Jamie in the wagon. Later that night Jamie told me the men were tied to a tree and left for the night. I imagined the temperature dipped to freezing and below. I hoped it would be enough to keep them away.

It was a relief to finally welcome spring in our sixth year on the ridge. As the snow melted and the days warmed up the community was a buzz of activity. Fences had to be mended, the land newly turned in preparation for planting, baby goats and pigs were born, and more families arrived to see the Ridge. The renewal of spring made everyone happy it seemed.

A young man arrived today, looking lost and fearful. He said he was a preacher and his name was Daniel, sent to the Ridge to preach for the community of God-loving souls. I thought him too young to be so pompous. I giggled at his puffed out chest which was soon deflated and a youngster’s blush colored his face. I decided he was perfect and took it upon myself to walk him through the community and introduce him to the settlers. 

“If I may be so bold madam, may I ask about what I have heard in town, the very thing that prompted my coming here?”

I looked at him thinking it was a strange question. “Of course, preacher, what have you heard?”

He looked to his right and left and stepped closer to me, “do you have freed slaves living in the community?”

I smiled at his whispered question, “yes, we do not allow slavery, indentured servants, on the Ridge. Sixteen men and women were freed and now live here. They are friends and neighbors who we value like any of the others.”

His eyes were wide and he smiled, “remarkable, and praise God! But are they truly free Misses Fraser?”

“Well, they cannot leave here as freed people, they would be claimed and returned to slavery. Jamie holds the ownership papers for all of them and must take them out from time to time when we are challenged. It isn’t perfect, but they are happy here with their families, making their own living on the goods they grow and very committed to the community.” 

Daniel met with Jamie and they talked for a good bit of the afternoon. When they stood and shook hands, Jamie was all smiles and I knew we had a new preacher. There was a small living space built into the church that Daniel would live in and I looked forward to our first sermon the following Sunday. I made sure to pass the word and invite everyone to the service. 

A few days later I walked Jamie out to the wagon and kissed him with my arms around his waist.

“I’ll be home tomorrow Sassenach and bring ye the sweet soap ye love so much and a promised candy for Faith.”

The wagon rolled away empty and would return in a day loaded down with supplies for the coming growing season. 

I heard ladies giggling as a group of women were walking toward the house. I watched them move down the trail with the sun dappling through the leaves on this spring morning. It was a sight to behold, young and old, black and white, working and living together on the ridge. I shook my head and ran to the house to prepare for hours of dyeing wool.

There was much talk throughout the afternoon, but one comment was worrisome. One of the ladies had stopped to meet Daniel, the preacher, and gave him a pie. 

“He stared at the pie until I left. The man is skin on bones, have ye seen him, Claire?”

“Yes, but he was wearing his black coat and I failed to notice how thin he was. Excuse me a minute, please.”

That poor man had not asked for a thing and was probably living off the treats given to him as a welcome. I grabbed a basket and went through my kitchen taking everything ready to eat. Bread, cheese, and dried meat filled the basket. I found Glavia in the nursery doing lessens with Faith and asked her to take the basket to the preacher at the church. In my mind, he was drawing his last breath from starvation, so I asked her to hurry. When she returned, I was pulled away again for the strangest request.

“You want what? My dear, I would love to purchase fabric to make you a new dress. We can make a day of it and bring Faith, as soon as Jamie gets back.”

Her disappointment was clear as I headed back to our work table. There was nothing I could do this instant without fabric which I did not have. 

Misses Crook and I cleaned up the mess and served dinner with ale, watered down for Faith. We all missed Jamie when he was away, especially me, and Faith a close second. Many nights when he was gone, I suffered with insomnia and found it the loneliest of maladies. When my eyes opened with the new dawn, I was happy that had not happened the night before and I was well-rested. Jamie would be home today and tomorrow was Sunday, there was much to look forward to.

All of us walked the path to the church the next morning feeling very happy in the cool morning. Jamie looked up at the church and declared a large bell was needed to bring the flock in for the sermon. I chuckled at him and kept walking. After the sermon, we waited to shake hands and welcome Daniel one more time. I introduced Misses Crook and Faith but Glavia had vanished. We pushed away letting the next person in line shake the preacher’s hand as I continued to look for Glavia.

As we approached the house, I could see Glavia sitting outside like she was waiting for someone. She jumped to her feet when she saw us and smiled from ear to ear. 

“I am ready to go.”

“Where are you going?”

“To town to buy fabric for my dress!”

“Sweetheart, the shops are not open on Sunday. I am so sorry, but we have to wait one more day.”

She walked to her room with her head down and mumbled to Faith to come with her and practice her letters. I looked at Misses Crook and raised my eyebrows.

“Dinna fash Mistress, the lass is in love and wilna come out of the house until she has something fancy to put on.”

“You don’t say!” I could hear Jamie laughing as he walked into the house and I stood closer to Misses Crook, “who does she love?”

“The preacher.”

I am quite sure my mouth dropped open and stayed that way for some time. That is how shocked I was. I couldn’t imagine a girl falling love because of a single sermon and then I remembered sending her with food for Daniel. Preachers are supposed to be righteous people, but they can still hurt a young girl with unrequited love. I truly hoped that didn’t happen. 

As promised, we went to town on Monday. Jamie and Murtagh spent time in the tavern while we shopped for fabric and some spices. Glavia was thrilled with a beautiful royal blue fabric for a split skirt and jacket. Lace for making inserts at the elbows for fancy parties and church. I chose light-weight red wool with white lace for an underskirt and yarn of the same color for a warm cowl. I purchased my spices and we went to find Jamie. It was always exciting to be in town with all the people and goings-on. I took in the sights as we waited for Jamie and Murtagh to come out. 

Glavia put her hand in mine and looked up to see her cowering in front of two very rude men.

“Leave us alone!” I snapped, and they turned and ran their eyes up and down my body. I pulled the shaking Glavia to me and whispered not to fear. I knew Jamie was within earshot of us if it came to that.

The ugly one held up a coin and leered at me, then added a coin and I scoffed at him. 

“Do I look like a prostitute sir?”

He showed me another coin and grabbed me around the waist. I rolled my eyes and batted him about the head with my parasol, finally sticking the pointy end into his ribs with all my strength. The man yelped and took off with his toothless friend without so much as an apology. I huffed and pulled my jacket down. When I finally looked up, I saw Jamie and Murtagh leaning against the wall watching me. I know I blushed because I felt the heat on my cheeks. Jamie’s eyes were shining with pride and Murtagh was just highly amused. 

Glavia thanked me profusely and I looked her over for any injuries letting my gaze settle on a smug Jamie, chewing on a piece of wood. 

“You could have come to my aid!”

”What, and miss that brutal attack? Yer a warrior woman, and I am doomed to make ye my enemy. Walk with me so I can protect ye from the other idiots in the street.” 

When Murtagh squeezed my upper arm muscle and shook his hand like it was burned I huffed at both of them. Feeling Jamie’s arm around my waist I looked at him wondering why he didn’t help us.

He ran his finger down my jaw, “Sassenach, I walked out of the tavern as you were thrashing the man. I could have pulled him away to pummel him, but I wanted ye to know yer strength and ability. Besides, I probably would have killed him and been dragged to jail for murder. And ye were so cute and feisty,” he chuckled, “red cheeks, given him what for.”

He pulled me closer and continued to laugh, asking Murtagh if he saw me stab the bloke with my wee parasol like it was a sword. The two of them were having quite a laugh and I finally gave in to my own laughter which allowed Glavia and Faith to giggle as well. 

Misses Crook pushed me upstairs when we got home saying all heroes need their rest. I grabbed Faith’s hand and pulled her into bed with me and we giggled as we tumbled into the soft feather mattress. I pressed my forehead into hers and smiled.

“I hope you weren’t scared sweetheart.”

“I was so proud of you mommy and I smiled when you stabbed that man.”

“My sweet little girl, you should not see such things at your tender age.” I pulled her to me, suddenly aware of Jamie looming above us. His eyes were soft and tender watching us, but he launched into a lesson for his daughter.

“Nonsense, the wee lassie is in training.” He dropped behind Faith and tickled her a bit. “Look no further than yer ma to show you how to be a lady but fierce underneath. Make no mistake my wee love, she has the heart and courage of a warrior so let her teach ye. Now, I want to take my two lasses to the river to fish for supper.”

With that, he took our hands and led us outside to the stream. There was silly joking between Faith and her father but when they laid on the big rock that hung over the water, they became deadly serious. Faith did just as Jamie did and watched his hand through the water. My yawns were getting hard to hide and I doubted they would notice if I laid down in the warm grass for a bit. Just as I was drifting off there was a loud splashing of water and Jamie’s happy cry followed by Faith screaming in horror. I sat up in time to see her little hand around a fat fish and she was terrified, throwing the fish at Jaime and running to my lap. Jamie chased the flopping fish until he could grab it making short work of ending its life. He walked toward us pulling out his knife and I shook my head side to side. He retreated behind the rock and emerged with two gutted fish ready to cook. 

“How is that for fierce?” I smiled at him.

“It’s a start, mo chridhe.”

Jamie showed Faith how to spit the fish and start a fire. She watched with great interest, inches from him as he struck the flint and blew life into the flame. Our stomachs churned smelling the cooking fish and we feasted until we couldn’t take another bite. 

Faith laid between us and listened to Jamie’s story about Lallybroch and the adventures he had there. My mind drifted back to my own time where people were slaves to their mobile devices, social media, television, and fifty-hour workweeks. Parents were always striving to spend quality time with their children. I wondered if they ever ate by a stream and fell asleep together in the sun. I rather doubted it.


	15. The Bear

My thigh muscles were burning walking up the steep hill to fetch Faith. She is helping a neighbor make apple and peach pies today and it was time for her lessons. Everywhere I look the fields are ripe and nearly ready to harvest. The summer has gifted us with huge crops from perfect rain and sun. The Ridge will do quite well this year.

I have had a low-boil of excitement for the past two months due to no period. What I wouldn’t give for a nearby Walgreens that sells early pregnancy tests. I will just have to wait and pray I was given another chance.

Once we socialized for a while and I admired the beautiful pies, Faith thanked the neighbor and we left for the trek home. I watched her lesson and was very impressed with the math she was doing wondering what a young lady in the 18th century would do with such a gift. It was making my head hurt to think about it, so I excused myself to lay down for a bit. Fighting fatigue is my greatest challenge lately and I find it best to give in and close my eyes each afternoon. 

When the bed shook under me I knew Jamie had come to check on me. His warm hands slid down my arms and I yawned and turned toward him smiling. 

“Are ye well, Sassenach?”

“Yes.”

“Ye dinna nap in the day usually, until recently. I canna wait any longer lass. Are ye with child?”

“Yes, I believe I am.”

He exhaled audibly and pulled me to him. He touched me like I might shatter with the slightest pressure and I smiled at him. 

“I won’t break sweetheart. Perhaps I can show you just how strong I am?”

I reached for his breeks only to have him capture my hands and kiss them. “Another time my love. We are bringin in Floyd’s fields today and they’re waitin on me.”

He kissed my forehead and jumped from our bed. I knew he would be gone until after sunset and I sighed deeply before getting up myself. I found Faith helping Misses Crook shuck corn cobs in the kitchen and kissed her cheeks until she giggled. Glavia still did lessons with Faith every day but was quick to join the man who was courting her in the afternoon. Several times per week Daniel would come for her and they would walk and talk. 

I watched them at social gatherings and saw true interest in Daniel. He watched her, always, when she was away from him and his face lit up when she returned. Glavia was sold into servitude by her parents at a young age, but her sharp intellect allowed her to self learn mathematics, literature, history, and advanced writing. Her hunger for knowledge always impressed me but she was in need of a different kind of lesson. There was no one to look after her adult education pertaining to love, courtship, marriage, and sex. It fell to me as I oversaw this beautiful girl. 

“Glavia, would you come to my room, please? I want to have a talk with you.”

We sat cross-legged on my bed which seemed to relax her. We talked about Daniel and how the courtship was going. I could see she was in love by the rosy blush that spread across her face and the whimsical look in her eyes.

“Has he kissed you yet?”

“No mistress!”

“Well, it is quite normal at this stage of courtship to be kissed. Have you told him not to?”

“No, he has not asked me.”

“Do you want him to kiss you?”

“I do!”

“Next time you two are alone, like when he walks you home, if he stops and looks into your eyes you must stay focused on his eyes, do not look down at your feet. That tells a man not to kiss you.”

I could see Glavia’s mind working because she wanted to be kissed and would follow my instructions to the letter.

“He can put his arm around your waist when he kisses you but that is all. If his hands are wandering all over your body, you must break the kiss and run home. He is not an honorable man if he does such a thing. If he courts only you and has not asked for your hand in marriage after six months you must move on and find another suitor. Hard as that may be.”

Glavia stared at me through my dissertation and I knew my warnings were burned into her brain. I hugged her before walking downstairs. Her deer-in-the-headlight look tugged at my heart and I was glad I had not gone any further with her lesson today.

Later when I kissed Faith goodnight she asked for Jamie. She was learning one Gaelic word per night and she had not gotten her word yet. I assured her I would send him up the minute he came home. She is such a sweet little girl. I could not imagine speaking to her about kissing men and letting them hold her waist. I would surely poison them before they ever got near her. I giggled down the stairs at the thoughts I was having. 

Faith practiced and used the Gaelic words she was learning every day and she would giggle, or gasp, at Jamie when he spoke Gaelic, reminding us both she could sometimes understand him. She was learning, and waited on her father’s instruction every night. It was not usual for a father to spend dedicated time with a daughter. His job was to save for her dowry and see her married as well as possible. I was immensely proud of Jamie for wanting his daughter to learn all she could from him. They had a special bond because of it.   
**********************  
To my eternal happiness, a period never came for nine months. The birth of this child was not as easy as Faith, but like the first time, Jamie was in the bed with me, coaching and encouraging, no matter how many times the attending ladies asked him to leave. Brian James Alexander Fraser was born on March 19th 1753. He has dark curly hair, piercing blue eyes, and a healthy set of lungs. When the baby cried in the night, I would change his diaper and plug him into a nipple, I slept while he nursed. A couple of hours later he would fuss again and I would turn over and give him the other side. He was an easy baby with an abundance of people to answer his every grunt and cry. 

Jamie built a bassinet outside that was strung between two trees so the baby could rest and coo outside while I hung laundry. He was just fed and sleeping quietly so I ran into the house for more laundry. I threw a few pieces into the washtub and felt the hair on my arms stand up at the low growling coming from the yard. When I raised my eyes I almost fainted.

A large brown bear ambled around, sniffing the trees, looking for food. He got closer and closer to the baby and I thought I would have a heart attack. I ran off the porch and picked up large rocks to throw but he was too far away. He kept coming so I ran into the house and grabbed the rifle loading it on the porch while the bear got closer. I would have to shoot across the baby to hit the bear. Hopefully, I could make him run away, grab Brian, and run to the safety of the house.

The beast was acting aggressively and stood on his hind legs, smacking his lips together. An invitation to fight. I raised the rifle to my shoulder, aiming right for his head. If I missed, or just grazed him, he would charge me, and Brian was between us in the bassinet. I took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and pulled the trigger. The rifle shot was loud and echoed into the canyon and back again. I hit the bear in his face and he roared, charging at me. I loaded the rifle again with shaking hands, pulled it to my shoulder and shot his face again. He veered off to the side screaming in pain. I ran to Brian, scooping him up before running to the front door. 

Misses Crook was white-faced when she ran to me and looked me over. Not minutes later, Jamie came charging through the front followed by Murtagh. I was sobbing and Jamie held us while I told him what happened. When he knew we were alright they headed back out in pursuit of the injured bear. 

Brian eventually calmed down and Faith pressed into me for the better part of the afternoon. When Glavia took Brian to the nursery I turned my attention to Faith who was very pale. I hugged her to me and told her not to worry. First bear on the ridge in almost eight years, there wasn’t likely to be another. 

Misses Crook called us to eat but I wasn’t hungry. The sun was going down and Jamie wasn’t back yet. The bear must be leading them on a good chase into the forest and when it was so dark to be completely black the bear would turn around and eat them. I shook my head hard to rid the image in my mind and went back to the window. 

Some of the men built a large bonfire to guide them back if they were lost, by the light of the flames or by smell. Once Faith was in her bed with Glavia to read to her I went outside to speak with the neighbors. As I approached a cheer went up as Jamie and Murtagh emerged from the trees. They were both bloody and my heart fell as I ran to them. 

“Thank ye for the fire, yer good friends to stand out here in the cool night. The bear is still alive, for now anyway, we will gather at first light and try again.”

Someone asked why they were bloody if they had wounds to mend. I was already looking them both over and could see no wounds or punctures from long teeth. I continued to look.

“It isna our blood, Sassenach, I’m not hurt, dinna fash. After sunset, the bear came back and attacked from behind. He grabbed both of us and I shoved my rifle into his mouth and let him chew on the barrel while we got to our feet. He took it, so I’ll be needin to borrow a rifle in the morning.” Jamie pointed at Murtagh, “if the same amount of blood is on me, the bear will bleed out by morning. We can hope.” 

Jamie didn’t want to use up all the stored water in the house so he and Murtagh bravely turned toward the stream. I knew it would be intensely uncomfortable in the chilly night air. I grabbed two blankets and followed them.

“Thank ye Sassenach, but yer too far from the house now to walk back alone.”

I used my torch to find them in the water and handed each of them a chunk of soap and inspected their shirts before turning my back. I held the blankets out and felt one pull off my arm, and then the other. Thinking they were both covered by their blanket I turned around to take their clothes and poor Murtagh was hopping in place, trying to free his foot from his trousers. I whipped around again and squeezed my eyes shut as if that would erase the image from my mind. 

We all pushed toward home, me, and two half-frozen Highlanders, and it was all I could do to keep my hysterical laughter from erupting. I left them at the fire to warm up and raced to my room where I buried my face in a pillow and let it rip. Bare butt cheeks were only half of it. In the shadow of my torch, I could clearly see Murtagh’s penis bouncing up and down when he hopped. I dared not go back downstairs and wondered if I could ever see Murtagh from behind without laughing. Thank goodness he was unaware.

Misses Crook placed hot bowls of stew in front of the men and kept them full until they both pushed away from the table. Jamie staggered into our room and collapsed on the bed. He smelled delicious and his naked body was filling my mind with things not so funny. I ran my hand over his gorgeous butt and received a loud snore for my efforts. I tried several times to wake him and if he hadn’t been snoring, I might think him dead. I gave up and pulled his lifeless arm over me, that was enough to fall asleep. 

I was up in time to see the large gathering of men outside. Many had a rifle, some had a pitchfork. Jamie split them into two groups and taught them a strange whistle to be used when someone found the bear or its blood trail. Many wives ran out to fill their husband's pockets with dried meat and fruit only to have Jamie explain it would bring bears in from every direction and the gifts were pulled out of pockets instantly. 

These were brave men who hung on Jamie’s every word. Murtagh went with one group, Jamie with the other, and they disappeared into the trees. I hugged the women and told them not to worry. I suggested we all look for herbs and mushrooms today. The women looked into the trees and shook their heads before scattering to their houses. 

Glavia pulled the nursery window open a few inches and I could hear Brian making quite a fuss. Nice hint Glavia, I’m coming. 

I was deep into the front yard when I heard him and walked quickly toward the house. Before I reached the front door, I felt my milk let down and my breasts tingle sharply. I started running up the stairs and grabbed Brian to my breast as it flowed into the fabric of my shift. I sat back in the rocking chair panting from my constricting corset and smiled at Faith. 

“Good morning, darling. Did you have pleasant dreams?”

Faith put her hand on my leg and looked at her feet. It was clear she was still traumatized from the bear incident and my heart broke. 

“Faith, do not worry. Your father has lots of men with him today and they will all stay safe together.”

Faith spoke quickly and I could see she was unsettled. Her words were half Gaelic and half English, and I felt a giggling pride that she had been so devoted to her father’s language. Glavia confessed that Faith requested Gaelic when she spoke to tenants and they were only too happy to correct her pronunciation and teach her the words she lacked to answer them. She looked at me sharply for laughing but I felt my eyes well up with tears and she knew how proud I was of her. 

“I have never been so proud of you little girl. Now, I have a new lesson to teach you. Courage.”

“No mama, I am too fearful. I will never be unafraid, as you are, and I canna make myself. I’ve tried.”

“Fearful.” I rolled the word off my tongue thinking of the best way to explain fear. “I am quite familiar with fear actually, it is something I live with every day. It’s either making me shake or hovering in my head ready to fill me with dread at the slightest provocation. I dare say Glavia feels fear often, do you not my dear?”

Glavia nodded her head vigorously.

“Courage simply means feeling the fear and doing the act anyway. Yes, that about sums it up.” I smiled at my explanation until I saw the confusion in Faith’s expression. 

“Darling, do you remember when I hit the man with my parasol? I was hugely afraid at that moment, but I hit him anyway because it was the only thing I could do. Courage is like the cavalry riding in to save you, or someone you love, when danger is near.”

“Cavalry.” She tasted the word with a strange expression. 

“Sorry, a bit too soon for that word. Courage is that bit in you that rises up in the face of danger and does whatever is necessary to save yourself or someone you care about. It has bigger muscles than your fear and will save you. Yes, that’s better.” 

Brian burped loudly in my ear as his head rolled in his sleep. I put him in Glavia’s outstretched hands and turned to my sweet daughter. 

“The time will come when you will feel tremendous fear and the way to safety will be clear in your mind. You will do what needs to be done because you know it’s the right thing to do. Each time you do it, will be easier.”

Faith wrapped her arms around my waist and seemed a bit more composed when she left with Glavia to get a snack before lessons. I stayed in the soothing rocking chair and thought about all the times courage pulled me through something scary. Waking up in Jamie’s wood the first time, sailing to France not knowing where I might wake up the next day, walking through the stones, and running to save my family when the redcoats were twenty feet from us. I shook my head to make it stop because my heart was banging in my ears. I dearly hoped Faith would not experience a fraction of that. 

I wondered how long it takes to find an injured bear and decided to read on the front porch to be available in case other wives came for news of the hunt. I squinted against the sun making my eyes water and kept them closed until the sting went away. Sometime later, I moved my eyeballs side to side under my lids, aware of the passage of time. My face was in the shadow of the porch when I opened them so I must have fallen asleep some time ago. I felt my smile as I stretched and then froze seeing a large animal not five feet from me. 

The bear was walking straight toward me and I couldn’t move. It was huge and dripping blood behind him. I wondered if Jamie was close by and prayed fervently that he was. He was closer now. When I saw his front feet on the steps to the porch the alarm bells were ringing in my ears, I was hyperventilating, but I still couldn’t move. I would have to run past the beast to reach the front door and I couldn’t make myself do it. As I debated my plan the front door swung open and Misses Crook jumped out, followed by Faith and Glavia. They had pots and wooded spoons to beat on them making such a noise it scared the bear and he ran back down the stairs. I jumped to my feet ushering the woman back into the house and slamming the door. 

I dropped to my knees and held Faith closely while I panted for air. 

“That, my darling, is the very definition of courage. Thank you, all of you, for saving me!”

We crowded close to the window to see the bear, but he was gone. We continued to look until it jumped in front of the window on its hind legs growling at the sight of us. We all screamed and clung to each other. The bear was growling with his horrible mouth wide open and I prayed he would not bang into the glass and get us. I looked around for the rifle before I remembered it was lost and pulled the women away from the window. I told them to run for the nearest neighbor while I distracted the bear. They refused and I implored Glavia to run Faith to safety and scowled at Misses Crook. 

The bear was getting frustrated. He could see us but could not get us, so he started pounding on the glass. I screamed at Misses Crook to hide upstairs with the baby. He pounded louder and I have never been so scared. I watched the bear shoot sideways with human hands clutching the fur on his neck and a shiny dirk plunge deep into the neck squirting blood sideways. I could see Jamie on his back as the bear thrashed the dirk was brought down into his neck again and again. I watched in horror at the huge quantity of blood that pooled on the patio boards and covered Jamie. 

Like it was slow motion, he plunged the dirk into the neck and moved it side to side violently. I could tell the bear was losing his strength as it tried to stand up and roar one last time. The bear fell forward with Jamie rolling to the side and getting to his feet. Brave Jackson ran to Jamie with a rifle pointed at the beast’s head. They stood still while the blood pumped out of the animal. There was no more life in the bear so ropes were tied to its legs and he was dragged off the porch and away. 

I could hear Brian screaming and raced upstairs to find Misses Crook pacing with a hysterical baby. I took him and dropped into the rocking chair, telling her the bear was quite dead. I rocked my sweet son and hummed to him while I offered a nipple. It took several minutes for him to stop crying and finally latch onto me. I smiled down at him and tried to keep my face calm.  
“I can be your hero baby  
I can kiss away the pain  
I will stand by you forever  
You can take my breath away”

“I’ve ne’er heard that song mistress.”

My head snapped up, forgetting Misses Crook was still in the room. “It’s Enrique Iglesias, one of my favorites.” She blinked at me like she had never been to my century. 

“Could you find Glavia and Faith and bring them home?”

“Aye.” 

I watched Brian sleep in my arms. I knew there was chaos happening outside, but for now, it was just me and Brain and all was right in the world. When I had indulged myself enough, I put the baby in his cradle and went downstairs to wait for the women. I thought about Glavia and how sparkling happy she had been lately. My happiness for her ground to a halt and I counted on my fingers how many months it had been since Daniel first came to call on her. I was quite upset I had not watched more closely because by my count it had been well over a year. What could Daniel be waiting for I wondered?

“Glavia, may I speak to you please, before the lesson? How is it going with your suitor, Daniel?”

Her smile illuminated her face for a moment but was quickly replaced with concern. She looked at me strangely, almost like fear. 

“It has been over a year Glavia. Has he talked about marriage, has he asked you?”

“No mistress, not yet.”

“He calls on you several times a week, what do you two talk about?”

When she looked at the floor, she tried to answer which was little more than stammering. I was flooded with fear for her suddenly and my question just flew out of my mouth.

“Glavia, has he asked for more than a kiss?”

She shook her head no and started to cry. Now I was really confused. I pulled her to the sofa and calmed myself before asking what her tears were for. It took a bit of time before she answered me.

“He has not asked to kiss me yet. I have done what you said, I look at him when we are together and he gets quiet but he has not asked.”

“Oh dear. Does he act fond of you?”

“Yes, he writes beautiful poetry for me, about love and devotion. He reads it to me out loud and says he wrote the poem for me.”

Her eyes became misty and full of love, but I had not a clue how to guide her. Well, I know what I would have done in this situation.

“Glavia, your courtship has gone on too long. I’m afraid people will talk about you in an unkind way that may interfere with other men courting you, if it comes to that. So, it’s time to say goodbye to Daniel.” When she protested, loudly, I decided it couldn’t hurt to tell her what I would do. “There is one more thing you can try. If he truly loves you, this will work. You kiss him.”

“What?! I couldn’t do such a thing!”

“You can, and you will, because you don’t want to say goodbye. It’s not so bad. Next time you two are alone where no one can see you, just hold his face and kiss him.”

“Hold his face?”

“Softly, like this, and look directly into his eyes, and then..”

“What’s this then?” 

I heard Jamie’s voice from the front door and snapped my head up to see him wrapped in a blanket again after washing in the river.

“Do you mind if I use you to demonstrate how to kiss?”

He perked up, “I dinna mind mo chridhe.” He walked to me smiling and looking at my lips. I could tell he meant to lead so I put my hand up to stop him.

“I want you to act like you are not expecting a kiss.” 

When he started asking questions, I tenderly held his face and softly kissed him. I felt his arms reach for me after that and suggested he dress before there is any more kissing. He looked cheated but went up the stairs to our room. I turned to Glavia and smiled.

“See? It’s easy, well maybe not the first time because you will be nervous. Maybe you would like to try with Murtagh?”

She shook her head yes and I called the unsuspecting man over to us. “Murtagh, before you disappear to dress can we borrow you for a minute?”

He approached with his usual scowl and Glavia bravely stood up, held his face, and kissed him. And then he fainted dead away. 

“Oh dear God, Murtagh… Murtagh, wake up.” 

I slapped his cheek a bit and his eyes opened as he scooted back away from us. Glavia was apologizing and walking toward him so he got to his feet and ran to his room. Maybe I should have warned him.

“That was magnificent! Seriously, you did it just right and I’m sure Daniel will not react that way. How do feel about the kiss, can you do it with Daniel?”

“I feel fine about kissing and yes I can do it, this evening when we take our walk.”

With that, she turned to the stairs to start Faith’s lesson. I felt rather wicked for not warning Murtagh and all the talk of kissing was making me uncomfortable. I decided to help Jamie get dressed for his afternoon of chores and maybe a quick explanation of causing Murtagh to faint, the poor man. 

I had to help Jamie off the floor he was laughing so hard at Murtagh’s reaction to being kissed. I admit I was almost losing it myself and didn’t know who was helping who up. I was quite sure Murtagh would not speak to me for quite some time, but it was worth it. Glavia seemed to have confidence enough to kiss her boyfriend and I was on pins and needles all evening, waiting for her to come home. It was unusually late when I finally heard the front door open. Jamie and the rest of the household were fast asleep already. 

Glavia pressed her back against the door and sighed deeply. She looked weird but I couldn’t put my finger on why.

“How was your evening Glavia?”

She rolled her head to look at me and smiled like she was high. Uh oh. “Well, did you do it?”

She drifted to me like her feet were not touching the ground. When she got closer, I could see the area around her mouth was red and looked painful. Then it hit me, they kissed so much he scratched her delicate skin with his beard. I looked again and decided that was a lot of kissing. Glavia floated upstairs without a word and I prayed a proposal would be coming soon. I made a vow, then and there, to be more careful with the advice I gave. 

I waited patiently for the next two weeks, hoping Daniel would speak to Jamie about asking for Glavia’s hand but it never happened. After each date, Glavia would float in with a red mouth and say goodnight. Clearly, I had to meddle in her affairs one more time. When Jamie and I were in bed I broached the subject.

“Jamie, darling, I think you need to speak with Daniel about his intentions for Glavia. It’s been over a year they have been seeing each other and I am worried about her reputation. Will you speak to him, to Daniel, please?”

“Do I order him to marry the lass, or ask why he hasna already?”

“Well, tell him a year of courtship is long enough so he must marry her or never see her again.”

I could feel Jamie thinking about that and he undoubtedly thought it harsh, but I was the one to protect her reputation, so I would keep asking him. A month later, Daniel asked Jamie after church if he might speak with him later in the afternoon. Jamie agreed and I almost fainted with relief. This better be what I think it is or I will throttle that boy myself.

There was great excitement on the Ridge today as we prepared for the harvest festival which usually lasted all night and into the next day. The men had been hunting all week and there was already a pig, three turkeys, and a deer roasting outside. Misses Crook and I made numerous trips to the big tables outside bringing plates of bannocks, fruit salad, and bread. The tables were filling up quickly as we went back to the house for more food. Glavia would not be lending a hand this afternoon. She was sitting on her bed waiting for Daniel’s visit to be over so she could pump Jamie for information. 

I thought the door to Jamie’s study was closed for an awfully long time, feeling my relief when Daniel dashed for the front door. I was already dressed for the party and poked my head in to look at my husband. He sat quietly, contemplating his universe and whatever was happening in it. I raised my eyebrows when he looked up and he beckoned me in to sit with him.

“Daniel has asked for Glavia’s hand and I gave my permission, now I feel afraid for the lass because her husband wilna make her happy.” He stood up and walked toward me lifting me and holding me close by my waist. “Tell me Sassenach, are all women like ye? Because Daniel wilna do what I do to ye.” 

His eyes were burning with the question because Daniel presented himself as chaste and held that virtue in the highest regard. He knew how to create offspring but saw sex at other times sinful. 

“If Glavia is like ye she will have a lonely life.” He pushed the hair behind my ear and looked me in the eye while he ran his fingers down my chest and over my nipple. “I fear he is pious and will not stimulate her interest in the world.”

“Jamie. She is in love and there is no telling her otherwise. Do not take on the burden of her happiness. It is up to Glavia to seek her marital bliss and I have faith in her.” 

We were temporarily sidetracked by kissing and celebrating our mutual love, physical and spiritual. The house was filling with the smell of roasting meat and we could hear music and clapping outside. I pulled Jamie to the door and he seemed to shake off his concern and smile in anticipation of the party ahead. Later I saw Daniel steer Glavia away from the party and they disappeared. I sighed deeply hoping I was right about their union because it would soon be too late to undo this. 

I bundled Brian up in his blankets and got back to the party in time to see Jamie dancing with his daughter as the crowd clapped. She was in full hero-worship as she watched his feet and copied him to the beat of the music. My eyes stung watching them. She seemed so grown up and was so loved by her father. 

Later, I steered Faith toward home and helped her into bed suddenly aware of her need for a Gaelic word from Jamie. She answered me in a string of Gaelic and then translated, “he gave me two words last night.” I kissed her cheeks a dozen times and pulled the quilt up to her chin before turning down the lamp. 

“You are my angel, goodnight.”

I put a sleeping Brian into his cradle and went downstairs to help Misses Crook with the catastrophic mess in the kitchen. I could see she was dead on her feet and ordered her to bed. I was still wide awake, waiting for Glavia to come home and tell me her good news. 

She came through the door a changed woman, brimming with love, and seeing images of her wedding in her mind. I hugged her to me, so happy she had won her love and determined to meddle when the time was right so she would understand seduction and physical love. 

Once Glavia was upstairs with the children I rejoined the party and a drunk Scot assaulted me pulling me to dance with him. I laughed until I lost step with the music, panting from my corset. Jamie whisked me away from the smoke of the fire and by the time I could breathe my back was against a tree and said Scot was chasing my mouth. He pressed into me asking forgiveness and kissed me deeply. I tried to see behind him to verify we were out of sight when my skirts came up to my waist and he pulled me up. My legs went around him and I lowered my head to kiss him as his cock slowly filled me. Christ, what a feeling it was when he first pushed into me. I leaned back against the tree and watched his arousal take off and his pace quicken. He held my head down on his lips and when I pushed away to breathe, he pulled my jacket open and exposed my breasts. That did it. I was in the race to finish with him and almost lost consciousness from my damn corset. My orgasm gripped him hard enough to make him grunt and he followed me into the erotic wind. I felt his kisses on my neck when I opened my eyes. He set me down on my feet and he hugged me closely before we giggled about our adventure. 

Jamie was walking back to the house with me when several men were calling him to join in the games. I smiled and pushed him toward the party, wanting him to enjoy this night of fun that came only once a year. I banked the fire and turned the lamps down before heading upstairs reaching behind me to grab one of my laces and failing. I peeked into the nursery and Brian and Faith were sound asleep. Glavia whispered to me and I almost shot out of my skin. I pulled her to my room and closed the door. She helped me out of my corset and into a robe so we could talk. 

She described the way Daniel proposed to her and thought it the most romantic speech ever said. I found it devoid of emotion and pious, suddenly sharing Jamie’s concern for her happiness. We would have to see how long dear Daniel can resist a beautiful, young, wife who is schooled in seduction. I would make sure Glavia knew what to do, even if it meant Murtagh fainting again, or worse. On second thought, maybe we should leave Murtagh out of this. What I intended to teach her wasn’t as innocent as a kiss.


	16. The Wedding, Five Frogs, and Fish

As Glavia’s wedding date approached, we were busy with plans for the reception; what food to prepare, how to decorate the church and a list of other considerations. Glavia did not forget her responsibility to Faith’s lessons and was always reaching for the baby after he was fed and burped. I wondered what I would do without her and then put it off because it made me sad to see her go. 

Misses Crook worked day and night on her wedding dress and Glavia would almost swoon during fittings because her marriage ceremony became real when she was wearing this wedding dress. I would stand back and watch the two of them, so close after so many years and shared experiences. This would be a big change in our lives, and I thought it was time to broach the subject.

“We will certainly miss you Glavia, you’re a part of the family after all.”

“Miss me? No, no. I am not to be stuck in that empty church all day with nothing to do. I will be here first of the morning and go home at night. Until I have babies of my own, I will continue to help here.”

Well, I thought, that might take some time if we don’t get started on your training in seduction. Jamie has been gone for three days and he’s due back tomorrow so why not start tonight. Glavia was still trying to correct me about her leaving and I put my hand up and smiled at her.

“I am delighted you will still be here every day. I am going to feed this little man here and put him to bed. Come by my room when you are finished here, we’ll have a talk.”

I thought about how I might approach the subject and when Brian burped in my ear, I wrapped him up and put him in the cradle. Faith was asleep already, so I pulled the blanket up to her chin and went to my room. Jamie had surprised me with a new corset on his last trip to town. It laced up the front, but I was not allowed to wear it unless he was away. Apparently, he was rather fond of my dependence on him to pull my laces each night. I pulled the laces and took the first deep breaths of the day. Sweet air, it was magnificent. I shucked my dress off straight away and pulled my robe on jumping on the bed at the sheer delight of being free. I laid there thinking of Jamie until a timid knock brought my thoughts back. 

“Come in, Glavia. Come sit with me, there are a few things I wanted to tell you. Don’t be nervous child. I have your best interest at heart and I really want you to be happy.”

I could tell she was interested, maybe even thrilled at learning what would happen after her wedding. I was set on going slow, so I didn’t overwhelm the poor girl. 

“Daniel had a long talk with Jamie when he asked for your hand and it turns out he was raised in a very religious home with parents who taught him sex was for procreation only. When babies were wanted, a man would have sex with his wife until she conceived and that is all. My dearest girl, there is so much more to it than that and if you don’t show Daniel, he may never stray from that belief. So, you need to entice him, secretly, to touch you. Make him so needy he throws the parent’s training out the window so he can take you.”

“Where?”

“Um, it’s an expression for a man having sex with his wife. Daniel is young and his body is primed for sex, so you show him without saying anything or he will sleep in a separate room and you will be lonely.”

“He will?”

“I’m afraid so. Do not fear, learn. First, when you retire for the night, he will have to pull your laces..”

“No, no I have figured out how to pull them myself.”  
I grabbed her hands, “no you haven’t. You will come to him and ask him to undress you. He may leave in haste if so, open your shift and go to him to say goodnight…” This wasn’t working. I stood up and asked Glavia to let me pull her laces and I eventually got her down to her shift. 

“Before you go to his bed, untie your shift and pull it loose so it is hanging off one shoulder.” I untied her shift and pulled it down one shoulder until I could see the swell of her ample breast. “You don’t want to make it obvious. When you lay down next to him, pull his hand to your heart and tell him how much you love him. Lay down holding his hand to your bosom and sigh. I will lay down like I am Daniel so you can try it.”

I promptly laid on the bed and pretended I was reading something. Glavia was totally game for the role play and swooped to the bed grabbing my hand and placing it on her breast. I was surprised by her breast under my hand, so soft and full. I couldn’t hear anything she was saying because my arousal freaked me out so much.

“Mistress?”

“Yes, that was very good, Glavia. What man can resist a young, beautiful breast in his hand?” I moved my thumb a millimeter and felt her nipple sending shock waves of arousal into my core. I was confused and muddled, finding it hard to get back on track of my lesson. “Well, there you go, goodnight, Glavia.”

“I do not understand what it is I will show him, or what it is I will miss if I don’t.”

She hung her head and I felt miserable leading her into this without thinking it through. “There are parts of your body that are sexual and when stimulated you will react appropriately. It will be automatic.”

“What parts?”

“Umm, mostly your breasts and between your legs.”

“Show me please?”

“What? I cannot show you because I’m a woman. Daniel will show you with his body.”

I realized Daniel would not tempt her and show her the way, it was she who needed to lead. I sat on the bed beside her and pushed her shift lower off her shoulder.

She laid in my bed and took my hand, pressing it against her breast again. She laid there with her eyes closed, face flushed with arousal. I let my hand cover her breast and move it this way and that. She was heavy breasted and my interest, however sinful, was piqued. I cleared my throat and tried to clear my mind. 

“With luck, he will take control at this point. If not, cover his hand with yours and move it around your breast.” 

She covered my hand and forced me to caress her breast until I began to worry about spontaneous combustion. I pulled my hand away and looked at my door, hoping she would bounce out of my bed and not tempt me anymore.

“What of between my legs do I pull his hand there too?”

“No, you must wait for him to lay on you, and then you will feel the stimulation.” I wanted this heated lesson to be over, immediately. The fastest way to end my torment and get her back to her own room was to show her. I wrapped my hand around her core and stimulated her for three seconds. She gasped and her eyes flew open, smoldering. Oh dear, she was going to give Daniel a run for his money alright.

“The rest is your adventure my dear. Go to bed and dream of your happy married life.”

Glavia finally left my room and I laid back with a deep sigh. Well, that was weird. I am hot for Glavia and that is unexpected. I turned the lamp down and tried to sleep but tossed and turned all night seeing Glavia naked and beckoning. I turned up my lamp and read for a while, finally falling asleep deep in the night.

A warm hand ran down my naked back and over my butt. It came up my inner thigh and I felt drops of cold water drip on my back. Jamie needed me after his time away and his copper curls were still wet from his bath in the stream. I have never been so happy to be pulled from sleep. What he gave, I returned ten-fold, and the beast in me took Jamie’s body for its own pleasure and rocked his world. When he held me fiercely and shuttered in his release I almost purred and felt him straighten his body along mine while he panted for air. I kissed his neck and his face at least a dozen times until he kissed me still. 

“My wee wild cat, I’ve missed ye lass.”

We slept for a bit until Brian was making his empty stomach known to the world. I pulled my robe on and felt Jamie hold me back.

“Bring him in here Sassenach, I have a need to be near ye.” I smiled at the invitation and went to collect my son.

Five days before the wedding, Misses Crook and I were making last-minute improvements to the dress and creating a veil from a lace skirt one of the women donated. Late one night I slipped a box onto Glavia’s side table with a note to be very careful pulling the silk stockings up, so they didn’t run. I had worn them when we all jumped the last time and I was happy to pass them on. Glavia’s magic had worn off and the incident in my room that night hardly crossed my mind anymore. 

In Scottish tradition, the groom went through the Creeling one day before the ceremony. Jamie was only too happy to fill a large basket with rocks and follow closely as Daniel carried the basket from one end of the Ridge to the other. He is allowed to drop the basket only when his fiancé runs out to give him a kiss. We all watched as Jamie and many of the other men encouraged Daniel until his arms were shaking. When Glavia kissed him he dropped the basket, gratefully. 

On the day of the wedding, many of the women on the Ridge came early to decorate the church with flowers and evergreen boughs. Daniel came out to say hello and introduce us to the minister that would officiate the wedding. He agreed to come from a nearby town providing it was not scheduled on a Sunday. He seemed very nice and I wondered if Daniel’s family had made the trip.

“Daniel, are your parents coming today?”

“No, they will not be attending Misses Fraser. You ladies have done such a beautiful job with these decorations, really outstanding.”

The poor dear was shaking with nerves and I just wanted to hug him until he calmed down but that was not allowed. Everyone disbanded to get ready for the wedding walk to the church. The groom would lead with the maid of honor, me, followed by the bride and best man, Jamie. The bride would leave her house with her right foot and if we were met by a pig on the way to the church, we had to start all over again, by tradition. We were lucky, no pig.

Daniel and Glavia said their vows in the front yard of the church after the minister gently brought Glavia to Daniel’s left side. A tradition started when the bride was often a warrior’s prize, he would hold her captive with his left arm while fighting off her family with his right arm. The wedding moved inside the church for communion and the blessing of the food. When the traditions were complete with vows and blessings, Daniel and Glavia led the maid of honor and best man to the reception followed by spectators. Most households had a wedding bell they would ring during the walk to the reception. When I first heard it, I couldn’t believe so many bells, in different sizes, could create such a beautiful sound. Now I can’t imagine a wedding without this chiming part. I ran to the house to relieve my dear friend Agnes and brought Brian outside after his tummy was full. 

“Faith sweetheart, you look so pretty today, did you like the wedding?”

She attended with Misses Crook because Jamie and I were a part of the ceremony. She nodded her head and brought me a diaper, and then a wet rag. I watched her look around for something else to bring me and I captured her pulling her to me.

“What are you doing?”

“I am learning how to do Glavia’s job so I can help you.”

I put Brian in his cradle and pulled Faith into my lap. I looked at her sweet face and wondered how I got so lucky.

“That is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Did you decide to this all on your own?” She nodded and blushed. Jamie came running up the stairs and burst through the nursery door with a string of Gaelic. Faith seemed to know just what he said and jumped off my lap to follow him downstairs and out the front door. Wow, that man is a whirlwind sometimes.

Once Brian was changed and dressed, we left to join the party where a great time was had by all. I put Brian down in the swinging bassinet and stood by him after the encounter with the bear. I watched Glavia blush from Daniel’s attention and noticed how often he looked at her. Like a starved man. Well, maybe we were wrong about the pious Daniel and I got all hot and bothered by Glavia for nothing. I prayed that was true.

Later that night we chased the happy couple to their home at the church and I blew Glavia a kiss for luck. The party would go for several more hours, but I was exhausted. I looked for Jamie and felt him hold my waist and walk us to the house. He pulled Faith up for a piggyback ride and she giggled all the way to her room. He tucked her into bed while I fed Brian and they had a brief conversation in Gaelic. The way Faith stared at her father’s eyes made my eyes sting with tears and I froze that sight in my mind.

In our room, Jamie was laying naked on the bed reading. I heard pounding on the door and sighed wearily, I just wanted to lay down. Jamie was quick to dress and run downstairs where I heard male voices but could not understand what was being said. I was relieved to hear him come back upstairs. 

“Ah, there is a gift for the lady. Here Sassenach, let me help with your laces.” He rubbed the red indents from my corset, and I heard his breathing change, making the hair on my arms stand up. He asked me to sit on the bed and not to scream. My eyebrows shot up and he went out into the hall and grunted, apparently my gift was quite heavy. He backed into the room pulling a large…

“Jesus H Roosevelt Christ, what is that thing?” 

I pulled my feet up under me and backed into the wall the bed was against. Jamie let go of the hairy thing and the bearskin unfurled to lay flat on the floor. He dropped to his knees and ran his hand over the fur which had been washed and conditioned by the tanner and was quite beautiful now.

“Come Sassenach, it is so soft, come.”

I joined him on the floor and he was right, it was very soft and very clean and I really hated it. Jamie told me the process of tanning a hide and I was impressed they had done all that for us. I decided it would find a forever home in Jamie’s study, but he had other ideas for tonight. Something slow, loving, and spirit renewing. When Jamie is tender and shows his heart, he is the king of men to me. I laid in his embrace and watched the fire dance on the walls thinking how lucky I am to have such a life. 

I woke up refreshed in the morning, ready to get outside and clean up the mess from the party. I noticed the room was full of light and my heart pounded with alarm. I had not heard Brian this morning, and Jamie is already gone. Goodness, how late did I sleep? I threw on my clothes and pinned my hair before racing out the door where I crashed right into Glavia. I held onto her so she didn’t fall and was so happy to see her. My breasts felt like overfilled water balloons and I looked into the nursery for the baby. Such an angel, sucking in his sleep. I gave Faith her dozen kisses and her giggling gave Brian a reason to join us. Oh God, such a relief to have that pressure vanish as he drained me. 

With both children in the room, I couldn’t ask Glavia how things went on her wedding night. I would catch her a bit later in the day. I grabbed Brian’s blanket and went downstairs to inhale some porridge and then outside to help clean up.

I was pulled in different directions all day and by the time I could take a breath, Glavia was leaving. I finally had a moment alone with her the next day and she looked at the floor and shook her head no. That pious bastard!

“Glavia, I think you should know that it isn’t a legal marriage until it is consummated. You might pass that along to Daniel. The ceremony was two days ago and you two are still not married.”

I did not need to say more. Glavia’s eyes were round and her face was flushed. I would call that incentive, and he better have a rosy glow in church tomorrow, I thought. 

“To dress a woman, or…undress a woman, is quite an ordeal.” 

Daniel was pulling laces as fast as he could, anxious to read his sermon one more time before the service tomorrow. “Goodnight dear.”

He pulled Glavia’s head to him and kissed her forehead before heading to his bedroom. Glavia sat on her bed and fought back the tears of utter frustration. No matter how she tried to get his attention he did not touch her or kiss her on the mouth. It was hopeless and they weren’t even married. When that thought populated her mind her heart rammed in her chest. She loved Daniel and wanted to be obedient but enough is enough. 

Glavia untied her shift and let it hang off her shoulder when she walked into his room. He was reading and asked if she needed something. 

“I had a bad dream and I am afraid by myself in that room.” She grabbed the hem of her shift and pulled it over her head letting it drop to the floor.

”Glav…Glav…why did you,” His eyes rolled down her body, stopping on the first pair of breasts he had ever seen. He dropped them lower to her small waist and swell of her hips. Her skin was flawless and smooth and when he looked lower he started stuttering. He held the quilt up so she could get in and Glavia took it from there. 

Sunday morning the worshipers arrived early to chat with friends and find their seats. The congregation seemed happy and upbeat on this gorgeous day. Daniel was between his wife’s legs inching toward the part of her body that shot him far, far, away. As he buried himself in her warmth, she pushed on his buttocks making him see stars. Daniel was young and healthy so each time they made love he lasted longer. Three times last night and he hoped for twice this morning. God he loved being married and he loved Glavia more than anything.

People were getting restless waiting for the service to start and looking at each other to shrug their shoulders.

“Jamie, something is wrong. Can you start the service today? You can do this, two hymns and then talk about how God has blessed the Ridge, or something.”

Daniel let out a sustained moan while he pumped himself into Glavia. She cuddled him and stroked his hair telling him to sleep more while she put porridge on the fire. Suddenly, Daniel sat up and tried to complete a sentence about this being Sunday. He shot out of bed and stabbed his legs into pants, buttoned his shirt with shaking hands, and ran for the sanctuary. His hair fell into his eyes and he tripped running through the kitchen sending him sailing toward the entrance to the sanctuary. The sound was quite loud on the other side. Jamie stopped his stammering long enough to look at the other side of the door. Daniel’s heart was pumping copious amounts of blood from the wound on his head. He had one shoe on without a stocking and his shirt was ripped, he was also unconscious. 

Jamie pulled the preacher to a chair and slapped his cheek a few times until he opened his eyes and looked around. He launched for the door to run into the sanctuary, but Jamie caught him and pressed him back into the chair. Glavia was almost jogging into the kitchen and when she saw all the blood on her husband’s face, she screamed like in a horror movie and ran to him. 

The congregation was very unsettled, and the blood-curdling scream was the last straw. People walked to the door of the church as more and more stood up. In ten minutes, Claire, Misses Crook, Faith, and Brian were the only people left. Claire handed Brian to Misses Crook and went to investigate.

“Oh, dear God, what happened Daniel?”

He just shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. His face was covered in blood that Glavia was washing off with a wet rag. 

“I will be fine, honestly, just a slight headache is all.”

“Glavia, you should get him settled in bed so he can rest today. Everyone has gone home so draw your curtains and rest.”

We bid them well and went home where Jamie talked us into fishing for our midday meal. Even Misses Crook went along and when Faith declined to catch another fish it was Misses Crook who took her place next to Jamie on the rock. The fish seemed a bit smarter today and the effort continued until Jamie pulled a fat fish out and let Misses Crook look at it. I could see jealousy in Faith’s eyes and I asked her to show me how to do it. She agreed and we laid on our stomachs at the water's edge. She was whispering about how to keep my hand very still until I felt a fish. Five minutes later I was sleeping with absolutely no intention of catching anything but a few winks. 

I drifted in and out of sleep, listening for Brian to wake up and loving the warm grass on my face. When Faith screamed, my eyes shot open and my heart pounded from the adrenalin racing through my veins. She ran from me at top speed and I could see her with a death grip on a fish. She seemed terrified of the wiggling thing but would not drop it, she just kept running. I called to her and she turned back running dead for me. Brian joined the melee with a fearful scream of his own and Faith threw the fish at me, bouncing off my face and getting lost in my skirts. I stood abruptly with my own scream, shaking out my skirts until the fish fell to the ground. 

Jamie was quite unsettled but grabbed the fish and retreated to the cover of the big rock. He still seemed disappointed when he prepared the fish over a fire. He was quiet while we consumed our meal and remained so as we went home. Brian was down for his afternoon nap and Jamie pulled me to lay down with him. I was excited, anticipating his body on mine when I heard him snore. 

“Are you asleep Jamie?”

“Aye Sassenach, I advise ye do the same. We will be out late tonight.”

His eyes closed and I stared at the ceiling wondering where we were going. By the time I woke up and took Brimstone for a ride I had all but forgotten about going anywhere tonight. When Misses Crook said goodnight after supper, Jamie asked if she would sleep in the nursery tonight because he and I would be out late. She was happy to do it and reached for a full Brian and a yawning Faith and then disappeared. 

Jamie asked me to get my old boots and something to tie my skirts up with but gave no answers to where we were going. We headed out and he held my hand until we were back at the stream.

“Get yer skirts up mo chridhe. That’s a good lass. Now, we are catchin frogs tonight so get down low near the bank and look quickly when I bring the torch around. They will hop away with the light so act fast and grab it before it’s gone.”

“What? Why?”

“This is important to me Claire. Watch me do it.”

I had not heard my real name from him in quite some time, so I bit back on the hissy fit that threatened to come out and watched him with horror as he grabbed one. 

“Okay, very good soldier, let’s go home.” 

“As soon as ye get five.”

“Five what?”

“Frogs, Sassenach.”

He was mum about why I had to do this and not about to let me go home. I tried a couple of times but recoiled in horror each time letting them hop away. Jamie said nothing but waited patiently while I tried again. I was tired and cold and just wanted to get this over with. When I saw the next frog I grabbed it and held it out for Jamie. He opened the sack on his belt and I dropped it in climbing to my feet to go home. 

“Four more, Sassenach.”

“What?”

“Get ready.”

I huffed at him and wiped my muddy hands on my skirt before crouching near the water to await the light from Jamie’s torch. I grabbed another frog, smiling with my victory before dropping it in the sack. The next two frogs were easy and almost fun as I was starting to enjoy the game. When I crouched down again, I saw no frogs from the torchlight and stood up grabbing Jamie’s hand to run down the stream bank aways. I crouched, smiling with anticipation, and grabbed the first frog I saw from Jamie’s torch. I danced triumphantly and dropped the frog into the sack. I asked Jamie if he wanted more frogs, but he shook his head and took my hand. 

Once home he heated water and washed my hands, arms, and face with my rose soap, giving me kisses when he rinsed the rag in the water. 

When the house was dark and we were in bed, Jamie held me like a treasured object until we fell asleep. I decided men were weird sometimes and called it a day. 

Misses Crook and I were getting supper on the table the next day and Jamie asked me to show Faith my frogs. I looked at him remembering the previous night and asked where they were. Faith and I went to the barn and gave the horses treats before I found the frogs and picked up the biggest one to show her. This big guy almost got away, but I was too fast. I felt my smile at the memory and didn’t notice Faith staring at me with an incredulous face. Jamie came up behind us and took the frog.

“Yer mam was shaking hard from the cold and her wet clothes, but she was ready to catch more.”

“You caught them, right da?”

“No, I held the torch and yer mam crouched down, face right above the mud on the stream bank.” He acted out his story in pantomime while I held a frog in each hand and made them kiss. 

I never saw them again after that night, but I wouldn’t have a problem catching them again sometime. Over the next month, our church service was hit and miss, and we were all very happy when Daniel showed up, fully dressed. Glavia was the perfect hostess for socializing after the service, and was becoming more like his partner every time I observed them.

The weather was cooling off and I could feel the nip in the wind. It was time to fish in earnest to feed us through the winter. I laid next to Jamie and dropped my arm into the cold water, very aware of Faith watching me from a safe distance. The first time I caught one I sat up in delight and held the fish in the air. 

“I wish I was as good at this as you are Faith, if I don’t get better we will go hungry all winter.” I smiled at her shyness and dropped down for another fish. Jamie seemed to catch one after the other and I was getting frustrated. I felt Faith’s hand on my back and knew she was watching me. 

“Mama, open your hand and keep it very still.”

I did as she said but still, the fish alluded me. Faith finally put her arm in the water and the water splashed only a few minutes later. I was thrilled but Faith was freaked out again until I told her to give it to me. I admired the fish and passed it to Jamie to add to the others. We all laid down again and dropped our arms into the water. By mid-afternoon, Faith was handing them directly to Jamie with no panic when she caught one.

I hugged her on the way home and told her how brave she was, and we would not starve after all. I looked down and saw pride in her eyes and I was so thrilled she allowed herself to feel it. Many of the little girls on the Ridge were severely introverted, hiding behind downcast eyes. I would look straight at them and try to draw them out, but they were quickly rescued by their mother and removed. Luckily, Faith was the daughter of the Laird so she would not be teased for being different, but I wondered how she would find a husband when the time came. I would have to speak to Jamie about it.


	17. 1776

The man hunched over, under a blanket, and headed up the mountain road. He was desperately tired and almost starved after hiding from people who would take him into custody. He narrowly escaped the first attempt to take him, but his papers had convinced the ruffians to move on. After that he took no chances and stayed hidden from sight, only moving under the cover of darkness. He could easily hide in the vegetation of the mountain road if someone was coming, so he felt safe walking in the daylight. He looked up the mountain and wondered how far it was and if she would still be there. He kept walking. 

I looked up from my garden to see Brain walk out of the woods with a deer slumped dead on his shoulder. He was happy and tossed the thing onto our processing table to butcher it. It filled me with relief when he brought more meat to store away because I expected it could be a very unstable winter. Jamie has been gone for a week, meeting with the governor who is calling in his debt. This beautiful land, the Ridge, that allowed our community to prosper all these years had a price and Jamie would be the one to pay it. I wanted Jamie back home, to hear the news, and to hold him for as long as I could. I’m feeling powerless and scared, like the final days at Lallybroch before the blue stone saved us all. 

Every man, young or old, that resided on the Ridge, was aligned with the rebels against the king's army. Many would fight against the loyalists when they were called. This secret was carefully kept. When the government came sniffing, they were told strong loyalists were present to stand at the hand of their leader, Jamie Fraser. It made my stomach turn to think of the dangerous game they were playing. I tried to concentrate on harvesting the last of the garden before it rested for the winter. 

I stood up, stretching my back to ease the stiffness and thought, not for the first time, that fifty-four years of age was too young to suffer from constant back pain. When the ache passed, I walked to the gardening shed to put up my tools for the day. It was time to start the evening meal, my duty since Misses Crook was called home to heaven. It had been three years and I still looked for her from time to time and missed her always. As close to a mother I would ever know, a part of me felt empty without her. I walked toward Brian to admire his deer, but his love interest came out of nowhere and hugged his neck. He looked so happy, beaming a smile at her. I decided not to intrude and headed to the house. 

Glavia was already adding chunks of vegetables to the pot in the kitchen. Since Daniel was away for his father’s funeral, we decided to feed everybody at one home, mine was far larger. It was so nice to have her here for the past week and I hugged her when I entered the kitchen. Glavia’s oldest son accompanied his father to the funeral, but the other two were there in the kitchen, getting in the way, regaling us with funny stories of their trip to town. I hugged them both and let them know that Brian shot a deer to add to our winter stores. Glavia looked at me with relief. We had seen our share of near starvation over the years when fate and the weather worked against us. It taught us to double our garden space and sell less of the harvest each year.

Jamie has provided for us quite well, however those lean years were terrifying. We all shared what little we had, and the men hunted ten hours a day with little to show for it. Jamie decided to do something about that and used every penny we had to purchase animals, wherever and whenever he found them. It started with three chickens and we feasted on the fresh eggs the first year. The next year he brought home a rooster and soon there were fluffy baby chickens all over the yard, sticking close to their mothers as they pecked the dirt. The chicken coup was enlarged twice to facilitate their numbers and we invited all families on the Ridge to take part in their upkeep, feeding, cleaning, and protecting. I dubbed it the Ridge Cooperative and it grew as we added pig breeding, then sheep, then a few goats. Through this effort, we added pork, eggs, chicken, goat cheese. milk, and wool to our daily existence. It took many years to build up a strong breeding and selling program and we made a lot of mistakes. I remember Misses Crook running across the front yard with a pan of chicken feed in her hand, screaming bloody murder, and a huge male pig chasing her. The giggle bubbled up when the kitchen was quiet, and I realized everyone was looking at me.

I turned around and shrugged my shoulders, “just remembering the pig chasing Misses Crook across the yard.”

Everyone seemed keen on sharing a funny story about Misses Crook, we laughed and held our stomachs until she was there with us again through our memories. I could feel her presence and my eyes stung from tears that were held back. Glavia yelled at her boys to bring the chairs in from the parlor and gave me a knowing smile.

Two years ago, Jamie returned from his spring run to town for seed and supplies with a skinny cow tied to the back of the wagon and I nearly fainted. A cow! I was thrilled to have milk again, real milk, after so many years. The poor cow was malnourished and half dead after the trek up the mountain, but I was determined to bring her to the peak of health and have fresh milk every day. I named her Bluebell, after my favorite ice cream in my century. Now she is three times that size and free-range, coming home each day to be milked and have a scoop of grain and fresh grass hay. I focused on getting stew into bowls and wondered where my daughter was. 

Faith snapped out of her daydreaming and stretched at her desk in the schoolroom. She stayed late to prepare the lessons for the next day and got lost in her mind where she constructed her perfect life filled with friends and love, children, and a home. Whenever she allowed herself to think of such things it always left her emotional because she would never have such things. She was busy with learning to teach, helping the community with childbirth, and medicating cuts, burns, and headaches, when she should have been socializing and flirting with the growing number of eligible bachelors in the community. She couldn’t be bothered at that time and somehow the years pushed her over the proper age of marriage and to her horror sealed her fate as a spinster. She shook her head and yawned, reaching for her cloak to go home. 

It was already dark when Faith closed the door to the schoolroom and the cold breeze seemed to go right through her. Hunkering into her cloak she hurried home until she saw movement in the trees. She stopped and set her eyes on one tree, the way she was taught, and stared straight at it. There it was, a figure, man or beast, moving slowly up the road to the ridge. She watched it struggle to put one foot in front of the other and finally collapse. She started running, realizing it was a human and called out she was coming.

“Sir, are you well? Do you need food or water?”

She struggled to pull the man to his feet and looked at his handsome face. “Who do you come to see?”

“Claire.”

“Come with me, I will take you to her.”

“Thank God.”

Claire heard Faith calling from the front door, and with her mother’s-hearing, knew something was not right. She wiped her hands on her apron and came quickly.

“Who is this Faith?”

“I don’t know, I saw him fall on the road and ran to help him. He asked…for you.”

“Come and sit down sir, I am Claire Fraser, you look like you could use some food and drink.”

Before I could walk away the man’s hand shot out and seized my arm.

“Pet.”

I felt paralyzed, stunned into silence. That name, Pet, was from a long time ago, and it once meant so much to me. The years of separation made my memory foggy as I tried to remember…

“Dear God, is it you, Joe?”

I fell to my knees and pushed the blanket off his head so I could see his face. It was all I could do not to faint when his incredible eyes found mine. I jumped up and hugged him for all I was worth, sobbing his name over and over. He pulled me to the couch and looked at my face smiling.

“I’ve missed you, Pet.”

I held his hand so tight and sobbed. I wanted to ask him what he was doing here, why did he come, where was Baritone, how long could he stay. But I couldn’t form a single word in my shocked mind, so I just looked at him and cried. Glavia was so happy to see him and hugged him with her own tears rolling down her face. 

By now, everyone was standing in the parlor, watching us, wondering who this man was that meant so much to us. 

“Joe, may I introduce you to my son, Brian, Glavia’s sons, Matthew and Jacob, and this is Faith, who you held as an infant. Everybody, this is Joe Abernathy, my dearest friend.”

The boys approached respectfully and shook hands in welcome and smiled with warmth. Brian was especially interested and remained close enough to hear every word. Joe spoke to each of them, asking about their lives, their age, their favorite things. He still held my hand and Brian was silently observing. We pulled him into the kitchen and got three bowls of stew in him while we continued to talk about superficial things. As Glavia and I cleaned up the kitchen, Joe continued to talk with the boys. His interest in them made them want to talk, so they did. I could tell Brian wanted to grill him about how he knew me so well, but he politely excused himself to fetch his little love for an evening walk. When Glavia took her boys home she hugged Joe and kissed his cheek, promising to visit every day while he was here. 

Faith had not uttered a word since bringing Joe home. It was her nature to sit quietly and observe things she did not understand. Joe looked at her and beamed a smile in her direction.

“I cannot tell you how good it is to see you again, young lady. You have grown into a beautiful woman and I see parts of both parents in your face.”

Joe’s speech and mannerisms were not of this time or place and his statement about her beauty was taboo for a stranger, making her shrink into the corner. I wanted to speak freely with Joe and made a fuss about how tired he looked.

“Let me show you to the guest room, Joe. I will bring hot water for you to wash and then you can rest. We will have loads of time to catch up I hope.”

When we were alone, he asked if I could come to his room later and talk. I nodded yes and smiled, telling him to rest until then. I knew I had to say something to Faith, but what? One thing I was sure of, I wouldn’t lie to her.

“Mama?”

“Yes, darling, I’m sure you have a lot of questions, but I would like to talk when your father is here, the three of us. Do you mind terribly?”

“No, I can wait.”

She kissed me on the cheek and went upstairs to her room, brimming with questions I’m sure. Once in my own room, I tried to read, then paced for a bit, and finally crept downstairs and tapped on Joe’s door. He opened it and hugged me into the room. I was decidedly uncomfortable, in a closed room with a man who was not my husband. I shook my head like I was daft, but it didn’t help. After spending more years in this century than my own, I could not allow such impropriety and suggested we speak quietly in the kitchen. I poured whisky for us both and the strong spirit took his breath away at first, then he slid the glass back toward the bottle and I poured another round.

“We said your name every day, Pet, at least once, Baritone and me. He loved you like a sister. When I went through his things, I found a sonogram picture of Faith that he kept all these years and a picture of you and him in front of the fire talking.”

A tear rolled down Joe’s cheek and I grabbed his hand, “what happened?”

“He died of a brain tumor. Diagnosis to death in six months. Inoperable and no treatment. I sold my practice right away and we traveled, lived the high-life, ate, drank, loved, and talked for hours and hours. We walked the surf of so many countries and talked until he couldn’t anymore. The tumor ravaged his brain in four months, so I brought him home, put him to bed, and kept talking. If there was a single piece of brain tissue left that could interpret my voice, I wanted him to know I was right next to him.”

Joe cried into his shirt, trying to stay quiet. I hugged him and he gripped me like a life saver to a drowning man. I just held him and rocked back and forth, saying how sorry I was that he lost his love. It was quite some time we stayed like that. Until he could speak again, I just rocked him. 

“He is buried at Lallybroch. It was his wish, the only place that ever felt like home, he said. Every spring he would collect those hay cubes left from the last harvest and give them to a neighbor for his horse. We would go together when I could get away for a few days. To care for the house, prepare it for winter, drive into town, and visit Fiona.” Joe was quiet for a minute. “ We kept our room in the basement, it was comfortable, and the master bedroom just had too much of you and Jamie in it. After Baritone was laid to rest, I spent three days in that room and your energy seemed to wrap around me in comfort. I swear, Pet, I felt you there.”

“I’m so glad it brought you comfort, Joe. 

“I couldn’t cope with losing both of you. I spent a week in the library and online, learning everything I could about this century, I found plenty of bills of sale in the archives, for… slave ownership, and had one forged with Jamie’s name on it. It got me out of being arrested when I first got here, after that, I only traveled at night.”

“I am so honored and overwhelmed that you came to find me. It was quite a risk though, how could you be sure we were still here?” I watched Joe struggle to answer and when he did it broke my heart.

“I am in a dark place, Pet. I wanted to see you and nothing else mattered.”

I could see his hands shaking and knew he was exhausted. “Do you think you can sleep, Joe? We can talk again tomorrow. Jamie should be home tomorrow and he will be so happy to see you.”

“Yes, thank you, Pet. See you in the morning.”

I turned the lamps down as I moved toward the stairs. I felt so sad about Baritone’s passing and Joe’s broken heart. Hopefully, some time on the Ridge will heal his heart and soul, meanwhile I have my best friend back. 

I always woke early when Jamie was away. I had started the porridge cooking when I heard the front door close and looked around the corner. Joe was standing rigid, glaring at me, and I felt the hair on my neck stand up. 

“What is it Joe, what’s happened?”

He looked at me for a whole minute before he answered making me very uncomfortable.

“You have slaves.”

“Certainly not, don’t be ridiculous.”

“What are all those dark-skinned men doing working your fields, Pet?”

I pulled his hand to the kitchen and pushed him into a chair. “They are not my slaves, they are working their own fields. We do not allow slavery on the Ridge, we never have.”

I put a bowl in front of him and noticed his expression was still concern and maybe some disbelief.

“It hasn’t been easy and we have had to fight for their right to stay here. Jamie has ownership papers on every person of color in our community. It’s against the law to free a slave in this time and we have been forced to prove our right to them. It is nasty business owning a human being but here they are equal to every other person on the Ridge. Maybe it’s not true freedom. They cannot leave here but they can choose to farm their own land or any other profession they fancy, they raise their families and all the children are schooled together.” I took a deep breath and looked at my friend. “It’s the best life they can have now that they are in this country and no one tells them what to do. They are happy here.”

I felt his hand cover mine, “I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions. You and Jamie have done a remarkable thing for these people. What of Murtagh?”

“He is with Jamie right now but normally spends most of his time in town. He has a blacksmith business there. It was his idea to free the ten slaves that were sent to work here by Jamie’s aunt. It all started with him.”

Faith had been listening from upstairs and meekly entered the kitchen and said hello to her mother and Joe. She ate her breakfast, cleaned the kitchen up, and went outside to collect eggs and wait for her father to get home. She agreed to wait for him before her questions were answered and it was killing her not to blurt them out. Why was her mother so familiar with this man? Why did he talk like an educated man? When and where did he hold her as an infant? Faith was sure Brian would have questions of his own. 

I talked with Joe for most of the morning and when I heard the wagon outside, I flew to the door and rushed outside. It took a moment to find him with all the men around but when the sun bounced off those azure eyes, I made a mad dash for him and jumped into his arms. He hugged me to him and whispered endearments into my ear. I was so happy to see him and whispered that Joe was here. Jamie held me at arm's length and looked at me with shock on his face.

“Did ye say Joe, mo chridhe?”

“Yes, he came last night. He is heartsick because Baritone died, and he just had to see us and hopefully feel better. I left him a stone shard in case he ever needed to find me.”

Jamie’s face broke into a smile, “I canna wait to see him Sassenach, where is…”

Joe was walking toward Jamie when he looked up and the men shook hands and hugged both smiling and laughing. 

“It’s good to see ye, Joe. I’ll be wantin yer time to talk in a bit but I havena washed in a week… and need to.” 

Murtagh was next to shake hands and hug Joe, then the three of them headed for the stream for a chilly bath. I brought towels down for them and stopped in my tracks at the sight of them, laughing and talking, so happy to be in each other’s company again. 

I put out the noon meal and we sat around the table and talked, about Baritone, Misses Crook, our children, Joe’s practice, and a million other things. We talked about the night Joe and I jumped to find Jamie in the wagon at Lallybroch and how Joe started his heart again once we were back, only to nearly lose him again from blood loss two days later. 

“It was Baritone that found the blood you needed but I never asked him how, and now it’s too late,” I whispered, feeling a tear roll down my cheek. 

“He was a good man. Let us toast our good friend.” 

Jamie poured whisky all around and asked us to stand and held his glass up, “I swear by my hope in heaven that we’ll meet again my friend. To Baritone.”

“To Baritone,” said in unison, and the whisky was tossed back to fortify us during this heartbreaking memorial.

I watched for Faith to come in all afternoon to stem any talk of jumping and the century in the future. I wasn’t aware she was upstairs listening to every word until I ran up for my cloak and fell over her. She was sitting on the floor with her back against the wall and when I tumbled to the ground, I sat up quickly, eye to eye with her and knew she had heard it all. 

“Please Faith, wait for your father and me to have a moment to talk with you about this. I know it sounds impossible and you have questions that I promise to answer but it has to wait sweetheart.”

“Why? You were all there together. Why can’t you all answer them for me? It’s what I want mama, as soon as Glavia gets here.”

I wanted to speak with Jamie about this first, but Faith had heard almost every detail of our living in the future and then jumping back. I surrendered to what I felt was fair at that moment. She is an adult and we should treat her as such. 

“Alright, Faith, why don’t you get Glavia back here and we will all fill in the details of an extraordinary experience you had as an infant, and who Joe really is.”

Faith was down the steps and out the door before I could get off the floor. I cursed my old bones and pulled my jacket down before getting my cloak for a meet and greet later with Joe. I walked into the kitchen and the three dearest men in my life looked up at me.

“Faith has been upstairs this whole time. I didn’t know. She has questions about Lallybroch, living in the future, jumping back to this time, and more. I asked her to get Glavia and we would tell her all about it.”

I looked at Jamie and he smiled and nodded, much to my relief.

“Come sit with me Sassenach, I need ye near me lass.”

He held my hand under the table and whispered to me, “have courage in the truth, love.” Not a minute later, Glavia and Faith joined the table and we began. Faith asked for each of us to add to the story and I suggested Joe start with our trip to Scotland and seeing me walk through the stones. Jamie picked up the story and described Master Raymond walking into the stone and just minutes later I shot out. He said prayers that the baby was alive and well after the demons tried to take her from my womb. 

“It was difficult, saying goodbye to my pregnant wife the last night before the stones would open and allow passage. We were still on the ship and had no idea when we would see Scotland, the ship was already a week overdue. Murtagh was gravely ill and I feared takin his last breath as we heard the crewman yell land. He made a miraculous recovery after yer mam came out of the stone.”

Jamie wrinkled his brow and stared at his folded hands. “It was a miraculous recovery Murtagh and I never thought about it until now. Suppose ye explain it to us.”

“Ye wilna like my explanation laddie but here’s the truth of it. My last visit to the witch she tricked me, and I paid her to tell me how the lasses’ journey through the stones would go. She agreed and said ye would lose yer mind and die of insanity if I told ye how it would end. She said two hearts will enter the stones but only one would come out and she was mum about which one of them survive. Forgive me lad, I was so scared but couldn’t tell ye. It made me sick and I was tortured with worry. When the lass came out of the stone my misery stopped instantly.” 

The silence was deafening and I struggled with Murtagh’s truth, remembering how mean he was to me on the ship and how close he was to death the last day I saw him. 

“Murtagh, it was worry, about me and the baby that caused your temper and sickness!” I stood up and rushed to hug and kiss his cheek, leaving his face wet from my tears. I could see Jamie nod to him in understanding. It was a very heavy moment and we all pushed our glasses toward the bottle of whisky and Jamie poured.

Faith held her hand up, “why did you go to France, and where did you disappear to the last night.”

I explained how I would wake up in Jamie’s woods every night and we met and fell in love. We learned I could walk through the stones at Craig Ne Dunn on the summer solstice and stay in Jamie’s century forever, but I needed someone to come from the other side to balance the centuries. That person was Master Raymond who owned an apothecary shop in France. That’s why we went to France and he agreed to be my trade, but his heart stopped in passage. Joe can tell you more.”

We continued in a round-robin fashion, telling her this remarkable story. Glavia told her how she came to Lallybroch for a job and the very first day I went into labor and she delivered Faith with Misses Crook. Well, Glavia likes to talk so there were plenty of details, like looking between my legs and seeing the baby head and Jamie refusing to leave the room. Then she explained the man who tried to rape her during a robbery. 

“I was screaming and so scared but your mam came behind and hit him on the head with a pan, and then tied him up until yer da came. I tried to hit his head again because he scared me so bad but yer da wouldn’t let me.”

I had forgotten about that horrible incident and the way Glavia explained trying to hit the man with Jamie chasing the pan to grab it away from her had us in stitches. A bit of comic relief made us all feel better and the whisky was poured again. I wished we could stop there but I knew the rest had to come out. 

Brian walked into the kitchen around this time and although we were laughing, he could feel something big was in process. He pulled a chair next to his father and remained silent while every adult he knew and trusted told a story that shocked him. 

I explained how Jamie was going to get us on a ship to the new world before the uprising but was kidnapped and press-ganged into service for the Jacobites. I told her about the blue stone and Jamie destroying it by throwing it into the gorge. How we fled the house for the cave, my final trip to the gorge in a rainstorm, and finding the blue stones in time to save them all from execution by the red coats. I was sobbing so Glavia took over describing a tremendous trip we went on clinging to each other and landing at Lallybroch two-hundred and fifty years in the future. 

Brian sat up in his chair and Jamie put his hand on his arm to steady him. He needed to hear this. Murtagh took over describing a fantastical world with objects made of metal that took people across land at high speeds, warm water that poured out of the wall like rain to wash in, boxes that stayed cold inside so food didn’t spoil, and lights were bright without lamp oil or fire, instantly whenever you wanted to light a room. 

“And no corsets or bum rolls, that’s right, women wore pants and sometimes dresses that were so comfortable. You put dirty clothes in a metal box and they came out clean and you didn’t do nothing! You could watch a play any time of day from a box in the parlor or a lady that told you to exercise, ya, that’s what Baritone and Misses Crook watched while they jumped up and down.”

“Faith, all of this is true, and we can stop here if you have heard enough.” 

“How did you and Baritone come to Lallybroch, Joe?”

“Your mother is my best friend and the only family I have. She gave me Lallybroch and four million dollars, then she left and I couldn’t cope.” He looked at me and my eyes were starting to sting. “I knew she would never be back but decided to use some of her money to modernize the house and I put a cell phone in the kitchen just in case. I had a dedicated tune for that number and when I heard it ring, I almost passed out. It was…”

Faith stopped him mid-sentence with her hand up, “what is a cell phone?” She looked at me, “how did you come to own Lallybroch and where did four million dollars come from?”

The talking continued, the whisky flowed, and before I knew it Glavia was starting the evening meal. Fortunately, I was not scheduled for animal duty today so I hadn’t missed any obligations on the Ridge. It was eight o’clock when we all stopped talking. I was feeling numb from reliving so many events and Jamie was getting more insistent with is hand under the table. I suggested we rest and start again tomorrow if there were still questions. Brian went home, and Joe was in his room reading. Jamie made short work of turning down the lamps and banking the fire, then he pulled me upstairs. 

He went back down for a basin of warm water and soap and held my hands when I reached for the cloth. He looked at my face for a long minute.

“I take this beautiful face and this loving heart with me when I go away, and they keep me company and calm my loneliness. It doesna compare to seein and touchin ye in the flesh. I’ve missed ye lass.”

He pulled my laces slowly, and then my skirts, and then my shift. He lathered the rag with my rose soap before smoothing it onto my skin. The warm water was delightful as were his kissed on my neck during the process. To be honest, it felt like months since I had seen him, rather than a week. I touched his face and he picked me up and laid me on our bed before pulling his clothes off. He smothered the wick of our lamp, so it was just the flames of the fire throwing shadows on our skin. He kissed his invitation and I accepted. 

We made love slowly and Jamie stopped twice and just looked at me before kissing my arousal up again. He wanted to celebrate our love tonight and we made it last with dozens of I love you’s. I knew in my bones there was a truth lurking, like a black cloud to threaten all that I loved. I can wait until tomorrow to hear it because the rest of the night it was just Jamie and me.


	18. Letting Go

We hosted a meet and greet for Joe, and almost every family on the Ridge showed up to say hello and add a special treat to the food table. The party was low key, just neighbors welcoming a new resident. I hated to lie to them, but no one would believe he traveled freely to visit a friend and then went back. It couldn’t be done by a black man in this time. 

Half of the men on the ridge formed a militia led by Jamie, coordinated, informed, and ready. I watched them talk to one another and knew they were communicating a deadly plan to be perpetrated against a British ship bringing a king’s ransom in weapons for the loyalist troops. Jamie had laid out his plan to me the night before and I listened in horror. He would be the one to board the ship and start the fires that would sink it, sending the cargo of guns, canons, and sidearms to the depths. 

“Come with us, Pet, I want your attention for a while.”

I looked up at Joe and Faith and wanted to give an excuse to stay put but nothing seemed appropriate, so I went with them. We settled near the stream and talked about the twenty-first century and all the modern technology that was available to everyone. Faith was very intrigued by a woman’s role in my birth century. I knew how she suffered from loneliness and a lack of intellectual stimulation, so it was obvious why she hung on our every word. She asked when women were married in my time and what they did with themselves. Something about her questions made me uneasy but I could not put my finger on why. 

Later that evening, when Jamie and I were in bed for the night, I told him about our conversation and Faith’s reaction to the world in the future. He lifted his arm to smother the lamp but not before I saw the worried look on his face. It kept me awake for a while, but Jamie pulling me to his chest finally felt too good to resist, and I slept. 

I told Joe, over and over again, that he looked better every day, and I wanted him to stay with us forever, or at least until spring. He did look better, and his mental and physical health responded to the daily chores he was given. Bluebell fell in love with Joe the first day I taught him how to milk her. After that, she would only stand for Joe, so he was stuck with milking duty every day. I started noticing that Faith would wait for Joe in the morning, ask him for a walk after school, and brought him to the stream to fish with her. Faith and Brian had grown close to Joe and would be thrilled if he stayed through the winter. 

Jamie had organized the men into a strike force that would ambush the shipment of arms heading for North Carolina. He learned of the shipment while in the company of the governor who placed all his trust in Jamie to lead the loyalists against the rebels. They would lay in wait along the banks where the ship would pass by, board it, and set fire to it before being discovered, then swim for the shore while it burned. There was one narrow channel into the harbor, and they would be waiting. 

As the time grew near, I could hardly concentrate on anything other than the mission ahead, it was making me sick with anxiety, but I tried hard to hide it. Jamie hugged me goodbye as four men piled into the wagon. Murtagh was driving and looked at me with encouragement to keep the faith. When I let go of Jamie’s waist he climbed aboard the wagon and watched me until they were out of sight. I felt the cold wind come through the trees and shivered, praying for his safety and success against the loyalists. 

The sing-song laughter of women coming down the path snapped me out of my reverie, and I turned to look at them. Strong women, all dear friends, every shade of black and white, young and old. We were sorting the last of the wool stores from the spring shearing. The bulk wool will be washed and soaked in boiling water, dried on a long table in a warm room before it was pulled apart and sorted for spinning. Glavia opened my front door and beckoned the women inside to start an afternoon of work. I looked down the road and said another prayer for the men who would risk their lives tonight to sink a British ship full of armaments.

When I turned to go into the house, I saw Brian and Joe coming out of the woods. They had a deer and both smiled proudly at me. I loved Joe more with each passing day if that were possible. He spent time with both children and after a week he knew them both very well. He praised their humility, core values, and appreciation for the land and what it provided. He finally understood why I had to get back to this century. It was like he was trying to learn everything he could about my adopted century and life on the Ridge. I found it charming.

The chores that were set up for the day soon pulled my mind away from worry as we all worked quickly to prepare the wool. I heard a sudden lull in the chatter and looked down the table at a man’s hands pulling at the wool. The women were stunned and quiet as Joe’s movements mimicked their own. I burst out laughing because his strong hands were doing the work of three women. He looked up sheepishly and that snapped everybody out of their shock. A dear friend took Joe’s hands and corrected his actions making him laugh with appreciation. The shock wore off and we all got back to work. 

While I cleaned up our workspace, Glavia was adding fresh venison, onions, mushrooms, and greens to the pot of boiling water, filling the house with a delicious aroma. I split the pot when Daniel came for her, and Joe, Faith, and Brian sat down to eat and talk. Joe was joking with me throughout the meal, trying to draw me out of my worry. He was mildly successful. Enough for me to show a brave face and get through the rest of the night. Faith and Brian were used to their father being gone overnight and Joe kept their attention on him making it easier for me. The children were not aware that Jamie led the rebels on the Ridge. He always said he would tell them himself when the time was right. 

Brian held my arm when I kissed him goodnight and looked into my eyes with concern. I assured him I was just tired and opened the door for him, smiling my love. After the kitchen was cleaned up, we all disbanded to our rooms to rest and read or sleep. I was tortured and pacing until I gave up and headed back to the kitchen to resume pacing.

“He will be okay, Pet.”

I whirled on Joe in the dark kitchen and then exhaled in surrender. He pulled me to the table and we talked about old times, like the early days on the runway. He told me Baritone never lost his good looks and kept working print until he got sick. When I started to yawn, Joe kissed my cheek and said goodnight. Ten minutes later he was sitting at the table again to stop my resumed pacing. We tried one more time with the same result, finally giving in to a night of talking. 

At some point, before dawn, I put my head down on my arms and fell asleep. I felt Faith’s hand on my arm hours later and opened my eyes. It was difficult to sit up, made worse from wearing my corset for 24 hours. There was Joe, my faithful companion, sound asleep on the table right beside me. Faith looked from one to the other and shook her head as I grabbed her hand and pulled her upstairs to help with my laces. Once free to breathe I climbed into bed and slept for a few more hours. 

Eight highlanders lined up on the shore of the channel to watch for the British ship. Jamie learned from the governor that it would make port on this day, so they waited. All-day and half the night, Jamie watched for the smoke column to rise in the air, the signal the ship was coming. Fortunately, the full moon provided some night visibility so all was not lost, they might still carry out the mission. 

Jamie had prepared a waterproofing mixture of tallow, hogs fat, turpentine, beeswax, and olive oil the previous day, applied hot to leather gunpowder bags would keep the explosive powder dry. Each man carried a sack tied to his belt which would pull them under if too heavy. Jamie carried the bulk of powder in several bags and prayed he could keep his head above the water waiting for the ship. 

Jamie looked to the east and was shocked to see the smoke. His heart rate soared as he scrambled to the water and almost it stopped dropping into the cold channel. He swam fast in the frigid water hoping to grab the rope ladder to board the ship. There were three others in the water about half a mile apart. If Jamie missed the ladder there were others ready to complete the mission. 

The channel was deep but narrow and the big ships would hardly be moving to reduce the risk of hitting the bank. The plan was heavily reliant on luck and Jamie felt he aged a decade waiting all day to do the impossible. He saw the ship bearing down on him in the water and swam hard to get into position. When his hand grabbed the robe ladder he was immediately dragged in the water, something he had not expected. He pulled up hard to grab the next higher rung and felt his boot push him up against the side of the ship where he could cough and sputter from the onrush of water down his throat and nose. He held his breath dropping his gunpowder bags over the rail before dropping silently onto the deck. So far, no patrolling soldiers to witness his invasion so he hid in the shadows to help the next swimmer board the ship with his bounty of powder.

All three men made it onto the ship, and Jamie gave the signal to pour the powder onto the deck. He sent the other two men overboard and lit the powder by striking a piece of steel, sending sparks into the powder. Right before the giant pile of powder ignited, he jumped on the rail and dove into the water with the boom and explosion right on his heels. He hit the water and swam hard to the bank, laying low in the water grass, keeping as still as possible while shaking with cold. 

The British soldiers were out of their beds and dropping buckets over the side of the ship trying to put the fire out. It was safe for Jamie’s men to move and they regrouped to watch the ship on fire slowly drift farther down the channel. Jamie held his breath, hoping the explosion was enough to ignite the lower level where heavy cannons were lined up with crates of rifles, muskets, cannonballs, and swords. A very heavy load that would crash through the wood flooring and drop into the depths of the channel if they were lucky. It would be hours before they knew of their success in sinking the ship. They made haste getting to the mountain road where they split up and raced for the Ridge. 

Murtagh whipped the horses into a gallop while Jamie shivered violently. He had never been so cold in his life. Murtagh yelled for him to wrap up in the blanket they brought and hang on. The governor’s men would ride into every settlement in the next few hours, looking for suspicious behavior, checking on the men that should be there, and questioning everyone. 

They needed to get there first.

I was in the kitchen cleaning up from breakfast and heard the clattering of the wagon going full speed into the Ridge. Murtagh drove it right into the barn and by the time I got to it he had detached the horses and Jamie had one the wheels off the wagon. Murtagh stripped the horses of tack and pitched hay into the stalls to keep their heads down. I could see their sides pushing out with labored breathing. Jamie had all the tools around him for fixing the wheel but his whole body shook, from cold it looked like. He held the wheel steady while Murtagh shattered it with the blunt side of the ax.

I heard the commotion outside the barn and went out to greet the expected soldiers. I struggled to keep my face calm and breathe normally but inside I was terrified.

“Good morning, captain. Beautiful day for a ride however I expect to see snow later today. Do take care going down the mountain.”

I called to Jamie, but the soldiers walked quickly into the barn without an invitation. I believed Jamie had planned for this eventuality and went to the house to hide my glass face from the soldiers, praying the others made it back in time. 

The soldiers watched Jamie and Murtagh work on the wheel and asked questions about any suspicious activity the night before or this morning. One soldier reached down and grabbed Murtagh’s boot sending Jamie’s heart rate to the stroke zone. His boots were still sodden and no one in their right mind would wear wet boots outside in this chilly weather.

“Gentlemen, suppose you explain this visit before puttin yer hands on us again. I’ve just come from spending a week with the governor, I am his eyes and ears on the Ridge and I am used to that favor. Explain yerselves.”

The soldiers took a step back and dropped their gaze showing respect.

“We have orders to inspect the Ridge and residents for unusual behavior. A ship was sunk in the channel last night and we will not stop until the rebels are caught. Can you offer any aid in that pursuit colonel?”

“Yer welcome to look around. A ship sunk, ye say. Let’s hope it wasna important, come I’ll help ye.”

I watched the men walking deep into the Ridge with Jamie leading and marveled at his ability to lie with a calm demeanor. God help me if he ever decides to cheat, I mused and returned to the house. 

“Is everything alright Pet?”

“Yes, Jamie is assisting the soldiers with checking the Ridge. Apparently, a ship was sunk in the channel last night and they are looking for the rebels.”

Joe made a fist, “alright, they got it.”

“You know? I, I didn’t want to keep secrets from you Joe, but I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“It’s alright, I just figured it out when I saw the men come back at full speed with blue lips. It’s a wonder they didn’t drop from hypothermia.”

I was relieved I did not have to hide it from him anymore but asked him not to mention it to the children until they chose a side. It was Jamie’s wish they make up their own mind.

“I understand, Pet. They are both aligned with the rebels, unwaveringly so. Still, I will not discuss their father’s heroic hand in the ship sinking. What’s wrong?”

I couldn’t believe the words that tumbled out of his mouth like it was nothing. How could he know they were rebel sympathizers? I just shook my head and smiled at him. 

“You always were the best talker. You got all of my secrets the night we met, on the yacht. Do you remember?”

“Like it was yesterday. Will you take a walk with me Pet? There is something I need to discuss with you.”

I noticed his eyes were on his shoes, which meant the subject would be difficult. I grabbed my wrap for a brisk walk in the mountain air and kept smiling. Whatever it is, Joe, you can talk to me, I thought. He steered us toward the road and said not a word for five minutes at least. 

“Claire, I have something to tell you and I hope you will hear me out before you say anything. It won’t be easy to hear so please promise you will listen.”

I didn’t like the sound of that but assured him I would not speak until he was done. I put my arm through his and suggested he speak his mind. 

“Faith has grown into quite a fantastic young lady, I’ve enjoyed getting to know her. I was surprised to learn how this culture judges a woman’s worth for marriage and very saddened to learn she has lost hope of falling in love and getting married. It seems such a cruel fate to lose that option. There is also her intellect and the lack of source material to keep learning from. She has done very well with teaching but it’s not enough for her, especially being alone for the foreseeable future. It is a bleak picture all around.”

He was right of course, something that caused me hours of worry and pain for my daughter. Like Faith, I had come to terms with it and always hoped something would change, like a widower move to the Ridge that she would fancy. I wasn’t sure where we were going with this conversation, but I kept my word not to interrupt. 

He stopped and turned me toward him, he held my gaze when he changed my world forever.

“Faith wants to live in the future, Pet.”

I couldn’t fathom what he meant by that and searched his face for something to connect to. 

“Claire, she wants me to take her with me, to 2019. She wants to live at Lallybroch until she adjusts to the world and then study health care, nursing actually. I can hire a professional to create false records to show her birth in Scotland, school, and medical records." Joe took a breath, "She hopes to fall in love and live without the stigma of being single in her thirties. She sees this change as an answer to the life she wants.”

When I understood what he was asking it felt like a physical assault. I heard myself gasp and accused him of stealing my daughter, wanting her company to get over Baritone, his reason for coming in the first place. I was a ranting madwoman blaming him for luring her away from me. I felt his hands on my arms trying to calm me down and assure me it was Faith who suggested it. I was wrestling to pull away from him, knowing he was the enemy, knowing he tricked me somehow to steal my daughter. My crazed brain took over my body I wrenched free of him and ran back to the house, gasping for breath under my corset and feeling dizzy by the time I reached the door. 

I was shouting for Faith as I climbed the stars, absolutely sure this was not her intention and she didn’t want to leave me. Faith caught me in the hallway and tried to calm me. In the chaos, a small part of my brain heard her defense of the idea. It pulled me farther into madness and I ranted at double the rate.

“Faith! Faith, you cannot do this. You will be alone in a completely foreign land, very different from others, without the understanding of life and society. You will be miserable and alone without us to help you. You will never come back.”

With that conception I dissolved into racking sobs, gasping for breath until she pulled my jacket off and loosened my laces so I could breathe. Faith sat beside me while I cried into a pillow, shaking my head no and refusing to see anything but a life without my sweet daughter. Faith was sounding frantic and suddenly let go of me and left in a swirl of skirts. I gripped the pillow tighter, screaming into it until my throat hurt. I needed to get a grip on the erupting emotions and jumped up to pace, forcing myself to stop crying for one or two minutes before losing all control again. The door opened and Faith was back, pulling me to the bed. When I looked up at her she slipped a spoon in my mouth and the horrible taste of laudanum slid down my throat. I have never felt so betrayed and held onto her arm so she couldn’t leave with Joe. She didn’t resist but I held tight to be sure she couldn’t leave me. The room was hazy when I opened my eyes, so I closed them quickly to avoid oncoming nausea.

I was barely aware of Jamie stroking my arm, telling me how sorry he was for being away. He promised I would feel better soon. I didn’t know what he was talking about and tried to open my eyes. Glavia was next to break through my unconsciousness. She was crying about something, asking me to be strong and something else that made no sense. Joe was speaking to me and I pulled my hand away, not wanting to touch him, ever again, though I couldn’t remember why. I knew time was passing, hours or days, I didn’t know but it felt like torture. There was something vital and life-threatening that I had to do, but I couldn’t remember or speak.

My eyes opened to a dark room. My stomach felt quiet and the fogginess was lifting. I could hear Jamie breathing and felt his arms around me but it wasn’t sleep breathing, he was awake in the dark holding me.

“Jamie? Something bad is happening.”

He kissed the top of my head, “I know mo chridhe.”

That was a comfort to me. My champion was beside me and knew what I couldn’t remember so all would be well. The Laudanum pulled me under again for what felt like a very long time. When I could finally break free, I opened my eyes to sunshine beaming into my room. I was startled to feel Jamie’s arms still holding me and his wakeful breathing. Looking up at him almost made the tears start again. Sunken eyes and dark circles were a testament to his night without sleep, his second night, I remembered. I started to pull myself up and he helped me to lean against the headboard, pulling the blanket up and tucking it under my legs. He pressed his forehead against mine for several minutes and my heart was breaking again. I remembered that Faith was leaving us and knew Jamie’s pain. That was enough to stem the tears and consider his broken heart. I held him and rocked slightly until his grip on me loosened and his breathing deepened. For as many minutes as possible, I held him, secure in my love.

Jamie slept for part of the day and I stayed curled up beside him, not wanting to see Faith or Joe as they made their plans to leave. I tried to look at life from Faith’s perspective and see her as a modern woman with the weight of the world on her shoulders, a man someday, a career, and children I would never see. She was opting for the life I gave up and for good reason. I could see her living in the future, addicted to social media, her career, wearing jeans in public and her hair down her back. Through the morning I saw her life unfold in many different directions until I finally closed my mind to the images. In all the scenarios I considered, the one thing that was missing was me. That is what fueled my heartbreak, she chose a life without me, Jamie, and her brother.

I got up midday when Jamie dressed for work. I felt numb inside but tried to smile when I was supposed to and answer when questioned about something. I did my chores and turned my back on Joe when he walked toward me. I don’t know if I will ever forgive him but I’m sure it won’t be before he leaves and takes Faith with him. 

“Claire, please talk to me. We should sit down together with Faith and talk this out.”

“You are an interloper Joe," I spat, "jumping into our lives we have worked so hard for, our plans for our family and the Ridge. You have seen a snapshot and that gives you the right to take my daughter from me? Don’t wait for me to get right with it, because it may never happen. Just leave me alone.”

I looked at him like he was a stranger rather than my dearest friend and couldn’t walk away fast enough. For the next three days, I stayed in my room unless tending to chores. Dear Glavia would come with stew for the family and sit with me for a while. She listened and I talked about what it felt like to lose a child and know they had chosen a life without me. Life wasn’t easy on the Ridge and I had suffered much pain over the years, but nothing in my memory felt as bad as this.

Jamie walked into the kitchen and filled a bowl with stew sitting down at the table with Faith and Joe. He greeted them like he always did but he was uncomfortable and they could feel it.

“Da, please try to understand, it is a better life for me in the future. Why can’t you support my decision?”

Jamie looked down at the table, waiting to answer. “We lived there, in the future, for a time, more than a year as I recall. We all got used to the luxuries of the modern world and thoroughly enjoyed them. They are wonderful things but they come at a high price, a price we werna gonna pay. If ye wanted to live in a city, like Boston, or Chicago, I’d have taken ye myself, so would yer mam. We coulda solved the problem together.” 

Jamie looked absolutely defeated and sad. His voice lacked the usual tone and command sending Faith into tears. She held onto his hand and tried to rally her resolve but just wanted to scream and cry at the unfairness of her treatment.

“Many people lose children to disease, but they know their beloved wee ones are in heaven with God. You, we will never know what’s happened to ye. It will hurt for a lifetime Faith.”

Jamie got up and left the kitchen, leaving Joe to seriously question his support, and Faith to face her parent's pain. She would pace in her room until successfully pushing back on the guilt and emotion. She was leaving and tomorrow night she would be a resident of the twenty-first century. 

Jamie watched his despondent wife helplessly, remembering Faith at her breast as she was nursed and rocked to sleep. The enormity of what Faith chose to do was changing the emotions in Jamie and he struggled with his resentment. He kissed Claire and left to lose himself in chores.

Joe sat in the kitchen of an eerily quiet house. He was full of guilt and loneliness for Claire. He never intended to break his best friend’s heart and he was filled with remorse. He couldn’t stand it anymore and shot outside to find Jamie, expecting the aid of a less emotional parent. 

“Jamie, please stop a minute and talk to me. Will you come to say goodbye and can you talk to Claire so she will come also?”

Jamie straightened up and looked at Joe for a minute. “My wife has an enormous capacity to love and I have watched her celebrate every breath Faith has taken, her whole life. I’ll stay with my family today and do what I must to pull Claire through this loss.”

“You have nothing to say to your daughter, Jamie?”

“I havena daughter.” 

Jamie’s words felt like a hammer coming down on Joe’s head. If he had any way out of this he would have taken it. He couldn’t know the love for a child because he never had one, but he was painfully aware of it now and he hated himself. He sat on the porch while Faith hugged a bewildered Murtagh goodbye and a concerned hug from her brother. When she said “Let’s go,” Joe stood up and felt tears on his cheeks. How could he ever let himself be a part of this, he wondered. He pulled Faith into the barn and held her arms tightly, then pulled the stone from his pocket and they disappeared. 

Gone forever in the blink of an eye.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my story. I have appreciated your comments and encouragement. You guys are the best!

I felt tiny hands on my skirts and lifted my head from the back of the rocking chair to smile at my great-grandchildren. Little Sarah and Thomas were both climbing onto my lap, full of news from their ride into town. I shook the cobwebs from my brain and held them steady, smiling at the invasion. As always, their energy was a marvel to me. Surely I was never so energetic in my younger years. I looked up and smiled at their beautiful mother, retreating to the malting room for her chores. She was such a good girl. 

I brought the wee ones into the house, yawning against my fatigue. While the children played around my feet, I started dinner for Jamie and me. I couldn’t wait to see him each evening when he came in from the fields. At seventy-six years old he still manages his daily chores. It is the sweetest time of day for me, to see my love come through the front door and smile at me. Remnants of the years without him I guess, the years of not knowing if he lived or died, if Brian was with him or lost to the battle. Those were the hardest years of my life and left me with a sweet and complete appreciation for my husband and son. 

When Jamie brought the men back home, after so many years of fighting, everything changed. I was in my garden, up to my elbows in dirt, when I heard the wagon coming up the road. I looked behind me and saw several men jump out of the wagon, and then I saw a tall, beautiful man, with copper hair land on the road waving his son to join him. I stood and watched them, thanking God they were safe, hearing myself sob and giggle at the same time as I ran to them. I had not seen Jamie in three years, the last of his brief visits during the six years they had been fighting. Ever since that moment I have lived minute by minute, waiting for his return from chores, a trip to town, working with the whisky, or an afternoon nap. It was part of me now, like life would start again when I saw his face. 

We both cherish every moment together and often lay on a blanket near the stream and talk. Jamie is a master storyteller, like all Scots, and he recounts a time in our lives with such detail I feel like I am living it again. I am so thankful for his memory because it is a joy to remember such times. One subject he refuses to revisit is the life of Faith Fraser who disappeared from our lives twenty-five years ago. He doesn't want to remember her, or the decision she made that broke our hearts. I grieved over her loss for many years and finally got to where I could wish her well. Jamie refuses to talk about her so I don’t know if he has forgiven her, or even acknowledges the daughter he once had. I feel much regret in that and silently hope he has come to terms with it. 

The memory of Joe snuck up on me. I had tossed him out of my mind so forcefully it was only recently he invaded my thoughts, making me remember how dear we were to one another. That was it. Just a foggy memory of someone special long ago. Sometimes I wonder if he is buried at Lallybroch, next to Baritone. It is a lovely thought.

“Sassenach, come to bed love.”

I sat up rubbing my eyes, watching my knitting fall to the couch. He smiled at me and helped me up. When we cuddled in bed, safe and warm from the winter night, he held me near.

“My heart,” he said quietly, and I squeezed him around his middle and smiled in the dark. 

The End

Alternate Ending

Faith pulled into a two-lane road that went right through Fraser’s Ridge, or what was left of it. She came to North Carolina alone to find her parents and say goodbye, hoping to close the gaping hole that remained in her. She had scoured the woods along the ridge for three days, from sunup to sundown, looking for them and she couldn’t stop. She felt them in these woods, their spirit and their love, so she knew they were close. She drove higher into the mountain and pulled over to see the breathtaking ridge drop off into a valley below. She walked through the woods until she stubbed a toe on a piece of wood buried in the earth. It was familiar and her mind was filled with memories of walking across the entrance to their community. Her father pounded this wood into the ground to mark the entrance to their property. She finally found her ancient home and felt the tears coming. I’m here mama, I came, da, I’m home. Faith walked through the vegetation and tried to remember where the house was, the church, her schoolhouse, the whisky house. It was overgrown now but she remembered so much because she was just here ten years ago. 

It was another hour before she found the kirkyard and headstones of all who lived on this glorious land. She pulled vegetation away from the stones and gasped, dropping to her knees. She ran her finger along each letter of their names and was choked with tears, missing them so much. She spoke to them of her husband, and their childless life, the life that had cost her so dearly to get. She poured her heart and love out for her parents until she was weak and spent. Faith stared at the ridge for several minutes and took a deep breath.

“My husband has a mistress who is with child. He is leaving me to be a father and wants to support me until I am back on my feet emotionally. No amount of money can make me whole again. I’ve never needed you more, mama and da. I’m…” she took a breath and forced the words out of her mouth, “sorry I left you. I’m so sorry. It was a mistake, I know that now. My heart breaks for my loss and even more for what’s happened to Joe. If I could only speak to you for a minute maybe it wouldn’t hurt me so much.”

Now that she found them, the pain of missing them threatened to break her. Faith’s mind filled with images of her mother beating a vagrant with her parasol, her father’s excited face when she calmly handed him a wiggling fish, the kitchen filled with people she left behind. The sun was going down and she kissed the headstones goodbye. Before she turned toward her rental car, she noticed the dates they died, one day apart with her mother going first. 

Faith pushed back on her sobbing, knowing she would not return to this place because her life was in Scotland. She closed her eyes and filled her mind with their image.

“I love you mama, and I love you da. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you both and miss you terribly. It will be such a sweet reunion when I see you again, in heaven. Please remember me.” 

Faith was twisted with raw emotion as she paced in her hotel room, trying to pack for her trip back to Scotland. After a sleepless night, she changed her flight so she would land in London where she could check on Joe. It had been years since she last saw him. His decline was so rapid that she hid from him, not wanting the guilt of his reality since bringing her to this century. Once back, he lost interest in medicine and finally sold his practice and townhouse. He moved to a hovel in the country, where he smoked and drank from morning until night. Faith would never call after noon because he was drunk and abusive or sorrowful and crying. She wanted to help him but never knew how. It was time for her to find out and maybe save a man who was larger than life at one point in her life. 

Faith drove another rental car out of town and followed the GPS to Joe’s address. Her mind was filled with images of her husband rubbing the belly of his lover and the child that grew within her. She shook her head and wiped at the tears soaking her face. It was another fifteen minutes before she pounded on the door of Joe’s house. 

“Go away, wrong house!”

She twisted the door handle and the door opened, to her surprise. The inside was dark from heavy shades on all the windows. The smell of stale tobacco almost choked her as she walked through the small house calling for Joe. She found him in the kitchen pouring whisky into an empty glass.

“Surprise Joe, I came to see you. It’s been too long since we caught up.”

Faith’s voice wavered from shock and she forced herself to sound upbeat as she looked around at the filth and decay of his life. He didn’t look at her, or respond. He just looked at the covered window like he could see the outside. 

“Joe, I want to help you. I’m going to clean this place up and cook for you. I can stay until you’re feeling better, okay?”

Whatever he said was slurred beyond recognition, so she got up and started cleaning age-old dishes and counters, telling him about her trip to North Carolina. She cleaned and talked until his bottle was empty. When he got to his feet he passed out and laid face down on the dirty linoleum floor. Faith got him to his bed and cried uncontrollably at what had happened to his life. 

“You brought me to this century and it wrecked you! Joe, this is a travesty and it’s my fault. Jesus Christ, I am so selfish I couldn’t check on you all these years while you tried to drink yourself to death! This stops now. I must fix this because it was a mistake! I’m so sorry Joe.”

He did not open his eyes for several hours, enough time for Faith to make a dent in the filthy cabin while she thought of ways she could help him. She worked until long after dark and then sat outside in the fresh air to cool off and think some more. She thought about touching her parent's headstones and walking through the woods at the Ridge. The moon was full and shining into her face when she looked up and she thought about her mother, where she was at this time, two-hundred and fifty years ago? 

“I don’t know what to do mama and I am so alone. Joe is drinking himself to death and I don’t know how to help him.” Faith cried as she spoke to her mother. “Please help me know my next step.” Faith cried into her folded arms for a minute and felt the hair on her neck stand up, “come home,” is what she heard and jerked her head up looking into the dark woods around her. “Oh my God, is it even possible?”

“Joe! Joe, wake up,” she pleaded, slapping his arm. “Joe!”

He cracked an eye open and his eyeball rolled toward the sound of her voice. He said nothing, just stared at her with one eye. 

“Joe, please wake up, where is the stone? The blue rock you used to jump centuries, where is it?” 

“Gone or still packed in a box.” His eyelid closed and he turned away from her and started snoring. 

“Still packed? From your move years ago?”

He didn’t answer so Faith started walking through the small house, opening every door, finding filth and trash but no moving boxes. She looked at a square in the ceiling of Joe’s closet and hoped it was the entrance to the attic. Once she dragged a ladder under it, she climbed up to take a closer look. When she pushed hard on the square board it lifted and toppled over as spider webs and their inhabitants fell into her hair. She shrieked batting at her hair and shoulders looking for bugs, hearing Joe snore harder. Five minutes of running through the house produced a flashlight that actually worked, and she was back up the ladder to the attic looking for boxes. There they were, five moving boxes that looked undisturbed since being hoisted up there. She stretched her arm to pull one toward her, trying to avoid the webs and layer of dust. She gently dropped it to the ground, praying she didn’t just shatter heirloom glassware. 

Her plan was to tear through the boxes until she found the stone, if it was still here, but as she pulled the pieces out of the boxes, she saw Joe’s life before he brought her here. There were several fancy awards for medical contributions, microscopes, and other lab equipment. She pulled out a stethoscope that was engraved; Dr Joseph Abernathy, My Dearest Friend. Somehow she knew it was a gift from her mother and she held it to her heart. 

Half the night Faith went through the boxes setting each piece aside neatly. The last box was her last hope and as she unwrapped the last item she started to cry. The stone was not in any of the boxes. Her crazy idea to return to her century, however fleeting, was impossible now and she cried harder than she could remember. Joe reached out for Faith with a shaking hand.

“What has you crying so hard Faith?”

When she looked up Joe was shaking everywhere, in fact, he looked like death. She struggled to her feet, wiping her face, pushing him to the bed to lay down. He looked in her eyes and for a moment saw Claire and felt a surge of sadness take his breath away. 

“Faith, tell me what’s wrong.”

“The blue stone isn’t here, not in any of the boxes,” was forced out between sobs. “I want to go home Joe and I want you to come too. There’s no hope because the stone is gone.”

“Nonsense.” Joe’s voice was soft and confident, “it’s right here.”

Joe reached for a white gift box and put it in Faith’s hand. When she opened it, her eyes were wide with wonder as she stared at the shard. When she looked up at Joe her eyes were shining like a light from within. 

“Are ye ready Joe?”

He heard the burr come back to her speech suddenly and put his hands up in protest, saying he was unwelcome and too weak. 

“I can’t Faith! Can’t you see how sick I am?”

“I do see how sick ye are and it’s my fault. You need my mother Joe. It is with sincere love that I do this.”

Faith grabbed his arms with the rock in her hand and they were ripped from this century, riding the waves of time, feeling the pressure as time flew by. Faith felt Joe’s shaking hands try to grip her arms as they landed but she held him tight to her and assured him they were fine, and they were home. It was dark but there were people walking here and there so she knew it couldn’t be too late. 

At the front door, she could hear talking inside and her heart nearly jumped out of her chest. She spun toward Joe smiling ear to ear until she saw he had vanished. 

“Joe, where are you? Please, Joe, I can’t wait to see my parents.” 

Faith walked in the direction they came looking for Joe and heard the door open and her mother gasp. She stood in the door frame, hand to her mouth and tears gushing as Jamie walked up behind her. Faith was statue still, looking at the two people she missed every moment since she left. She tried to speak but nothing would come out as she walked toward them. 

Claire opened the door expecting to see Brian bringing venison from his hunt earlier that day. When she saw the long red hair, she pressed her hand to her mouth saying Faith’s name over and over in her mind. She ran off the porch and pulled Faith into her arms, sobbing while she touched her hair, her face, her arms. Faith clung to her mother and felt her father’s arms encircle both of them. Jamie listened to the two women cry and laughed at heaven before uttering, “Thank Christ.”

Daniel ran to the church yelling for Glavia that Faith Fraser was home. She passed him like a bullet heading for the house and was wet from her own tears as she came into the kitchen. Faith gripped her in a hug and felt her second mother shake with sobs. 

“It’s okay, Glavia, I’m home for good, I hope you all can forgive me.”

News travels fast on the Ridge so it wasn’t long before Brian came crashing through the front door and gave his sister a bear hug, something she had sorely missed for the past ten years. As the initial shock gave way to Faith’s explanation of why she was back, Claire was stunned to hear Joe had brought her back and then disappeared on the walk to their house. 

“Do you have the stone Faith, or does Joe have it?”

“It’s in my pocket, so he didn’t go back, he just didn’t feel right coming in I guess.”

Twenty minutes later, Claire slipped away to find her long lost friend. She walked quietly, saying his name every few minutes. She checked the road, the paths and then the whisky house, hearing something inside when she approached. She stayed at the door and spoke from her heart.

“I have missed my dearest friend and I forgive you for taking Faith to the future. I forgave you years ago when I realized Faith would not have given you any choice in the matter once she made up her mind. I know how lonely she was and my prayers for a widower to move here had gone unanswered. She was desperate and the future was everything this century wasn’t. I see that now.

The saddest thing for me was knowing how I treated you before you left. I am sorry about that Joe and hope you will forgive me too. And now, you have returned my heart to me and I have a chance to make up with you. It is something I want to do if you will let me. Okay, Joe?”

Claire took a few steps into the building. Without the peat fires burning it was cold inside and she shivered in her wrap. “May I see you, Joe, I am dying for a hug? If you want me to bring the stone and leave it for you I will. I would rather you stay awhile so we can mend our friendship. Faith says you are not feeling well. Is that true Joe? I will put you to bed and feed you hot broth until you are well, okay Joe?” Claire walked farther into the building, “Jesus Christ Joe!” She ran to him and held his quaking body in her warm arms, pulling him up to help him walk. His arms came around her and he cried deeply, just holding her. 

“My sweet Joe, what have you done to yourself?”

Claire and Glavia put Joe to bed and spooned broth into his mouth. His hands shook so badly the broth flew out of the spoon when he tried himself. His sudden withdrawal from alcohol was hard on his body, first losing the use of his legs, then the incessant shaking of his head and hands. One morning, he opened his eyes to see Jamie leaning back on a chair with his feet up on the dresser. He was tossing an egg in the air and catching it until he saw Joe was awake. 

“Mornin to ye Joe, I brought ye somethin a bit more fillin than soup.” With that, he peeled the egg and handed it to Joe. His hands still shook but his firm grip on the egg got it safely to his mouth and he groaned his happiness at having something solid to eat. 

“We never run out of eggs and I’ve shelled three more for ye. I’ll check in on ye later.” Jamie placed the basket of eggs next to Joe and left for his morning chores. 

The wounds inflicted when Faith left were forgiven the second her parents wrapped their arms around her. Claire and Joe found their way back to each other and Joe’s health and vitality returned. He didn’t talk about going back and they didn’t ask. He was plenty helpful in the community and was welcome as long as he could stay. Faith helped at the schoolhouse, but the new teacher was firmly planted and she was careful not to ruffle his feathers. She spent time with Brian’s young children and used games to teach them to count and read. It wasn’t much but she was grateful for every day she woke up on the Ridge.

On an early spring morning, Jamie ran across the property after being summoned someone was asking for entrance into the community. The man had a slave with a wagon full of young children and Jamie was dreading the encounter as he approached. 

“I’m afraid ye have to move on sir, there is no slavery on the Ridge.” Jamie looked at the pale infant in the girl’s arms and wondered where the wife was. The baby was becoming more agitated by the minute and her tiny face looked terrified. Her lips quivered just before the wailing started, loud enough to be heard on the other side of the Ridge.

“I havena slave Mister Fraser.” He looked at the woman. “Miss Wilma was walkin the mountain road and I saw her dive into the woods. She has a terrible wound on her ankle from being chained by her master. Turns out we were both comin to the Ridge, hopin for a fresh start.” 

Wilma couldn’t be more than sixteen by Jamie’s estimation and clearly had never held a baby nor was she owned by this man which compounded the problem. He considered their fate if he turned them away. Three bairns in the wagon looked half-starved already, and this infant.

“Where is your wife, sir?”

“She died during childbirth, two months ago.”

Jamie could feel the man’s pain, but his face was set in his determination to see them all safe. Jamie admired that and knew he could save all or most of them by letting them into the community. The weight of leadership never felt so heavy. This would be the first time he allowed an escaped slave into the Ridge and she would have to move on, the underground railroad might take her to Canada, or she could live with the Indians and be protected. They would find the kindest alternative for her or jeopardize the whole community.

Wilma was looking like she might bolt making the baby even more uncomfortable. Faith quickened her step feeling alarm at the crying child. 

“Can I help? I’d be happy to find a warm bottle for the baby while you all talk.” 

Faith held her arms out to the infant and smiled at the baby who abruptly stopped crying when strong, confident arms held her. Faith cooed to the infant and looked up at the handsome man with steel-blue eyes that watched her, rimmed with heavy black lashes and a full mustache that curled slightly into a smile showing bright white teeth. 

Faith felt suddenly light-headed but managed to smile back at the man who thanked her for helping the baby with a bottle. She walked to the house with the infant and soon mother and daughter had a warm bottle of milk ready to consume. Claire had watched from the porch and could not miss the look on her daughter’s face when she turned around. So, a widower shows up to join the community and Faith fancies him, imagine that, she thought.

Claire pointed to the rocking chair and placed the baby in Faith’s lap showing her how to hold the bottle. Faith protested for a few seconds but soon lost herself in the baby’s face, smiling and cooing to the child. When Claire heard the wagon roll into the compound, she smiled to herself and looked heavenward. 

“That will do just fine,” she whispered. 

The other End.


End file.
